


What Happened Last Night

by panna_c0tta



Category: K-pop, Produce 101 (TV), Real Person Fiction, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Love, First Time, Heavy Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Sexual Experimentation, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-01-09 14:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 97,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12278118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panna_c0tta/pseuds/panna_c0tta
Summary: Daniel returns from filming Dangerous Outside the Blanket and things are not exactly how he left them with Seongwoo. something has changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this happened. I just got really bored so my mind travelled.

                                                                                                                      ***

The fans were still cluttered about.  
Although it was pitch black, the white light from the cameras made for a bright but disturbing path as they walked to their van shielding their eyes from the camera flash. Their popularity was something they hadn’t understood yet and they were mostly exhausted to let it sink in.

 

Exhaustion had become a part of their routine and he was no exception. The ex-trainee was worn-out and knackered but he was at the same time filled with gratitude for the opportunity thus, he couldn’t complain even when his body was screaming for help.

 

It’s been a busy week and a hectic day for him. His personal schedule is overflowing or as his members like to call it, “a beautiful nightmare”. Rather than feeling the pressure, he’s been enjoying it so much it almost doesn’t feel like work.

But as he sank into his sit in the van which is located by the door, he could feel his entire body give in almost immediately causing him to begin to drift.

 

 

**

  
“You’ve worked hard”  
He got startled awake as their manager’s voice began to relay the rules of the night from the higher ups

 

“Make sure to eat before you go to bed”  
The manager turned his head to Leader Jisung. They made eye contact and then he continued to address them.

 

“Make sure everyone gets to eat ….and also am supposed to inform you that you will seize filming for a few days starting tonight. So, turn off all the cameras at the dorm and just have a good rest”

 

*

  
Daniel felt his cheeks rise towards his ears, which made the corners of his lips crinkle unconsciously but he was too tired to cheer like the other members behind him. It was good to know they could just unwind and not worry about the cameras for the TV-show.

 

As he started to slowly drift to sleep again when the van finally moved, he felt a hand come in through the right corner of his sit from behind him. The hand tapped him on the arm and he knew exactly what it wanted. His initial smile only got wider.

 

Showing that it wasn’t his first time, Daniel reciprocated in a knowing fashion. The Wannaone Centre slowly put his right hand out to the corner, allowing the hand from the back of his sit grab unto it. When their palms met, the warmth of both hands together sent a shiver down his spine making his hairs stand on end. The hand squeezed tight on his for a moment before they slowly locked arms in the darkness of the van.

 

His smile quickly turned into a satisfied grin just as the hand started to give his gentle squeezes while caressing him lightly in a soothing and needing manner.

He didn’t need a medium to know who the hand belonged to; he could tell just by the way it clung to him.  
“Seongwoo must have missed him a lot, he was holding on a little tighter than usual” Daniel had a cheeky thought to himself.

 

Daniel didn’t waste any time and returned the favour by slowly caressing the other members’ hand lightly and grinned even deeper when the grip tightened again in approval from Seongwoo. He might look lame going crazy over holding hands in the dark, but he didn’t care. It made him feel better and happy. It’s just what he needed in that moment and he was content.

 

The vehicle suddenly came to a halt and the lights in the van were turned on. Both Seongwoo and Daniel quickly let go of each other. They got too comfortable finding comfort in each other’s hand that a 20mins drive to the dorm felt like 5minutes.

 

*

  
Wannaone didn’t need anyone to tell them about having a meal before bed. The announcement was almost unnecessary because the group of 11 was always looking for something to stuff their faces with.

 

Prior to their final schedule of the day which was the filming of weekly idol, Jisung and Minhyun had made preparations for all 11 members to have a little feast later that night and it so happens that Daniel was finally going to be spending the night with them after a while.

 

Minhyun had ordered 11 portions of whole chicken and Jisung made available several cans of Hite beer for those old enough to drink and alternative drinks for those who weren’t at the legal drinking age. He also went to the extra trouble of locating an abundance of side dishes, especially the ones favoured by the members.

 

**

  
“Guys… come to the living room now”  
Jisung called out to the members who were all in their various rooms changing into something more comfortable, which usually ended with a T-shirt and short or sleeping pants.

 

They were good boys that listened well but gathering them was always a headache. However, for whatever reason today wasn’t an issue. Soon the whole group was complete with Minhyun carrying extra plates and Jaehwan assisting him with chopsticks to the living room which they slowly put down on the table that sat in the middle of the room.

 

**“Whoa” “whoa” “whoa”**

  
The other 9 members chorused the moment they set eyes upon what had been prepared, as if it had been rehearsed. This received a satisfied smile from Minhyun who was impressed with himself.

 

“Is this real?”  
Seongwoo asked without meaning to be funny but everyone laughed anyway

 

“Like really... is this real?”  
He looked from Minhyun to Jisung who just smiled at him

 

“Yes, we are allowed to eat this much”  
Jisung who understood what he really meant made it clearer for everyone.

 

“Also, Niel…”  
Jisung pointed to Daniel who was already sitting in front of one of the whole chickens as if to say “this one will be eaten by me”

 

“Just came back after what feels like a really long time” Jisung continued “We thought it would be a good idea to welcome him with a proper meal and Minhyun really wanted us to have a treat since we’ve been working hard”.

Everyone took their positions around the small rectangular table that was almost too small for them. Most of them opted for the floor and others pulled their chairs closer to the table.

 

“I like this… we feel more like a family everyday”  
The youngest member Guanlin began to speak. He really didn’t speak much at first but in recent days he’s been getting more involved and telling his feelings and worries to his hyungs.

 

“I didn’t know that I would miss Daniel hyung as much as I did…but I found myself always looking for him unconsciously”

 

“Mee too”  
Both Daehwi and Jinyoung chorused as if Guanlin took the words right out of their mouths, which caused a bit of laughter to erupt from the group. Jinyoung and Daehwi were becoming so close that they had become in sync in almost everything.

 

“Hyung, I missed you the most during practice, you always help me in practice so I had a little bit of a hard time”

 

Guanlin spoke up again a bit shy but this time all 9 members agreed with him and started throwing out various words of agreement about how they missed Daniel and how they felt like a member of their family moved out.

 

“I missed your laughter the most”  
Seongwoo spoke up above all the mumbling and immediately stood up and went to the kitchen.

 

 

**

  
Daniel had been filming its Dangerous outside the blanket amongst other shows back to back. He hadn’t slept in the dorm with the other 10 members, nor had he attended practice with them for a couple of days. He had a different schedule.

 

Daniel tends to practice alone when he returns from filming which usually falls on the other members nap time and when they go to practice he has to have his one hour nap before jetting out again.

 

It was a gruelling schedule, more difficult than most people could imagine but they were preparing for their debut. The nation was waiting for them; ready to praise or to tear them apart. Whichever it was, they had to be ready; which meant that every move, every line and every turn needed to be perfect.

 

It was the first time since they became Wannaone that the group had to live without a member and it felt odd. They didn’t think they would miss Daniel at all as it hadn’t been long they became a group, but they all did.

 

It wasn’t just his skills that were missed, since he was always helping out here and there; whether it was arranging the dance lines or helping a member get up to speed or just assisting his hyungs in managing the younger members, his bubbly and charming personality that lifted the group was missing and it didn’t go unnoticed.

 

*

  
“I want to apologise if I gave anyone a hard time and made you worry about me”  
Daniel said in a low voice with a huge smile plastered on his face while the members watched him closely.

 

“But to know that I was missed like this makes my heart flutter a bit and I just want to say saraghandae” he spoke in Satori

 

“Eehyyyy… he had to go and make it cheesy”  
Jihoon teased him and everyone including Daniel roared with laughter.

 

At that moment Seongwoo walks back into the living room from the kitchen and Daniel began speaking again with a bit more seriousness

 

“I really want to say that I am grateful that you guys missed me” he smiles in a way that told he was a bit embarrassed but continued

 

“We are all so busy that sometimes we feel guilty if we forget to miss our families so it means a lot that you took out time to think about me…I missed you guys as well and am glad to be home”

With that, the boys dug into their meals and started devouring chicken leg after chicken leg.

 

 

***

  
A while after they began to dig into the 11 chickens, Seongwoo stood up again and headed for the kitchen. Once he was there, the satisfying aroma of Instant noodles sipped in through the kitchen and filled the living area which caused the members to let out sounds of approval.

 

As if it was a clue, Daniel stood up immediately and headed for the kitchen.  
When Daniel entered the kitchen, Seongwoo was in front of the pot of Ramyun with the lid in one hand and chop sticks in the other, turning the ramyun around to check if it was cooked. The sight made Daniel smile to himself.

 

Daniel dragged his feet lazily towards Seongwoo and once he was standing behind him he enveloped Seongwoo in a back hug. He held tight to seongwoo’s waist and buried his head in the back of the older man’s neck.

 

Seongwoo tried to move but Daniels grip held him in place. Daniel was bigger, stronger and taller. He could over power him easy so Seongwoo settled and didn’t fight him; he just relaxed in his embrace.

 

“Why are you suddenly like this?”  
Seongwoo broke the silence. But his voice gave a clue that he was smiling from ear to ear.

 

“Why did you come in here to make Ramyun?”  
Daniel opted to answer his question with a question mouthing his reply against Seongwoo’s neck still holding him in place. Tight enough to feel every bit of his lean body but not so much as to crush him.

 

“Just because”  
Seongwoo lied. He knew chicken was not enough for Daniel, it doesn’t matter the size of it. He saw the way Daniel devoured the food that was offered them on weekly idol and he knew he was really hungry.

 

Daniel’s grip didn’t grow soft. He proceeded to kiss Seongwoo lightly where his face had been the whole time. He could physically feel Seongwoo’s body react to his touch and it made him smile deeply.

 

“As much as I want to keep doing this, I don’t think you’ll forgive me if I give you soggy ramyun…” he let the cat out of the bag unknowingly, that he was indeed in the kitchen for Daniels sake.

 

Daniel laughed out loud and released Seongwoo but didn’t fully let him go. Daniel rested his hand lightly on the brunette’s waist leaving no room at all between them.

 

**

  
“I missed that”  
Seongwoo said directing his statement to Daniel’s laughter which had been lacking in the dorm for three days. The ramyun was done cooking and all that was left was for them to eat it so Seongwoo gave it a bit of his attention instead

 

“Put that away… I’ll eat whatever you give me” Daniel says with a stronger tone in his voice.

 

Seongwoo obliged immediately. He put the ramyun away but didn’t dare move or turn to meet Daniel’s gaze.  
Daniel moved in on him, even closer. Seongwoo could feel every muscle on Daniel’s torso grazing against him and he swallowed hard. His breathe hitched when he felt Daniel’s hand move slowly from his waist and up his sides.

 

Daniels hands continued to move upward even slower than before. Seongwoo closed his eyes and tightened his lips to avoid making a sound. He doesn’t know if Daniel gets a kick out of it but he does it to him a lot. Whenever Daniel touches him it’s like his body is on fire and it comes alive. Daniel’s touch makes him let out weird sounds and act in a way he really doesn’t want to talk about. The thing is, it feels really good and Daniel just loves watching him go crazy.

 

“Stop it” Seongwoo entreated. He was doing all he could to stop himself from moaning.

 

The younger man’s hand finally stop on his shoulders but quickly made its way down Seongwoo’s arms and found its way to the waist band of his sleeping pants. This caused Seongwoo to throw his head back against Daniels shoulders with a moan escaping his lips

“You hold unto me like am everything you ever wanted and you won’t even look at me now?”  
Daniel says softly in his deep tone that makes Seongwoo go weak in the knees. But he didn’t respond. Daniel held both of Seongwoo’s hands in his still standing too close to him

 

“Are you only confortable in the Dark..., should I turn the lights off, will you look at me then?” Daniel teased again but this time he got the reaction he wanted

 

*

 

Seongwoo slowly turned in Daniels arms so they were facing each other but continued to avoid his gaze. Daniel’s fast hand quickly found leverage behind Seongwoo’s neck. He curls his hand on the brunette’s neck lightly to get a grip.

 

“Like…” He rubs his thumb up and down the side of Seongwoo’s neck and moved him so he could meet his gaze.

  
“Did you even miss me at all?” he stared deep into Seongwoo’s face with desire in his eyes. Their lips inches apart

 

Seongwoo nods and lets out the softest “Yeah,” Daniel had ever heard him say. Daniel couldn’t tell if he was being timid or if he had been overcome with lust but Seongwoo’s next move clarified his thinking.

 

He chose to close the gap between them, pressing his lips to Daniels’. Daniel kissed back, soft at first, then hard and filled with intent, his tongue searching and finding the walls of Seongwoo’s mouth.  
Seongwoo moans softly and wraps his arms around Daniel’s waist, pulling him in like there was any space left between them. It was a great kiss, assured and effortless. Leisurely without being weak, Firm but not too demanding. If anything it was clouded with emotions  
Seongwoo pulls away a little to breathe. Daniel Smiles when their eyes finally meet voluntarily.

 

“I missed you so much…” Seongwoo says slowly like he was being forced to speak “I thought I would go crazy without you” he adds grabbing unto Daniel’s shirt on both sides.

 

“It’s been like 3 days” Daniels says not knowing the exact words to use

 

“ ** _It didn’t feel like 3 days… and I couldn’t handle it”_** His face dropped a bit like he was thinking about something unpleasant.

 

“Am Sorry”  
Daniel replied, cupping Seongwoo’s face and raising it to match his. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault that he had to leave but he could see how hurt Seongwoo was.

 

“I missed you too”  
Daniel tells him and pressed his lips against his. This time it was slower and more careful. Daniel’s big hands held unto Seongwoo’s face and Seoungwoo’s hands found their way to Daniel’s back as the kiss intensified. Daniel pulls away this time

 

“We have to join the others or they’ll think something is wrong”

 

***

  
2 Hours passed and the line to take a shower was still going. Daniel was out like a light on his bed in a deep sleep, still in full make up, smelling of both chicken and ramyum.

 

“Is he sleeping already?”  
Jisung spoke on entering the room from the bathroom.

 

“Yes”. Seongwoo sounded defeated

  
“I tried to keep him up but he kept saying he’s too tired and just kept falling back to sleep…so I let him” He retorted

 

“The bathroom is free now; it’s just the three of us left”. Jisung announced to him. “But I can wait a bit longer for you two to shower” Jisung added.

 

“I’ll have to wake him up”  
Seongwoo didn’t sound impressed. He looked to Daniel who was sprawled out carelessly on the bed with his left leg hanging out.

 

 

*

  
“… Let me sleep…”  
Daniel whined without opening his eyes when Seongwoo started to pull at him. Every time Seongwoo pulled him, Daniel wouldn’t budge and Seongwoo would end up losing his balance instead. He would occasionally fall on Daniel in his attempt to wake him, but Daniel was too sleepy to care.

 

“You need to take a shower… or at least wash your face” Seongwoo tried.  
Daniel refused again, this time acting like a child and burying his face in his pink Plushie, but Seongwoo wasn’t budging. He pulled on both of Daniel’s Legs but ended with his bottom hard on the floor.

 

“Ouuuchh” he cried out  
It wasn’t easy. Daniel was a big lad and he got really heavy when he slept. Seongwoo was trying everything but nothing was working.

 

 

***  
Jisung had a smile on his face while watching Seongwoo struggle. It was a beautiful picture to him. He can’t remember how many times he’s done this for Daniel; he’s spent years doting on him that Daniel now feels like his own kid. He knows it sounds weird but that was the kind of relationship they had. When it came down to it they were family

 

He knows he can’t always be there for Daniel and it's always been a worry of his. If there would ever be anyone he could trust with Daniel, but these days his worry seems to be dissipating because Seongwoo came along. He feels some kind of gladness that Daniel had found someone who would do anything and everything for him and with him.

 

Someone who would accept his love and also love him unconditionally, just like he did and still does. Someone who would accept and support him without being pretentious because Daniel was the purest kid he knew, who loved and trusted everyone he ever met without judgement.

 

However, recently Jisung has been suspecting that Seongwoo might actually care for Daniel more than any of them could imagine, and a bit more than Daniel was aware of.  
Jisung didn’t know how far they’ve gone but he has picked on the subtle changes in Seongwoo’s actions towards Daniel and how attached he was becoming.

 

 

*

  
All the members have always had their speculations about what was really going on between the two boys but it always ended with the same conclusions “they are best friends” or “ongniel is science”. They are best friends alright, Jisung knew that. But, they were best friends that kissed each other.

 

*

 

 

 

>   
>  _Daniel had approached Jisung some weeks ago looking both excited and embarrassed. His ears were red in colour and so were his cheeks. He just had this look to him. Like, “Something just happened and I need to tell you or I’ll explode”_  
>  _Jisung had asked him what happened and without hesitating, Daniel told him that Seongwoo had kissed him. Jisung didn’t know how to react to the information he received, as he didn’t know what kind of kiss Daniel was talking about._
> 
>  
> 
> _He stared hard at Daniel before he asked him what exactly he was talking about. “Seongwoo Just grabbed me and kissed me” Daniel had retorted, Jisung looked surprise but he was calm. He had asked Daniel what Daniel did and how he responded to the alleged kiss._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I kissed him back…” Daniel had replied with the widest smile Jisung had ever seen on his face._  
>  _“…like… he tried to run away after he kissed me and I grabbed him and kissed him back”_  
>  _Daniel had sounded like he couldn’t believe himself but there was no regret in his tone whatsoever. Jisung had asked him a weird question afterwards. Which he still doesn’t know why he asked that!_
> 
>  
> 
> _“DID YOU LIKE IT?”_
> 
>   
>  _Was all Jisung had to offer as constructive criticism and Daniel began to laugh. It was one of those laugher that was going to last a week. He had scratched his eyes like he did when he was shy and his tongue wouldn’t stop coiling in his mouth_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Yes, I liked it.” His tone was low “That’s why I grabbed him when he tried to run away, I think? I don’t know… why did I kiss him back? Do I like him? Do I like guys now? Coz I liked kissing him”_  
>  _Jisung had witnessed Daniel Process what had happened and try to understand his kiss with Seongwoo but after that day, things just ran smoothly between them and Daniel hadn’t said anything alarming since._
> 
>  

*  
Jisung had an idea of where they are at now. From what he knew and what he had observed, he believed Daniel and Seongwoo were at that stage where they kiss comfortably now and just curdle a lot without feeling awkward. They share a bed together quite often just chatting into the night. And sometimes he hears them get naughty but they respect him and keep it in check.

 

The last time Jisung spoke to Daniel about Seongwoo, Daniel’s exact words were **_“We are friends, who like to kiss each other, we care a lot about each other and we just like things the way they are”_**

 

On hearing what Daniel thought of his relationship with Seongwoo, Jisung called Seongwoo aside and asked him the same question to which he gave the exact answer Daniel had given. However, due to more recent events Jisung is having a cause to believe that someone might have started to cross the line and that agreement between Daniel and Seongwoo was becoming void.

 

 

***

  
For two nights when Daniel was away, Seongwoo cried in his bed all night and was miserable throughout the day. He was even more devastated when they broke the news that Daniel had returned to practice while they were asleep.

 

He still remembers the day Daniel had to leave for the filming of his show and the MBC filming crew came to set up in the room three of them shared. The idea was to film Daniel pack his stuff. Seongwoo had joined him that day in making jokes and laughing to the cameras in their room but the moment Daniel left it was like all the air was sucked out of Seongwoo.  
Seongwoo spent a significant amount of time in the toilet and by the time he exited he had puffy eyes and the sides of his nose were all red. Jisung knew he had been crying but decided to let it wave over.

 

But it was the following night that struck Jisung. When Seongwoo thought Jisung had slept, he crept into Daniels empty bed and slept there that night, hugging Daniels favourite plushie and sobbing into the deep of the night.

Jisung didn’t know how to console him, and in order to not embarrass him Jisung let him fall asleep crying.

 

  
*

  
All this is making him worry. Daniel is not very attentive when it comes to things like this, He is either very straight forward or very clueless and Jisung dares to say that Seongwoo might have been caught off guard by his own feelings while sneaking around with Daniel.

 

*

“Let me give you a hand there, he isn’t easy to handle”  
Jisung broke off his thought process and offered Seongwoo some help in getting Daniel out of bed and to the bathroom.

 

***

  
Daniel was laying on his bed freshly showered smelling of shower Gel and Prada Luna Rossa while munching on some Haribo. Seongwoo was still getting dressed in the corner since he used the bathroom after Daniel. He slowly put on his red sleeping pants and searches for his white t-shirt.

 

“I thought you were sleepy… Am I more entertaining than your precious sleep?”  
Seongwoo teased Daniel who had been watching him get dressed. Seongwoo knew Daniel had his eyes on him the moment he walked in and deliberately worked slowly while getting dressed.

 

“You Never complained before” Daniel fired back at him “besides, you’re way too slow today…putting on a show I presume?” Daniel just looked at him smiling and laughed out loud When Seongwoo blocked his view with the wardrobe door.

 

“Since you aren’t sleepy” Seongwoo began from behind the wardrobe as he pulled his white T-shirt over his head. “‘Wanna’ stay up and chat?”

 

“Mmmhmm….that sounds great but we might keep Jisung hyung up”  
Daniel was being considerate of Jisung. He’s had to wait for the entire line to clear out before going to take a shower and he would also have to wake up earlier than everyone else.

 

“Well, we could go up if you want” Seongwoo emerges from behind the wardrobe

 

“Okay” Daniel replies with a smile.

 

***

  
Daniel doesn’t know if Seongwoo planned to live up there but within a matter of minutes Seongwoo transformed the small space that was up the stairs into a cosy hangout. He put blankets on the floor to make it soft. Both their pillows were there and a couple of their favourite plushies. He even brought Daniel Beer and some jelly.

 

“Are we going camping?” Daniel was a bit surprised but impressed

 

“I have a lot to talk about. This is me trying to get comfortable” Seongwoo throws back at Daniel.

 

**

  
Soon they were both lying down on their cosy hideout. Daniel lay on his back looking up to nothing in particular. Seongwoo took a spot beside him and did the same.

 

“Did you enjoy the show… were the other people nice to you at least; also did you need your bug Racket?” Seongwoo poured all his questions at Daniel

 

“Yes I enjoyed it, I was really happy filming that. I’ll do it again if they asked me. Yes, the hyungs were very nice to me and took care of me well” Daniel chuckled “it’s not a Bug Racket but it was very useful, that place is like the bug central of Korea”

 

Seongwoo just laughs and Daniel proceeded to tell him stories about each of the hyungs he met and what happened while he was away. Seongwoo shared stories of his own; he brings Daniel up to date on what is going on in the dorm and things that happened while he was gone.

 

“

  
They stay for some minutes without saying a word. They could almost hear each other thinking as the atmosphere began to grow awkward. Daniel turned to his side and threw his hand over Seongwoo

 

"What are we doing?" Daniel asked all of a sudden

 

"What do you mean?"  
Seongwoo was trying not to be needy but the truth is he was. He doesn’t know when things changed but he was different. The last thing he wants to do is make things awkward between them but he doesn’t think he can stop himself even if he tried.

 

“I mean. What are we doing right now? Did you really ask me up here to chat? Because I thought that was an excuse to make ou-"

Daniels speech was cut short by Seongwoo who pressed his lips on Daniels. The kiss was messy, all teeth and lacked finesse. But Daniel smiled into the kiss when their teeth knock together. Being without Daniel was so hard for him, but it gave him a lot of time to think about him and Daniel. What this was and what it meant to him.

 

Daniel saw Seongwoo get a little embarrassed so he closed the gap between their lips and kissed him. Seongwoo didn't resist Daniel; He opened his mouth and let Daniel lead him. Daniel kissed him just the way Seongwoo loved to be kissed, Slow, Sensual and a little sloppy.

 

*

  
It was the First kissing habit Daniel found out from Seongwoo, at first he found it a bit much but now it’s just sexy and endearing to him. Seongwoo liked to kiss slowly and with a lot of tongue which can be a bit intimidating. Daniel is a nibbler and a bit of a sucker but Seongwoo just liked to lick him.

They had to kiss a lot to create an understanding with their mouths to know what the other liked and also try new things; With Daniel using a lot of tongue and Seongwoo championing the sucking and nibbling.

  
*  
Daniel kissed him again bringing his hand up to cup Seongwoo’s perfect jaw and then lets his fingers trail down Seongwoo’s neck. It was just like he did to him hours ago in the kitchen. Daniel let his finger roam around Seongwoo’s neck and they find their way to Seongwoo’s collar bone.

 

"I guess I didn’t have the wrong Idea then" Daniel comments pulling away a little. "Chat is definitely a code for make out." He stays close to Seongwoo but doesn't resume kissing him.

  
"I really did enjoy my time away and sometimes I didn’t think about anything else or anyone else." He rubs Seongwoo’s neck with his long fingers and moved them upward to circle around his moles. "But in solemn moments when am sitting by myself or trying to fall asleep I kept thinking about you."

 

“What were you thinking about?” Seongwoo manages to say amid all that tension

  
“I don’t know... everything?” Daniel didn’t look confused, he just looked unsure. Seongwoo couldn’t separate what those two meant right now but he knew they were totally different because of how Daniel portrayed them.

 

“While you were gone I did a lot of thinking”. Seongwoo wriggles closer to Daniel whose hands have now moved to Seongwoo’s hair. “to be totally honest, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks now, but its only just becoming more visible to me” Seongwoo lets his hand go around Daniel for a curdle

  
“It is how much I want to be close to you... I just like being with you."

 

Daniel shuts his eyes and feels like he’s 17 again. There's something about Seongwoo’s direct honesty that makes Daniel want to say those words back at him, makes him want to expose what he's thinking and feeling, but Daniel doesn’t know what any of it means or if he’s there yet.

 

*

  
Daniel had the most beautiful lips Seongwoo’s ever seen and while he was talking to him his eyes were glued to them and his mouth watered, eager to have Daniel. Without thinking Seongwoo took Daniel’s bottom lip in his mouth and started sucking lightly. He slips his hand inside Daniel’s shirt and rubs his fingers gently along Daniels side, Daniel breathes in sharply in response.

 

Seongwoo rolled his tongue over Daniel’s lips before Nibbling slightly. Daniel’s lips are perfect a reddish pink, full just right and all Seongwoo wants to do is keep kissing him but he wanted to feel more of Daniel. Seongwoo began to pull on Daniels Shirt so Daniel took them off. Seongwoo kept pulling at him until Daniel Pulls Seongwoo against him. Daniel went further to insert his leg between Seongwoo’s and began to kiss him with tongue slowly. Their tongues rolled together in the same rhythm.

 

Seongwoo slowly pulls back from Daniel but Daniel follows him with a kiss. Soon Seongwoo was laid on his back with Daniel settling between his thighs. Seongwoo moaned when they made contact between his legs. He felt Daniel pressing rock hard against his hip and he wriggled his body unconsciously to graze against him.

 

_"Fuck"_

  
Daniel breathes out and separated from the kiss, a little moan escaping his mouth. Seongwoo doesn't hear Daniel moan often. Daniel talks and grunts but this was new territory and it made Seongwoo want him even more. Daniel sounded so sexy and he wanted to hear it again

 

This time Seongwoo lets his fingers move up, roaming free on Daniel’s bare back and he grinds his hips slowly against him again. _“Fuuuuuuck,_ ” Daniel breathes out as Seongwoo lifts his head and sucks a spot on his neck. Seongwoo moved his hips with more intent so they were grinding against each other.

 

“Don't... fuck... don't do that"

  
Daniels hands quickly moves to still seongwoo's hips. He looks at Seongwoo's face with so much lust. And Seongwoo starred back at him. The older man tried to pull him down for a kiss but Daniel pulled away instead.

  
“No?” Seongwoo says to him more quietly and a little wounded. Hands holding on to Daniels shoulders

 

Daniel rolled off him and took a spot next to him but Seongwoo followed him immediately and claimed a position on top of Daniel looking down at him?

 

"Don't you want to?"  
Seongwoo swallowed hard, disappointment creeping into his voice.

 

Daniel’s not sure what Seongwoo is asking. If it’s what he’s thinking then he’s not sure what to say.

 

“Errrm… like, yes… I mean, No… Of course. But I’m… we…like, errrm”  
Daniel lets his confusion pour out

 

“Can you stop thinking and Kiss me already”

 

Seongwoo wasn’t asking because he didn’t wait for Daniel to respond before he leaned into him again tongue first. Seongwoo struggled to wriggle of his own pants before kicking them off. He did the same for Daniel adding Daniels shorts to the pile of clothing that had formed by the corner. Soon they were both half naked but Seongwoo wasn't satisfied.

 

He repositioned himself on top of Daniel with their cocks pressing hard against each other. Seongwoo sat up right and pulled his shirt over his head, eliminating the last item of clothing between them.

  
***

  
Seongwoo wasn't the petite type but his body frame was different with his clothes off. He’s lost a lot of weight but his body was still beautiful. His body was lean and very slender to touch. Whenever Daniel hugged him he could go missing in his arms. Seongwoo had a small waist and nicely rounded butt.

 

Daniel hadn’t looked at Seongwoo like this before. He’s only looked at him slightly when he got changed or when he casually took his shirt off. Daniel has seen his naked form a couple of times, he knows what his cock looks like but he’s never been staring at him this close when Seongwoo is sitting on his cock.

 

“You’re so beautiful” Daniel lets it slip and Seongwoo’s cheeks flushed

 

Seongwoo pulled Daniel to sit upright and soon they were inches away from each other with Seongwoo astride Daniel. The contact of skin on skin made them both shudder. Their senses were alive and Seongwoo wouldn’t stop moving his hips and making little noises when he grazed on Daniel. Seongwoo held on to Daniel’s sculpted face and smashed his lips on his and then moaning again when Daniel held him closer.

 

They continue for a while building the tension and Seongwoo suddenly Felt Daniel go wet in his thighs. Daniel grunts against Seongwoo’s chest holding him tight on the waist. Seongwoo tiled his head backwards with both arms Wrapped around Daniels neck. It felt so good. Both boys were having so much desire like they’ve never experienced together but Seongwoo was ready to see how far it can be stretched.

 

 

**

  
Daniel slowly put his hand between them to grab himself but Seongwoo stopped him.

 

"No"

  
Seongwoo breathes against Daniel slightly below his ears still holding unto him.

 

Seongwoo Changed his sitting position with his back to the blanket pulling Daniel with his tight grip so Daniel could rest between his thighs again, His pre-cum slowly trickling down Seongwoo’s inner thigh from where it stained initially.

 

Daniel was a bit confused. What was Seongwoo doing? Why was he saying no to Daniel getting himself off? It’s what they did and how they usually ended things.

 

Seongwoo urged Daniel to lower himself and Daniel did, going in to reclaim his lips but Seongwoo's lips found their way to Daniel’s ear. He nibbled lightly before whispering to him.

 

“I want you"  
His lips were speaking crazy words and his body sending dangerous signals. Seongwoo wrapped his legs around Daniels waist, pressed further against him and concluded with a moan that almost sounded like a whimper.

 

"But we've never....."  
Daniel Manages to let out, trying to keep himself from all the appealing noises Seongwoo was making that just made his dick hurt from pulsing so much.

 

This wasn’t what they did and Daniel knew it. Seongwoo and Daniel had kissed and touched each other a lot but they hadn't crossed the line yet. They've done a lot of things even oral sex once because He was horny as fuck and Seongwoo wanted to practice what they watched , but they never had sex.

 

Daniels never really thought of it. Yes they did watch porn together once to see how it works and just get off with it but Daniels never really thought of it, thought of Having Sex with Seongwoo. It’s not that he wasn’t attracted to him or didn’t find him desirable because he did. It was just that Daniel hadn’t even understood what it was that he and Seongwoo had together.

 

He liked him a lot and his dick responds when he sees him naked. He feels the urge to take care of him but what does that even mean? Daniel didn’t know if they were even at the sex step yet. The truth is he just doesn’t know why he’s holding back.

 

“I know we’ve never done it but I want to, I want you… I think am ready” Seongwoo says looking deep into Daniel

 

He knew he was ready. It’s all he’s been thinking about for weeks. Whenever Daniel was close to him or held him his body yearned for him. He‘s fantasized about having Daniels cock buried inside of him and imagined how it would feel. When he started to have these feelings he knew something changed but it wasn’t just about the sex. He wanted Daniel, he wanted all of him, he wanted to do everything with Daniel and feel closer to him. He just wants to be with Daniel.

 

It’s like Daniel is thinking hard about his next move because he kept still on top of Seongwoo and doesn’t say a word. He just continue to stare at him like he was trying to read him,

 ** _“Please”_** Seongwoo begged him in the neediest tone Daniel has ever heard from him.

Seongwoo was acting out of character, or was this his character? Daniel could feel the desire pouring from Seongwoo. The way he begged him and used his body to lure him.

Daniel’s never fucked a guy before and he’s always refused girls who wanted him to be their first, He just heard a lot of bad tales about it and he wasn’t ready for the crazy attachment, besides he’d rather fuck someone he could learn from. But now he’s about to be Seongwoo’s first. He’s heard it hurt and he really doesn’t want to hurt him. He knows he’s quite big and needs a little getting used to but this was going to be their first time and he doesn’t know how to go about this.

 

Daniel catches himself worrying about Seongwoo and it hits him that he wants to have sex with Seongwoo but is just holding back.

 

“I don’t know how careful I can be… I don’t want to hurt you” Daniel says to him and Seongwoo’s face light up

 

“You won’t…just go slow okay? _ **I TRUST YOU**_ ”  Seongwoo reassures him, spreading his legs wider

 

 

***

 

The words kept playing in Daniel’s ear, I TRUST YOU. He didn’t know why, but it drove him crazy and he wanted to show Seongwoo that he could count on him. Daniel smiles down at Seongwoo as he wets his fingers with his mouth and then pushes a finger inside Seongwoo. Daniel savours the noise Seongwoo was making as he tried to accommodate his extremely long fingers.

 

Seongwoo’s mouth falls open when Daniel moved to pull out but no sounds came out of it. Daniel pushes back in with two fingers this time. It felt a little forced and Seongwoo starts making low short sounds unconsciously. Seongwoo’s back arches in response when Daniel crooks his fingers at just the right angle. This time Seongwoo let out a scream and Daniel could have swore someone heard them.

 

Daniel’s never thought about this but now that that they were about to do it he’s thinking of all the things he wants to do with Seongwoo.  
Daniel leans into Seongwoo who was wriggling carelessly beneath him and Seongwoo immediately captured Daniels lips hungrily in a kiss, hot and needy a reverse to the slow and languid kiss Daniel knew Seongwoo favoured, and they did all the time when they are alone or in bed together.

 

“Are you ready?”  
Daniel asked Seongwoo as he pulled his fingers off him

 

“Yeah…am ready”  
Seongwoo manages to say. Daniel bit his lips slightly at the sound of Seongwoo’s voice, hoax with want and sex. He slips his hand to his favourite pink plushie that was next to Seongwoo’s head. Daniel opened the back of the soft toy and pulled out a condom and rolled it on. Soon he’s pushing inside Seongwoo slow and a little scared that he might lose control.

 

“ahhhhhhh”  
Seongwoo let out a scream louder than before when Daniel pushed in again. Daniel stops immediately. Seongwoo had his eyes shut like he was in pain and trying to fight it.

 

“Should is quit?” Daniel was concerned.

 

“No…no…” Seongwoo held him in place so he doesn’t move. “I read that it’s suppose to hurt a bit at first and then it will feel good… but you’re just so big”  
Seongwoo said without realising what he’d said. Daniel was taken aback. Seongwoo had been planning this. And he’s been reading up about it.

 

Daniel smiles lazily before speaking “If it gets too much and you change your mind you’ll tell me to stop right? Daniel say’s to him and Seongwoo nods in agreement.

 

Daniel presses into him, pushing in and out giving Seongwoo time to breathe and relax before going in again. It was slow and libidinous, soon after Daniel found a rhythm that allowed him to move in and out of him. Seongwoo’s face slowly began to relax and Daniel keeps the pace.

Seongwoo was tight around him and warm. The sensation made Daniels eyes roll behind his skull. He was being careful but it didn’t feel like it. Daniel increased his pace slightly and pushed in deeper into Seongwoo and the sounds get better. He was acting like he did originally and even worse.  
He kept making longer sounds and little screams where popping out every other minute, Loud for anyone awake to hear them but not loud enough to wake anyone asleep.  
Seongwoo kept saying Daniels name every time Daniel thrust inside him and the way he keeps saying Daniels name and moaning deeply after every name call was making Daniel loose himself.

 

Daniel was Strong on top of him. The view was glorious and it made Seongwoo moan even more. Daniel’s Muscles would Contract every time he thrusts into Seongwoo. His pecs were rock hard and even more rigid with every movement. His thighs were strong. There was so much power in Daniel. He looked like a wolf with his veins defined by pleasure, but Seongwoo could tell Daniel was restraining himself. He closed his eyes in delectation as Daniel hits just the right spot and he’s wandering how it’s going to feel the next time they do it and Daniel doesn’t have to be so careful.  
It didn’t occur to him that he already wants to do it again and is planning ahead.

 

“Am Close” Daniel breathes out voice drowned is pleasure. Seongwoo replied by wrapping his arms around him when he lowered his body.

 

“A little faster now” Seongwoo urges Daniel on as he put a hand between them to grab himself. He learnt a lot from the porn he’s been watching.

 

“Are you sure” Daniel looks at him

  
“Yes…. But...careful okay?” Seongwoo might want Daniel but Daniel’s cock is really huge.

 

Seongwoo wraps his hand firm around himself as they reconnect for a kiss. He works himself with quick strokes trying to match Daniel’s pace going in and out of him. He comes between them with a loud groan breathing out Daniels name multiple times.

 

Daniel kisses him more greedily as his pace gets steady and a lot more controlled. Daniel was really close. His thrusts speed up, and Seongwoo moaned his name loud “NiEEL”… Seongwoo encourages Daniel by wrapping his legs around his waist. Soon Daniel makes shorter and deeper movement, and he comes hard with a deed groan.

 

***

  
Seongwoo doesn’t release Daniel. He leaves his legs wrapped around him and his arm caress Daniel’s broad back before holding him tight. Daniel makes Seongwoo let go and as he moves to pull out so he could take off the condom, Seongwoo moaned again but this time a lot more exhausted and wimpy. Daniel pulls out slower and Seongwoo moans softly when Daniels cock left him. His eyes were shut tight.

 

Daniel still settled between his legs, their now flaccid cocks resting close together. He used his left hand to prop himself up so he could stare at Seongwoo.

“Did I hurt you” Daniel was a bit apologetic. Seongwoo shakes his head lazily without opening his eyes.

  
“Are you sure… you look like you’re in pain” Daniel tells him sincerely

 

“Am not hurt, it just feels… weird down there and a bit sore” Seongwoo’s eyes find Daniel’s and he smiles slowly. Daniel lowers his head and kisses him again. Seongwoo was being honest with him and he liked that.

 

“Did it hurt a lot?”  Daniel takes his right thumb and brushes it over Seongwoo’s moles. He pulls strands of hair off Seongwoo’s face that have been stuck to there by sweat and rubs it lightly.

 

“No…” Seongwoo says softly “Just a little” “He smiles looking away

 

“Sorry”

  
Daniel smiled at him. Seongwoo’s eyes were heavy lidded and he looked so groggy. Daniel feels like he might have overworked him because Seongwoo looked drugged. He kisses Seongwoo lightly in the forehead staring at him.

 

“You’re so beautiful” Daniel says again unconsciously. Seongwoo’s eyes flutter open.

 

“You’re the most beautiful, have you met you?” it was Daniels turn to be shy. The way Seongwoo looked at him like he sees’s something Daniel doesn’t see or knows a secret he doesn’t want to share.

 

***

 

“Let’s go to bed” Daniel tries to Move but Seongwoo pouts lazily.

  
“I want to be alone with you… I want to stay here” Seongwoo counters

 

“You want to spend the night up here?” Daniels tries to understand him

 

“We just had sex and it’s our first time…. And technically my first time” his cheeks flushes and his heavy eyes looked even heavier

 

“I want you to Hold me all night”  
Seongwoo shows out his needs. Daniel already fucked him. A little curdle wouldn’t hurt. Daniel nods with a gentle smile.

 

He rolls off him and Seongwoo joins him with his head on Daniel’s bicep and he pulls a blanket over Seongwoo’s naked body. Seongwoo scoots even closer to him and kisses Daniel. He used all of his energy for a deep long and satisfying kiss.  
Seongwoo feels like his heart is about to explode. He doesn’t know how to explain what just happened but he knows he never wants to be without Daniel in this life.

 

They broke the kiss both breathing softly. Daniel engulfed Seongwoo's frame and Seongwoo made a sound of approval in the comfort of Daniels large arms. After a while when their breathing had evened out Seongwoo kissed the crock of Daniels neck where his head was tucked in and whispered in a sweet and confident voice filled with emotions and desire.

 

**_“I love you”_ **

  
Daniel froze... He knew he heard correctly but he didn’t know what to do with what he just heard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after their first time together. It was suppose to be the perfect morning but it took a wrong turn. one night of pleasure was about to be the doom of their friendship. Seongwoo is a mess, what was he hiding?, Daniel is clueless but, does he really care? why is everything so complicated? A truth is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long hard deliberation coupled with how busy I was this took a while but I listened to everyone and wrote more on this story. its been divided in chapters. Happy reading... hope you guys like it

                                                                                                              *******

 

When Seongwoo woke up the next morning, he was alone. His first thought was “Where did he go?”

 

The atmosphere of the dorm had suddenly changed. It was like the seasons had a shift change while he slept. The usual clammy dorm that filled the air with humidity had become an airy bliss for the whispering wind. Seongwoo felt a chill when the blanket slightly rolled off him and quickly pulled it back against his chest.

It occurred to him that he was fully clothed.

 

 

A little smile crawled on his face. “Daniel did that” he smiled to himself in satisfaction. He doesn’t remember getting dressed last night but his clothes had somehow found their way to his body. Sense self-consciousness quickly came over him as he thought of Daniel handling him and dressing him up while he slept.

 

 

Seongwoo had a quick look around and he realised that Daniel had cleared everything; all that was left was the blanket and pillows he slept on.

When he tried to get up, he felt like he’d been beaten to a pulp. His entire body was sore. He felt pain in places he didn’t know he could feel pain. And abruptly, the memories of the previous night came rushing in.

 

 

*

The way he had felt close to Daniel and **_what they did_**. He was by himself but he felt shy. He recalled how he let himself go last night and acted on his feeling without thinking of his character. The way Daniel looked at him like he’d gone mad. But Seongwoo can’t forget Daniels gaze and the way he had made Daniel feel. He could still hear Daniel moaning in his head. That’s a memory he will never let die.

 

 

There was a way Daniel looked at him before he called Seongwoo beautiful. He knew at that point that Daniel wanted him too. He might have wanted Daniel more but Daniel showed him so much affection that reassured him. He thought of the way it felt to feel Daniel inside of him for the first time and it’s a feeling he can’t explain he had nothing to compare it to.

 

Seongwoo knew he was different last night. He’s never felt a burning desire like that before, it was so intense he didn’t care about anything at that moment. All he wanted was Daniel.

 

*

 

Seongwoo finally managed to get himself standing but the moment he did, all he wanted to do was lay down again.

He had this sudden ache in his lower back that just stung whenever he moved too quickly. As he began to walk he felt like he could still feel Daniel inside of him and it made him chuckle. Something about the thought made him feel dirty and he dismissed the thought with a smile.

 

 

*

There was a rustle in the kitchen. Seongwoo could hear the opening and closing of the fridge the moment he was down the stairs.

 

“Hey!!!… you’re here… good morning”

 

Seongwoo runs and grabs Daniel by the waist. He was beyond elated, Daniel was the first person he saw in the morning and his body reacted the way his heart felt.

 

 

Seongwoo was dehydrated, as he always was when he woke every morning and a glass of water usually did the trick. Daniel was in the kitchen pouring a glass of water when he walked in. His hair was all messy but he wore it well, while his shoulders and broad back stood bare in the coldness of the kitchen.

 

 

“Did you sleep okay?”

Daniel asked Seongwoo after a few seconds of letting the brunette hold him. Seongwoo had his body plastered on Daniel’s like he was holding on for something to happen. His cheeks glued to the younger man’s bare back.

 

 

“Yes I slept beautifully” he was happy but a little quiet.

 

 “Why didn’t you wake me up” Seongwoo says to Daniel sweetly, releasing him from the hug. Daniel turned to face him and they were standing inches from each other.

 

 

“You looked so calm, I didn’t want to disturb you… except you were shivering so I…” Daniel Smiled at him weakly. It was an open secret. It’s not like Daniel hadn’t seen Seongwoo naked before. Seongwoo smiled softly, realising what Daniel was talking about and they both stare at each other in awkward silence before Daniel broke it.

 

 

“Here”

Daniel offered him the glass of water before Seongwoo could say or do anything else.

 

 “I was going to bring this to you” Daniel smiled awkwardly “but since you are here now” he puts the water in Seongwoo’s hand and smiled again but this time he didn’t really look at him.

 

 

The whole conversation was positive but Seongwoo could feel like something was up. He felt like there was something dishonest about the glass of water, it felt like a dismissal than a gesture. Or maybe Seongwoo just expected more than he was getting from Daniel.

 

 

“Thank You”

Seongwoo was polite but his smile was fading slowly. He tried to move closer to Daniel but Daniel spoke quickly again

 

 

“Am still a bit… sleepy” Daniel began speaking again and slowly backing up from Seongwoo

 

 

“So I’ll go… yeah?”

 

He doesn’t let Seongwoo reply. He simply continues  

 

“ok!...umm…come to bed when you finish”

 

Daniel awkwardly kisses him lightly on the lips before leaving Seongwoo by himself in the kitchen with a glass of water he didn’t know if he wanted to drink.

 

*

 

Seongwoo was confused. Daniel was acting strange. Why was Daniel acting that way towards him? He kept thinking to himself or was he over thinking it? Seongwoo pondered if he’d watched too many romantic movies and read just the wrong section of novels in his busy schedule to be expecting Daniel to do certain things just because they slept together.

 

 

Did Daniel regret what they did last night? it was like he didn’t want to be in the same room as him let alone look at him. Seongwoo couldn’t put his finger on it. Daniel was supposed to be there when he woke up but he wasn’t, he was supposed to be a bit more affectionate like last night, at least hold him a little but he didn’t do that. Like, he gets it, they are both guys and new to this and things might get awkward but a little affection a few hours after sex wasn’t too much to ask. Or was it?

 

*

 

Seongwoo let the glass of water sit on the counter and heads for the bedroom to meet Daniel. When he got to their room Daniel wasn’t there. Seongwoo could remember every word, Daniel clearly told him to come to bed when he was done but Daniel didn’t go to their room. Daniels bed was empty.

Seongwoo felt his stomach turn and a little burn shoot up his chest. He didn’t know what that feeling was, he’s never felt it before but he knew his throat was getting choked up from it.

 

 

He slowly climbed up the bunk above Jisung who was sleeping peacefully and buried his face in his pillow. It was so hot against the pillow that he couldn’t breathe. When Seongwoo raised his head to breathe he realised he’d been crying. He had to take in deep breath to cool off but it just sounded like a cry for help. He covered his mouth to muffle up the unpleasant sounds he was making and coiled up his body facing the wall. It just dawned on him that he was going to be alone again.

 

Daniel was back but why was he alone again?, yet another night Seongwoo was alone on his bed in tears waiting for Daniel but this time Daniel was around but chose to leave him.

 

 

As He coiled up into a much smaller ball, he let his tears roll, he didn’t want to regret last night but this wasn’t the morning he pictured. Seongwoo didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling shame. He knew he went after Daniel, Seongwoo reprimanded himself. He did throw himself at him after all, he practically begged Daniel to be with him last night. He was needy and pathetic; he even said the word please; maybe that put Daniel off? Did Daniel not like that side of him?

 

 

He wiped the tears that were rolling down before they hit the sheets. And wrapped himself with his arms and gripped tight. Seongwoo felt drained when he had more memories from the previous night suddenly rush in.

 

He barely remembers the final moments before he drifted to sleep, but he remembered he was so tired and out of it so Daniel held him close to his chest. Seongwoo also remembers saying **_I love you_** to Daniel and he could recall that in that instant when those words fell from his lips, he thought he felt Daniel loosen the grip he had on him and let go of him.

 

 

***

 

When the morning broke even brighter and the pitter patter of the rain met the windows, it was evident that autumn had arrived, riding on the back of august. It brought with it a windy and cloudy day. It was the perfect day to snuggle; they had no schedule and abundance of free time.

 

Seongwoo rolled in bed trying to wake up slowly, but his throat screamed for water. The first thing he glanced at when he sat up was Daniels bed which looked like it hadn’t been slept in. Seongwoo does his best to hold it together.

He felt like his body ache was getting better but he couldn’t stop wincing because he still hurt all over. It wasn’t a terrible ache, it was a good kind of ache but it was very unfamiliar to his body.

 

*

He had his glass of water and noticed a lot of the other members were up. The chatter was building up but he still didn’t hear Daniel. Seongwoo heard the sound of the video game in the living room; he wanted to approach in search of Daniel but decided against it. He was too embarrassed to face him, what was he going to say anyway he didn’t even know what Daniel was thinking. So he walked back into the bed room

 

 

**

 

A phone call from the manager puts everyone to a halt and subdued them with dead silence. Jisung took the call as everyone gathered around. The rest of the group could read his face so it was obvious when it dropped it meant an impromptu schedule had arrived. The leader set his phone aside when the line went dead and addressed his members.

 

“Unfortunately we won’t be getting our free time today. The assessment officials have moved our debut evaluation schedule to this afternoon and it will be held at Ymc Building.”

 

The boys sighed and whined. The day was supposed to be filled with time wasting, a video game marathon and utter silliness.

 

“They will be sending the Van for pick up in 2 hours and we should all be ready in that time… so everyone gets half bathroom time” Jisung concluded

 

There was no happy face at the dorm; the boys lazily began to drag their feet each dreading the days’ events. Jihoon was reluctant to move and so was Daniel who was sat by his side. They were both fixed in front of their stations ready to game the whole day away.

 

 

“The schedules were made for a reason, why do they keep changing it”

Jihoon was inconsolable. It wasn’t just the free time that bugged him; it was the fact that the evaluation was a serious business which they had to be ready for but they weren’t, at least he didn’t think so.

 

 

“I didn’t even get enough sleep last night” woojin chimed. He had crazy bags under his eyes and he looked exhausted as opposed to his usual lively and energetic persona.

 

 

They had a feast the previous night and in the process blew off the night and entire rest time with the sole conviction that they had a day to recover.

 

“Woojin are you okay?”

 

Jisung looked worried so he decided to buy the busan boy some extra time to nap. “bathing order will start from the other small room, after sungwoon has finished, minhyun you should organise the big room for shower time with the exception of woojin… when my room has had a shower  Woojin can then have a shower after Daniel”

Woojin's face lit up “Thank You hyung”

 

*

It was after they heard Jisung’s shower arrangement that they remembered who had just come back and needed to rest. All eyes fell on Daniel who was wriggling the game controller in his hand. Daniel hadn’t had the opportunity to work the dance formations with all 10 members in 3 days and that could be a bit of a mess for the team.

 

 

“Will Daniel be okay?...I don’t think they thought this through” Jihoon dropped the controller in his hand and patted Daniel on the back

 

 

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Once we start dancing everything will be good”

Daniel did his best to reassure his members who were looking at him with concern. But Daniels eyes sought for Seongwoo instead. Daniel found him lurking at the back away from them. It was as if he wanted to be away from everyone. Daniel was worried about him for obvious reasons; he just hoped Seongwoo would be okay since he didn’t really get enough sleep last night.

 

 

 “If it makes everyone happy, when we finish, we can all go for a night food market” Jisung tried to entice them when it looked like the boys weren’t going to comply since nobody was making a move for the showers.

 

 

“And restaurant?” Daehwi and Jinyong spoke in unison. They liked nice things

Jisung smiled at them, but quickly transferred his gaze to both Minhyun and Sungwoon. He made eye contact in a stern manner as if to ask if they were willing to take on the challenge of taking the younger members out of the dorm. The two older members quickly replied him with a subtle nod.

 

“Okay… we can go to a 24 hour restaurant after the food market… I’ll even let you guys pick which one” Jisung decided to throw in a restaurant deal as well.

 

“Okay okay”

Jaehwan was the president of this fan club. He’s wanted to go out at night with the members to smell the air of Seoul at night and make more memories that didn’t include the four walls of their dorm.

 

 

***

That morning became more awkward.

 

Jisung was about to make a comment about how peaceful their room had been since this morning when Seongwoo returned from taking a shower but he stopped himself in his tracks when he looked up from cleaning his shoes.

 

The atmosphere didn’t come across as pleasant. Seongwoo looked out of place. He had just come into the room from taking a shower but seongwoo was trying extra hard to hide his naked body

 

 

At first jisung found it amusing and was going to make a joke about it but realised Seongwoo wasn’t really making an effort to stop him from seeing all of him. His line of sight to seongwoo dressing up was fine. He could see seongwoo like he usually did but Seongwoo had totally blocked Daniel out.

 

And while he dressed up he looked uncomfortable to be there. He just wanted to cover himself up. Jisung watched him even more closely. Seongwoo kept glancing at Daniel and moving more into the furthest corner away from Daniels line of sight which was really uncomfortable as he had to squeeze close to the bunk bed. He shielded himself and got dressed in the most discreet way possible.

 

Jisung transferred his gaze to Daniel who was deep rooted in his phone. He wasn’t looking and had no idea about anything so Jisung Decided to let it slide. Maybe Seongwoo had a reason for his very weird actions but Jisung knew at the back of his mind that he was going to confront him sooner or later.

 

 

***

 

They arrive a little early.

With time to spare, the boys decided to walk around the premises and get a quick stretch of their muscles. Daniel had started to feel the growing tension between him and seongwoo and he became conflicted. Daniel didn’t know how to handle the situation; deep down he knew something was wrong but he really didn’t want to let himself understand the problem. This was part of the reason he didn’t think they were ready to have sex yet. They are best friends and something like this could ruin them.

 

Seongwoo hadn’t held his gaze since the morning and he wouldn’t stand close to him either. He noticed that Seongwoo went to the back of the Van away from him so he opted for a window seat to make it look less obvious but that doesn’t compare to how Seongwoo moved away to the other end of the line when he wanted to stand close to him so they could give their greetings to the staff on arrival.

 

 

 *

 

Soon they are called into different rooms and began their performance for the debut evaluation. Their vocal result was perfect. The judges and trainers commended them for their vocals on both burn it up and energetic. The rappers had the best comments and they were called perfect along with Jaehwan whose vocals were outstanding.

 

 

Never was a bit off since they had new members assigned the song but it wasn’t something they couldn’t fix in a day or two especially if the dance was perfect. The trainers were very honest with them since it was their debut after all. Everything else in vocal was great.

 

 

They had a 4 minutes water break before the trainers decide it was time to critique their dance.

“Daniel, everyone is watching this group but a lot of eyes will be on you. They will want to see how solid the centre of the group really is so you can’t give anything away. Perfection is essential” The head assessor spoke from his chair giving Daniel a stern look.

 

 

Energetic was selected to be shown first. It was chosen by fans as their title song so it needed to be perfect. Few seconds into the dance evaluation it was already a mess. They couldn’t hold a simple choreography, the problem stood with Daniel and Seongwoo’s line which was completely out of place and it didn’t form a grand piano.

 

"If you can't sit on a shoulder how are you going to Dance to Burn it up and the other songs?

The trainer was harsh to Seongwoo because it was obvious he was the weak link. When it wouldn’t work the trainer shouted again. The members where getting frustrated with Daniel and Seongwoo, they couldn’t believe they could mess that up.

 

 

"Hey... do it properly!!!... You have only 6 days left.  Do you want to disgrace everyone on the debut Stage" the trainer was really going for it. The room fell silent and Seongwoo was just staring at the floor at this point. The truth is he was uncomfortable sitting on Daniel and holding unto him like that. He knows he's supposed to be professional but he just wasn't.

 

 

"Sorry, I'll do it correctly" Daniel jumps on and apologised taking the blame like it was his fault Seongwoo couldn't find leverage on his shoulders.

 

"Daniel, Seongwoo you two practice together" I'll come back to check it. The trainer took a break, leaving them to their own devices.

 

 

“let’s take 10 minutes okay…"

Jisung let the boys off for a bit of rest and Seongwoo heads for the bathroom, Daniel follows.

 

*

 

They had been informed earlier to use the facilities made available to the staff in order to minimise their contact with people for the sake of their privacy. It turned out to be a single stalled toilet with a single sink and mirror. That was as private as it could get.

 

Seongwoo was soaking his face by the sink. Hair and face drenched in water. He glanced at the mirror but his reflection didn’t comfort him. The brunette splashed water vigorously on his face one more time, before resting both hands on either side by the sink, breathing intensely.

He felt humiliated, being called out like it for messing up he performance hit him hard. He wanted to go back in there and show the trainers just how good a performer he is but he knew he couldn’t. He was in too much pain and way too distracted to get anything done right.

 

 

"… Are you okay?"

A voice broke his melt down. It was the last person he wanted to be with peeking through the door he had left ajar. Daniel joined him in the toilet but Seongwoo quickly disappeared into the stall and locked the door.

 

 

“... Is everything okay?”

Daniel put his ear against the door and let his fingers tap slowly on it

 

“Am okay…just go away” Seongwoo was dismissive.

 

Daniel pressed his face closer to the door and spoke in a whispering tone.

“You don’t look fine, I know something is wrong. Please open the door”

He was showing concern but Seongwoo read it as pretentious. He couldn’t tell Why Daniel was acting like everything was okay all of a sudden. Daniel didn’t seem to care about him before.

 

 

“I’ll take care of it” He was hasty with his words … “I… can take care of myself”

 

“What do you have to take care of… Are you hurt somewhere?” Daniel had a slight pause then continued “you’ve been wincing, and you struggled a lot during evaluation. I also noticed you’ve been stretching often, more than necessary. Did this happen because of last night?”

Daniel knocked a little louder this time.

 

Seongwoo rolled his eyes so hard his head hurt. Yes he was hurt but that wasn’t the ache that bothered him. It seemed Daniel was still playing dumb or just avoiding it. But at least he remembers last night. Seongwoo consoled himself.

 

 

*He Let Daniel in.

Once inside the tight space with Seongwoo Daniel couldn’t function, there was something awkward in the air. He wanted to be let in by Seongwoo but the moment he got his request he didn’t know what to do with it.

 

 

“I opened the door what do you want”

Seongwoo wanted to run for the hills but he had to be bold, maybe confront Daniel about how he feels and get some answers.

 

 

“I… I just wanted to make sure you are okay”

Daniel spoke in very few words. Seongwoo couldn’t see the sincerity in it. But it killed him that his body was reacting differently to Daniel.

 

Seongwoo wanted to scream in Daniel’s face, and tell him that he wasn’t okay, far from it. He was struggling with his feeling and has been for a long time but Daniel wouldn’t acknowledge his struggle.

He crossed a line with Daniel but Daniel is acting like it wasn’t a big Deal. It might not be a big Deal but he wanted to tell him why it should be. Seongwoo wanted to tell him so bad. He wanted Daniel to know everything but he didn’t know how to begin. So he settled for a simple

 

 

“Am okay… I can take care of myself” he couldn’t. Seongwoo knew he couldn’t take care of himself. He needed Daniel but Daniel didn’t seem like he wanted Seongwoo to need him.

 

“Where does it hurt?...”

Daniel suddenly held unto his hand and pulled him closer. But even a little pull made his back burn and the pain returned

 

 

“Ahhh….”

Seongwoo held unto his lower back, the pain was excruciating but it wasn’t as painful as the embarrassment Seongwoo suddenly felt. As if it wasn’t enough that he made a fool of himself last night, he had to pull a fucking muscle his first time. He knew he needed more exercise and he is aware that Daniel is a big lad. He just didn’t expect Daniel’s weight pinning him on the floor with his leg in an awkward position to be this painful.

 

 

“Come here”

In a flash, Daniels hands were inside his shirt. They were standing face to face but the dancer had him almost in a hug. Both boys stood inches apart with Daniel’s right hand burrowing low into his back. Seongwoo was so confused when he heard himself moan. His body and feelings were betraying him again.

 

He pretended like nothing happened and Daniel didn’t react to it either. Daniel just lifted Seongwoo’s shirt higher and rubbed at the area that hurt.

 

 

“I don’t know…” Daniel began after poking at his back for a while like he was some kind of doctor “But I think you pulled a muscle or something”

The younger lad took a short pause “It doesn’t look serious but you can’t perform like this… you need to rest at least one day or the pain will get worse” he furrowed his brow like he usually did when he wanted to understand something difficult or when he had to teach them a tricky dance move.

 

“Why didn’t you say something, why didn’t you tell me you were in pain? It must have been so uncomfortable” Daniel felt bad, he was the reason Seongwoo injured his back and he couldn’t do anything for him.

 

Seongwoo chewed at his lip.  Embarrassment was creeping in.

“I… I didn’t know I was in pain at the time” Seongwoo answered as honestly as he could. He was the most inexperience person but Daniel didn’t know just how inexperienced.

 

A smile curled up Daniel’s face after Seongwoo’s statement. He pulled his hand back slowly from Seongwoo’s waist.

 

“Was I that good?”

 

Daniel was teasing him, trying to make light of the situation but Seongwoo hated himself because he liked it. He didn’t want Daniel to stop teasing him about it. Seongwoo’s eyes automatically went shut when Daniel wouldn’t stop touching him, his body growing a desire of its own. He managed to compose himself and with Daniel standing in his face he spoke.

 

 “How do I know when….” Seongwoo never completed the statement but Daniel understood him. Daniel smirked and a glint in his eyes made Seongwoo’s heart flutter, like he had forgotten all about this morning.

 

“You know you are going to get hurt in the morning when you feel uncomfortable. If the pain feels -”….

 

The younger lad put both his hands in the corners of older lad’s pants. He squeezed the muscle around the areas with both hands and Seongwoo breathe in sharply

 

“Just like this” Daniel put pressure on the area and this time Seongwoo moaned softly. They both stare at each other weirdly not knowing what to do with that, he stood doing nothing. Daniels theory didn’t work because Seongwoo didn’t feel any pain when Daniel touched him, he felt something else. Daniel stopped moving his hands and Seongwoo wouldn’t move away from him.

 

*

 

It was obvious.

His body recognised Daniels touch. Every part of his body had its own memory of last night and it yearned for Daniel, it wanted that intimacy that it’s never felt before. Seongwoo didn’t know why he felt that way. The truth was he knew nothing.  Was it because it was the first time he’d felt that way and the feelings are making him attached to Daniel? He really didn’t want to be that guy.

 

 

“But….”

 

He couldn’t stop himself. He slowly wrapped his arms around Daniels shoulder, eradicating any gap there was between them. He was breathing in Daniels face waiting for the younger man to do something, anything. He didn’t need to wait long because Daniel kissed him.

 

Their tongues pressed against each other and everything felt familiar, sucking and nobbling in a natural fashion following an orderly sequence. All the awkwardness was gone. Daniel was kissing him with more desire than he usually did and it drove him crazy. Maybe because they finally crossed the line Daniel wasn’t being as delicate as he used to be. Or he just wanted more of what he had a taste of.

 

The urgency and force of movements caused them to loose balance. Seongwoo felt his back get slammed against the wall with Daniel’s lips attached to his neck. Both arms guiding him strongly, he felt safe with him.

 

But everything came crashing when Daniel pull him a little closer, it was like _dejavu_. It was way too familiar because it mirrored the way he had hugged himself and cried himself to sleep every night and most recently that early morning after Daniel left him. The memories that his lust for Daniel had fought so hard to supress hit him like a wave and every trace of want and affection was extracted from him.

 

This time when Daniel touched him and kissed him like Seongwoo had wanted, he felt nothing. The older lad’s body went weak and numb, frozen in place. He avoided Daniels lips twice before whispering like he was being suffocated

 

 

“Please stop…”

 

Daniel pulled away to look at seongwoo who wore a blank expression. He tried to touch Seongwoo’s face to make sure it wasn’t a tear he has seen but the older lad turned away. He got the message

 

Daniel was sprung back to reality. “I know things have been a little awkward between us’; I felt it too… I know you’ve been avoiding me but we can talk about this…” Daniel felt like he was being punched in his chest when he saw another tear roll down Seongwoo’s face. He tried to wipe it off but the brunette wasn’t having it.

 

 

“Please don’t touch me…please…” He shut his eyes because he couldn’t look at Daniel and he remembered the awkward way Daniel had looked at him that morning and how he dismissed him after they’d been together like he was disposable. He remembered how lonely and unwanted he felt.

 

 

After a while Daniel left Seongwoo in the toilet alone. He was back in front of the sink drenching his face in water and starring in the mirror, upset himself. He had no self-control and he lost himself for a moment because Daniel looked like nothing was wrong.

 

*

 

The evaluation ended up getting postponed because Daniel complained that his ankle hurt. The group knew he was fine but they misunderstood his intentions. They thought he had done it for the group as they weren’t ready but Daniel had only one person he worried about.

 

*

When Jisung said follow me and tapped him on the shoulder, he never expected to get an ear full that was about to change everything. They were away from the group that gathered in the big room to talk about their night out. He felt like Jisung had been looking at him weirdly since he returned from filming and he had been waiting to have the talk.

 

 

“Did something happen?” Jisung made sat comfortably on his bed

 

 

“What do you mean” he seemed lost

 

“Between you and Seongwoo I mean…” Jisung asked again. Daniel shrugged without giving a statement. He’s never been able to lie to Jisung and even when he did he always got caught.

 

 

“Daniel, did you two have a good talk last night? I feel like there is a lot you need to hear from Seongwoo” Jisung didn’t want extensive answers he was just trying to give Daniel clues

 

“We didn’t really talk much last night, we just hung out for a bit” Daniel had his back against the door. He looked tense as he just stood there dazed.

 

“Daniel, you need to talk to him before you do something stupid without knowing it” Jisung was thinking about Seongwoo, he was worried about him.

 

 

“Stupid?”  Daniel was interested.

 

“Daniel what I am trying to say is that you might hurt Seongwoo… really badly, if you don’t take care. You’ve been away and I saw the way he is without you. I have been able to read into his feelings and-” Jisung gestured for Daniel to sit and he did what he was told

 

 

“Niel… I think Seongwoo is in love with you… he hasn’t said anything to me but I know. This friendship of yours is not just a friendship to him. Daniel he wants more. I can see it in the way he is with you. You need to talk to him about it. And don’t cross the line if you don’t feel the same way because you are getting closer and more comfortable”

Jisung was taken aback when Daniel didn’t look like he heard something new.

 

 

“Did you know he was in love with you the whole time and you were just playing with his emotions?” There was a hint of anger in Jisungs voice as it raised a pitch higher

 

 

“No… I didn’t know ... I only found out last night when he told me”

Daniel defended

 

“Where… when?” Jisung was surprised this was news to him. The only problem in their relationship was that they didn’t talk much because they understood each other so well. But Jisung knew that there were things that needed to be voiced.

 

“He told me when we were together” Daniel was trying to hide the details

 

“So what did you say to him?” Jisung perked up

 

 

“Nothing…I dint really get the opportunity because he just said it and fell asleep. Am not even sure he realised he said it”

 

 

“What were you doing when he said it and fell asleep” Jisung was hovering

 

“We were… just there… talking and then we slept” Daniel stood up again to walk away. But Jisung knew him too well

 

“Niieel... what did you do?” Jisung pulled him down

 

“Nothing” Daniel said sharply. But he wouldn’t stop shrugging which meant he was hiding something “I didn’t do anything”

 

“Niel” Jisung smacked him on the head. “Did you sleep with him?” Jisung let it all hand out

 

“What?... What are you talking about?” Daniel was uncomfortable. Playing dumb was his escape route but jisung wasn’t having it. He wasn’t going to sleep in a room with Seongwoo crying above his head yet another night.

 

“I asked you a question; did you fucking have sex with him?”

Daniel didn’t say a word. He just stood there like a kid being scolded by his mom.

When Daniel wouldn’t say a word, Jisung moved to where Daniel had his plushies piled up and picked up the pink one.

 

 

“What are you doing” Daniel tried to stop him but Jisung already had his hand in the opening. He knew everything. Jisung might turn a blind eye but there was nothing he didn’t know.

“One is missing” Jisung was upset

 

“Why are you so angry?... fine!... yes we did. We slept together in that way. It’s no big deal we are both adults we agreed to it. I didn’t do anything wrong.” Daniel picked at his fingers trying to remove the invincible pins that were stuck to his palm

 

“You did…. Did you even speak to Seongwoo about it? Did you know if he really wanted this? Before you-”

 

“It wasn’t like that” Daniel immediately cut him off in defence “He was the one who came at me… he wanted it. He practically begged m-” Jisung through the soft toy at his face to shut him up.

 

“Ouch…Hyung” Daniel whined

 

 

“My point exactly, is that how you treat someone you care about. Is that how to talk about someone you just slept with? I didn’t take you for a douche Daniel, do not disappoint me.” Jisung was on scolding mood

 

 

“Did last night even mean anything to you? it makes sense why he was so awkward this morning when he came from the bathroom. He felt uncomfortable around you.” Jisung was putting two and two together but it wasn’t adding up

 

 

“So, you didn’t say anything to him after he told you that he loved you?”

 

 

“Nothing…I was shocked… I didn’t say anything to him. I was so puzzled I needed to clear my head so I left….” Daniel was honest. He walked to his bed and put down the soft toy with the rest.

 

 

“You left him after having sex with him; did you know what that must have felt like, especially for someone like Seongwoo?

 

 

“It wasn’t like I just had fun with him and dumped him…no”

 

 

“That’s exactly what it looks like” Jisung was trying to make him understand

 

“No…by the time I cleared my head, I was returning to him but because I took quite some time he had already woken up… I was going to go and talk to him but he was awake and we met downstairs. I froze. I couldn’t face him, I was still in shock so I left” Daniel knew it looked bad but he didn’t know how bad.

 

“You left him twice…Daniel that’s not the way to treat anyone, especially Seongwoo” Daniel didn’t know anything and Jisung didn’t want to be the one to tell him everything but he thinks Daniel needs a push.

 

 

“What do you mean by especially Seongwoo…I know now I did something wrong by leaving like that but it’s no big deal, we both had fun” Daniel sat down on his bed. He was exhausted with everything

 

“I don’t know how the both of you got so close when you don’t even talk to each other…” Jisung joined him on his bed sitting side by side “Niel it might have meant nothing to you and both of you might have had fun but to Seongwoo it’s a big Deal. It’s his first time” jisung told him but Daniel really was thick sometimes

 

 

“Yeah, technically it’s his first time… since you know” he didn’t want to give Jisung a vivid image “but it’s my first time too…technically” he did an air quote and Jisung had to hold himself to not kick him in the teeth.

 

“Seongwoo is a VIRGIN Daniel… well not anymore, you made sure of that. Last night with you was his first time EVER.”

 

 

Daniel was shocked.

 

“He always shares stories with us like he is experienced and say some things to impress the group but in reality he had no Idea. He’s never been with a girl or a boy. He is actually quite conservative and somewhat innocent. He might be older than you and tries hard to impress you but he is just as inexperienced and sensitive as a teenage virgin” Jisung watched Daniels face go from shock to wounded.

 

 

“I really hurt him didn’t I?” he was in shock

 

“Yes you did” Jisung pat him on the shoulder. He might have scolded him but he would always be there for him. “Now you have to fix it… if you care about him. Sort out your feeling and go find him”

 

“Do you think he will forgive me?”

Daniel starred at the ceiling wandering if he had messed everything up for good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading. Feedback is always welcome since it helps so see you in the comment section.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his conversation with Jisung, Daniel tries to speak to Seongwoo about what was going on with them. A peak into Daniels thoughts depicts a dark past is weighing on their relationship and Seongwoo can't forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say brace yourselves and I am very sorry. This chapter is the first of few very intense chapters that tells the story of the night they decided to discuss. This first chapter just sets the ball rolling. when you read you would get an idea of what is to come. enjoy...

***

Jisung exited the room, leaving Daniel to drown in his own thoughts. Daniel kept thinking about the conversation with Jisung, he tried to make a mental picture of his situation but in every scenario he was a jerk and typical trash.  
He thought hard about Seongwoo being a virgin and he couldn’t believe how he missed it all. ‘They really needed to talk more’, was all Daniel could tell himself. But after he thought hard enough he started to realise that Seongwoo had been throwing clues at him but he never thought anything of it. He remembered when Seongwoo requested they sleep up there together and what he said to Daniel:  
**_“We just had sex and it’s our first time…. And technically my first time” “I want you_ _to Hold me all night”_**  
He just didn’t listen to Seongwoo or he would have heard him clearly. It was right in front of him. “FUCK” Daniel cursed out loud, frustration sipping through his veins and in that moment Seongwoo walks in.

 

*  
He seemed really fidgety and looked awfully sad and troubled. His eyes were glistering and his face pale like an animal left in the cold too long. Daniel knew he’d been crying because he still had traces of tear drops in his eyes and on his face. Daniel didn’t know if it was because of the pain in his back or something else but he knew it had everything to do with him.

They made eye contact for a split second and Daniel could see how much Seongwoo needed him. Now that he knew everything his eyes had suddenly opened. He saw things he didn’t notice before. Seongwoo looked like he needed to be comforted by Daniel he needed to know everything would be okay. And Daniel hated seeing him like this.

“Seongwoo” Daniel stood up immediately to meet Seongwoo who was making his way towards the bunk. Since their encounter in the bathroom few hours ago they hadn’t been alone and the tension was rising. He didn’t respond to his name being called, rather he tried to brush past Daniel.  
The younger lad grabbed his arm

  
“Can we talk?... I really want to talk to you”  
Daniel was direct but his grip was loose, he tried not to hold him too tight. He still remembers the other’s voice begging for him to not touch him. But Daniel knew they needed this. He didn’t want to hurt him anymore. He was willing to try anything.

“I need to lie down”  
Seongwoo’s voice was barely there. With his face tuned away from Daniel he tried to pull his arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Please Seongwoo; I want to talk about everything with you”  
Daniel pleaded with him. With new found revelation he knew just how much damage he had done, he just wanted to fix it.

  
“I don’t want to…”  
Seongwoo lied like he had done every time before. He couldn’t say exactly what he really wanted. But he was tired of the situation and knew he wanted it all to be over. So he spoke again to Daniel, with the same weak tone of voice but rather than lying he was honest this time.  
“Not right now, I can’t right now… I just need some space” his voice was a little shaky as he continues to repeat himself. Daniel let go of his hand immediately and took a little step away from him.

  
“Okay… whatever you want…” he put his hands in the air backing away slowly. He had never been in this situation; he didn’t know what to do. Daniel had no knowledge of what Seongwoo was feeling and it was even more difficult because the older lad wasn’t talking to him.  
“I’ll just step out for a bit” Daniel Left.

 

**

  
He knew Seongwoo was hurting before, but now it was clear just how deeply hurt he was, if he wanted space Daniel could give him that. As he continued to think about them, his guilt grew. Daniel didn’t know if he and Seongwoo could recover from this if they actually sat to discuss, there was a lot that had happened, things he had done.

“Did you know he was in love with you the whole time and you were just playing with his emotions?”

Jisung’s words stung him.  
The truth is that Daniel didn’t know at the time because he never let himself find out. Daniel suspected, he had a feeling something was up but he let it all play out into a casual affair. He never drew attention to it and let Seongwoo sing and Dance in a secluded world of emotions on his own even though they were side by side. He was cruel.

 

After being with Seongwoo for a while, it came to sit at the back of Daniels mind that Seongwoo liked him more than was necessary. At first he didn't think as far as the other being in love with him but things got intense between them quickly and his suspicion escalated. He could never admit it but there was a time when he thought maybe he shouldn’t have kissed Seongwoo back that Day. The day it properly began. He was excited for the new experience and ran to tell jisung about the kiss but he didn’t expect that kiss to come with so much commitment.

 

It all slowly started when they began sharing a bed after their first accidental /real kiss. Seongwoo would creep into his bed at night and Daniel would hold him in his arms because it was easy to just curdle and pretend nothing weird was going on. They'd fall asleep together with Seongwoo’s face buried in his shoulder or other times with Daniels arm tight around Seongwoos waist but Daniel didn’t really want to talk about the kiss.

 

After that, being together every night one thing led to another and the boys shared another kiss, it was more sensual and they both felt closer. They started making out in their room a lot because Seongwoo missed him in the 2 minutes he would leave their room to use the bathroom. It wasn’t what normal friends did but it was fun and better than talking about what was truly going on between them so Daniel would just smile and kiss him back. At unset it took a childish route but it grew like any feeling would and it burnt them.

 

Daniel quickly took notice to the way Seongwoo looked at him when they were in a crowd. His eyes would always seek for Daniel and he would stare at him, lingering for ages. The younger of the two would avoid eye contact, pretending not to notice but the older lad didn’t hide it. It was to the point where he would get tapped on the shoulder for looking lost.  
Daniel could feel Seongwoo changing rapidly but he was weary because he enjoyed the attention. They never talked about that kiss or the one after that, it just became something they did.

 

Daniel grew accustomed to the change; he enjoyed it and began to instigate it when he wanted. He let the curious teenage boy locked inside him take advantage of the situation, it was like a silly game to him but the other boy was always willing. Seongwoo never told him no; it became easy for Daniel to break their boundaries and cut all their limitations.  
Sometimes Daniel would touch him just to know what his hands could do to another man’s body. He enjoyed the thrill, watching Seongwoo moan and whimper in his arms just to satisfy his curiosity.  
It didn’t matter what exactly he wanted to do or where he wanted to do it, Seongwoo did it; he would let Daniel touch him anywhere he wanted, any place and anytime and that made the younger boy more aloof. They never said anything; Daniel never made any promises and the boys were too busy to have a conversation but never busy to fool around.  
When things got slightly strained between them Seongwoo would give even more just to help their situation and in that weird process, Daniel learned to take from Seongwoo without permission. He didn’t even know he was doing it but Seongwoo was exhausted trying to keep him happy.

 

The Damage had already been done by the time Daniel started taking caution with Seongwoo. Maybe he started to care and slowly saw how wrong it was that he had too much control and Seongwoo had none, but he’d breached too many rules and scratched a surface he didn’t intend to. His curiosity and childish bravado had gotten the better of them, it threw the order they had in place and things started to get heavy.  
**_“We are friends, who like to kiss each other, we care a lot about each other and we just like things the way they are”_**

 

*  
Whenever they kissed Daniel could feel Seongwoo's desperation. He knew what Seongwoo wanted and the more he thought of it, he was to blame. That was when they didn’t just stop at kissing anymore. Daniel wanted to do the things Seongwoo yearned for even though putting a stop it everything would be best. Things got deeper, Seongwoo fell for him harder and because his heart had crossed the line he never questioned him.  
Daniel never showed an interest in what Seongwoo was feeling for him even though he suspected that he might love him. He just thought it was too soon, no one could love that quickly. Daniel shied away from the topic because he was apprehensive about finding out his own truth, the truth behind his desire to be suddenly cautious, the desire to want to give Seongwoo everything even when he felt unsure. The truth why When Seongwoo changed Daniel didn’t push him away.

 

Although Daniel tried everything to do right by Seongwoo, it never occurred to him that all he wanted him to give was a little bit of his heart. Daniel gave him everything he thought he wanted but never what Seongwoo really needed. Only one thing would have made it all okay but Daniel didn't let himself feel anything, it was easy just being together without truly being together.  
Daniel just didn't know what length Seongwoo would go to please him and try to keep him. They never spoke in simple words, actions always spoke the loudest and that caused them their trust.

 

 

***

  
Daniel didn’t come back to the room after Seongwoo said he needed some space and he didn’t expect anything from him. He had started to get used to being alone, toyed with and deceived. He saw Jisung come into the room and they chatted for a while, he had a serious case of word vomit because he was tired of keeping it all in.  
Maybe telling Jisung those things would help him deal but he felt like he shocked his leader with everything he said. In the end it was about him deciding what was best for him even though it all still came down to Daniel. Jisung reluctantly left him because they had plans but he felt like if he could, he would have cancelled just to be by his side.

 

Before leaving, the leader picked his clothes out and Seongwoo could see him pick out a jacket out of Daniels side of the wardrobe before he made his exit and promised to bring him back something delicious.  
He assumed Daniel didn’t want to come get it himself, maybe he was avoiding him. After Jisung left Jaehwan came to check on him. And after that Minhyun and Sungwoon came in together. He assured them he was fine and would be okay after a rest.  
Everyone ended up coming to check on him but Daniel never showed up. Seongwoo didn’t know why he was waiting for him to come through the doors and ask him if he was okay, maybe he would tell Daniel how he really felt but the one he waited for never showed. He sent him away but he hoped he would comeback.  
It broke his heart

 

**

  
Seongwoo was going to stay in bed till they returned but after only 30 minutes of peace and quiet he was hungry. He wandered if he should have gone with the members to eat some delicious food.  
He rolled around on the bed, hugging and sniffing the pillows. The familiar scent on the pillows comforted him. He knew he shouldn't be finding comfort in what hurts him the most but old habits die hard and he needed to heal. He was desperate.  
The brunette tried to convince himself instead that the reason he was on Daniel's bed was because his back hurt too much to climb up his bunk. Just as he rolled around with the big bear at the top of Daniels bed, the bedroom door swung open. Seongwoo almost jumped out of his skin.  
It was Daniel.

 

Daniels large frame took charge of the door way. He was in his t-shirt and training pants. His hair was still styled from earlier but it had a rough feel to it like he had ran his fingers through it just to mess it up the right way.

"Hey"  
Daniel tried to communicate. Seongwoo started to move slowly to evacuate the bed. He was really startled to see Daniel, he thought he was alone all this time.

 

"Sorry, I stayed here" he gestured to the bed he occupied avoiding his gaze "didn't want to go up" he looked at the bunk as if to speak to Daniel and the tall blonde understood him well.

 

"It's okay... you don't have to leave... stay" He stopped Seongwoo from leaving his bed. "You can have it for now if it's more comfortable, I'll go up" Daniel tried to be nice still keeping his distance. He hadn't been this awkward since the first time they officially met on produce 101.

  
"You can't sleep up there, you're too big" Seongwoo says nonchalantly as he relaxed again on the bed. He wanted to escape him but his back wasn’t better. Daniel smiled at his statement and the older lad smiled widely as well but caught himself after that and blanked his expression again. For a moment they forgot about everything.

 

With every passing moment the tension between them grew worse. Daniel mustered the courage to sit a little closer, settling at the edge of Jisung’s bed putting him across Seongwoo who was lying face down on his bed.

Seongwoo was the first to speak. He could feel his heart getting excited. He thought he was alone, he thought Daniel left him and didn’t care but Daniel was with him the whole time

  
"Why didn't you go with them? I heard they decided to see a movie instead" he paused " you love movies” Seongwoo wanted to mentally smack himself; it wasn’t the time to talk about what Daniel liked or didn’t like.

"I have something more important to worry about..." Daniel’s tone was low and soothing "I spoke to Jisung... and ... like" Daniel stuttered a little before gaining composure. "He said you refused to come out with us so I decided to stay in"  
Daniel pondered on his last statement if he should say it. But if he wanted to make things right he needed to start saying what he feels so he went for it.  
"I didn't want you to be alone"

 

His words were effective. “Why?...” the older lads' words were faint.  
Daniel didn't know what to answer, he thought honesty was enough. It all got too much for Seongwoo, Daniel’s change in character and his actions were what he wanted but he didn’t trust any of it anymore. It wasn’t just easy to trust Daniel anymore.

 

“You think you can just walk up to me and say a few nice things and everything will be okay?” if Seongwoo was picking a fighting with that statement, Daniel couldn’t tell because he talked so slow and quietly as if he was trying to say them to himself instead.

  
“Well… It’s all on me… I am that stupid and EASY” he concluded with a sigh

 

“Seongwoo don’t talk about yourself like that… please don’t say things like that” Daniel was stunned by the words that were coming from Seongwoo. This was the first honest statement he’d heard from him and it’s worse than he had anticipated.

  
“Am not saying words to make everything go away” this was going to be harder than he thought “I am saying these things because I mean it… I want to be there for you”

 

Like Jiusng said to him earlier, “if you really want to fix it, don’t filter anything just say what you feel” Daniel starred at Seongwoo who was still on his bed. Cheeks against his body pillow starring dead at him.

 

"Why now?... you never really cared before… just...” Seongwoo took a deep breathe “just stop"

  
“Stop what? " Daniel held Seongwoo’s gaze, starring back at him. “Stop trying to be there for you?

  
"Stop trying to take care of me and everything that concerns me. Stop saying you want to be there for me when you don’t really mean it… your actions are confusing me Daniel.” He adjusted himself a little after saying his name. For some reason it didn’t feel comfortable to say his name after calling it out multiple times during sex. It just made him more upset

 

“The things you do, like not going to have fun and earlier during evaluation, you didn't have to apologise on my behalf and about your ankle being hurt. Stop trying to take responsibility for me" Seongwoo was rambling, his voice cloudy with sadness.

 

"What if I want to be responsible for you?" Daniel pushed. He was trying to express what he's really feeling into words. He was trying for the first time “what if I want to take responsibility… and want t-“

  
“Like you did this morning… And last night?" Seongwoo shut him down  
There was a hint of anger in his voice but it was more bitterness than spite. Seongwoo couldn’t get passed what happened last night between them and he didn’t know how to move on because it really wasn’t just about one night.

 

"I made a mistake" Daniel leaned forward almost touching the bed Seongwoo occupied; he didn’t want to make excuses "I shouldn't have done that to you. I am sorry... please" he leaned closer  
“I never wanted to hurt you Seongwoo, I was stupid and didn’t think about the effect of my actions, I want to be there for you” Daniel kept shifting closer, he was half sitting on the bed at this point and because of how tall he is, it made his presence even more evidently close.

 

“I don’t think I can do this” Seongwoo cuts Daniel off shifting the bear body pillow with him as he moved closer to the wall. Daniel was getting too close

  
“Seongwoo please listen to me, there are things you don’t know and I need to tell you so you understand”

  
“I think I know enough… I was there remember?” Seongwoo suddenly looked lost as if he was getting bitter memories he didn’t want to call his own. His eyes sparked under the florescent that engulfed the room.

 

“I just need you to talk to me” Daniel didn’t know what else to say. He wants to explain everything Seongwoo needed answers to but he wouldn’t hear him out.

  
“Do you even care? Have you ever really cared about me?” Seongwoo let his emotions be seen

  
“I know I liked you more than you liked me but I just didn’t think I meant this little to you” His voice was breaking. He was making mental images in his head but wasn’t sharing his thoughts. It just got a bit too much for him.

  
“I’ve thought about it, how you let me do this all on my own. Leaving me there to hope but I never thought I meant this little to you… you know”

 

“You know I care about you, and I’ve always cared about you…you mean so much to me. You just need to hear me out” Daniel was trying to get a chance to give an explanation to all the misunderstanding that got them to the situation they were at. But he’s started to think he didn’t have any right to request anything of Seongwoo

 

“Have you ever heard me out? Have you ever tried to listen to me?... all those time when you would make me do those things just because it was fun did you ever think maybe I didn’t have to do that so you wouldn’t ignore me?” Seongwoo took a deep breath like he was opening a can of worms they kept buried.

  
“You would toy with me then smirk and walk away, sometimes you would even laugh. Did you ever wonder what I did when you left? Or it was one for your crazy imaginations… And now you want me to listen to you?...”  
If the pain in his back didn’t hinder him Seongwoo would have jumped up and left. He didn’t want to be there anymore. Daniel was dumbfounded he knew what Seongwoo was talking about. He knew too well.

 

“Not once did you talk about anything… we never spoke about us or what we did because you never wanted to and now you want me to hear you out. Do your words have more value than mine?” Seongwoo wiped tears as they rolled down his face. This was more than they’ve ever really talked and it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.

 

“Seongwoo please I nee-” “I don’t think I can do this” Seongwoo cut him off and tried to get off the bed in a hurry to get away from Daniel but he moved too quickly and his back burned in pain.

 

“Aarrrhhoouuu” he whined in a high pitched tone trying to hold onto his lower back. Daniel rushed to his side in record time, kneeling by the side of the bed.

  
“Are you okay?” Daniel’s hand goes straight to Seongwoo’s lower back

 

“No, it hurts so badly” Seongwoo cried out still trying to move. For a moment when he was in pain he didn’t hate that Daniel was with him

 

“Easy… easy… don’t move so much, it will only make it worse. You just need to take care of it.”  
Daniel ignored all boundaries and barriers they’ve put between them and grabs Seongwoo by the thigh. His fingers grabs Seongwoo’s inner thigh through his sweats and Daniel put his body together in a straight line and told him to stay put.

 

A minute later Daniel was back with a bowl of ice, a cold beer and clean hand towels. He set himself on his knees by the bed, with both hands he lifted Seongwoo’s shirt up to his shoulders and pulled his pants lower exposing the top of his butt and his waist line.  
Daniel wrapped the ice in the towel and slowly applied the cold compress to Seongwoo’s back with a little pressure. Seongwoo screamed the first time because it was cold and it hurt a lot.

 

“You need to ice your back so it doesn’t swell, it’s really minor but if you don’t do this it might get worse. Dancers at my old academy used to get this all the time I know what am doing”

  
“Can’t I do it myself?” Seongwoo finally spoke without screaming and all he wanted was to get away from Daniel

  
“You can’t, you need assistance and am the only one here.” Daniel took his hands off Seongwoo’s back.

  
“Look at me” he ordered the brunette and Seongwoo slowly turned his head. Seongwoo was covered in sweat and his hair was stuck to his face. The image looked too familiar; he looked the way he did after Daniel had just finished taking him hard at the little space up the stairs. The exhaustion on his face mirrored the same as last night when he admitted Daniel had hurt him a little while he thrust deeply inside him. But Daniel knew now that he had hurt him a lot more than he could have ever imagined.

 

Daniel’s right hand moved to Seongwoo’s face, slowly picking out strands of hair and brushing them back with his fingers. It was like Dejavu, with every familiarity his guilt burned. He moved closer to Seongwoo’s face using his hands to check his temperature. The other lad was burning up.

  
“There is no one else here, and you need me… can’t you just let me take care of you? Is it such a bad thing for me to want to be there for you when you need me?” Daniel was pleading with him. It’s all Seongwoo’s ever wanted, for Daniel to be available to him. He wants Daniel to let himself be needed by him in ways that weren’t physical.

 

“It just… it just doesn’t feel right anymore” Seongwoo tried to be stubborn

  
“Don’t shut me out Seongwoo… “ There stare at each other until the ice starts melting and water from the ice dripped on Seongwoo’s back.

 

“O.K.” he accepted defeat, closing his eyes. He let Daniel help him. It hurt so much but Seongwoo bit down on his lip to mask the pain. He didn’t want any more of Daniels sympathy. Being close to him was having a toll on him.

 

After a while it seemed like the brunette had slept through it all so Daniel covered him with his blanket and let him be. While Seongwoo slept, Daniel cleared the area. He returned to the room a while later to find Seongwoo still sleeping, so Daniel took a spot on the floor closer to the bed. He pulled out his Nintendo switch to kill time; a half full can of Hite resting by his feet, Daniel stayed with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo what did you think? thanks for reading and thanks for being patient. I have been so busy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Night of Discussion continues with Seongwoo and Daniel trying to talk. Seongwoo opens up to someone and we can see how badly he's been struggling. he's done things he's not proud of.  
> you get to see a bit of Daniel's true emotions sligtly detected here.  
> A hint at a possible struggle that Daniel could be dealing with. He has done a lot of things he needs to apologise for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up exactly where chapter 3 ends.  
> like I said about the previous chapter this is the second part of the night of conversations so it will be revealed like conversations, go slowly before the huge climax. I have chosen to write out flash backs like you were there rather than have them narrate because it's more appropriate to this chapter. for the next chapter everything changes.

                                                                                                            *******

 

Many long minutes later Seongwoo’s voice coming from the bed brought the wannaone centre back to reality. He’d lost two games and won three, he was on his way to making it a fourth when Seongwoo woke up.

 

“Did you sit there the whole time? His voice was shallow, Daniel could barely hear him. He had to make out the rest by putting words together

 

“Felling any better?” the blonde propped up immediately, his hands shoot up for the brunette’s forehead to check his temperature but Seongwoo turned his face away from Daniel, he refused him. Daniel knew he’d been rejected and decided to keep his distance.

 

While Seongwoo made subtle movement he didn’t feel any discomfort in his back and the fever had cooled off. He was so much better.

 

They remain in awkward silence before Seongwoo remembers what they were doing before his back started hurting.

 

 “Did it really mean nothing to you?”

 

Seongwoo picked up from where they left off. His voice was a lot calmer than it had been before he slept. Daniel could tell the conversion was getting heated. The atmosphere grew cold and tense.

 

Daniel didn’t know how to answer the question. He felt like he was being backed to a corner but he was more distracted by how Seongwoo seemed really disconnected from him

 

Seongwoo didn’t know what answer he was going to get from the younger lad and he couldn’t look at Daniel, he couldn’t meet his eyes because he didn’t want him to see how scared he was. Seongwoo shielded his face behind the body pillow away from Daniel watching him even though Daniel couldn’t see his face anymore.

 

“Do you really not feel anything for me?”

 

The words were as earnest as they were sour. Daniel could almost feel how hard it was for him to give life to those words. But Seongwoo continued before he would answer

 

“All those times when we were together, you said we had an understanding. Everything that happened between us we never talked about. What exactly were you doing with me?” it wasn’t a question. It came off as a daring statement of caution to keep Daniel on his toes and get him talking.

 

 

“Seongwoo we had more than just an understanding, we had a connection” his voice was calm starring at the back of Seongwoo’s head. Daniel was being honest but what degree of truth did his words carry?

 

He saw Seongwoo pull the big bear off his face but starred straight ahead into the wardrobes, doing all he could to avoid the younger lad. All Daniel could see was his profile. Half a face but he looked exhausted. For someone who just woke from a nap he didn’t look like he had any rest at all and Daniel felt his chest tighten, it was his fault.

 

 

“you know at unset I thought we were having fun together, I was doing the things I wanted to do and making memories with you and it felt good” he took a short pause “but then I started to feel like you were the only one having fun... As silly as it sounds, I was okay with that because everything felt good as long I had you… but I realised I didn’t. You had me… but you were never mine” a bitter sigh left Seongwoo. He was holding back tears. It was easier for Seongwoo to say what he wanted without looking at Daniel

 

“Seongwoo don’t do this… we had each other. You’ve always had me “Daniel replied he could hear Seongwoo’s voice and he dint want to see him cry again.

 

“I’ve never had you Daniel; I don’t even know what you feel”

 

There was silence between them. So many blanks unfilled. Daniel didn’t know if it was his cue to speak and Seongwoo was trying to regain composure. None of them made sudden movements. It was easy for Daniel to be mute on such occasions. It’s what he usually did but Seongwoo felt like he’s mostly at the negative end of whatever this is so he broke the silence.

 

 “When you held me last night, when you kissed me… was it just like you were with anyone else? Did you really not feel anything for me?”

 

Daniels mouth was dry the spot he took on the floor was getting uncomfortable. He wished it would open and he’s fall in. Daniel swallowed hard trying to create words. **_Nothing._**

 

Seongwoo couldn’t see him but he could imagine the puzzled and worried look of confusion on his face. When Daniel didn’t hold any tangible reply he continued

 

 

“How about when you pressed my back against the ground and pushed hard between my thighs?” Seongwoo was so vivid almost crude, it made everything more difficult to talk about. But he was slowly gathering emotions again.  He sniffed “did you not feel anything even then?”

 

Daniel was awfully silent, he could hear the hurt in Seongwoo’s voice and he didn’t want to tell him. Daniel didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already did.

 

“Seongwoo… last night I… we just… like feelings are-” Daniel’s words weren’t coming to him but it didn’t look like Seongwoo had an interest in whatever he wanted to say

 

 “Why did you leave me?... I waited for you” Daniel could barely see  his profile now, Seongwoo hard turned away from him that Daniel see mostly the back of his palm wiping his face but he couldn’t see him.

 

“You never came back and when you saw me it was like I was a bad decision you wanted to forget” the tears rolled down his face again, he was crying Daniel couldn’t see his face so he cried some more. Seongwoo had tried to keep it all bottled up but he couldn’t do it anymore.

 

“Please look at me” Daniel hated that Seongwoo had his back to him. He couldn’t comfort him and he couldn’t even see him. It was just the two of them, he should be able to handle this but Daniel was lost. They never really talked like this and now that they were he couldn’t take care of them.

 

“Did you regret it?” Seongwoo’s voice was hanging with something at the back of those words. Like he didn’t know what to expect but he hoped he wouldn’t get hurt further. Hope…

 

 

"No... I DONT REGRET IT" Daniel defended. There might be that one time where he questioned his actions and wondered if he did the right thing when he kissed Seongwoo back then but last night was different. He was sure about it, He doesn't regret it.

 

“You don't regret it but it doesn't mean... I don't mean anything to you right?" Seongwoo moved like he was finally going to face Daniel but stopped himself

 

"Could you just STOP IT and please look at me…Why are you doing this to me?" Daniel was getting frustrated. It’s like he couldn’t do anything right or say anything right, he didn’t want to lie to him but he wish he could.

 

 

"I felt something..."

 Seongwoo suddenly turned and looked at Daniel. He had a sudden interest in whatever Daniel had to say. When he turned around, the state of him was heart breaking, Daniel was responsible and he was filled with guilt.

 

Seongwoo was biting his lips as if to muffle any unpleasant sound and his face was wet with tears. The body pillow was soaked with a mixture of tears and sweat. Daniel shook his head because he knew what he was about to do. They stare at each other for a while before he spoke again

 

"But it's not what you want to hear" Daniel saw his eyes drop slightly and he felt like he was punched in the gut

 

"Just tell me..." he chewed at his lip again. Biting hard he could taste blood, trying to be strong as he anticipated what degrading consolation Daniel would throw at him

 

 

"I felt... felt desire for you like I’ve never felt before...desire I didn’t know I could feel for you or anyone, I guess I was filled with lust and had this undying feeling to be close to you that I couldn’t explain" Daniel wished he could just lie his way out of it so they could be happy but it would only leave them with nothing.

 

 

"Desire… means you were horny right. You just wanted me because I was there. We never did it before last night; did you just stick around long enough to do it? It’s not like I would have said no if you asked you just wanted to play longer didn’t you?"

 

It finally occurred to him that Seongwoo was deliberately being spiteful. It was Daniel’s turn to avoid his gaze as he looked away; he tried to ignore the snide remarks

 

"And when you went limp in my arms passed out and I looked at your exhausted face and tired body... I just wanted to protect you from everything... sounds crazy but I didn’t want that moment to end and I wanted to watch you sleep…i can’t explain it but it felt right to be that close to you" He’s not sure if he made any kind of sense but that was the truth

 

 

"So you had sex with me and then you pitied me afterwards because you realised you didn’t really care about me" Seongwoo was twisting his words. But Daniel just had a lot to tell him

 

 

"At the time when we were together last night I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t know if I felt anything. I just didn’t have time to think because I was with you and I was focussed on being with you. We hadn’t done that before even though we’ve done-… I’ve done things to you,”

 

Daniel swallowed hard. He just hit an uncomfortable patch. He finally held Seongwoo’s gaze and they stare into each other. Love, Hate, disgust, anger, want, sadness, hurt, hope, pain. All these emotion surrounded them and they froze in each other’s eyes.

 

“I’d never touched you like that before, maybe came close once but I’ve never put my dick in you before“ Daniel wasn’t used to talking about sex or whatever they did so it felt strange to him but he was trying

 

 

“I knew it was different, it was too different from before because I could feel everything, I could feel you in different ways and I… I just had to make sure you were okay. so I wasn’t really thinking about what I was feeling. It did feel different but I only started realising my feelings when it was over. I am so sorry” He starred deeper into Seongwoo’s eyes as if to plead with him for all this to be over.

 

 

There was nothing wrong with what Daniel had said. Even Seongwoo felt it last night, it was different. Maybe that was what sparked his emotions off the roof. Daniel had always been cautious with him in more recent times for obvious reasons and some reasons he still needed closure to, delicate even but last night there was a lot more than he’d ever gotten from Daniel so he started to think it as signs that Daniel could be in love with him… _**“I don’t know how careful I can be… I don’t want to hurt you”, “Did I hurt you”**_

****

 

Daniel was seeking his approval and asking like he needed his permission. Even for the slightest things. Daniel never did that before. **_“Should I quit?”_**

_“If it gets too much and you change your mind you’ll tell me to stop right?_

_“Are you sure”_

 

 But then again, as Seongwoo internally spoke to himself it was clear, they never had sex before. Daniel just said it was something different than they were used to and he wanted to make sure Seongwoo was okay, it was the appropriate thing to do after all, to ask for permission before having sex with someone. Daniel was probably just being a gentleman, doing the right thing.

 

 

"I won’t put the blame on you Daniel... it really is my fault.... I think I over did it this time and am just paying the price” Seongwoo was bitter. He sat up slowly and his feet graze Daniel’s as they hung from the bed. Just a little touch got their bodies shuddering. There was too much between them and the tension was heightened. Seongwoo pulled his feet away from Daniel.

 

 

“Did you regret it?... being with me I mean… do you regret any of it” It was Daniel turn to panic.

**_“As He coiled up into a much smaller ball, he let his tears roll, he didn’t want to regret last night but this wasn’t the morning he pictured. Seongwoo didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling shame. He knew he went after Daniel, Seongwoo reprimanded himself. He did throw himself at him after all, he practically begged Daniel to be with him last night. He was needy and pathetic”_ **

 

Seongwoo held Daniels gaze “I just feel shame… ashamed of myself and my actions. I don’t know about regret but I feel shame…”

 

Daniel wanted to hold him. He wanted to repeat how sorry he was. He wanted to make it all go away. He wished he could wipe away Seongwoo’s tears and hold him in his arms till he stopped crying. But Seongwoo didn’t trust him anymore.

 

“You feel shame because you had sex with me?” it was a statement Daniel never imagined he would hear.

 

“It’s not just about the sex Daniel; it’s how it happened and why it happened everything….just everything”

 

His phone suddenly began to buzz. Both he and Seongwoo see that the caller was Jisung from where Daniel had abandoned the phone close to the beer he still hadn’t finished.

 

“You should take it… it could be important” Seongwoo advised

 

 

***

Jisung sat at a corner with Sungwoon and Minhyun by his side. Jisung was sharing a bottle of Soju with Sungwoon, Minhyun was helping himself with a glass of water with Jaehwan completely passed out with his head peacefully cradled in Minhyun’s arms. They were sat on a long couch across from Sungwoon and Jisung.

 

The younger members were playing with a crane machine determined to win 11 soft toys for each member. They missed their time slot for the movie and the next one opens in an hour 30 mins so they had to spend time in the cinema lounge rather than leave and miss another time.

 

“Whatever is going on with Seongwoo I hope he gets better soon. And I think Daniel is really sweet staying with him like that” Sungwoon chipped in a new conversation as he took another swing of the white spirit.

 

“Yeah, he’s been a very naughty boy… it’s the least he can do” Sungwoon smiles and gives a knowing look which Jisung refused to respond to but Minhyun doesn’t seem to like the idea.

 

“Am not sure if it’s a good Idea that we left them together like that” Minhyun says

 

“Why is that?... If there is anyone to leave with Seongwoo it has to be Daniel, we all know _‘ongniel is science’_ is just some kind of _charade_ ” sungwoon throws it out there and jisung smiled this time.

 

 

A lot of the members started to catch on because _ongniel_ wasn’t just science; they were seriously obvious and careless. When Minhyun didn’t support his previous statement with more information, Sungwoon chipped in again

 

 

“You know last night,” Sungwoon began and Jisung became anxious on hearing the words last night. “ _Did someone catch them having sex_ ” his mind was puzzled

 

 

“when we were all eating in the front room and Seongwoo and Daniel disappeared into the kitchen for a while” Sungwoon looked at them to make sure they were following “well this morning I heard Jinyoung and Daehwi talking about it on jinyoung’s bed. Apparently, Jinyoung was going to get a cup and when he got close to the kitchen the door wasn’t tightly shut and he could see a bit of Daniel and Seongwoo”

 

“What did he see?” Minhyun’s eyes grew wide like he couldn’t imagine it himself and Sungwoon chuckled

 

“He told Daehwi that he saw them _together-together_ , in Jinyoung’s words. He said Daniel had Seongwoo trapped and he was just touching him all over, he could hear Seongwoo breathing really loudly and trying to get away from Daniel but that Daniel was too strong. He said they started making out but it was so intense that Seongwoo was pulling Daniel like he wanted to enter his body, and he only stopped peeking when he heard Seongwoo start making sounds”

 

 

“The kid heard Seongwoo moan?” Jisung face palmed and started laughing, Sungwoon joined him.

 

 

“Yeah he did and he was wandering if they should tell anyone, but Daehwi said no and they also talked about Minhyun and Jaehwan”

 

 

“What about us? I didn’t do anything” Minhyun was quick to defend

 

 

“Exactly” Sungwoon judged “when will you do something other than talking and holding hands with Jaehwan? You’re not his mom” Minhyun was embarrassed

 

 

“Am older than Him and like am supposed to be responsible for him, I don’t want to overstep and then we can’t be friends or I can’t face him” Minhyun says carding his fingers through Jaehwan’s hair and staring at him like he was everything he didn’t know he needed.

 

 

“That you are older doesn’t mean you have to do everything Minhyun, sometimes in a relationship the younger one can take responsibility and take care of the other. It’s not a rule Minhyun just do what feels right. You clearly like him a lot and it’s obvious he adores you, don’t sit on it too long and make sure to talk to him in actual words” Jisung tells Minhyun but he was thinking about Daniel and Seongwoo

 

 

“Minhyun earlier you said it wasn’t a good idea to leave Daniel with Seongwoo, why did you say that? Did Seongwoo say something to you?”

 

Jisung hadn’t stopped thinking about Seongwoo after the conversation they had. He heard some things that left him dumbfounded and He regretted leaving him.

 

“No…” Minhyun replied “… it’s just, this morning when we went for evaluation I think I walked in on something. Haven’t asked them about it yet, I just didn’t know what to do with it. I went to the toilet that was assigned to us but there was water everywhere and the stall was locked. Just as I was about to leave I could hear someone breathing heavily and I knew it was Seongwoo immediately. I didn’t know who he was with at first but suddenly there was a lot of rustle in the stall

 

“Maybe they were making out again” Sungwoon told him

 

“That’s what I thought but I heard Seongwoo’s voice like he was terrified or something and he begged to not be touched. Then I heard Daniel sort of apologising. I don’t want to over think it but without knowing what truly happened I just got worried maybe Daniel did something?”

 

 

“You think they fought, like physical fight?” Sungwoon was curious but disbelief was written all over his face

 

“I can’t say for sure, but Seongwoo sounded vulnerable maybe he got hit and Daniel apologised because he didn’t mean to? But Daniel wouldn’t do that sooo… I don’t know what happened I got worried about them but didn’t want to make them uncomfortable” Minhyun concluded

 

“If they didn’t fight did something else happen?... I hope they are okay” Sungwoon was worried too.

 

“Excuse me, I need to make a phone call” Jisung stood up walking to a secluded area he dialed Daniel’s number

 

 

***

 

 _“Did something happen between you and Seongwoo during evaluation?"_ Jiusng’s voice was strong at the other end of the line

 

_"What do you mean?"_

 

_"Someone walked in on you guys and I don't like what they are saying about you"_

 

 _“What exactly are they saying?”_ Daniel looked at Seongwoo who was watching him closely

 

 _“Excuse me”_ Daniel gestured to the living area and walked away shutting the door behind him.

 

 _“It’s not very nice things Daniel”_ Jisung was weak on the line

 

“I was with Seongwoo because he was upset and he sort of got hurt from last night so I tried to know if it was serious… things got weird between us, we kissed and then he didn’t like it" Daniel ran through it as honest and swift as he could

"They heard you two inside the toilet stall and there was a bit of a struggle and Seongwoo was begging you to leave him alone, they said his voice sounded like he was scared or something"

_"Jisung, I didn't hurt him or force myself on him if that's what you are implying... things got heated, we kissed and then he didn’t want to anymore, when he said I shouldn’t touch him I did what he wanted…don't you trust me?"_

Daniel moved to the fridge to grab a beer, he was getting riled up

 

_"I wasn't implying anything. I was just worried about you and Seongwoo... I do trust you Daniel”_

 

_"You don’t sound like it…”_

Jisung sounded worried but not worried for him and his wellbeing, but worried that he had done something incredibly wrong

 

 _“Did something else happen… you sound like you want to say something to me?”_ Daniel knew him too well

 

_"Well, when I get back we need to have a conversation”_

Daniel swung his beer back and halved it in one gulp.

 

_“That doesn’t sound good… am I in trouble?”_

 

_“It depends… you could be”_

 

 It was a playful threat but Seongwoo knew he meant it.

 

_“Well before that there is something you need to hear, I didn't know you met him that morning. I had a long chat with Seongwoo this evening before leaving I never had time to share with you. It was when I went to borrow your jacket for Minhyun and he was on your bed. I don't know why he stayed there but he looked like he missed you so I spoke to him”_

 

***

_Few Hours Ago_

 

> **_"_ ** _Do you miss him?" Jisung saw a sad kitten looking figure staring into thin air_
> 
> _"I do" he spoke softly a little embarrassed_
> 
> _"Why don't you try and fix it somehow, I can see how sad you are without him” Jisung responded appropriately to the situation_
> 
> _"Because Daniel don’t want to... he would rather forget all that had happened and move on.... but I can't move on from everything. There is a lot that I’ve done that am not proud of, you know… and I feel like there is a lot he did to me he needs to apologise for. Sometimes I don't even know my own feeling and it scares me"_
> 
> _"What do you mean?" jisung sat down to hear him out, concerned_
> 
> _"When am with Daniel I tend to do things… crazy things. I do these things to please him....” he took a short pause as if to calm down “I always want him to be happy and I forget about myself… I think I was always scared of him not wanting to be with me anymore"_
> 
> _Jisung didn’t know how to respond to that, it was deep and Seongwoo was too vague for him to understand So he asked about his feelings._
> 
> _" Seongwoo, when you do these things for Daniel, are you truly happy?”_
> 
> _"Yeah I guess, I want to do them because I felt like it’s what he wanted, but things weren’t that easy and now I lack basic self-control around him, and i don't know if that is okay ... because it got out of hand and I don’t know how far I’ll go to have him”_
> 
> _He took another long pause, sitting up He began to explain_
> 
> _“Like when I look at him now I feel really ashamed because of what I’ve done”_
> 
> _"Talk to me Seongwoo, what did you do?" Jisung didn’t know what to expect, what could Seongwoo have done to feel shame?_
> 
> _"I did something... And I know I can't put the blame on him but it’s so difficult not to because It's a decision I made because of him… every decision I make is because of him but I don’t think it’s entirely his fault"_
> 
> _He was rambling, not saying exactly what he wanted to say he was just thinking aloud and Jisung was there for it all._
> 
> _“What do you mean because of him?”_
> 
> _Jisung Knew about last night and Daniel cleared the air about them. He assured jisung he didn’t pressure him and even though it was all Seongwoo’s Idea that they were okay. Jisung didn’t know what to think._
> 
> _“I don't know if he told you already but last night we slept together... the thing is-"_
> 
> _“Did he hurt you Seongwoo?... I know it’s uncomfortable to talk about but if Daniel did something to you, you have to tell me” Jisung was horrified. He was worried for Seongwoo for Daniel and he was just crazy worried he needed answers._
> 
> _“NO!” Seongwoo defended immediately_
> 
> _“Daniel didn’t do what you think he did; it wasn’t like that…he didn’t do anything to me… I wanted last night to happen and it was very consensual” Seongwoo smiled because he saw how much Jiusng cared for him._
> 
> _He used to think that Jisung cared only for Daniel but he’s seen how much he cared and loved all 10 of them genuinely even though Daniel still had the biggest portion of his heart_
> 
> _“What am trying to say is that last night our being together was no accident”_
> 
> _“What are you saying” Jisung was more interested_
> 
> _“Well it didn't just happen... I sort of planned it all. You could say I practically manipulated him into bed… it’s his virtue you should be worried about I guess am the bad guy...” Seongwoo just got sadder and sadder as he spoke and tried to sound funny but only hurt could be heard_
> 
> _“He’s been away for DOTB and being without him made me realise how much I didn’t want to lose him even if he hurt me. We’ve been doing whatever this is for a while now but he’s never made me feel like he really had feelings for me but I fell in love with him anyway”._
> 
> _Jisung had just heard it with his own ears from Seongwoo himself. His speculation was right. Seongwoo was in love with Daniel_
> 
> _“Seongwoo you know sometimes when you love someone, it’s not guaranteed that they’d love you back immediately. Sometimes they just need a little time to figure things out and they might have loved you the whole time” Jisung tried to give a word of advice and encouragement in one_
> 
> _“I know what you are trying to do Hyung” Seongwoo smiled sadly._
> 
> _“But Daniel isn’t like that with me. I used to think like you do now, letting the maybe cloud my judgement. I think that’s why I tried to manipulate him and make him have sex with me. Like some kind of love potion or a confirmation? How stupid of me” Seongwoo broke down_
> 
> _“Oh Seongwoo-ah” Jisung changed positions quickly, he rushed to Seongwoo’s side and hugged him tight, “you aren’t stupid…All you did was fall in love” Jisung held him tight patting him on the back_
> 
> _“I tried everything… I gave him anything he wanted but Daniel” He cried into Jisungs' shoulder “Daniel never gave anything back” something about being close to Jisung made his tears easy to fall. He felt safe and like he could trust him._
> 
> _“Am so sorry Seongwoo-ah, I didn’t know how much you’ve been suffering on your own... why didn’t you come to me?... you should have come to me…” Jisung held unto him tighter as he continued to sob and speak at the same time. He was comfortable and he was talking to Jisung_
> 
> _“I got really desperate, so I just thought maybe if I gave him something, like if we did it maybe we would be closer. Maybe if we slept together he would realise his love for me but I ruined everything and we’ve never been more broken" he cried some more and Jisung held unto him_
> 
> _Jisung was without words. Just what kind of messed up relationship did these two cook up silently? Jisung couldn’t wrap his head around it. Daniel and Seongwoo's relationship had more depth than he ever gave them credit for. He thought he knew where they were at but he didn’t know anything._
> 
> _Jisung could sense that the level of intimacy between them was way more advanced that he thought. They might not have had sex all this time but they already had that level of vulnerability._
> 
> _Their emotional connection was all over the place but their sexual connection seemed to also be even more messed up. Just what did Daniel do to Seongwoo for him to offer sex as his only option? Jisung was having a mental break down all by himself. There was so much he didn’t know and Daniel needed to come clean._
> 
> _“Seongwoo Listen to me…” Jisung pulled back enough to look at him_
> 
> _“You need to tell him all you’ve told me… don’t keep anything out, he needs to hear you. And seongwoo, I know there are some things that I don’t know about but I can feel it. I can feel how much it hurts you when you cry… I want you to talk about that with Daniel” Jisung held unto his hands and with his other he wipes the tears off Seongwoo’s face._
> 
> _Seongwoo used to be such a bright boy that jokes around a lot and liked to show himself off but lately he was just too sensitive and didn’t want to be around them as much. It Hurt Jisung that a boy as sweet as Daniel could do that. Whether it was unintentional, which he thinks it probably was because he knows Daniel cares so much about Seongwoo. But whatever it is that Daniel did its only Daniel that can reverse it and he knew it but Seongwoo needed to figure that out on his own._
> 
> _“He would hate me; he would not want to talk about it. He never wants to talk about what we do. I think it makes him uncomfortable and now we had sex, he’s already avoided me like a plague” Seongwoo looked weak and jisung worried about his health_
> 
> _“Seongwoo, if you mean about what you did last night which I do admit was not the best plan and it is kind of wrong to do that, I really don’t think Daniel could ever hate you.... he would understand" Jisung knew his boy well. Daniel would understand and he would try to work it out because he knew Daniel was trying_
> 
> _Jisung watched him breathe for a few minutes. Seongwoo was collecting himself and thinking hard about everything and then he spoke again._
> 
> _“I think that's why I hate it even more, I think deep down I know he would tell me its okay. He would say it's his fault that I tried to manipulate him. He would tell me he manipulated me and he hurt me that’s why am acting out. He would say it’s all his fault, but I could never face him knowing what I’d done… I feel so ashamed Hyung and I am Hurting so Bad"_
> 
> _Seongwoo hid his face in his hands. Jiusng removed them to speak to him softly._
> 
> _“Do you think maybe he would say those things and understand you because he has feeling for you and maybe he loves you?”Jisung tried but was shocked because Seongwoo laughed instead_
> 
> _“Daniel doesn’t love me… I don’t even know if he is capable of loving me” Jisungs eyes grew wide. He could physically see how devastated Seongwoo was._
> 
> _“He’d say those things because he would feel guilty for manipulating me and hurting me just like I mentioned… and toying with me just for his stupid games. You know thinking about it now I think at the time I kind of knew but I just couldn’t say no to him. It’s like he was experimenting his sexuality and I was so whipped for him I unconsciously offered myself to be his specimen…”_
> 
> _Jisung understood Seongwoo and he knew how much Seongwoo must have loved Daniel. Now that he heard him it dawned on Jisung that Seongwoo loved Daniel from the start and it didn’t just happen in the process. Jisung felt guilty, he’s always had that thought at the back of his mind about Daniel but was too happy that Daniel found someone that would love him and do anything for him. He never stopped to think about Seongwoo’s feelings._
> 
> _One minute Daniel was chatting with girls and planning how he would meet a lot of them when he had some free time and the next thing Jisung knew he was excited about kissing a boy and he just continued kissing that one boy and before he knew it they had an understanding. He never questioned him and he felt like that was his first mistake._
> 
> _“Hyung is Daniel even gay? “_
> 
> _Was the last thing Seongwoo said to him before he cried again. He never answered because he had no Idea. For as long as he’s known Daniel he never saw him look at another guy or say anything appealing to show he was ever attracted. He’s always thought he was straight until Seongwoo happened.  If Daniel was exploring his sexuality and used Seongwoo to do it, that would be heartless and ruthless. And it could be worse if Daniel found out he really wasn’t into guys after all._
> 
>  

_“This is what we talked about in a short period of time… I wonder what more Seongwoo would have to say if we had a proper conversation”_

Jisung repeated himself when Daniel didn’t say anything even though the phone was still connected.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait.  
> thank you x  
> you can always ask me anything here or on twitter but I wont give away spoilers :) but i would say the Climax to the conversation is chapter 5. the ending part of discussion night.  
> see you in the comments.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is revealed. Daniel and Seongwoo continue to have their conversation. with emotions running high and truths being shared how much can the heart really take? 
> 
>  
> 
> "I know you are a good boy Niel-ah but sometimes good boys make mistakes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up exactly where chapter 4 ends. this is the final chapter in the nights of conversations, this is the climax. i chose to write past events as narrations from their point of view so I can depict the emotions correctly. This was a difficult chapter to write actually but i hope I did it justice and I was able to convey the emotions as I Imagined. it was a bit difficult to edit so am sorry if you find errors
> 
> enjoy reading x

***

Daniel took a long pause trying to take everything in. He could hear Jisung calling for him on the line but was preoccupied with all he had just heard. Daniel knew it was a difficult situation for anyone to understand and he knew he had done some stupid things but for that moment Daniel could feel a temporary shift in concern and loyalty and a strain in trust which caused his heart to drop.

He could hear it in Jisung’s voice and from what he just heard maybe the others shared it too. Daniel couldn’t help feeling hurt. He pressed the phone tight against his cheek pacing in the small living area where he thought was at ear shut of Seongwoo.

 

 ** _“I can’t believe you thought I could hurt him like that”_ ** Daniel knew his emotions were being heard over the phone but he was okay with that. It was Jisung.

 ** _“Daniel, I am the leader of this team a_ _nd every one of you is my responsibility… if I ca_ _n’t loo_ _k after him or worry for him what does that make me?”_** Jisung said into the phone as if to reason with Daniel

**_“Hyung… I never said you couldn’t do that… I just can’t believe you thought the worst of me… it’s not like you thought I hit him in a fist fight… like you worried that I forced myself on him and abused him or something?”_ **

Daniel barked on the phone like a puppy learning to charge. He could deal with it if it was just anyone else that thought of him that way because he knew it wasn’t true. But Jisung knew him in ways he didn’t know himself. They had a connection he’s felt only with his own mom. Thus, if Jisung was worried about that, Daniel worried that it could be true

 

**_“Niel-ah… I didn’t know what to make of all this… Seongwoo doesn’t act like himself anymore, and he’s changed so much. He cries a lot these days and constantly looked sick. Everyone is also noticed that something is wrong with him…I couldn’t help but think the worst because he wasn’t talking to anyone. But-”_ **

_**“Hyung it’s me… I wouldn’t do that…”**_ Daniel cut him off before he could finish. The Younger lad was starting to raise his voice and his frustration could be heard at the other end of the line

 

 ** _“Daniel I know that, I’ve known you since you were young. You are a good kid, bu_ _t also growing so fast. And you aren’t talking to me like you used to. “_** Jisung was trying to calm him down

 _ **“I tell you everything”** _ Daniel challenged

 _**“Not everything… I know t** _ **h _ere are things you are keeping from me and Seongwoo refused t_ _o talk about it with me, I think he just wants you. I fear you might have done something terrible without realising the m_ _agni_ _tu_ _de of your actions… Daniel you are young and everything is new but-”_**

**_“You_** **_still think he tried to cover up for me and I abused him don’t you?... I didn’t fucking do it”_** Daniel was harsh on the phone.

 

**_“KANG DANIEL! WATCH YOURSELF. I WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM YOU”_ **

Jisung scolded him. He was being rude to Jisung and that’s behaviour unlike him. They both fell silent for a moment but Daniel spoke first

  
**_“Am sorry hyung… but I didn’t-“_**

 ** _“Niel-aahhh…”_** Jisung was calm again

_**“I don’t think you abused him… you’re not listening to me. I know you didn’t do that but I think you did something and you know what you did but you can’t talk about it because you are worried. I can’t tell what it is but Seongwoo is not dealing well with it because he loves you. Daniel he loves you so much I can feel it in the way he hurt, Seongwoo is in a really bad state. I saw him and I spoke to him he isn’t taking this so well”** _

_**“I know… ”** _

Daniel’s voice was low. He wanted to drive himself through a brick wall… his chest felt constricted and he just wanted to scream out. Why was everything so difficult all of a sudden?

 

 ** _“Where is Seongwoo now?”_** Jiusng brought him back

**_“He’s in the bed room; we were talking before you called”_ **

**_“Well, I want you to go back to him and have this conversation. Talk to him Daniel, I want you to talk about EVERYTHING. Let this be done tonight…I know you care for him but you need to figure out what you really feel for him Daniel… if what you feel is not enough this has to end. I don’t think I can sit and let you hurt him anymore. FIX IT”_ **

**_“Okay, thanks”_** Daniel didn’t sound okay

 

 _ **“And Daniel”**_ Jisung calls before Daniel could drop the call

 ** _“I see you too and I am here for you”_** He could hear Daniels breathing over the phone but he didn’t utter a word

**_“I worry about you not because of what you might have done but because I know you are hurting. I know how you hate to see the people you care about hurt and I know it kills you to see what’s happening to him… I know there are conflicts and confusion deep rooted within but I want you to know that I am here Daniel, always. You know if you killed someone I would help you bury the body”_ **

Daniel laughed into the phone because they’ve had that conversation and he knew Jisung loved him like a son than a brother. He knew Jisung would do anything for him that’s why he knew he had done so much wrong for Jisung to be standing at the other side from him.

 

**_“Niel-ah…. The reason I am hard on you is because I see how much pain you are in. When he’s hurting you are hurting more and I want you to know that I see that. Others might not know because you are always cheerful but I see your eyes and even when you talk about him Daniel you are in pain but you wear this mask that no one sees. I see and I know, so please my sweet baby monkey”_ **

Jisung could hear Daniel snicker, the nickname is awful but jisung liked it

**_“don’t even think that I would turn my back on you… others may not see your side of the story but am here and willing to listen… whatever you are struggling with its okay to take some time and figure it out. I know you are a good boy Niel-ah but sometimes good boys make mistakes…”_ **

 

Daniel was calm and he had a tear in his eyes. He’s messed up but Jisung still believed in him. He thought Jisung didn’t care anymore but he did and Jisung didn’t just care for him he also cared for Seongwoo and looked out for him just like Daniel hopes he would be able to do some day if they ever got through this.

 

**_“Thanks Jisung… and am sorry for before I didn’t mean to be rude”_ **

_**“I know… I know… Just listen to him… try not to interrupt… let him speak and then tell him everything. He needs to connect with you. I love you”**_  
Daniel puts his phone down, finished his beer and head back into the room thinking about what Jisung had said. He had to be patient and he had to be calm and it had to be done tonight.

 

***

Daniel made his way back to the room where Seonwgoo was, but as he opened the door Seongwoo was also making his way out. Daniel knew immediately that he had been eavesdropping on his conversation and he didn’t really blame him. Daniel took too long on the phone occasionally raising his voice that it was impossible to not get curious.

“What did he want?”

Seongwoo looked at him, walking past him swiftly.

“Nothing. He was just checking on us, making sure we are okay. Leader stuff I guess” He didn’t lie, Just bended the truth.

“Hmmmmh” Seongwoo replied.

Daniel stood by the door of their room watching Seongwoo. He didn’t want to follow him around. Seongwoo went into the kitchen for a glass of water; he must have been thirsty because he almost finished an entire bottle. He brings the bottle with him when he returns and Daniel just stood there holding the door for him.

Seongwoo returned and reclaimed his position on Daniels bed. He had taken the spot as his for now he just didn’t care. He doesn’t lie down. Seongwoo sat down with his back to the wall. Hugging the body pillow he’s been holding the whole time letting his feet dangle.

Daniel shut the door behind him. He doesn’t sit. He stands in front of Seongwoo instead and they stare at each other. It was like they were both gearing up for some kind of battle. Each dreading what was to come in the next few minutes. They were about to do it, talk. The things they never drew attention to, they were going to visit. They both looked uneasy but they stayed close.

 

Daniel remembers that the last thing Seongwoo said to him before the call was that he felt shame so he decided to start from there.

“You said you feel shame because of me….” Daniel acts like he didn’t just hear it from Jisung “you said it’s not just about the sex but why and how it happened and I want to know” Daniel set the ball rolling

 

Seongwoo sighed really loud before taken a drink of his water and then looking at Daniel who was standing just in front of him like he was ready to attack. Seongwoo had waited a long time for this and he didn’t want to leave anything unsaid.

 

“Daniel” he began

“We have been stuck in the best friend rule for so long and I wanted more. I tried to show you subtly since we never use words. But you ignored it all. So I thought maybe if I make you... if i gave you something important to me, something you never asked of me before that maybe you would see me the way I wanted you to… but I was wrong. I shouldn’t have manipulated you into having sex with me…” Seongwoo managed to say out without running away. He didn’t know when he became this person.

“I am ashamed of what I’ve done and how I made last night’s memory dirty. I just can’t believe how pathetic I’ve gotten that I did that…” seongwoo rolled his eyes at himself when he felt his eyes burn because a tear was threating to drop

 

"You did nothing wrong Seongwoo... It's my fault.” Seongwoo scoffed at Daniel’s statement, everything was happening just like he mentioned but he wasn’t going to let Daniel push it away and take the blame so it could be forgotten.

He did something despicable in his own judgement and it’s made him so uncomfortable around Daniel. What right did he have to reprimand Daniel when he just tore a page out of Kang Daniel handbook of games and manipulation?

 

“No Daniel, it was my fault because I started it. I started all this. Our physical relationship was all me. I know that. The kissing and everything else was all me. I had a weird crush on you for the longest of time when we met on the competition, and then I made a move and the next thing I knew we were together. You have no idea how happy that made me”

Seongwoo had begun and there was no stopping him now. Daniel still stood in front of him watching him closely.

 

“I liked it when you started kissing me because you would always try to do what I liked, you'd always go slower even though you preferred it urgent because that's how I liked it and it made me feel fuzzy that you paid attention to the little thing”

A little smile crept on Seongwoo’s face. Those memories were the memories that kept him going. On Days when he would cry because of Daniel he would use those memories to heal because before they got bad it was once good.

 

"L think that's how quickly I fell for you... it wasn't just a crush anymore, I realised that I was already in love with you and every time you kissed and touched me I lost a bit of myself and I fell deeper in love with you”

He’s never said it out loud before. Last Night was his first time saying he loved Daniel but now he thought it was okay to say it since he had nothing else to loose. He searched Daniels face and Daniel was looking at him with something in his eyes. It’s a look he’s never really seen before.

 

“I made a mistake” Seongwoo continued unconsciously playing with the bear in his lap eyes glued to Daniel’s, starring into him and trying to read his emotions

 

“I admit it. The mistake of not finding out your true intentions and feelings before letting my heart love you so dearly. I was just dumb I guess. I expected you to feel what I was feeling. I've never felt that way before and I'd never had a relationship but you didn't know because I never said. I made you think I had all this experience and knew as much as you did even though I ha now idea how it worked.” He swallowed hard and continued

“I thought if we were together we were guaranteed to feel the same things but it wasn't the case. I was emotionally invested in you but you felt nothing. At the end of the day it was obvious we only had a physical connection so I pushed that”

Daniel wasn’t making an attempt to stop him from speaking and he knew why. Jisung had given him an ear full of what they talked about and Daniel was ready to listen

 

“We are both adults so it was okay that it was physical. I made a choice to do that with you. When we started doing other stuff I liked it very much that you wanted to feel me just as much as I wanted you. It was Simple, you wanted something from me I'll be there to give it to you but then you stopped asking”

He might have struck a nerve because Daniel sighed like he was about to say something but then he didn’t. He kept watching Seongwoo urging him to continue speaking.

 

“For a while I thought it was the end. I was so scared of losing the only connection we had so I got even more desperate and you used that against me”  
The conversation was getting painful and Seongwoo knew it. There was a lump in his throat he couldn’t swallow no matter how hard he tried and there was the way Daniel looked at him. Like he wanted him to stop talking, like Daniel didn’t want him to go further because he didn’t know if they would ever come back from this but Seongwoo had made up his mind.

 

“When you stopped asking me Daniel, that was when the games started wasn't it?” Seongwoo was engaging him in the conversation. Daniel shifted his weight from one foot to another biting hard on his bottom lip. He never took his eyes off Seongwoo.

“Because at that point you already knew I would give up everything for you. You already knew I was crazy about you. I didn't say it but I showed you every time. Instead of talking to me, you let me loose myself and you used me for your curious experimenting. It all became a huge game,… at some point I stopped having fun but I knew if I stopped it would be over.”  
He knew it was pathetic to say out loud but he did anyway

 

"I never forced you to do anything. Not once did I force you Seongwoo, everything we did, we did together but then it got out of hand” Daniel felt uncomfortable “when it got out of hand I tried to protect you, I tried to stay away but you wouldn't budge"  
Daniel’s words weren’t the kindest but they were true. He didn’t mean to come off as he did but He thought about how Jisung thought he had hurt Seongwoo in a way he couldn’t even repeat and he couldn’t let it slide. His subconscious was having a mental breakdown

 

"You didn't have to force me and you knew it. Like I said, I am Easy with you.... you and I both know if I had stopped fooling around with you , You would have found someone else to do what I wouldn't do because you never promised anything and you needed answers... I couldn't lose you. Pathetic but I didn’t want to lose you"  
Seongwoo bites back the bitterness that was creeping into his voice. They stare at each other for a moment and Daniels face softened; he looked like he had been hurt deeply. Daniels eyes were so wounded. But Seongwoo still didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t remorse, or anger, it wasn’t anything he was used to. It was new.

 

"Is that how you saw me?... like some perverted bastard who didn't give a single fuck about you? And would move on just as easily because you wouldn’t get in his bed?..."  
Daniel was getting memories of their time together, he could attest to the fact that it was a dark past but Seongwoo was painting a very different picture where he didn’t feel like just a villain, he was starting to feel like a monster. Daniels cheeks burned and it wasn’t the good kind. He wasn’t just uncomfortable because he could feel his chest clench, Daniel was feeling his heart break.

 

"I didn't say that...”

Seongwoo’s first instinct was to apologise and say he didn’t mean it so he wouldn’t hurt Daniel but a part of him wanted Daniel to know what he felt and what he’s had to struggle with so he didn’t bother to explain but pushed on. He knew he was hurting Daniel but he just wanted him to see what it felt like.

 

“You manipulated me Daniel...and you used me... you used me so many times for your stupid experimenting. Why me? Why did you do that to me?... did I do so wrong to love you?...”

 

He watched Daniel run his hands over his face and he could hear him curse silently. He could see emotions from Daniel he didn’t see before; it’s as if Daniel was an entirely different person

“ I had this thought that once you figured it out you would choose me, that’s why I said it’s all my fault for letting it happen but it doesn’t mean it was okay for you to hurt me like you did”

He was shouldering the blame for starting it all and deliberately going with the flow but what Daniel did to him was not okay, he didn’t deserve it. He watched Daniel pace across their small room and he knew what it meant. He was processing everything, thinking, trying to make sense of it all and then form the right words to say but he stopped pacing and he refused to speak. He just kept sighing and never speaking so Seongwoo continued.

 

*

“Remember when it all started Daniel? Do you remember that day when you came into the bathroom as I showered? And I told you to leave because I didn’t want you to watch me shower?” Daniels eyes grew wide. He remembers. They were really going to do this.

 

“You laughed and told me to stop being so shy and then you kept saying all this sweet and dirty things to me and I just melted because of how you were open with me. It was raw and real and I liked it, I liked you. I smiled because I liked the attention. The way you looked at me like you couldn't take your eyes off me even for a second and you wanted me and me only. I was seriously deluded”

Seongwoo let out a painful laughter looking dead at Daniel who wore a pale and shocked look.

“You watched me shower that Day. You stood there and When I rubbed my body you told me to go slow that you wanted to see me do it. I got aroused by that because it was hot but then you told me to touch myself, because you wanted to watch. I was a bit embarrassed because I’d never had anyone do that with me before but I did it anyway. Because a part of me wanted you to see me like that, so you would want me more.”

 

Daniel closed his eyes and he was moving around the room unable to stay still. Yes he did that. He remembers he did all that but at the time he just didn’t know any better way. He had experience that moment but it was different when Seongwoo told it, the emotions in his voice were different. What he was feeling in those moments was all different to what Daniel had thought and what they shared didn’t feel special to him anymore.

 

“You watched me stroke myself. When my fingers quickened you told me to stare at you and just you. You watched my body shudder and my breathing get uneven. You watched me so closely like you wanted me but when I poured hot against my thigh shuddering under the shower you smirked and walked away”

 

Seongwoo tried not to rush through all of it but it wasn’t something he enjoyed talking about. That’s why when Daniel never brought it up or when he changed the subject when they tried to discuss it he sort of went along with it changing the topic.

 

“The next time I went to shower. You did it again and more times after that. I didn't know when I started avoiding you but I think it’s when you made a statement I didn’t understand. “You said watching another guy shower and jerk off was kind of hot and you didn’t know you would like it” I felt uncomfortable after that but you knew didn't you? That's why you stopped coming. And you waited for me to finish in the bathroom. That was your second game”

Daniel slowly back away, he settled down on Jisungs bed to hold down his composure. He remembered saying those words and he knew why he said them. He wished he hadn’t, he wished none of these happened.

 

“You’d wait till I had just come out of the bathroom and you will sprawl out on your bed Watching me as I came in. When I started cleaning up the first time it happened I heard you tell me

"I want to watch the water trickle down your body..."

It was sexy so I chuckled thinking he's just crazy but you made me tease you again. It was like your own personal show and I didn’t mind it all that much. You would watch me and you'd touch yourself. I liked that game more because I could see what I did to you. The way you looked at me when you pleasured yourself made me want you. But then you didn't just watch. You’d come to me and make me feel you. You let me touch you because you knew how much I wanted to. For a while I was happy because you were giving me something back...”

Seongwoo suddenly hugged the bear close to his chest letting the next statement out as if he was embarrassed talking so vividly

 

“I used to love it when you breathe against my wet neck while I held unto your full length and stroked you till you came so easy pouring against me and sometimes we would kiss and it would feel special because you always lost yourself in the kiss and I liked that I made you feel that way. But on one of those days while we were having a moment, you let something slip. This time you said it was fascinating that watching another boys’ body could turn you on just like a females did and the hand job was even better.  
That's when I knew for sure what you were doing. You were comparing. I didn’t really matter to you, it could have been any boy with you and I started to feel less and less because I was an experiment”

Seongwoo used the back of his palm to wipe tears that were settle just below his eye lashes, catching them before they drop

 

"Can you stop calling it an experiment?"

Daniel suddenly spoke; his tone was apologetic and overshadowed by guilt. Daniel was so restless; he couldn’t stay at a particular spot. The Dancer stood up from the Leaders bed where he had taken solace and took short steps, scooting closer to where Seongwoo sat and stopped just in front of his feet. Daniel wanted to hold him in his arms, he wanted to grab unto his shoulders that were now getting tense but he knew Seongwoo wouldn’t let him.

“Please stop calling in an experiment… You are so important to me Seongwoo” Daniel was begging now

 

"But it's what it.” Seongwoo was firm

“You were experimenting. You wanted to know what it felt like to be with another boy. You wanted to know what watching a boy shower would do to your dick. You wanted to know if you could get it up for a boy. You said it yourself, am not making shit up.”

Daniel was dumbfounded. It’s his word against His. He’s made some awful remarks in a heated moment letting his deep unfiltered thoughts slip at the worst times and there was no way he could take them back.

 

“You just didn’t know what feelings and emotions you were imbedding in me… You know when you hear people say oh I experimented in high school you wonder how they did that? Well it doesn't involve mixing chemicals; this is how it looks like. It’s a sick joke and there’s always someone getting used and hurt, this time it's me"

Seongwoo rubbed at his arm to try and calm down. It was too painful, he had speculated. Understood and accepted but not like this. Not in front of Daniel.

“Seongwoo…”

Daniel voice calling at him was deep and low with an emotional hint that shot straight to Seongwoo’s chest.

“I never meant to hurt you… I never wanted you to feel what you are feeling right now. I only wanted to make you happy. I just wanted to be everything you wanted but I didn’t know how. Seongwoo please”

His hands moved towards Seongwoo but he stopped himself. Daniel kept forgetting he didn’t have that right anymore. At the moment he wasn’t even sure what they were or if Seongwoo was still his. Did they still have each other?... Daniel didn’t know. He moulded his hands in a fist by his side sounding as desperate as he looked.  
“It was never my intention to hurt you…”

 

“It’s hard to believe you Daniel… it’s like you intended to hurt me, I feel like you did because you didn't stop did you? How did you not realise what you were doing to me?... if you really didn’t mean it you could have ended it but you didn’t, you had a third game.”

Seongwoo didn’t move away even though Daniel was close to him now he just stared at him. Starring at Daniel Seogwoo caught himself wishing everything wasn’t so messy. He wished Daniel would hold him in his arms but Seongwoo knew it would further complicate things. How could he still feel so much affection for Daniel after he’s hurt him so bad?

 

“Why did you ever do that to me Daniel?” Seongwoo asked him. He watched Daniels lips quiver but no words were uttered. Seongwoo shut his eyes and took in a deep breathe, opened them again to meet Daniels before he continued

“I never liked it”

Daniel doesn’t remember the other memories like Seongwoo narrated because they never spoke about them, he just assumed they were okay and they should be. But the third memory was difficult for him to listen to because unlike the other two, he remembers this one vividly just as Seongwoo would tell it. He knew what he did.

 

“It was always in a public place.” Seongwoo continued

“A restaurant perhaps... do you remember?” Seongwoo paused and when Daniel reacted a little he knew Daniel was still with him and he was listening even though he looked like he didn’t want to be there.

 

“You stopped playing after this game. You got really cautious after this one. What changed? Did you get bored?” something about this one made Seongwoo spiteful he could feel his tone of voice changing as if it bore daggers. He felt like if he didn’t make his words strong and bold. He might be get teary and he didn’t want Daniel to see him cry again. But Seongwoo couldn’t trust himself not to.

 

“I hated how when you stood up it meant I had to follow. And when we got to the bathroom stall you would tell me to strip. The smile was drained from my face every time and I would reluctantly take my clothes off but you would just stand there waiting for me to complete my task. It was difficult to wear jeans because I never know when you'd tell me to lose them so I always wore pants.

 

“I'll get naked in a public bathroom and you'd kiss me. You never took your clothes off though. Then you wanted to watch again, I realised it was all about the watching because that’s how you know right?” Seongwoo was taunting him but Daniel was silent

 

“But this time something changed, you said you wanted to hear me... at first I was confused but you told me. You wanted to hear me moan… it’s not like I didn’t moan before, like am sensitive and when you touch me I moan quite a lot so I didn’t understand. I also couldn’t understand why you couldn’t take me somewhere private and we’d be together just us but it had to be in public”

 

“Fuck… Seongwoo when you say it like that, it just… like I know it’s like…ugh… I know but it wasn’t like that…fuck”  
Whatever he was trying to say Daniel wasn’t letting his lips say what was in his heart. He was having a hard time. His fists were tightly clenched and his face was flushed.

 

“On the day you stopped you did things time me, things you never did to me before...” Seongwoo swallowed hard and when he met Daniels eyes he suddenly felt vulnerable.

“You groped me everywhere like you never did before…” seongwoo took a short pause before he continued more vividly “You put a finger in me for the first time and I screamed so loud but you laughed instead… "

 

He looked Daniel straight in the eye and he could see the way Daniel looked at him and he knew there was no confusing his words. Daniel understood him and he hated every single word

“I wanted you to say something to me so badly… maybe ask if I was okay, but you just laughed. I hated the way you laughed because you looked so adorable while you were hurting me and I couldn’t get mad at you so I kept quiet till it got comfortable”

Daniel’s hands shoot for his face and Seongwoo could hear him breathe deeply and then Daniel sniffed… he couldn’t look at Seongwoo anymore. Daniel was breathing heavily and tears were feeling up in his eyes.

 

“You said I was so tight I would be a challenge, so you did it again. You put your finger inside me and you fingered me. My muffled screams quickly changed to moans and then you said “it's even sexier when a guy moans that your cock has never responded so quickly before" and then you pressed me against the stall and watched me whimper, you looked in my eyes and suddenly you stopped and walked away from me. Everything changed after that.”

 

Seongwoo felt a load lifted off him. He didn’t know how riled up he had been and how vulnerable talking about that experience made him until he stopped talking. He was breathing hard and his eyes were blurry. Fuck he was crying again.

He saw Daniel wipe his eyes before he came closer to him. Seongwoo wanted to run away but he was too exhausted to move. Daniel came to him and before he knew it Daniel was Kneeling in front of him. Both knees on the floor and his hands came to rest on Seongwoo’s knees.

When Daniels hands touched him he quivered and he started sobbing instantly with no control. He wanted Daniel to be with him but he wanted him as far away as possible. He hated him but he loved him so much.

 

“Why did you do that to me?...why did you take advantage of me Daniel?. I was just an object for your theories.”  
Seongwoo’s voice was slightly raised. Daniels head was bowed in front of him, the blonde starred at the floor, shoulders pulled in and knees together.

 

“Am sorry… I don’t want to make excuses…because I know what I did was wrong… I hurt you in ways I shouldn’t have and I am sorry… please forgive me” Daniel was pleading with Seongwoo. He didn’t want them to be like this anymore. He wanted to fix it. All he ever wanted was for Seongwoo to be happy but he fucked up. “Seongwoo please forgive me”

 

“It’s not enough…. I just told you what you did to me… How I feel but you just want to APLOGISE AND LET US MOVE ON…DON’T YOU SEE THAT THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT RUNINED EVERYTHING?... I ASKED YOU WHY YOU USED ME…ALL I DID WAS LOVE YOU AND YOU BROKE MY HEART… “

Seongwoo was screaming at him. He was upset. Daniel wasn’t allowed to just smooth things over. Seongwoo didn’t know when his right hand hit Daniel on his shoulder and his left followed. But Daniel stayed there and did nothing. His hands grip tighter on Seongwoos knees. Seongwoo Pushed Daniel by the chest “ITS NOT ENOUGH” he hit Daniel again as he screamed and Daniel just grit his teeth taking it all in.

“Seongwoo…please” Daniel tried

“I DONT ACCEPT YOUR FUCKING APOLOGY… I DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT… AT LEAST TELL ME WHY YOU PLAYED WITH ME? WHY DID YOU MAKE ME TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES OFF AND WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT THAT DAY?...”

Seongwoo put his face in his hands trying to calm down but he was unable to do so.  
Just then Daniel lifted his head and looked at him; he could see words forming on his lips.

 

"That was a test... okay"

Daniel says reluctantly. It was so hard for him to say. It was a ridiculous thing to say. He wasn’t making any sense but before he could say anything else Seongwoo’s hand made contact with his face. Seongwoo slapped him. It hurt so bad he could hear ringing in his ears but he almost didn’t notice how bad it hurt because all he could see was all he had done to Seongwoo. Daniel felt his insides turning. What was this feeling?.

 

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID TEST… ASSHOLE…” Seongwoo spat out, his voice was breaking and the tears were coming again. He pushed Daniel off his knees and tried to stand up but he felt Daniels strong hands pull him down. He tried to move away but Daniel wouldn’t let him go. He hit him first so Seongwoo was scared Daniel would retaliate.

“ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME NOW? DO IT THEN” he was still emotional

“I’ll never lay my hands on you… I could never do that to you…” Daniel heard the irony in his own words and it burned “I just don’t want you to leave… hit me as much as you want but please don’t leave”

Daniel starred at him and slowly released his tight grip on Seongwoo. Seongwoo couldn’t believe he just hit Daniel, he couldn’t see his body but Daniels cheek and ear turned a bright pink, he hoped it wouldn’t bruise. He didn’t try to run from him anymore, he just assumed his initial position with Daniel kneeling between his legs with his hands on Seongwoos’ knees.

 

***

“It was supposed to be a test Seongwoo you have to believe me”  
Daniel began to speak.

“Me telling you to take off your clothes, all that was supposed to be a test at first but I got carried away and I messed up”

He saw how shocked the brunette was. Daniel ran his fingers through his hair, breathing out loudly before returning his hand to Seongwoo’s knees.

 

“Why did you have to test me? What did you want to find out that you didn’t already know after toying with me all this time?”

Seongwoo was puzzled, he’s wanted to know for so long but now that he knew that one of the Darkest moments of his short life was a “test” he got curious he thought he would go mad. He had to know what the fucking test was about. Or Find out what excuse Daniel was about to cook up.

 

*

"Seongwoo we weren’t working together”

Daniel dropped a bomb and Seongwoo’s face said it all. He looked at Daniel like he was crazy. Daniel knew no one would believe what he was saying because they were perfect. The truth was... he saw things no one did.

“We had this weird thing that surrounded us when we were together but it started to move into our daily lives… I had this control over you that didn’t always feel great…”  
It felt like the room was getting smaller, his knees had started to hurt a little but he kept on his knees. He Deserved that much.

“If I said I didn’t really like something even as a joke, you stopped doing it. If you were busy and I told you to come you would come to me. You would abandon all you have to do and wait for me”

Daniel knew he sounded ungrateful. He got everything he wanted but he was complaining. He saw Seongwoo recoil and try to avoid his eye and he knew he got the point. They never talked about these things but now Daniel was drawing attention to it.

 

“Do you remember that Day when we were gathered together with Jisung, Sungwoon, Minhyun and Jaehwan? they were talking about previous partners, past relationships and what they liked and didn’t liked in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then we joined them and started talking about things we would never live with or tolerate?”

Seongwo was still watching him.

“You said you could never be with anyone who didn’t respect your family or respect you.”

Seongwoo bit his bottom lips scrunching his nose. He never expected Daniel to think about any of that or remember them. Seongwoo saw what a different person he was now compared to then from Daniel’s statement and he didn’t like who was now. He wondered if he could ever be that person again

“I remember”

 

“well, there was a time when your sister was visiting Seoul and she begged to see you, so you promised her you would see her when she arrived. It was all you could talk about for weeks but when that Day arrived, I told you not to go. I didn’t even mean it, it wasn’t an order, it wasn’t a request, I didn’t even beg for it I just let it slip casually…I didn’t expect you’d take it seriously but to my utmost surprise you didn’t go. I felt terrible; I didn’t speak to you the whole Day because I thought you’d hate me for keeping you from her even though I didn’t intend to do that. I knew how much you wanted to see her and I just couldn’t understand why”

Daniel’s hands were moving slowly on Seongwoo’s knee to sooth him because he noticed the older lad was getting tense again. He moved them up and down caressing him lightly

 

“Even when you did that, Daniel… I still couldn’t hate you… I watched you play game the whole day. You dint even spend time with me. It was so awful but I couldn’t get mad at you” Seongwoo said with all the sadness Daniel had expected from him that day. But it was many weeks late

 

“Yes. You didn’t and it bothered me…, everything that happened was against everything you stood for and I couldn’t understand it. And that wasn’t the only time something like that happened between us. I just had to know what the hell was going on. I knew other relationships weren’t like ours so I thought maybe it was because we were both guys. Maybe Guys had a better understanding of relationships but it wasn’t. It was all you Seongwoo. I got away with everything. It was weird that you were always okay with everything”

Seongwoo just watched him closely. He knew he let Daniel get away with everything, that’s how he got here. He let him do all that to him but he never once thought that Daniel was aware. He thought Daniel didn’t care and was living in oblivion but this was new to him.

 

“I couldn’t understand it and I wasn’t entirely sure if you really just let me do whatever. I really wanted to see if you did anything and everything I wanted, so I thought of the most ridiculous thing I never thought you would do. But to my utmost dismay, there you were taking your clothes off and masturbating in a restaurant bathroom just because I asked you to. At first it was funny coz I didn't think you would actually do it but you did. I did it again hoping you would tell me no. And just tell me off but you did it again. It suddenly wasn’t funny anymore”

Daniel watched as Seongwoo relaxed under his touch but his face looked lost. Seongwoo stared at him blank faced his hands moving to stop Daniels from roving around his legs.

 

“So I went through all that because you were scared and couldn’t talk to me? You didn’t understand something and instead of trying to figure it out like a normal person you put me through hell?…” seongwoo prayed to whatever god was there to take away his tear duct, he hated how easily moved to tears he had become.

 

“Seongwoo I am sorry, that was very childish of me, but you know talking never came easy to us… and we just never did talk about anything. I didn’t know how to get information from you, especially when you did just whatever I said. If I had asked you and you saw how worried I was you would have told me anything to please me and kept your feelings and thoughts to yourself because you were so afraid of losing me”

Daniel moved his hands from where Seongwoo had stopped him and moved them further and Squeezed Seongwoo’s thigh. They were being intimate without trying. They didn’t hate the company. They were sharing their feeling and it felt good even though the conversation didn’t.

 

“Did I really make you feel like I could easily replace you?”

Daniel spoke softly.

Seongwoo didn’t reply but Daniel could read his face. His expression was a yes and Daniel felt guilty once again. He never had the intention of going to someone else, it’s always been Seongwoo for Daniel but he didn’t know that, Seongwoo needed to hear that but not in simple words. He needed to understand that and decipher it on his own. Daniel has to make him understand but he feared it might take a while.

 

*

The awkward silence between them had become more bearable within a short period of talking. They each understood what it meant now; thinking, processing, accepting, feeling, contemplating, hoping and just being overwhelmed. The Distance that had suddenly come between them was impeccable. Just Last Night they were in each other’s arm, saying sweet words and letting their bodies relish in lost and amorous desires. But now they just clung to the last thread of emotions keeping them together.

 

“Why did you suddenly leave that Day…”

Seongwoo gave words to the silence.

“You looked at me and left swiftly. You never did that before and after that Day you were nicer to me... not like you weren’t nice before but something changed. You were extremely cautious with me…”

Seongwoo looked as though he had wanted to ask Daniel this question for a long time. Daniel knew there was no way Soengwoo wouldn’t have felt the emotions from him after that because he was a mess. He still is.

 

“I left because… My test worked…I guess” Daniel was straight with him. He didn’t take long before he continued with another statement

“But what I found out wasn’t what I wanted to know. I guess it’s all connected somehow.”

Seongwoo’s eyes grew curious watching Daniel with rapt attention.

“When I was with you in the bathroom after I got intimate with you… I looked into eyes and I had never seen you so sad. It wasn’t just being upset Seongwoo, I could see in your eyes how much you didn’t want me close to you but you never said a word. I could see how hurt you were in your eyes and you looked like you hated me”

 

Daniels head suddenly fell to Seongwoo’s knees. His blonde hair was all that could be seen, his face hidden on Seongwoo’s knees. Daniel’s hands grip tight unto him. Seongwoo wanted to run his hands through his hair, hold unto his shoulders to comfort him but he didn’t. Daniel returned to starring at his face and Seongwoo could see all the emotions in the way that his eyes glassed up with Tears and his forehead crinkle.

 

“Sometime tonight when you were talking, you asked me if I knew what you did when I left you? “ Seongwoo nods eagerly without meaning to; he was lost in the Image of Daniel that was upon him. The way Daniel clung to him it was all new.

 

“Yes I do”  
Daniel answered the question

“I found out that Day. When I left so abruptly; the thing is Seongwoo, I didn’t actually leave you”

Daniel bit his lips to control his emotions. He saw the way Seongwoo squinted at him after he heard that Daniel didn’t leave him. He knew Seongwoo had no Idea. Daniel never told him.

 

“I wanted to wait for you so I stayed in front of the stall so you could get dressed and we’d leave together because I already felt like shit but after you locked the stall you started sobbing. I wanted to knock on the door and ask you why, I wanted to comfort you. But I knew it was my fault. I knew I was the one that hurt you. I was beside myself and didn’t know what else to do so I waited instead… I stayed outside the door, listening to you cry while you cleaned up and dressed. I hated myself. I wondered if this is how it had been the whole time. How could you hate me so much but let me be with you”

 

He held unto Seongwoo a little tighter. Seongwoo could feel the pressure of Daniel hands cutting of his circulation but he just lets him hold on. He wouldn’t admit it but he needed Daniel. Seongwoo remembers that Day. It was one of the Days where he let himself cry about everything that he worried about, even the things that had nothing to do with Daniel. There was a sense of vulnerability that came upon him that Day after he was with Daniel and he just became emotional. He didn’t know Daniel witnessed that.

 

“But it got worse. The moment you came out and saw me waiting for you, you had this smile on your face and you hugged me. You hugged me so tight as if to say humiliating yourself and going through that was worth it. I was so fucking scared. I didn’t want that kind of relationship. It was like you weren’t happy with me, I felt like I had some kind of a hold on you… like I was a predator”

 

It was hard for Daniel to say but he finally did. He’d been struggling with this amongst other things. He always comes back to this day. Whenever he wanted to do something he always see’s the smile and he couldn’t help but wonder the extent of his Damage. It made him scared to get closer to Seongwoo.

 

Seongwoo’s palms were sweaty. He didn’t know Daniel knew about him crying in the bathroom. That’s why Daniels left and that’s why the games stopped. Seongwoo did know it but he finally said no that day but not in words but Daniel heard him. Daniel could see that Seongwoo was at his limit and he stopped. Seongwoo suddenly knew the magnitude of burden Daniel was dragging around all this time. Daniel might have been the reason for his breakdown but he wasn’t his only reason for being that way.  
Seongwoo hadn’t been the only one having a hard time after all. His eyes fall to Daniel and he knew he still loved him as much as the first time he fell in love with him. Daniel sniffed and when he moved his face Seongwoo could see him crying. The tears had finally dropped and they weren’t stopping.

 

Daniel never cried. He usually had tears in his eyes and get emotional but Daniel never really looked like he did now. Seongwoo felt a shiver down his spine and his stomach got really warm and before he knew it his chest tightened. This state of Daniel was not something he was used to. Daniels unguarded state and Sincerity was something he’s never seen or experienced like this before.

 

"That’s why I stopped everything”

Daniel’s hands left Seongwoo’s thighs and searched for Seongwoo’s hand. The older lad let him hold unto it. Daniel held both of Seongwoo’s hands in his and peered into him with tears in his eyes and red cheeks.

“That’s the reason I took a step back” he continues in no more than loud whispers

“That's why I couldn’t have sex with you…I was scared. We did everything but sex, I wanted to be with you for a while now but I couldn’t. I keep thinking about that day, how you didn’t want me close to you but then hugged me like I was a price or some kind of a reward you get for being hurt. I just couldn’t do it anymore”

 

He squeezed tight unto Seongwoo's hands holding them close to his chest now. Seongwoo was fighting back Tears. He had no Idea all of this had happened. He worried and cried that Daniel didn’t want to be with him or show his feeling but Daniel was scared all this time. He was worried about him, worried for Seongwoo. Daniel had to really care about him to think about his wellbeing to such an extreme length.

 

“It’s the reason I didn't want to get involved with you. I just thought I needed to find out for real what I really wanted because I still didn’t really know. And I was also scared that you didn’t really feel anything for me but I had such a hold on you and you believed you loved me because I made you think that way”

Seongwoo could see Daniels pain and confusion. Daniel eyes darted about and he wouldn’t stop blinking either. Daniel held unto his hands and Seongwoo moved his thumb slightly against Daniel’s giving him something back. It was quiet, they were close and their hearts were beating so heavily. Seongwoo could hear Daniels breathing and as their palms continued to graze against each other it started to rekindle feeling that had been buried with hurt.

Daniel stare at Seongwoos hands as they rubbed against his and he started rubbing it back lightly. Reciprocating. Its how they said “am here for you”. Just like in the darkness of the Bus. It’s a gesture to show connection and Daniel’s tears fell again. He moved his hands up Seongwoo’s wrist before he interlaces their fingers.

 

“I think…”Daniel stuttered

“I think that’s why I can’t stand the idea of anyone thinking I hurt you… in that way”

Daniel was sharing his fears with Seongwoo. Tears from Daniel eyes drop on Seongwoos arms and Daniel started to ramble.

 

“Like everyone thinks the worst of me, I feel like they think I abused you somehow and like you kind of see me as this perverted bastard who would replace you in a second if you refused to fool around.”

A short pause and then he picked up quickly

“I keep thinking to that day, the way you looked at me and the way you smiled and hugged me…, I keep thinking maybe everyone is right and maybe it’s true. You know maybe somewhere I might have done something… I might have made you feel somehow like…”  
It was difficult for him to say what he was feeling and think but he was trying.

“And like I feel like you didn’t want to do any of that but I made you. You said you were afraid of losing me and you couldn’t say no and like I don’t know Seongwoo… that’s like abuse right? I hurt you like that right? I forced you? You said you hated it… but you did it anyway… I hurt you like that didn’t I?...”  
Daniel’s chest was heaving and his voice was inaudible, his statement could hardly be coherent. Seongwoo just watched him and not letting go of Daniels hands even though Daniel didn’t hold on any longer. Seongwoo was holding unto him. He knew he had a part in this and he was guilty. He had made Daniel assume the worst when he could have cleared the air. Daniel cried harder, he pulled his hands away from Seongwoo and buried his face in them.

“I am so sorry… I can’t believe Jisung was righ-”

 

“You didn’t….”

Seongwoo cut him off suddenly. Daniel was crying. He was frustrated. He was panicked and he just looked like a wounded puppy. Seongwoo couldn’t let him hurt like that anymore because he didn’t do what he think he did.

“You didn’t… abuse me or whatever messed up thing you are thinking… everything we did… I gave you an okay to even the messed up stuff, I let it all happen” seongwoo was trying but Daniel doesn’t believe him.

“Hey… look at me”

Seongwoo separated his hands from his face and with his own hands he reached for Daniels face, holding the perfectly shaped face between his hands.

 

“You didn’t force me to do anything, maybe I should have replied like this sooner but I just wanted to hurt you and make you feel a little of what I felt…” tears still poured from the younger lads eyes and he looked up at Seongwoo

 

“You said… you said you couldn’t say no… you were afraid I’d leave you. That doesn’t sound good anyway I look at it. It just says I manipulated you to not say no” Daniel’s sincerity cut deep

 

“No Daniel, I made a choice. I told you when I started speaking that what we had was physical and I agreed to do that with you because we are both adults. I knew what I was getting into and I stayed because I was hoping. I never said no because I was waiting… I thought maybe now, maybe this time. I didn’t want to ruin the progress I made with you… it easy to blame you because I made all the reckless decisions because of you” Seongwoo felt like clearing the air was more of him confessing his love and his sins. But he did it. Maybe he had too much of a hand in this mess that he realized.

 

“Stop it! why are trying to make it okay? Why are you protecting me?”

Daniel pulled away from Seongwoo forcefully. He stood up and the aftermath of kneeling so much caused his knees to quiver. He backed away from Seongwoo slowly.

 

“I shouldn’t be close to you… Not after all I DID.”

It was his emotions talking. Daniel moved to the door and rested his head on it. His agitation growling as he stated to hit his head slowly on the door. First, he bang his head lightly and then with a lot of Force. His right fist followed next and soon he was punching the door, hurting himself.  
Seongwoo sprung up when he saw what was happening. He tried to go close to him but Daniel looked like a possessed wolf. Seongwoo had never seen him so angry. He grunted and cursed with every punch. Driving his had strong against hard wood.

 

“Daniel stop…” Seongwoo cried out. He was terrified “Daniel, please stop it”

But Daniel wouldn’t listen to him. Words never really worked for them before. Maybe he didn’t need to use words. They had their own way of communicating. Seongwoo launched himself on unto him, enveloping Daniel in a hug from behind trying to lay still to his movements.

“Daniel, please… am begging you….you’re hurting me”  
Seongwoo’s voice broke and he started to cry again. He held tight unto Daniel and Daniel stopped immediately. He let his frustrated out the right way as he also began to cry.  
“Please don’t ever do that again…”

Seongwoo rested his head on Daniels back; sobbing on his body while Daniel stood with his head resting against the door. They stood there and cried together. They were both hurt and having a hard time and they were both terrified. The more they revealed the closer they got but at the same time their big picture was getting more broken. Seongwoo cried more because for the first time tonight he felt like maybe this was actually the end. They had too much pain and too much guilt. He could feel it from Daniel and he wondered if Daniel could feel it.

 

“Daniel…”  
Seongwoo whispered still attached to Daniel in a bone crushing back hug

 

“You didn’t do that to me… you never abused me. Am sorry I never explained to you… but everything was happening so quickly.”  
Once again not looking at Daniel was a charm for Seongwoo because he spoke freely

“When you went into that bathroom and I followed you it’s because I wanted to. I could have sat down but I didn’t. I went with you. All those times when you told me to do stuff I did them because I enjoyed them and because I was waiting for something to happen… Daniel, I knew what you were doing. Am not stupid. I told you that I blame myself and not you for all this because I LET IT HAPPEN. I said that because I think I always knew. I knew you used me to figure shit out but I stayed because I wanted to… I stayed because I thought maybe when you figure it out you’ll choose me”

Seongwoo felt embarrassed. He didn’t know if he came across as cunning or an as opportunist or just madly in love with him but he didn’t care. They needed to let everything out in the open. No more secrets.

Daniel doesn’t react in an over the top manner, he almost doesn’t react at all, he still wasn’t convinced. All he had heard through their hours of conversation was how he had hurt and manipulated Seongwoo and that night still haunted him. He vividly remembers the way Seongwoo looked at him but that smile and the hug still made him feel like a monster.

 

Daniel slowly turned and Seongwoo doesn’t let go. His still held Daniel in hug around the waist. Seongwoo saw Daniels forehead and it matched the colour of his cheeks where he had slapped him. Daniel was hurt both physically and emotionally and Seongwoo was partly to blame. He still tried to move away from Seongwoo but the brunette held on and moved with him as he backed up against the door.

 

“How about that day in the bathroom, can you explain it?” Daniel sniffed and wiped his eyes clean “because I can’t… I saw your eyes and I heard you cry… you were so hurt and then when you saw me you pretended like nothing happened, like it was okay. Doesn’t that sound messed up to you?...” Daniel finally managed to use his strength to pull their hug part, creating a distance between them.

 

“I didn’t know you heard me that day Daniel, and what you saw in my eyes and my face as not as you have assumed… yes, I had been having a hard time and a lot had been going on with me. Also things with you were getting more difficult and confusing and after what happened that day I just felt really sad about everything. I swear it wasn’t totally about you. It’s one of those days where life hits you and the fact that I wanted to be comforted by you that day, and I needed you but you just laughed in my face kind of triggered me.”

The hands unconsciously found each other again and soon they were holding hand.

“When you looked at me before you left, your face was emotionless. It was just a blank shock expression which I didn’t understand the meaning at the time, I just thought like yeah the day couldn’t get worse. But when I came out and found you there I was so happy Daniel” tears rolled down his cheek

 

“I was so happy because you came back for me… It was exactly what I needed in that moment. I needed someone to care for me and to not leave me on my own and that’s what you gave me. You showed up and you were there for me. When I saw you I smiled so brightly because I was happy and I had tears in my eyes because that day I felt like you cared about it…. it wasn’t malicious Daniel… It wasn’t some kind of brainwashed situation… I was really happy”

 

Daniel’s small eyes grew as wide as they could go. It kind of made sense and he could see it in Seongwoo’s eyes. He was telling the truth. This was a story he could believe. He’d been worried about that Night for a very long time but now that everything kind of made sense he felt a little free.

He could look at Jisung freely now. He really didn’t cross the line after all. But his victory was cut short seeing as the emotions had suddenly taken over Seongwoo. Going back to that Night again had brought back some dirty memories.

 

“Seongw-”

Daniel began but Seongwoo cut him off  
“Don’t get me wrong… you’re still an ass hole but you are not a monster.” Seongwoos words were honest but very spiteful

“Daniel… we never spoke in simple words so no one might get it but I did. I never felt coaxed into doing anything I didn’t want to do, I didn’t hurt me in that way because when you spoke to me without using words it was never that dark…Yes, You hurt me… and you used me… you experimented with me and you complicated our lives but you didn’t cross any line that would make you a monster” Seongwoo bites back before he spits it out

 

“You’re just a selfish asshole… who didn’t love me enough even though I loved him too much to the point it was almost unhealthy.”  
Seongwoo took his hands from Daniel slowly moving away from Him but Daniel wouldn’t let go. It was his turn to hold on

 

**

"It's not so easy to say Seongwoo”

Daniel held Seongwoo much close but not as close as they had been. He took his hands in his and rested the back of his head against the door. He stayed like that for a while before speaking to Seongwoo again.

 

“I didn't know what I was supposed to do... with you, with your feeling and us… It was a bit too much. At first it was new and exciting then I realised that it was something bigger than me…Bigger than us. It was life changing and I didn’t even know what I was doing so I started to panic.”

Seongwoo didn’t know in many words what he talking about or where their conversation was headed but he could take a guess. Daniel was vulnerable just like he had been before but a bit more guarded now, and scared if Seongwoo dares to say. Daniel always looked so sure of himself and whenever he carried out an action he oozed confidence but now in his eyes Seongwoo could see a certain degree of uncertainly and fear.

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t want to disappoint you?”

Seongwoo looked at him furrowed brow and then at their hands which Daniel had laced together again and he didn’t completely hate it. He knew nothing of Daniels struggles or deep thoughts.

“One minute I was fantasising about girls and the next thing I knew I was kissing a boy. I never stopped to process anything because I liked you very much. But as we continued I realised I dint even know how I was supposed to respond. The connection evolved but I was mostly handicapped on what I was supposed to do emotionally and feel physically, all I knew was that I liked you, loved kissing you and being with you.”  
Seongwoo just stayed quiet and let him speak.

 

“Even though I liked you Seongwoo it wasn't enough. I didn't know anything about dating a boy. Kissing was fine because it was easy but everything else was weird and new. I knew at some point we might want to get intimate and I didn’t even know if I could give you that. It was never something I thought about before. When I wanted to feel something being with a boy wasn’t the first thought that jumped to my head. I didn’t even know if I was attracted to you in that way.”  
He saw Seongwoo make a disapproving face and he squeezed his hands tight

“We just kissed and carried on; at some point I didn’t even understand why I did it. Am sorry I tried to find out at the wrong time and I tried to get you involved because all I thought about was learning how to be with you and give you what I knew a relationship required.”

It was too complicated to explain and Daniel had never talked about it to anyone. He just let everyone assume and speculate but he never laid it in black and white before, all he hoped was that Seongwoo would understand him.

“Seongwoo… everything I did with you up until the test was me wanting to find out how to be with you. I don’t know to explain it to you but I guess if am honest with myself I’ll have to admit that I was trying to find out more about my sexuality; was I gay? Was I bisexual or was I just confused?”

Their eyes were glued to one another, each not knowing what they were searching for. Maybe they are perfect for each other but not right now. The thought crossed Daniel’s mind and he refused to let it sink in. he wondered if Seongwoo had thought about it too and if he could feel it.

“But whenever I looked at you it really didn’t matter what I was because I just wanted to make you happy. I got obsessed with trying to make it all work and I fucked up. I should have just asked you what you liked and spoke to you and told you what I liked”  
Daniel signed deeply

“Maybe we would have figured it out for me but I was so immersed in what I was doing. I had never had such green light with anyone before; I just wanted to try everything without restrictions. Looking at you, holding you and touching you. All those times were addicting. Maybe In the process I lost the reason I started it in the first place and I hurt you but none of that was intentional. Seongwoo please believe me that I never wanted to hurt you. I loved looking at you after you shower, and I still do. It’s a habit I picked up after I realised how erotically sexually attracted to you I was”

Daniels words made it difficult for them to keep eye contact for a minute. With their hands laced together and Daniel confirming his sexual desires towards Seongwoo they both felt something.

“About the bathroom” Daniel continued

“I just liked watching you in the bathroom I wanted to know what I would feel watching you and when my dick responded I just couldn’t stop doing it. I just didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable but I saw how you would avoid me and I gave you your space because I care about you”  
Seongwoo chewed his lips eyes darting across the room never falling on Daniel

 

“The bedroom was the same. After I knew I wanted to be with you and wanted to see what it would feel like to be that close to you it was difficult to resist you because when you finished showering you look so beautiful every time. The way your face looked like it was freshly painted and you just look so gorgeous with the water running through your body. I didn’t know seeing you like that would drive me insane… I’ve showered with and seen over a 100 boys shower but when I looked at you it was different. We got close and then I knew it was possible. We were possible, I started to realise that my body and my heart was involved in this and it all made sense to me”

 

It hadn’t been easy on Daniel. Seongwoo could see that now but Daniel couldn’t speak about it. He’d been struggling with his sexuality after that kiss. He started to catch feeling and tried to push it all aside because he dint know if it was okay, or if it was possible. He knew all relationships didn’t end in kissing and he just went for it. His methods were unorthodox and really messed up but he got a result.

 

Seongwoo suddenly extricated himself from Daniels grip. He’s heard too much. Only took two shot steps and soon he was in the middle of the bunk bed he shared with jisung. Seongwoo hung his head on his bed and let his right knee come up to rest on Jisungs bed. Daniel lets him leave but watched him closely as He started speaking again

 

“Last night... you said you loved me...”  
Seongwoo froze.

 

“You said it to me unconsciously but I heard you perfectly and I panicked. All my fears about us came back to me, I know I tried my best to protect you but when you said you loved me for the first time... something shifted and I had to think about everything. I had to process everything; I had too many questions especially about that Day in the bathroom so I took a break when you slept, to gather my thoughts”

Seongwoo got nervous and started straightening out lines from his bed to keep busy while listening to Daniel.  
“ I dint know how time flew, but as I was making my way back I remembered how you had to have water in the morning before anything else or you'd have a dry throat so I thought I'll get you some before we talked about everything”

Seongwoo turned around in a flash facing Daniel who was still glued to the door. He remembered the glass of water he never drank because he thought Daniel used it to dismiss him and his mouth made an “o” shape staying slightly opened.

 

“But you ambushed me in the kitchen and I panicked again. I suddenly didn't know what to say or how to communicate. We were never good at talking anyway so I thought if we lay in bed together everything would be easy. And we can talk about what had just happened because we never spoke about what we did before. I thought it would be a good way to change things if we were going down the love route. I left hurriedly to gather myself ready and made a pit stop at the bathroom but when I returned to our bedroom you didn't go to my bed”

 

Seongwoo’s eyes grew wide. Oh FUCK So he only just made it back to the bedroom before him, Daniel hadn’t come yet when he went to meet him and he was already so hurt from all he had been thinking that he assumed the worst.

 

“I checked on you and you were curled up in a very tight ball. I thought maybe you were still exhausted from the night and needed some rest...so I left to play games because I couldn’t sleep anymore, I was too awake form the words you said to me to fall asleep but the next time I saw you, you were avoiding me”

 

Seongwoo cursed under his breathe. It was a huge misunderstanding coupled with accumulated hurt. it just made everything so believable that Daniel would have sex with him and abandon him. Maybe he assumed it was another experiment or game but he was wrong. And he was wrong about a lot of things.

 

"You didn't want to look at me or stand close to me. Our choreography was a mess in evaluation because of it. I thought maybe what we did last night had ruined everything. I just didn't know what to think so I tried to speak to you… I followed you up to the toilet and I knew you weren’t okay. When we got together it was so weird, One minute you wanted me and the next you didn't want me touching you. You were crying and I was so fucking confused but I later heard from Jisung. He told me about you being a virgin and the truth about everything and when I started thinking about everything and how much emotions I’ve put you trough even though everything was a first for you I realised how much I'd hurt you”

 

Soengwoo was dumfounded. Some things made sense, some things didn’t fully come together yet he still didn’t know what Daniel wants from him or what Daniel could give him. There is a hint of success in there but everything seems too sudden. A lot had been misunderstood and their situation was a product of lack of communication but Seongwoo also couldn’t ignore what Daniel put him through and what Daniel has been through.

 

He couldn’t ignore the pain he saw in Daniel today, the struggles and uncertainty which he partially cultivated. Seongwoo was unable to wave off the fact that in the end he was still an experiment and Daniel used him. Maybe Daniel used him for his own good, to figure out how to be with him or if it was possible but it was just too difficult to accept. He thought quickly about Daniel mentioning his confusion and saying it was possible and his heart was in it but It was too sudden for Daniel to have already had it all figured out. He doesn’t even know if Daniel had it figured out.

 

“Daniel I see where this is headed but am not asking you to love me right now”

Seongwoo brought the conversation back to where it had to be. He knew it was almost impossible that Daniel just figured it all out; He didn’t want another messed up commitment or to be another kind of experiment.

“I just want to know; can your heart ever want me as much as mine wants you?”

It was a simple question but it was complicated. Daniel didn’t understand it.

 

“It’s all I want to know because it doesn't matter what I say or do, I am still madly in love with you and it hurts so much"

Seongwoo rest his back against the bunk. Everything Daniel said, connecting all the missing pieces and making this horrible picture he had painted not seem so horrible anymore was all getting to him.

 

“Tell me what you want"

Daniel walked up to him and he was in his face crowding him before Seongwoo could make a run for it.

 

“I don't want you to force it and tell me you are suddenly gay or suddenly tell me you love me because you know it’s what I want. I don’t want that, it would hurt more... If there is nothing there after all we’ve been through, I just want you to say it and please end this" Seongwoo say exasperatedly

 

"Is that what you really want, you don't want me to fight? Even a little? And you don't want to try with me?"

Daniel’s hands put Seongwoo in a loose hug but their lower body was pressed together. He didn’t want to let go. All the subtly feeling he’d been having leading up to this conversation was coming together and Daniel didn’t like what he was feeling. It felt like he was losing Seongwoo. They had gotten closer but with everything that had been said their connection took a hit.

 

“Daniel, I am exhausted I don’t know if I could try... I have given you everything. Every part of me you've got it. Everything special about me… I've given it all to you. I've got nothing left"

He didn’t even know if Daniels experiment truly worked. Was Daniel capable of loving a man? Or he just thinks he loves Seongwoo. Is he bisexual or was his curiosity satisfied and he was back to being a hetero? Seongwoo didn’t want to love a straight boy. He couldn’t handle the pain, but loving Daniel all this time had felt like one. Everything was harder than it should be; it’s even more complicated than a destructive marriage.

 

“You make it sound like I completely ruined you... and left you worthless.... did I really break you so badly? I know I did a despicable thing and I hurt you but was loving me so bad that this is how you feel?... and there is nothing you could hang unto for comfort in our memory"

Daniel’s left hand gripped unto Seongwoo stronger, pressing them closer leaving no gap. They were so close. Feeling each other. A closeness they both sought, they were finally having it both so unguarded. Daniel let his hands wander to Seongwoo’s face and he touched his cheeks for the first time since last night. Daniel brushed his fingers over Seongwoo’s moles and the brunette’s eyes flutter closed. As they shut, tears escaped meeting Daniels fingers.

 

“Loving you was the best decision I made, but it’s also the worst.” He opened his eyes and looked at Daniel with Tears in his eyes. Daniel’s hands holding him were too comforting, his hands on his face felt too good but he could not accept it.

 

“Loving you made me happy but with you Daniel, it's easy to get carried away. You are perfect, you are a dream come true, and that makes you intoxicating.”

Seongwoo let his hands come to settles on Daniels chest trying to put a wedge between them but ended up caressing him instead.

 

“you're like a bad drug and anyone would do anything for you, you can attest to that Daniel, everything you said that happened is as a result of loving you and not being loved back"

 

“Did you ever try to find out if I love you?"

Daniel sounded shattered. His fingers moved from Seongwoos faces travelling to towards the back of his neck.

 

"why do think we are in this mess? Why do you think I did everything I did? But I figured it out… you don't!... I've tried Daniel but never once did you let me in. I had to do the most extreme things to find out, I let you use me for your experiment but I just didn’t expect it would hurt this badly"  
Seongwoo pushed slightly on his chest and the contact between them was lost. But Daniel was relentless. He pushed closer and Seongwoo was forced to take a sit on Jisungs bed under his bunk. Daniel sat beside him hastily

 

“Seongwoo…”

Daniel called for his attention and Seongwoo turned slightly to face him. Their leg glued together and lips only a lean away. Seongwoo looked at Daniel whose hands were making circles on his legs.

 

“I would never have had sex with you last Night if I didn’t know. I didn’t sleep with you last night because you made me or because of some manipulation. I was with you last night because I was sure my feelings for you were present and we had a chance.”  
Both his hands held Seongwoo by the shoulder

 

“Daniel… hearing all this at once is overwhelming Seongwoo protested

“You can take as much time as you need” Daniel supplied quickly pulling closer

“I don’t want to…”

Seongwoo’s words were firm even though his voice was shaky. It made Daniels top in his tracks  
“What do you mean?” Daniel asked him

“Everything is so complicated. I need to understand what really went on between us and what everything going on with you means. Daniel I need to know what really makes me happy that isn’t connected with you”

 

His tears were rolling easily now and he could see Daniels eyes start to water. They never really needed words before and now it made manifest. They both knew. They had both felt it at some point during their conversion tonight but refused to let it sink in. He saw Daniel move slowly towards him and he went to him. They hugged voluntary for the first time.

 

“I think I’ve lost myself so much that I need to figure out who I am again. I need to get back my confidence and I need to take control of my life. You also have things to figure out… I’ve heard everything you said and I’ve compared it with what happened and it all makes sense but it shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t be so easy to get complicated.” He cried against Daniel holding tight unto him. Daniel was sobbing too.

 

It shouldn’t be so easy for them to misunderstand one another and Seongwoo couldn’t get past the fact that he deliberately tried to Hurt Daniel. That was when he knew they were more broken than he imagined. He wanted Daniel to feel pain, how could he say he loved him when he wanted to see him hurt? Seongwoo could never do that to Daniel before but now it came easily to him. The manipulation, the anger; he remembers how Daniel had an outburst earlier because he was scared that he hurt Seongwoo.  
Seongwoo knew they were so close to scratching open so many surfaces and he could see that Daniel knew that to. That’s why he was so worried and confused what he’d done. That’s why it was so easy for him to hit Daniel. They had lost their trust a long time ago and now they were losing their love.

 

“I don't think I want this anymore Daniel, when am with you I loose myself. There is a debut that I've always wanted coming up and am messing it all up. I want to focus on me now.”

Seongwoo Nuzzled into Daniels neck and Daniel pulled him in more delicately. It was easier to put it that way, they had talked enough already. Seongwoo mentally advised himself

"What about us?"

Daniel said breathily trying to hide the lump in his throat

 

“It’s never really been an us and you know it...” he sniffed and bit his lips muffling his crying sounds

“It been you figuring out what you want and you testing me and all I did on the side was get hurt and love you even more. And now all of a sudden you tell me you have everything figured out and maybe you love me. Daniel I don’t want to hurt anymore…"

He pulled back enough to see Daniel’s face and it matched his own. They were both a mess covered in tears. Without any warning he pressed his lips to Daniel and begged to be kissed. Daniel was surprised but his first instinct was to kiss back. They roll their lips together licking slowly and finding lips to suck and nibble on. It was a kiss with so much meaning. So slow and sensual but more demanding with the emotions they poured in into it.  
Daniel was the first to pull away slightly.

 

“What if I actually do Love you… and I asked you to try properly this time with me. We should make it official and be together the right way an-“

“NO” Seongwoo quickly cut him off and got up on his feet. He was making a run for it. He headed for the door and tried to pull it open but Daniel pushed it shut. Seongwoo had his face to the door and he could feel his chest constrict. He wanted to scream but he couldn’t

 

“Seongwoo, what if I say I wanted to be with you and I wanted us to start all over” Daniel tried again standing behind him with his heart in his hands. He could feel them getting further apart.

“I’d say I had nothing to offer you emotionally or physically, or in any other way… I’d say I am exhausted that I didn’t want to do it anymore… I’d say maybe it wouldn’t matter if you could love me in the future because I don’t know if I could ever stop hurting because of how we got you to love me back.”  
He turned around to stare at his drifting love and he burst into tears

“I’ll say I wanted to learn how to stop loving you. Because I fell in love for the first time, had sex for the first but got my heart and soul broken a million times… I’d say since we never really begun it would be best to end it now. Seongwoo couldn’t stop crying

“I don’t think I can get over you… I don’t want to be without you Seongwoo. I only just got it all figured out. Thing are beginning to make sense…Please Seongwoo don’t do this… we can get through this…. I will never stop trying to make it up to you. I’ll make you happy please don’t”  
Daniel begged him crying just as much as Seongwoo was. He took Seongwoos hands in his and kissed them as he cried

“Seongwoo please… I LOVE YOU”

The words made Seongwoo cry harder. It’s everything he’s ever wanted. For Daniel to love him back, for Daniel to want him back and tell him how much he needed him but it was too late now. They just weren’t who they used to be. He launched into Daniels arms and kissed him. Daniel pressed his lips hard into him shoulders quivering as they both cried into the kiss. They could feel it. It was over.

They kissed longer and not Daring to let go but because that would be the end. Seongwoo pulled Daniel into him as Daniel Nailed him against the door. Seongwoo moaned and cried into Daniel not knowing his own feeling and Daniel with tears in his eyes tried to kiss him better. They kissed till they were out of breathe but it was difficult to let got because they knew what it meant. Daniel was the one to let go.

 

“I really Love you…” Daniel breathes out in a raspy voice covered in tears

 

“Am so sorry Daniel… I think am too broken to love you” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it?..  
> I know it took a little longer but I gave you 14.8k in one chapter. you can ask me anything and I would answer them clearer than before. 
> 
> Also, while you were reading if there is a line or sentence that you really liked you can drop it for me at the end of your comment. thank you


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Break up Daniel finds it difficult to cope with his new reality and Seongwoo finds comfort. A sneak peak into Daniel's struggles all this time and a flash back to the first kiss that brought all his problems. Maybe they had a first date but they never really saw it as such. you decide. 
> 
> NEW: "original male character added"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW: "original male character added" will not add it in the tags since the character, although vital to the development of other characters does not entirely make an impact to the story and will not be a permanent not recurring character

                                                                                          CHAPTER 6

Daniel was early to rise in the morning.

 

Everything felt different. He felt different. Even the way the day had begun was different from the previous day. He remembers being up in the living room the previous morning because he couldn’t sleep and slowly watched as the other members woke up and began the morning chatter. Today however, he was alone in the living area with no one making an attempt to wake up.

 

He remembered the closeness he felt with Seongwoo last night and he began to wonder how he never felt that before. He remembered how they kissed and he regretted letting go… maybe if he had held on longer it might have been enough. But there was something that pushed him to let go; he had to say those words.

 

Daniel sat up on the Sofa and suddenly noticed the kink in his neck from the sofa where he slept. It was rather uncomfortable; he didn’t know how he lasted the Night. He used his hand to massage his neck without breaking his chain of thought.

 

 

He told Seongwoo he loved him and it wasn’t just the one time. He said it twice last night. It’s the reason he pulled their kiss apart; he let go because it burned deep in him and he said it. Daniel had his head in his hands because he’s more confused than he was before. It wasn’t a calculated move nor was it forethought, it just happened. Daniel remembers the feelings that encompassed him last night, like he was losing a part of himself, he felt like his insides were getting crushed. Daniel had never felt so broken, but it was weird how he had felt like he had to utter those words to feel better.

 

He remembers his lips moving and those words coming out. I love you…. I really love you. Did he really? What exactly does it feel like to be in love? There was no hand book for these things and he was left on his own for Figure it out. Daniel goes into panic mode, just like those many weeks ago when Seongwoo kissed him.

 

 

***

**_Daniel remembers how Seongwoo had come to get him from the train station since he went to Busan for the Day to see his mom. They hugged at the station and he noticed how awkward Seongwoo was being. He had asked him if he was okay and told him he didn’t have to come to the station but Seongwoo just smiled and told him he wanted to._ **

 

**_Daniel remembered he felt excitement and extremely shy because for a short minute they held hands as they walked before he pulled his hands to himself. He remembered how Seongwoo helped him fix his mask behind one of the pillars in a secluded corner and told him to keep his hat low. It was in the evening time but Seongwoo had always been careful._ **

 

**_He was cheeky that day. Daniel remembered how after they walked a bit he pulled on Seongwoo’s bag and they laughed because Seongwoo almost made a contact with the floor. He remembered Seongwoo had pouted and pretended to be hurt and only returned to normal after Daniel apologised and promised to treat him to something delicious._ **

 

**_They quickly decided to get something to eat since it was getting to Dinner time. They arrive at the restaurant at which Daniel had been a regular since his trainee days. Daniel remembered how Seongwoo didn’t want to go into the restaurant because it looked expensive. He had laughed and told him its okay. That his mom just gave him a little present and he wanted to treat Seongwoo from it._ **

 

**_They sat at the 3 rd floor of the restaurant because Daniel wanted to show Seongwoo the View at Night time. Seongwoo had expressed his frustration about how he’d never had wine before. Daniel had smiled and joked about him being a wine virgin and how he was going to take Seongwoo’s wine virginity. He remembered how Shy Seongwoo got after that but he didn’t read much into it. Daniel had asked Seongwoo what he wanted to try first; red or white. Seongwoo just said “I’ll have whatever you tell me to” so Daniel decided for him._ **

 

****

**_It was a classic know it all moment for Daniel but he remembered he just wanted Seongwoo to have a good experience “So since your palette is a bit unique when it comes to alcohol, I’ll recommend you go for a rosé for a start. I think the White Zinfandel from “Gallo Family Vineyard” would be perfect. It has the perfect combination of sour fermented richness and sweetness from an array of strawberries, cherries and white peach and it goes well with pasta” Seongwoo had smiled at Daniel in admiration. Impressed by his wine knowledge, Seongwoo nodded and told Daniel okay._ **

 

****

**_Daniel had ordered a bottle of the pink coloured rosé and gone for Italian style pasta with cheese and asked Seongwoo if he wanted their shrimp pasta, because he heard Seongwoo talking about wanting one. He had up-talked it, telling Seongwoo he heard it was really tasty here._ **

****

 

**_“No, I can’t have that. You’re allergic” Seongwoo had replied starring at Daniel with a smile_ **

 

**_“But I’m not the one having it… I don’t mind” Daniel had been a bit confused that Seongwoo didn’t want to eat the shrimp pasta for his sake. But he smiled after observing Seongwoo instead because he looked cute as his cheeks burned red._ **

****

 

**_“I’ll just have spaghetti with meat balls” Seongwoo ordered and they ate in silence. Seongwoo had fallen in love with the wine. He commented about how he could have an entire bottle by himself if that was what wine tasted like. Daniel had laughed and told him it’s just to break the ice and that he would introduce him to something stronger with a harsher taste later. Maybe next time Seongwoo would try another wine from the Gallo family set, maybe Cabernet Sauvignon or if he wanted white he could try the Sauvignon Blanc._ **

****

 

**_When they had finished their meal, Daniel led Seongwoo to the balcony area So Seongwoo could look at the small part of the city they could view from the restaurant. As the stood looking and Just being together not saying a word Daniel remembered how their shoulders had touched and they both stayed with pulling away._ **

 

**_For as long as they enjoyed the scenery, they stayed close. That was until Seongwoo decided he was going to leave first even though he came to pick him up. Daniel had protested because they were going to the same location but Seongwoo was acting weird._ **

 

**_They didn’t have a lot to talk about but it wasn’t all bad. The company was nice. But as Daniel had stood there that Day at that Balcony trying to Figure out what he had done wrong for Seongwoo to want to leave, Daniel in a swift motion felt Seongwoo’s Lips on his…_ **

 

**_It was so quick he could have forgotten it happened as Seongwoo hurriedly tried to make a run for it. Daniel was so shocked that his reflex pushed his fight mode and he caught Seongwoo before he could go anywhere. Seongwoo’s shut his eyes in embarrassment as he got captured._ **

 

**_“What was that?” Daniel had asked shocked_ **

 

**_“Nothing” Seongwoo had tried to extricate himself. A little tension building up before Daniel decided to diffuse it with a smile. He didn’t like it when Seongwoo looked tense_ **

 

**_“So you were going to kiss and run?” Daniel had joked and Seongwoo just squirmed. He didn’t expect to get caught, Daniel sure had great reflexes_ **

 

**_“Is that why you refused to have the shrimp pasta? You wanted to kiss me?” Daniel cackled and hugged Seongwoo in his arms once he had realised what Seongwoo did and how much effort he put into it._ **

 

****

**_Before Seongwoo could reply Daniel returned the favour. Pressing his lips soft against Seongwoo’s lips and kissing him until Seongwoo parted his lips. It was only a couple of seconds long but it felt longer. There was no touching or caressing it was just lips meeting and setting their entire bodies on Fire. The moment they separated Seongwoo escaped and Daniel paid the bills running straight to find Jisung._ **

 

****

***

Daniel remembered how he had lived in a constant state of Fear because of what he had done. He was worried because he couldn’t stop thinking about it or about Seongwoo. His struggle was perceptible in how he had been the next few weeks after that. He remembered how confused he was about liking boys because he didn’t really have the answers. He felt so out of place and bewildered. It got to be point where he started to get awkward with his friends. Standing too close, touching and even just holding hands playfully became burdensome.

 

 

Daniel is a person who loved to cling to others and skin ship came to him naturally but after that day he became too aware. He was over thinking everything and it became exhausting. When he had to sit and someone would lean on him, Daniel would wonder if it was okay and he would slowly extricate himself from every form of contact.

 

It bothered him so much because he couldn’t understand why he did what he did. He became strained with everyone but Jisung because he knew there was no confusion there. Daniel had forced himself to forget and he ignored it for as long as he could because something about that experience made him feel wrong.

 

 

Daniel knew he couldn’t undo what he did that night. In the first few weeks he wanted to because he felt like it wasn’t for him but the longer he spent with Seongwoo his regrets became excitement so he tried to get comfortable with it and in his process of trying to get comfortable he realised he was more okay with it than he had imagined and maybe it was possible for him to be with Seongwoo in the way that he never thought of being with another boy before.

 

 

It just never occurred to him that it wasn’t all about him and he ended up hurting Seongwoo. He was selfish. Everything he was doing to not go crazy himself he was making Seongwoo go crazy instead. He understood why Seongwoo had to break up with him. He needed time to come to terms with everything he was feeling and Seongwoo also needed time to heal and maybe forget.

 

*

 

Daniel’s alarm suddenly go off and he realised it was only just 5am in the morning. He stretches his arms and legs and straightens his body trying to shake off the emotions that clung to his chest. Even when he tried to run form it, it was just there. He was back to His reality.

 

 

***

After a few minutes of deliberating, Daniel pulls out his phone and makes a call to the manager. He knew he served as a wakeup call because he could hear the hoax epitome of sleep at the other end of the line. Daniel requests a private practice session in order to slowly ease his ankle into the routine _. It was a lie._ He just needed to get away. His requested was complimented and granted because it was a great Idea. The manager decided Jisung would accompany him and they would send the Van over.

 

 

In less than an Hour Daniel was out the door with Jisung before the members began to wake. He barely spoke a word to Jisung all morning. It’s a good thing Jisung was a morning person because they arrive at the Studio at 7:45 am and Daniel began training intensely.

 

Jisung watched him in admiration, the way he danced with so much fluidity and finesse. He was undeniably talented and Jisung could see it in his every move and every turn. He easily performed all songs and hit his mark with perfection in 1 hour without break. Jisung was itching to know the details of the Night but he knew better than to break Daniel’s concentration.

 

 

***

 

 “Daniel. That’s enough”

Jisung called out as Daniel took the routine from the top. His concern was ignored. Daniel replayed the music and started from the beginning again. Jisung was taken aback to their trainee Days. He remembers how Daniel would train for hours without food or water. Even when the electricity was out Daniel would practice with the lights from his phone.

 

 

“Okay, let me train with you” he saw Daniel flash him a smile waving him over to stand in front of the mirror. But Jisung could see the uncertainty in his eyes. Almost as if Daniel was grieving. Jisung watched as the smile quickly dissolved and turned into a serious focus as Daniel started to instruct him .Something was off, more than it had been before.

 

 

Jisung finally joined Daniel for his third set. As they practice, Jisung makes a little mistake in Never and Daniel helps him out with the choreography. He also smoothened out Jisungs lines for Burn it up and they danced together. By 11AM Jisung decided Daniel was done for the Day since there was nothing to fix. Daniel tried to protest but Jisung wouldn’t let him. They wrapped it up and ended up at a café to have breakfast.

 

 

***

“Daniel is everything okay?”

 

 Jisung began, ceasing the opportunity

 

“Yeah am great”

 

It didn’t sound like he meant it

 

“You don’t look great, you look bothered and sad and just lost”

 

 Jisung told Daniel exactly what he could see on his face. The Younger lad took a bite of his bacon and egg sandwich ignoring his leader.

 

 

“I know it’s about last Night with Seongwoo, but I haven’t been able to ask” Jisung was clearly in the Dark but he felt like he had the right to know.

 

He orchestrated their talk last night and he knew the level of emotions they both carried into that conversation. Jisung expected some kind of an emotional Surge or chaos, he was so worried he couldn’t enjoy his movie. But by the time they arrived at the Dorms last Night, Daniel was sleeping on the couch in the living area with a game controller in his hand and Seongwoo was sleeping in their room. Everything looked too normal, yet absolutely strange aura.

 

 

Jisung and the other boys came in a bit late since the movie ran longer that they expected because Jaehwan had said it was about a 60mins movie but it turned out to be 150min instead. They were all exhausted so everyone quickly went to bed. He hadn’t seen Daniel again until he got the call this morning telling him to go with Daniel to the studio at 6:30 in the morning.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right n-”

 

“We broke up”

 

Daniel says before taking another bite of his food. He could see the shock on Jisung’s face. Maybe he didn’t expect a break up. Maybe Jisung had expected they would talk it through. Well Daniel thought the same until he started to realised how deep they were both cut.

 

“Nieliee… I am so sorry”

 

Jisung held his hand in affection and tried to pat him awkwardly on the arm. It was obvious that the older lad felt out of place because he didn’t know what to do or what words to use.

 

“It’s okay… am okay… we broke up but am okay”

 

Jisung’s eyebrow shot up. He even looked more worried now. Maybe he expected Daniel to be more affected than he was letting on. But Daniel seemed to be handling the situation really well and it bothered Jisung.

 

“Am fine Hyung… you’ve got to stop looking at me like that. We ended things right. It wasn’t ugly… it was good. I think you can call it a good break-up. I hate it but there was no fighting and screaming and punching… well, there was a little of all those things but we walked through it… it felt like our only way out… everything was just so messed up and Seongwoo is hurting so bad… it just seemed like the only thing we could have done”

 

Daniel said all this at ago without blinking. As if he was trying remember it accurately and his eyes grew sad again. There was so much sadness behind his eyes and Jisung saw it. He knew Daniel wasn’t feeling the pain behind his eyes yet and he feared Daniel wasn’t ready for that Kind of emotion.

 

“I don’t know what to say”

 

 Jisung was still in shock. He didn’t know how to explain what he could see to Daniel so he just decided to observe and do it later.

 

“We didn’t want to let got but it’s more of a situation where we had to…”

 

Jisung could tell from Daniels words that he did it all for Seongwoo. Maybe it’s what their relationship needed but it was what Seongwoo needed and Daniel could see that, he cared.

 

“Daniel I’m so proud of you… that is such a grown up thing to do…”

 

Jisung commended him

 

“Like it sucks and it hurts but there was nothing I could say to change his mind… or how sad he was… I think it’s for the best”

 

 

*

 

Daniel filled Jisung in on what exactly happened between him and Seongwoo, what was said and things that he had done in the past. He could see jisung’s soul leaving his body is disbelief as he listened and then he got a smack at the back of his head.

 

“That’s for being a dick” and then Jisung hugged him tight “that’s for everything else”

 

They ended up staying out till early lunch time. Jisung took him to a restaurant close to their Dorm and bought him meat. It felt great, he knew Jisung was trying to cheer him up because even though he was throwing himself into his work and looking okay with everything he was still in reality extremely heart broken.

 

 

***

 

They arrived at the dorm some time later after being gone all Day and Seongwoo’s cheerful voice greeted them. Seongwoo was hurled up close to Minhyun and Jaehwan was on the other side of him. It seemed something amusing had happened and Seongwoo was having a great time.

 

Daniel saw him and his heart Sank. Seongwoo was happy. Making Jokes and smiling from ear to ear. He looked beautiful with a smile on his face. He looked healthier and happier; his face was bright, brighter than Daniel had seen in a while and he didn’t know when the lump in his throat choked him and tears filled his eyes.

 

Seongwoo saw just a bit off him as he was walking past. He was so engrossed in his conversation that he hadn’t noticed Daniel come in. Seongwoo says hello to Jisung with a smile Just like the other members did. Jisung responded sweetly and he was surprised to see the difference between Seongwoo and Daniel. They didn’t match.

 

*

In the Bedroom Daniel was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands looking straight at the floor.

 

“Are you okay Daniel”

 

Jisung called at him before settling by his side, letting an arm go around Daniel.

 

“What’s wrong? Talk to me…”

 

Jisung had noticed the way Daniel reacted to seeing Seongwoo and he knew the boys didn’t know what they were in for. They had broken up on good terms but their hearts are still broken. He knew they weren’t prepared for the emotions that were about to hit them. At least he knew Daniel wasn’t. He could see exactly what Daniel was experiencing and he knew it was only the beginning.

 

 

“I thought I was okay you know” Daniel began “Like… we said things, we both accepted this … but seeing how happy he is” Daniel’s voice broke

 

“Are you mad that he is happy? That’s not good Daniel” Jisung tried

 

“No… it’s not what I mean…. I feel like we got into this together but am left behind… Like it’s hard to see how happy he is without me. I haven’t seen him that bright in a while. Yesterday I asked him if I really broke him so deep and now I think I got my answer. Am really not good for him...I want him to be happy but it just hit me that I couldn’t do it. I asked him if there wasn’t a memory he could hold unto and he didn’t have one. It just really hurts to know that I can’t make him happy “

 

Jisung hugged Daniel and Daniel buried his face in Jisung’s embrace, trying not to cry. It was like déjavu. Just yesterday Seongwoo was crying in his arms and now it was Daniel. Jisung could feel Daniels pain but there was nothing him or anyone could do. It’s only them that can fix it.

 

 

 

***

 

That Night Seongwoo returned to their bed room when Daniel and jisung were using their phones. Daniel was nervous to be around him but he felt good to see him. He said hi but Seongwoo didn’t really respond like Daniel wanted. In another translation Seongwoo ignored him. He picked up his pillows and changed to his sleep wear

 

“Minhyun said it was okay if I stayed with him…” Seongwoo announced cheerfully to both Daniel and Jisung as he exited the room.

 

Jisung felt so sorry for Daniel. He saw the way Daniel quickly buried his face in his pillow and turned away from Him.

 

“Did you speak to him today?” Jisung asked Daniel immediately Seongwoo left

 

“No… we haven’t spoken… that was the first time I spoke to him but its like am not even here” Daniel responded sitting up slowly to face Jisung

 

“You can’t continue like this Daniel, if you keep ignoring each other it will ruin everything. You ended things well. Don’t ruin it by becoming strangers. If you can’t be lovers, at least keep your friendship”

 

 Jisung gave him the best advice he could because from what Seongwoo was portraying it seemed as though the break up was what he truly wanted. He looked like he was done with it but he can see Daniel and Daniel is nowhere near okay.

 

“You just saw me try. I said Hello to him and he acted like I wasn’t in the room… I don’t know hyung… why does it feel like this… why do I feel so hot inside… why is my chest so tight? Like it waiting something to drop and I would be able to breathe…I just -”

 

 

“Daniel, that’s the pain I keep talking about…” Jisung cut him off

 

“You are finally letting yourself feel it on the surface. Daniel you have to be careful okay, you’re not someone who knows how to understand his feeling quickly so try to calm down. I’ve never seen you explain your thoughts like this before so I want you to take care of yourself”

 

Jisung was still worried for him

 

“What do you mean... are you saying it’s going to hurt more than this?” Daniel looked just as mortified as he sounded

 

 

“I think so Daniel, I think maybe yesterday when you were with him you broke every barrier guarding your heart, you said you didn’t know when you said you loved him and you never thought about it but if felt like you had to say it to feel better?”

 

 

“Yes hyung… it felt like I just had to say it or I’ll go crazy” Daniel supplied

 

 

“Don’t take my word for it but at least take it as an advice, now that you know you love him your heart is fragile Daniel, in this state it’s easy to make the worst mistakes of our life. I remember my first break up, my first action was to close myself up and I went into a slump. I was at a point so depressed I just avoided everyone. I would lock myself home for Days. But everyone is different Niel-ah  ... I don’t know what you’d do, but be careful”

 

 

Daniel gets stunned by what Jisung was saying. He was constantly feeling the burning sensation in his chest and the lump was always in his throat now. He really didn’t want it to get worse

 

 

“I’ll go talk to him”

 

Daniel decided to go to find Seongwoo. Maybe have a little talk and know how he’s doing. He gets to the big room and he doesn’t need to search long he could hear Seongwoo laughing loudly sharing a bed with Minhyun. _He seemed to be laughing a lot as opposed to always crying with Daniel. Daniel repressed mind twisted in hurt told him quickly._ It was a really small bed but then he had to remember not everyone had his shoulders so maybe it would be comfortable for them.

 

Daniel doesn’t let his mind travel. He knew Minhyun had a thing for Jaehwan but Seongwoo was making it difficult. He had his face buried in Minhyuns shoulder as they laughed together. Jaehwan seem to be sleeping, woojin and Guanlin were on the floor tangled in a fake fight while Jihoon watched in amusement. That was probably the source of their laughter. Daniel tells himself.

 

He says hello to them but Seongwoo ignores him still laughing. Daniel was embarrassed. Maybe the first time was a mistake but this time it was deliberate. Daniel stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do. Why was Seongwoo treating him like this? He thought they were okay? Why does he have to watch Seongwoo get comfortable with someone else and not even acknowledge his presence?

 

Daniel wanted to scream out loud. He wanted to pull Seongwoo away from Minhyun Drag him to their bed room and ask him why he had to make everything so painful… Daniel felt his eyes go glassy again and the burning sensation in his chest went really cold then he felt the tears pour from his eyes. He looked away to clean it all.

 

 

Everything happened so quickly the others probably didn’t notice but he made eye contact with Seongwoo and then Minhyun before he left. He saw it on Minhyun's face. Minhyun knew everything; Seongwoo must have told him everything that had happened just like he told Jisung and this was his way of taking care of Seongwoo. Daniel felt gratitude towards Minhyun but it wasn’t enough to stop him from hurting.

 

 

Daniel left the room and without thinking he pressed in some digits into his phone

 

“Hey… pick me up?”

 

Daniel paused. He was listening to the other person before he continued

 

 “I’ll be ready in 20…. Come to my dorm I’ll meet you up front”

 

Daniel returned to their room. He watched as Jisung perked up waiting for him to say something but he doesn’t. Daniel went to his side of the wardrobe and pulled out a black long sleeved shirt dress and a pair of extremely ripped blue jeans. He gets changed quickly and began styling his hair

 

“Niel what are you doing?”

 

 Jisung couldn’t watch in Silence anymore

 

“Am getting dressed”

 

He responds still engrossed in what he was doing

 

“I can see what… I mean what for?”

 

Jisung couldn’t hide his confusion

 

“Am going out”

 

Daniel kept it short and precise

 

“With who, Seongwoo?”

 

 Jisung didn’t know what to think

 

“Some of the guys from the academy…” He dismissed quickly

 

“Daniel what are you doing? You haven’t met those guys in Years… what kind of place are you going on a Wednesday Night?” Jisung tried to shut him down

 

“I always keep in touch with people hyung… we text…we chat, besides there is a club open every Day of the week” he bites back

 

“You hate clubbing Daniel” Jisung really didn’t want him out

 

“Maybe I don’t anymore, since I change so easily maybe I could like it if I tried it…” he made a painful remark and Jisung knew what he was on about

 

“Daniel I can’t let you go out… it’s against the rules….” Jisung tried to be firm but failed

 

“Am sorry hyung, you can’t stop me… am going…”

 

Daniel already made up his mind when he left the big bedroom after being treated like he was invincible. He needed to get out of the dorm. He needed to not be there

 

“What happened with Seongwoo?”

 

Jisung felt guilty for what ever happened and took it as a fault of his. He was the one that convinced Daniel to contact Seongwoo after all.

 

“Nothing happened…. Literally Nothing”

 

“Daniel!”

 

“I mean it…Nothing…I didn’t know I had invincible powers, wouldn’t have tried so hard to be spider man” he muttered as he continued to get dressed

 

Daniel’s phone rang and he ignores the call. His ride just arrived.

 

“Up or down?” he turned to face Jisung

 

“What?” Jisung made a face

 

“My hair…” Daniel gestured to his still messy hair

 

“oh I can’t believe am doing this…” Jisung face palmed“ Down please… hide your identity as much as you can and wear a mask okay?” Just like that Jisung was letting him go.

 

“Nobody knows me hyung... I haven’t even debuted yet…”Daniel smiled weakly

 

“They do and you are popular… don’t take any photos… don’t drink too much… if anyone recognise you come straight home…. When you get to the car call me with their phone so I can have their contact”

 

Jisung was rushing his word because Daniel was checking his wallet and getting ready to set out

 

“Don’t do anything stupid Daniel”

 

“Yes mom…”

 

Daniel brushed his hair down. Tucked the front of his shirt in and unbuttoned his top two buttons.

 

“How do I look?” he put his arms out to show off

 

“Very Gay” Jisung joked

 

“That’s a very good look” Daniel chimed with a smile

 

“For real this time, how do I look?” Daniel asked again

 

“You look hot… too hot…maybe change your pants to sweats and wear a hoodie?”

 

“That was the idea…” Daniel winked at him and scurried out the door. Jisung followed him and watched as Daniel jogged out of the premises disappearing into a corner looking like a temptation.

 

“Please be careful Daniel… please”

 

Jisung was so worried and mentally kicks himself for letting him leave.

 

 

***

Daniel gets in the front sit and there were to other guys at the back. He knew all of them. They all trained together at Nataraja; he was in a b-boy crew with the two at the back and the one in the driver’s sit was more of a senior who is a mate.

 

They said their greetings and in no time the awkwardness died down. They tell him how proud they are of him for winning the competition and how they knew he would be amazing one Day. _“You’ve always had that light”_ his senior commends. He thanks them and agrees to go out for a meal sometime since his call was short noticed. His senior promised to attend his debut and to bring a number of his old buddies at the academy along with him.

 

 

“Daniel finds out they were going all the way to Itaewon to party. There was a new club that opened there, something called **_sprinklers._** It’s supposed to be a huge establishment a Bangkok underground style club with different sections and different shit going down in there. He signs off on the plan with a smile and a nod and his friend floors it.

 

*

 

They get to the club and Daniel is instantly reminded why he hated this sort of place. It was crowded to the max, the extremely loud music which made it impossible to hear anything, and the smell of everything that hits you at the same time which always made him dizzy. Daniel felt disgusted within but he bobbed his head to the music as they made their way to the bar.

 

Daniel hadn’t made it to the bar and he’s had over a dozen people throw themselves at him. His presence was hard to miss. It looked like an experience everyone wanted a part in. he got guys pulling at him and winking and girls doing just the same. Maybe Jisung was right about the _very gay_ thing but he didn’t really mind it, he just wasn’t interested in any of them.

 

Daniel and his friends order drinks from the bar but while they left to explore the new club Daniel remained. He gets himself a sit by the bar and orders 4 rounds of 3 shots. He knocks back three sets of three with immediate effect, getting his blood pumping. He feels the heat of alcohol in his face and waved the bar tender over for his last 3 shots.

 

“if you do that so early in the night how are you going to enjoy it?” a voice speaks to him but he doesn’t bother to look up, _probably another waste of his_ _time_ he just responds nonchalantly hoping they would go away.

 

“Can’t enjoy it… don’t really like it here” Daniel says as he pick up one of the shut glasses in front of him.

 

A hand grabs unto him stopping him from lifting the glass. It was the hand of the person trying to make conversation.

 

“That’s probably why”

 

The hand taps at the drink before letting go of Daniel.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Daniel suddenly curious turns around to looks up at the person talking to him. Eyes already shaky from the white spirit he’s been throwing down his throat, Daniel sets eyes on the person in front of him and he gets the shock of his life.

 

“you probably get extremely Drunk the moment you come in here and everything feels so shitty afterwards… you don’t get to have fun so you become one of those people who hate clubs because they never see its purpose?”

 

Daniel stared at him. It was spot on like this guy could see through him and his face and the way he spoke and his hair and his stature and his height what the fuck was wrong with Daniel was he seeing things?

 

“Hey?” the guy waves in his face “is there something on my face?” the guys asked a bit self-conscious

 

“Errm... yes you’ve got a face”

 

 The guys burst out laughing and Daniel smiled too realising how dumb he sounded.

 

“You’ve got a beautiful smile… maybe you should do that more often”

 

The guy says to Daniel still smiling at him and Daniel couldn’t stop staring at him.

 

“Hi, I’m Minho” He extends his hands and Daniel took it

 

“Daniel…” he says starring straight at this guy called Minho’s face

 

“That a bit odd…Are you a foreigner?” he hung his head to the side

 

“No, I’m pure Korean...” Daniel laughed

 

“And you’ve got an even more beautiful laugh” Minho complimented Daniel and Daniel caught himself blushing.

 

“So what’s the occasion?”

 

Minho asked and Daniel just stared blankly

 

“Break up?” he says

 

Daniel shoots him a weird look “I’m I that obvious?” He ran his hand over his face a little embarrassed. Did he look that sad and transparent that anyone could see he just how much he was hurting in the surface?

 

“No one comes into a club and aggressively take 6 shots of vodka because they won the lottery… had to be something bad… and judging from how you kept spacing out in a place with deafening loud music it was obvious it had to be something personal and you are alone so yap…kinda figured” He says giving Daniel a weird look

 

“Impressive… so how long have you been stalking me?” Daniel challenged but a smile crept to his face. It was that face.

 

“The moment you walked in… everyone literally stopped to look at you… it really hard to miss except you are you” Minho laughed but continued quickly so he doesn’t come across too creepy

 

“So who is the special Girl…” he asked “or guy? He quickly added

 

It took Daniel a minute to process. He’s never put it in Black and white like that before. He’s never had to spell it out before. No one had asked him. He just let them think. He’s never acknowledged it like this before. Maybe it showed in Daniels face that he was uncertain about something or he as a bit closed off because Minho seem to recoil and began to apologise

 

 

“Am sorry if I said the wrong thing… I didn’t mean to offend you… I’ll just leave” He starts to make his away off from Daniel but before Daniel couldn’t stop himself, he held unto this guy Minho’s hand. Why the fuck did he do that?

 

 

“It’s okay…errm… Lucky Guy… maybe not so lucky… I’m Kind of an ass hole” Daniel answered and he didn’t burst into flames after he acknowledged that he was attracted to a guy and he felt good that he had said it straightforward for the first time.

 

“You must have really cared about him… do you mind if I ask how long?”

 

Daniel finally took the shot that Minho dint let him take earlier

 

“Last Night…” Daniel replied.

 

“Oh shit… I’m sorry” he apologised. Minho seemed to apologise a lot but Daniel Laughed instead, somewhat bitterly and takes another shot. They stay in awkward silence for a minute drowning in loud Music with Daniel feeling like he was floating

 

“Wanna come over to my table? Bar is getting crowded”

 

Minho leaned deep into Daniel, his lips grazing Daniel ears as he spoke

 

“Sure”

 

Daniel down’s his last shot quickly and stood up. He suddenly felt the kick of the alcohol he’s been taking all this time. His legs felt heavy and the floor was uneven.

 

There were a lot of bodies to get through so Daniel let Minho hold his hand and pull him off to the table. It was more like a booth. Round shaped private section but a sofa that looked like it was meant for one person but contained two. They sat down on the sofa and pressed close to each other to hear what was being said amid the very loud music.

 

“If you don’t mind me asking… ermmm… why do you keep staring at me like that” Minho was shy. Daniel could see even in the dark how he tried to avoid his gaze and he was biting his lips.

 

 “Fuck am sorry… I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable or be weird…”

 

Daniel defends immediately. He knew he’d been starring the whole time but he couldn’t stop himself

 

“It’s okay…it’s just... I don’t know how to explain it you just… when people come here they don’t usually look at me the way you are doing right now. It’s just nice?”

 

“Am so sorry for this… but you look just like him” Daniel rips off the band aid so Minho doesn’t misunderstand

 

“Your ex?” he asked immediately

 

“Yeah…” Daniel says with a half-smile

 

“Oh fuck ... sorry…” Minho was way too polite

 

“Don’t apologise, it’s your face… and it’s a great face” Minho blushed and Daniel doesn’t get it.  Was he flirting with a stranger right now?

 

It’s so easy for him to pretend that it’s Seongwoo. The resemblance is uncanny. The hair style is a favourite of Seongwoo’s, the way he smiled even the way Seongwoo scrunches his nose is the same as Minho’s but he didn’t have the moles.

 

“Errm…” Daniel hears Minho cough and then he realised he was touching his face. Circling his fingers where Seongwoo’s perfect moles were. Was he doing that the whole time without realising?

 

“Oh Shit… am so so sorry… I didn’t mean to do that…” Daniel tried to pull away but the Minho held unto him. Holding Daniel hand against his face and leaning his head into Daniels palm.

 

“It’s okay… I don’t mind it… you can touch me if you want to”

 

He pulled closer to Daniel’s face. They were lips apart. Daniel looked at him and he looked just like Seongwoo. His eyes were soft just like Seongwoo’s… his lips looks small just like his. Their cupids bow also had the same shape.

 

 _Fuck…_ Daniel was losing his mind. He missed Seongwoo too much even being this close to a stranger was a tad bit comforting because he was a spitting image, and he looked at him with that face the way he wanted Seongwoo to look at him

 

“You can kiss me if you want…”

 

 Minho pulled closer. Daniel doesn’t move away. He felt Minho’s breathe on him and it was warm and his voice was so sweet. Almost sounded like Seongwoo. Daniel froze his mind working overtime in a matter of seconds.

 

“What’s his name?” Minho asked him

 

“Seongwoo” Daniel says still starring deep into Minho’s eyes

 

“Yes… Daniel…”

 

Minho answered and Daniel got shivers. It was the weirdest experience of his life. He felt paralysed and he lost all will to do anything as Minho answered him again as Seongwoo and moved in closer and kissed him. Daniel kissed him back. His hands moved from Minho’s face to the back of his neck and he kissed him deep.

 

Daniel kissed him slow just as Seongwoo liked, lips rolling together and a nibble at the end. Minho’s response was great, almost too familiar; he relaxed into the kiss as if to say is how he loved being kissed. With their lips locked Minho tried to hold unto Daniel more than Daniel had let him. He pulled the buttons of Daniel’s shirt that were still fastened exposing more of Daniel’s broad chest and snuck an arm inside Daniels shirt to caress him.

 

 

Daniel pulled away almost immediately holding unto Minho’s hand stopping him from going lower. When they pull apart and they are both breathing a little heavily form the kiss Daniel realised he had a tear on his cheek.

 

“Am sorry…”

 

Daniel apologised starring at Minho like he just committed a grave sin

 

“What… why? It felt great… am okay” Minho didn’t understand why Daniel was apologising

 

“Am sorry… doing this is… I can’t do this… I can’t do this to him” Daniel removed Minho’s hand from his body

 

“You broke up Daniel… it’s not cheating” Minho tried to persuade him

 

“Am sorry Minho… you seem like a really great Guy but i can’t do this… I Love Him too much to hurt him like this”

 

Daniel pulls away, he stood up and tries to find his friends but he’s probably too drunk to do so. He kept falling, He hears Minho calling for him and before Daniel could Fall to the ground Minho was with him again. Minho took him to the bar and told him to wait so he could find his friends for him. Daniel orders another drink but it took so long and he grabs a bottle of vodka off the table and managed to make it outside. He pulled out his phone and makes a call.

 

***

 

“Hello?...” the voice sounded sleepy

 

“Did I wake you? Am so sorry…” Daniel slurred into the phone. He was now only realising how dead drunk he was

 

“Daniel are you drinking? Are you out?...” he was a bit upset over the phone than concerned

 

“Can you come get me... please? am somewhere in Itaewon please “Daniel begged

 

“I can’t come get you Daniel” Seongwoo rejected him

 

“You can’t or you won’t?” Daniel’s voice was breaking

 

“Daniel, stop this…” Seongwoo was firm on the phone. Sounding more awake than he had prior

 

“Please come and get me Seongwoo… I need you… please I love you… am sorry… can you come back to me… Seongwoo please I’ll do anything” Daniel’s voice was breaking as he spoke. His voice also makes it clear that he was dead drunk

 

“Daniel am not coming to get you… stop doing this” Seongwoo stood his ground with no Sympathy in his voice

 

“Why are you treating me this way? I thought we were good? We ended things well yesterday. Why did you change suddenly? Why are you avoiding me? This isn’t how it was supposed to be… Seongwoo please am Sorry… You know I love you. I know I do and I need you right now… I don’t think am okay… it hurts and I don’t know what to so. Please come for me” Daniel was being a mess but he was pouring his heart and feelings out

 

“Daniel we are broken up… this is what a break-up is. Am not obligated to whatever makes you happy anymore. I can’t let you string me along. Stop needing me.” Seongwoo was almost shouting at him

 

“But you felt it too or was it just me? You didn’t want to leave me… you know it. You kissed me and I know you are about me… Seongwoo please I don’t think I can stop needing you. I can’t do this alone” Daniel begged tears falling from his cheek as he pleaded trying his best

 

“Sorry Daniel. Don’t call me again…call someone else… Am going to bed”

 

Daniel broke down and started crying at the side of the building. He continued drinking from the bottle he swiped on his way out looking for his next emergency contact.

 

“Hyung… please come get me… he said he is not coming” Daniel was crying into the phone

 

“Where in Itaewon are you? What’s the place called? Am already on my way”

 

Jisung rushed into the phone… panic surrounding his voice

 

“I DONT KNOW… it’s a new club” Daniel screamed. He didn’t know what he was doing or where he was.

 

“Okay just hold on… I’ll find you. I think Sungwoon knows the place. Hang in there Niel… am coming to get you…hang in there” Jisung tried to calm him down

 

“Stay on the line okay… Don’t end the call”

 

 

***

 

It was about 30mins till Jisung arrived with Jaehwan driving and Sungwoon at the back both looking through the Windows vigorously to Find a kang Daniel. They quickly spotted Daniel sitting on the floor at the edge of a building by the side of the club, an empty bottle of absolute by his thigh.  Daniel had ventured a few strides away from the club and just stayed on the floor after he couldn’t continue his journey.

 

“Oh God… sweetie”

 

Jiusng ran to Him and Sungwoon did the same. The quickly picked him up on either side and started hurrying back to the car before anyone notices anything. Jaehwan picks up Daniel’s phone, wallet and mask that were on the floor. Sungwoon rides in front and Jisung takes Daniel with Him to the back seat. Daniel was still crying and still very drunk. His chest was heaving, he was a total mess.

 

They drive in silence for a while none daring to utter a word. All that could be heard was Daniel’s subtle subs and sniffing from crying.

 

“urm… going to vee sick” Daniel slurs trying to get his head out the window

 

“Stop the car… let’s get him some air”

 

Jaehwan parks immediately and they all get out. They pull Daniel to a turf by the side and he empties his stomach. Daniel kept going and wouldn’t stop throwing up. Jisung robbed his back soothing him slowly as the continued to throw up.

 

“My friend keeps a can in his trunk...”

 

Sungwwon tells Jaehwan who rushed to get the water. Daniel throws up still he was exhausted. Jisung pours the water over his head to cool him off. He washed his face and sprinkles water on his forehead and neck. He makes Daniel rinse off his mouth with some water before He falls on the floor like he was going to collapse. He was tired. With his Eyes closed and breathing uneven Daniel rested on the glass at the side of the road in Itaewon at 3am in the morning.

“Should we take him to the hospital?” Jaehwan was mortified.

 

 

“He needs food… I don’t think he ate at all today after I fed him in the morning” Jisung adds. He was so perturbed

 

“But I think he needs an IV line… he is very weak. This looks really extreme especially for Daniel…he doesn’t get drunk easily. Also he practices really hard I think he’s exhausted and the alcohol was a bad call”

 

Sungwoon was making sense but they couldn’t risk it. A trip to the ER could ruin Daniel before he even made it to the debut stage.

 

“That’s a risk we can’t take… I can’t put his dreams on the line Sungwoon. We have to handle this alone”

 

 It wasn’t an option so he made the Leader decision to cover it up and bury this mess. He saw Sungwoon and Jaehwan nod in acceptance as they watched Daniel closely just to make sure he is okay.

 

“Sungwoon… can you guys try and get food? Hang over medicine? And some cold water… We’ll wait here… I don’t think moving him about is a good Idea”

 

Jaehwan and Sungwoon hurry out to get food while Daniel and Jisung are left by the side of the road. Jisung pulled Daniel away from his Vomit and makes him sit up on a concrete ledge by the road. Daniel rests his head on jisung’s shoulder as he took the spot next to him. The copious amount of alcohol was out of his system and he was trying to get a grip on himself.

 

“Hyung, he said he wouldn’t come for me… and he didn’t”

 

 Daniel suddenly spoke when it was just the two of them, he wasn’t sober but he made sense. Daniel had tears in his eyes and he started to cry again.

 

“Daniel, you’re not together anymore… am sorry but that’s how it’s supposed to be now”

 

“But Hyung what we said…” Daniel couldn’t understand it

 

“Oh Daniel… maybe Seongwoo realised he couldn’t do it… its difficult being so close with your ex especially when you still love them” Jisung tells him the truth

 

“So you see it too? He loves me but he didn’t want to let me believe it” he was too exhausted to make an exaggerated movements so he opted to continue speaking form where he rested against the older lad.

 

“He loves you Daniel, But Niel … he said he wanted to learn how to stop loving you… maybe this is him trying. He has to say no to you. He has to give up on you” the truth wasn’t great but Daniel needed to hear it

 

“But he doesn’t have to shut me out” He wasn’t ready to let go

 

“Daniel, it hasn’t even been a day since you broke up… I know it’s new to you but you have to try to move on too” Jisung rubs his back slowly

 

“But it hurts… ” Daniel cried

 

“I know… I know…. Am so sorry Daniel… am sorry”

 

Jisung wrapped him in a hug and soon the boys arrived with ramyhun

 

“Sorry we took so long, we had to make the ramhyun at the convenience store and hurry back so it doesn’t go soggy” Jaehwan reported

 

“He’s so out of it he won’t know what he’s eating”

 

Jisung feeds Daniel on the road side while Sungwoon and Jaehwan worriedly watch him. Daniel eats and then takes the handover medicine and lots of water.

Jaehwan takes off Daniels shirt because it’s soiled. They take of his shoes too. Jaehwan offers Daniel his jacket and after a while they put him back in the car and head home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it goes... I apologise for hurting him. I just had to tell his story so the readers can get to see who he really is and how he had endured in silence. He's feeling everything for the first time and he is no longer guarded by uncertainty so yes he is very dude but he dint even now it himself until he was stripped of everything.
> 
> I was really busy these few weeks that's why I couldn't post. am trying to work out a system about uploading but i keep failing. i'll try and figure it out before my next work. I hope you liked this chapter. see you in the comments. Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo and Daniel clash again because of Mistakes Daniel made. Clouded by hurt it's difficult for Seongwoo to see anything for what they truly are.  
> Wannaone finally Debuts but why isin't everyone happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMC Minho appears again briefly.  
> This picks up where the other chapter ended.

                                                                                                  ***

 

They arrive that morning by 5am to a quiet dorm. The boys slip in as quietly as possible with Sungwoon and Jisung carrying a groggy Daniel straight to the bathroom. Jisung didn’t bother undressing him before running the shower over his head to calm him down. When he started to shiver, they shed his wet clothes and his leader helped him get cleaned however difficult it was to manhandle such a big Lad. With Sungwoon’s help, Daniel was carried to the bedroom and put in clean clothes before Jisung tucked him in. propping his head up on his favourite bear body pillow given to him by a fan.

 

 

Jisung thanks Sungwoon immensely for his quick action, haven asked his friend for a car on such short notice and being there with him to find Daniel. The exhausted leader also thanks Jaehwan for driving and being of great support. They both wave it off with a no big deal attitude. They were a team now. They were supposed to look out for each other after all.

 

Sungwoon decided to stay with Jisung after Jaehwan retired to bed so they could watch Daniel together. Jisung was a bit shaken up after the experience. He held up really well but sometimes he also needed to talk to someone. The one person he usually pours out his worries to need him right now so Jisung was grateful when Sungwoon stood by him.

 

 

 

***

“What are we going to do with him? This is just the first Day of this break up and he’s already like this... how much worse can it get?”

 

Sungwoon heard some of what happened. He’s known about the relationship since "ongniel" was obvious but having details of confirmation made it so real. Now he didn’t have to speculate, everything just made sense.

 

“I don’t know… am just so worried. He is a good kid.”

 

 Jisung felt like he needed to justify that. it hadn’t been long they all met and were put together and he didn’t want their new team mates to get an opinion on him that’s wasn’t true. He’s known Daniel the longest. As Jisung couldn’t take his eyes off him he felt sadness when he saw pain on the younger boy’s face

 

“Off course he’s a good kid.” Sungwoon interjected

“I might not know him for a long time, but with what I know? I think I know enough. He’s wonderful guy, he’s just hurt. He probably never felt heart beak like that before. “

 

Sungwoon’s eyes trailed to where Daniel was sleeping and the look on his matched Jisungs’. And then he continued “He just learnt how to love and it was taken away from him so quickly...”

 

 

“I just don’t know how to explain it to him… he needs to know that it’s going to get harder. When they can’t do the things they used to do together or when something they both like happens like a common memory that they can’t share together. I don’t know how to explain to him that he needs to find a way to get through this” jisung yawned from being exhausted

 

 

“Its worse coz they live together, I kind-off get why Seongwoo left the room.” Jisung just nodded in agreement. ”it’s a fucking mess Jisung… How can they handle a break up as roommates? Their memories are everywhere. The good times, the hurt, it’s all in here”

 

“By the way Sungwoon, what do you make of Seongwoo’s behaviour?... isn’t it too soon?” Jisung asked. He didn’t need to elaborate because his companion was on the same wave length

 

“Honestly Jisung, I think it’s all an act. I think he is just as broken as Daniel but he just can’t get over the pain of what Daniel did to him. He needs to forgive him first…” Sungwoon stood up from jisungs bed so the leader could lie down

 

“He said he did Sungwoon!”

 

 Jisung rest his head on his pillow keeping one eye glued to Daniel

 

 

“It’s not true… he wants to believe that but he hasn’t, that’s why he’s avoiding him. He can’t look at him because he is mad at him. It will only take a little thing for him to crack again. That’s why he left. He doesn’t want that to happen but he cares. Just look at way he ran to you after he got that call begging you to hurry to Itaewon that Daniel is somewhere drunk and alone” Sungwoon was speaking of the observation while piecing what he knew together and  Sungwoon made a lot of sense

 

“I was surprised too, when he ran and he looked so worried. I think he was shaking, I saw his hands trembling. I don’t know. If that’s not love I don’t know what is…” Jisung was tired of them but he couldn’t stop caring

 

 

**_They were as they are now, chatting and having a closed conversation about their upcoming schedules when Seongwoo ran to him half-awake like he was being chased by something. Although he tried to look calm and collect himself his inner fears were at the surface and he became easy to read._ **

 

**_Seongwoo informed them that Daniel had just called him few minutes ago from the road side and he was drunk asking him to come and get him. He said he wasn’t going to go to him but that Jisung should hurry since he didn’t sound okay. The leader never thought to process anything because his initial reaction was to run out the door to find Daniel. They’d already started making arrangements and were setting out when Daniel’s call came in asking Jisung to come and get him._ **

 

 

“Can we help them fix it?” Sungwoon asked Jisung watching as Daniel stirred awake again before groaning in agony and tried to go back to bed

 

“Unfortunately no… there is nothing we can do… Daniel needs to figure out that he needs to make it better because he broke Seongwoo… and Seongwoo needs to understand that and accept it. I have tried but when I spoke to them there was something I realised… because of how deep their feelings run and how peculiar their relationship has been able to thrive all this time, I understood that they are the only ones that can make this better. We can help them create opportunities to meet but Daniel is the only one that can truly heal him and Seongwoo needs to let him”

 

Jisung says it slowly because he doesn’t see the possibility of that happening. They were drifting apart quicker than he imagines and he knew they could hurt for a long time if they don’t figure it out now.

 

 

“Their relationship is so deep… I don’t know how they handle it… I’ve never seen anything like it. They are so weird. So dysfunctional yet totally perfect for each other” Sungwoon’s description of Daniel and Seongwoo was so befitting Jisung’s face curled into a smile.

 

“You really do find love in a hopeless place” He commented “If true love was missing it’s because Daniel and Seongwoo were sitting on it.”

 

“I hope they can fix it because they are so in love with each other”

 

 

 

***

Waking up was brutal.

 

As Daniel continued to sir into consciousness, Daniel felt like he’d been hit with a hammer in the head and beaten with a baseball bat. He was up with a growl which brought Jisung and Sungwoon’s attention to him. They were sat on Jisung’s bed talking secretly about something.

 

“Feeling the consequences of your actions?”

Jisung called at him spitefully

 

“Hyung you’re too loud… stop shouting” He put up his hand as if to bloke Jisung's voice like they were sun rays. It caused Jisung and Sungwoon to laugh and Daniel put his hands quickly to his ears to block them out.

 

“Am totally normal, your brain is just in high volume right now”

 

 

*

 

The morning goes by quickly and by noon wannaone was out the Door. A series of makeup colour matching and testing, and then they go for Fitting. Their debut stage performance outfit and clothing for the first two weeks of promotions were ready. The also needed to head to Ivy club to film something for a New CF they signed.

 

 

Daniel almost breaks down in tears seeing how the Schedule suddenly got filled for which jisung responded with more laughter and a _serves you right_ remark. He regretted going out last night but he doesn’t remember most of it. Daniel gets scolded at the makeup studio for not being careful; apparently there is a visible bruise on his forehead and on his face.

 

He saw Seongwoo reclaim a worrisome and self-blaming look when the makeup artist brought up the bruises. Daniel immediately promised to be careful so they would stop talking, they made him wear twice as much foundation to cover it up.

 

*

“Daniel your phone is ringing” Jisung was loud

 

“who is it?” he had a chicken leg in his hand sprawled out by the centre table in the small living area with his members eating dinner. A dinner of Fried chicken based on Jihoon’s request

 

“It’s just a number” Jisung replied

 

“Pick it up…please” he took a huge bite and starts to chew

 

“Daniel… he said it’s Minho” Jisung says in a confused tone

 

“Minho?... I don’t know anyone called Minho” Daniel shouts back making no attempt to move

 

“He said you met Last Night and that-… Niel, I think you should take this”

 

“OH SHIT … FUCK”

 

Daniel jumps out immediately almost chocking on a piece of chicken. Everyone watched him now. Seongwoo was there too and he witnessed it all. Daniel watched from the corner of his eyes as Seongwoo’s eyes followed him while he ran across the room to take the phone from Jisung.

 

**_“Hey”_ **

 

Daniel’s voice suddenly changed. He didn’t know why he did that. He hurriedly entered their bedroom and shut the door.  He saw Jisung looking at him with a raised eyebrow, not leaving.

  ** _“I don’t remember much from last night but am sure I didn’t give you my number”_** He saw Jisung furrow his brow while tilting his head

 

 ** _“No you didn’t.. Sorry… I took it when I set you at the bar and told you to wait so I’ll find your friends… when I came back you were gone. I tried calling but it kept saying user busy”_** Minho said into the phone

 

**_“Oh”_ **

 

**_“Are you okay now? You looked pretty rough last night… I hadn’t realised earlier”_ **

 

 ** _“Yes am great…don’t worry about it”_** Jisung was still watching him like a hawk

 

**_“Am sorry about last night I only did what I thought you wanted… sorry if I over stepped. I was just doing my job”_ **

 

Job? What Job? Daniel’s brain performed cat wheels but he kept shut. He was too silent trying to figure out what Minho was talking about but he continued talking on the phone.

**“I kind-off got in trouble last night coz of you.”**

 

 ** _“You got in trouble…How?”_** Daniel was still puzzled

 

**_“I broke some of the club rules and also Coz you forgot to pay me… I could have gotten away with it but my boss saw you come to my table and worse he saw you touch and kiss me”_ **

 

 ** _“Wait. I did what? I touched and kissed you?”_** Daniel paced in horror trying to recollect his memories from last night

 

 **“DANIEL???”** Jisung called out in shocked of Daniel’s retorted question

 

 

Thinking hard enough, fragments of memories suddenly sip into Daniel and he remembered Minho and what happened Last night. _Fuck_ he was drunk. Now that he thought about it the booth or table as Minho called it looked like it was important. And there were quite a few of them with boys just like Minho and Men who he now understood to be clients. Did he have a session with a club kid without realising it? **FUCK**.

 

**_“Am sorry for not paying you I really didn’t know… I just didn’t realise… but like what exactly did we do when I touched you like I don’t know if I have all the memories_** _” Daniel_ bit his nail and suddenly felt a slap on his arm. It was Jisung, Jiusng had told him to stop biting his nails when he’s worried or nervous. Daniel mouths an _ouch_ with no sound to Jisung and he gets a shush in return

 

**_“It’s okay…nothing happened, you left me… I should have introduced myself properly, sorry. I'M what we call a Table boy. I broke the rules because I left my station to come to you. And you’re not supposed to have any contact with me unless I sign up for that in my contract and I didn’t. Usually am just supposed to listen to you and make you feel good. Other boys sign up for more they do quite a lot on the table but my contract is limited for my own reasons. But Last night when I met you I did more than was stated in my contract. My boss thought I was trying to rip him off; getting paid doing what’s not in my contract so I don’t give him his cut”_ **

 

**_“Sounds serious… I apologise…how much do I owe you?... are you working tonight”_ **

 

“ ** _It’s oaky you don’t have to… why are you asking”_**

 

 ** _“I want to see you again… even briefly can I come?”_** Daniel pinched himself. He must be out of his mind. Jisung just watched him with opened mouth.

 

**_“Errm is that okay… You kept talking about your ex and-“_ **

 

 ** _“I just want to talk… please_** ” He felt a plushie hit his head. It was Jisung asking him if he’d gone mad. He frowns at him and throw the plushie at his leader who dodged it.

 

**_“Okay,… if you come before I get on Duty we could talk for a bit”_ **

 

**_“Okay am coming now”_ **

 

Now that Daniel thought about it with more memories coming back to him, it made sense. The way Minho kept saying he’s okay with it if Daniel wanted. And the way he answered Seongwoo’s name. He was working. It’s his job to cater to customers’ needs and he was trying to be what Daniel needed.

 

Daniel thought back to the way he talked about Daniel looking at him differently from other people that came there. It all made sense now.

 

*

“Hyung, can we return to Sprinklers club quickly? I need to do something”

 

Jisung was too curious to refuse. He informed Sungwoon and Jaehwan tagged along again because being out at night is better than being home doing nothing. Sungwoon drove this time. Good heavens the car hadn’t been picked up yet.

 

*

“You met someone last night?”

 

Sungwoon couldn’t hold himself. The silence in the Car was so uncomfortable after that question

 

“Daniel… You even kissed someone last night?” Jisung was in disbelief

 

“Yeah… but it wasn’t like that… That’s why I need to see him”

 

“Daniel it wasn’t a day, it wasn’t even a whole day since you broke up before you had your tongue down someone’s throat… I didn’t raise you like this” Jisung was scolding him

“I was Drunk I fucked up… “

 

“How do you think Seongwoo would feel…?”

 

Daniel doesn’t answer because they arrive at the Club also because he’s been thinking about that the whole time. He made a call upon arrival and soon he heard sungwoon and Jaehwan cursing in confusion. Daniel looked and he saw Minho walking towards the car. Now that he was sober it looked like they even had more of a resemblance.

 

The way Minho walked was just the same as Seongwoo. He didn’t have a bounce in his step; he was more carefree and a bit quick with his strides. He just has his make-up done and his hair was styled perfectly in the coma shape. He wore black Jeans and a hoodie. Why did he have to look so much like him?

 

 

Daniel looked at Sungwoon and Jawhwan and then to Jisung. They all had s hock on their face and didn’t speak. They were staring at Minho. Daniel decided he wasn’t seeing things. If they saw it too then he didn’t just imagine it all last night. The resemblance was almost criminal.

 

“Hey…”

Minho said to Daniel a bit shy. Now that they didn’t have the alcohol Minho didn’t seem all that bold. He was timid around Daniel and shy just like someone else Daniel knew so well. _FUCK._

 

“Can we go somewhere?”

 

 Daniel requested and Minho doesn’t rely, he just grabbed Daniel by the hand and pulled, Daniel lets him. They go to the corner of the club at ear shut of the other boys but still in line of sight.

 

“Sorry for getting you in trouble last Night” Daniel spoke to him carefully

 

“It’s okay… it my fault, I took up an extra shift today to make up for it. That’s why am working”

 

“Am really sorry and I didn’t mean to hurt you” Daniel’s choice of words seemed rather off

 

“Daniel, are you talking about last Night or do you still think am your ex…”

 

Minho made a face and Daniel suddenly realised what he had said but didn’t have the word to reply.

 

“Daniel why are you here? Why did you want to see me again?... what’s all thing?” Minho was adamant.

 

“I wanted you to have this…”

 

Daniel pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket, opened his wallet and pulled out more. He takes Minho’s hand and put the money in it

 

“Daniel what are you doing? That’s way more than you’re supposed to… I don’t think I can accept this” Minho tried to refuse

 

“I don’t care… I just want to do this” Daniel lets him hold the money and they go silent for a while starring at each other before Minho broke the silence

 

“Daniel I'M not him… No matter how much many times you look at me or come here am not him… you can’t take care of me and hope he will feel better… we aren’t connected”

 

“That’s not why am here” Daniel challenged

 

“Are you sure, you didn’t come here because it’s easier for you to pretend am Him? And because you can say what you really want to me and not him?” he was straight with Daniel

 

“It’s tempting but no…” Daniel reassured him

 

“I came here to apologise to you for last night and to take care of you… I dint want you to be in trouble because of me”

 

“You didn’t have to and you shouldn’t have to we just talked really”

 

“I think I did… and I do” Daniel counters being firm in speech “You see, am kind-off an asshole; notorious for using and manipulations people around me lately… i hurt everyone around me and I didn’t want to add you to that… also because you look just like him it felt like I was making the same mistake all over again, abandoning him with all the mess I created” Twisted and Sad but Minho understood him somehow

 

“You’re a good guy Daniel… I don’t know what you did to your ex but one thing I know and saw last night was a guy truly in love… you’re so in love with him and I think if you show him just a little of what I saw last Night… he will understand how special he is to you.” Minho smiled thankfully to Daniel and with a little admiration in his eyes

 

“You’re a nice guy Minho…” Daniel compliments too

 

“Maybe in another life it could be me and you instead? We have the same face right?” Minho joked and Daniel laughed

 

“I still couldn’t do it in our next life… I think I’ll choose him every time and there is a difference in the face I’ll always know because of it.” Daniel smiled back at Minho.

 

 

“Thanks for the cash. I’ll probably quit today. I’m moving back to Canada by the end of the month. Modelling wasn’t working out in Korea and am going there to study”

 

Daniel had a glint in his eyes. He saw how possible it was that in another life maybe it could be Minho but Daniel only knew the feeling in his heart, the way his heart was beating and it wasn’t because of any coincidence. It was because he missed Seongwoo.

 

“Good luck… I wish you all the best”

 

“And you too Daniel, I hope you work things out and he will love you just as much as I know you love him”

 

“Thanks” Daniel smiled

 

“A hug?” Minho requested and Daniel went in. They hugged. It wasn’t quick. It was a lot longer than necessary.it didn’t feel strange but Daniels heart had already chosen.

 

**

 

“If I didn’t see him I wouldn’t believe it” Jisung announced the moment Daniel got in the car and demanded they left

 

“Is that the guy you kissed last night?” Sungwoon asked

 

“Yeah” Daniel answered no need hiding shit now. They already knew what went down

 

“I totally get it… seriously… they look so alike. They could be twins like even the way he walked and the way he was looking at you. It’s how Seongwoo looks at you” Sungwoon chimed and Jaehwan agreed

 

“Don’t take this the wrong way but you didn’t look like you met last Night… you guys had chemistry. Like you bonded” Sungwoon threw it out

 

“I guess we did last night… I told him about Seongwoo. I was just really Drunk and I got him in trouble at work so I came to fix it” as if he drank a truth serum Daniel was just spilling his guts.

 

“Daniel I think you are destined to meet Seongwoo throughout your life. How do you come to a club filled with people and the one person you meet is his long lost twin?” Jaehwan couldn’t believe it.

 

“What k-Drama is this?” jisung announced and they all laugh. While Daniel continue to drown himself in thought.

 

“It’s over now right?” Jisung made a final confirmation

 

“There was nothing there before Hyung… but yeah it’s over”

 

“Guys” Daniel began as they got closer to the dorm

 

“Please don’t mention this to Seongwoo… I don’t want him to hear about this from anyone else… I think I should tell him” Daniel announced but Jaehwan spoke just as quickly

 

“Sorry Daniel… Minhyun called while you were with the guy…. And Seongwoo was with him. I can’t lie to Minhyun so I told him everything. Am sorry”

 

“We are not taking him anywhere again… sorry Daniel” Sungwoon gave Jaehwan a look

 

Daniel used both his palms to cover his face but he doesn’t react in any way that could make his thoughts be known. He couldn’t really blame Jaehwan for anything that had happened so he just keeps quiet trying to make scenarios in his head how Seongwoo would react if he requested to speak to him.

 

 

*

They spot each other at the same time.  Seongwoo had lost his bright smile and was at a corner in the living area whispering with Minhyun. It all happened so quickly. Daniel remembered watching rooted at his post as Seongwoo stood up and got in his face. The next thing he knew he was being pulled away. He lets Seongwoo drag him to their bed room before he slams the door shut.

 

Daniel’s chest was heavy withanxiety, he could sense the tension and he knew what it was about. Daniel just stayed quiet and waited for Seongwoo to speak. Of the entire scenario’s he came up with, none started with Seongwoo initiating the conversation

 

“So you called me last Night from the road side crying for me to come and get you at shit o’clock because you cheated?”

 

Seongwoo upset and his voice was above average but he wasn’t screaming. Daniel looked at him weirdly after his statement… they were broken up. How could he be cheating?

 

“I know we aren’t together anymore but it wasn’t even 24 hours and you were with someone else, a GUY! another guy” Seongwoo tried to clarify but the emphasis on the Guy had a bitter tone that Daniel couldn’t put his finger on

 

“I was Drunk… I was emotionally fucked but I didn’t do –“

 

“You didn’t kiss him?” Seongwoo was glaring at him daring him to lie

 

“I kissed him… but not because I wanted him…I didn’t want him in anyway Seongwoo. It’s you I wanted… I was mad… and fucked up with emotions and I got drunk and I missed you… and- and he- He looked Just like you” Daniel was pouring his heart out.

 

“I heard from Jaehwan and I don’t know if I should be consoled or mad that you replaced me with a stripper who is a low rent version of me… A stripper... Daniel. A fucking MALE Stripper” Seongwoo’s words carried a lot of spite but there was a lot of pain threaded in his tone and the way he drag on certain words

 

“He’s not a stripper… and I never tried to replace you… I don’t think I could… it just happen, I swear”

 

“You paid him didn’t you? I heard you handed in a lot of cash…” _Jaehwan really spoke of everything didn’t he?_

 

“He works at the bar as a table boy and when I met him I didn’t notice… I left the club to call you I only realised today about his job and I had to go pay because he got in trouble”

 

“He’s not your responsibility why do you care? Why did you have to see him again… why did you touch him and hug him even after you kissed him last night?… how could you want someone else so soon” Seongwoo’s voice sounded pained

 

“Seongwoo I don’t… I just wanted to take care of-“

 

“How can you care so much for a stranger you just met when you hurt me so badly” Seoongwoo stood up from where he had been sitting on Jisungs bed laying his feeling out

 

 _Daniel could see the difference in their argument but he didn’t understand. Was this a conversation to bring them closer or tear them further apart? This was a different kind of conversation anyway he looked at it. It seemed like they were fighting. If they were fighting then maybe there was something Seongwoo wanted_ _to fight for was it an excuse to completely push Daniel out of his life._

 

 

“Why are you doing this to me Seongwoo? I am trying. I am trying to undo the hurt I caused you… even if I don’t know how but you don’t let me forget what I did even for a second. The way you look at me and the way you treat me. I love you and you know that. But you keep pushing me away… I showed compassion to him because I hurt everyone I meet, because I hurt you and I can’t move from that. I’m trying not to be such an asshole. Maybe if I can fix that I can deserve you again… Am trying to be a better person for you… Seongwoo please”

 

 Daniel tells Seongwoo what he’s been feeling since they broke up. The feelings he had felt ever since Seongwoo left him, ignored him and decided to shut him out all poured in one statement but Seongwoo didn’t seem interested. He had a case of his own

 

“Can’t you see what you did to me? Every action you take, you keep breaking me. Am hurt Daniel and am still hurting… and am not talking about before. Am hurt because you said you loved me when we broke up and a few hours later you kissed someone else. How am I supposed to feel?, When you lie to me just to make me stay, when will the manipulation end?” they stare at each other and it was all a blank stare

 

“Seongwoo I didn’t… You know I didn’t… Seongwoo look at me and tell me you believe me… I didn’t lie to you. I Still love you” Daniel tried. He could hear footsteps outside their door and he knew they had an audience but he didn’t care

 

“I HATE YOU” Seongwoo screamed in his face and Daniel shocked. _Hate_

 

“You don’t mean that” Daniel started moving towards him

 

 “You don’t mean that Seongwoo; Am sorry for kissing him… I have no excuse. It was a dick move but I came for you immediately. I left him because it’s you I want. It’s always been you and it always will be.” Daniel was too close again. He tried to hold unto Seongwoo but Seongwoo refused him

 

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

 

 He spat out with a broken voice and Daniel took a few steps step back. He watched as Seongwoo struggled with his emotions trying so hard not to cry forcing the tears back down and keeping his eyes dry.

 

“You’re not going to make me cry again, I refuse to shed another tear because of you”

 

“I don’t want you to… I don’t ever want to make you cry or see you cry. It breaks my heart to see you hurting” Daniel tried to comfort him being honest.

 

“All this comes so easy to you doesn’t it…” Seongwoo cocks his head to the side rolling his eyes in discontent.

 

“I wonder how I never saw it before. You’re so smooth. You know the right things to say to me and every time I believe you… I didn’t want to fight with you. I wanted to end this nicely but I don’t think I can. It’s only a Day and you’ve messed it up… you’ve messed me up”

 

They broke up mutually with love looming over them but it seemed impossible to continue to love when you can’t have. The void of not being able to relish in your own desires makes the heart seek something to feel it, to forget and to not feel, Hatred, Anger, Disgust. Opposite of what they had shared prior

 

 “Then let’s try again?” Daniel spoke… unsure of his own words at first

 

“Try what again?” Seongwoo barked at him

 

“The breakup” he bites out starring deep at the love he so earnestly desires looking at him with rage and disgust

 

“Are you nuts? We are no longer together. THERE IS NOTHING TO BREAK IF WE ARE ALREDY BROKEN” he didn’t mean to raise his voice but he did but Daniel was calm, trying to control the situation

 

“I get that… but people do it all the time… starting over pretend it never happened… so let’s do that… break up with me again… this time do it as you would like… tell me everything you feel now. Not before but now…just talk to me” he didn’t know what he had expected but it didn’t feel like it was going to plan

 

“Nothing has changed everything I said before still stands… “

 

Daniels heart dropped. He suggested it but maybe he thought of a different outcome where they would decide to try

 

 “Am okay with that if it’s what you want” he lied

 

“What I want is to be away from you. I don’t Want you in my life” it was harsh, it crushed Daniel

 

“What you think you want and what you really want are two different things, and as much as I want to grant you whatever you wish for, I don’t think I can grant you this one… I want you in my life. Anyway you choose to be in it”

 

It had to be said. Jisung was right. If he couldn’t save his love maybe he could save his friendship. He didn’t want to lose Seongwoo completely; he had to at least try.

 

“Seongwoo don’t shut me out… don’t avoid me and don’t treat me like am nothing… it hurts… I know I have no right to plead with you but please Seongwoo don’t break my heart” Daniel begged him

 

 _Seongwoo had stopped speaking. He was just watching Daniel letting his thoughts roam free without saying a word. He straightens himself and took a deep breath before looking deep into Daniel eyes, showing all his vulnerability and all his shattered pieces he has been trying so hard to put together. Daniel complained that Seongwoo doesn’t let him forget but Daniel isn’t letting him move on. How is he supposed to heal_?

 

 

“But you broke mine…”

 

Seongwoo said in a whisper before exiting and banging the door hard enough to make Daniel’s heart jump.

 

 

 

*

 

The boys have their evaluation later that week and everything was perfect. Great comments and all clear from practicing for all members until the debut stage sends them to a state of bliss. With their work load cut in half the lads spend the remaining time attending fittings for final touches on Outfits for their debut stage.

 

The few days leading to their debut felt like eternity. Time had retreated and hopped on a rest lane. The day was excruciatingly longer. They attend schedules to film CF’S and shoot bromides but when they return it’s the same battle against a time that has refused to move.

 

The longer the empty days they spent watching the time, the more Seongwoo and Daniel didn’t speak. With no Schedule to bring them together and force them to interact the entire day it is easy to avoid each other. Seongwoo is locked away in the big bedroom increasing the number by one. No one questioned it. It had started to look normal that he slept there every night. He had stopped coming to change every night. He would wear something of Minhyun of have Minhyun come grab something for him.

 

 

***

 

The debut finally arrived after an agonising battle with the clock. Once the Debut arrived, time seeming to have regained composure, and began to make swift movements. Wannaone woke up early that morning, showered, dressed up and gathered in the living room watching each other in silence with each member looking more nervous than the other.

 

They all stare at each other as a group of 11. It’s the Day they’ve all been waiting for their whole life. Years of training and hardship and today 7th of August 2017 they would begin on a journey that would change their lives forever.

 

“Ermmm “

 

Jisung tried to speak but even his words fail him… he couldn’t find the right words nor process what to say so abruptly even as the boys sat expectant as if waiting to be addressed.

 

_“We’ve waited a really long time”_

 

 Daniel began and everyone gave him their attention. Jisung smiled as if to say thank you.  Daniel was the most professional kid he knew, it didn’t matter what he was going through when the moment to deliver comes Daniel would snap out of it and handle the situation.

 

_“We all have different stories to tell, our hardships have been different but we are all heading on one path. I know everybody’s story here because we’ve shared on countless occasions and I know we’ve all worked hard._

 

_We might have come from different backgrounds and from different performing families and companies but today our path becomes one… today we all share one hardship and one pain, today we become a unit of 1… I know you are all terrified, well I am too. But we are destined to do this. This is the path that was set aside for us. That’s why out of 101 it was this 11 that became wannaone.”_

 

_“I hope we would do our best and show an image that is worthy of the love we have been given… I hope we would also love each other as family and become a solid unit that will not be broken easy… I love you all and I hope our time together is only filled with great memories”_

 

Daniel finished his short speech and realised the other members had tears in their eyes. Jisung was a mess. The nerves was getting to everyone he made a short eye contact with Seongwoo and he wanted to got to him so bad but stood his ground.

 

 

Members started making short speeches after Daniel. Jisung ended up addressing them in the end. _He tells them to never forget who they were before they became wannaone because on the days where things are hazy and their path seems foggy and clustered the simple understanding of who they are, is what will keep them grounded. He tells them that they should be like brothers to each other and love unconditionally because only 11 of them will be able to truly understand what they are going through. He tells them that they should enjoy this and live in the moment today. He tells them to let loose because they will only live today once and that they should make all the right choices now._

 

It was an emotional Day for all of them. They arrive at Gocheok Sky dome and they were so surprised how many fans were in a line when it was still dark out. They quickly had a rehearsal and everyone got their marks. They go through the M.C. moments and plan all the jokes so the boys don’t do the wrong things. They weren’t ready for improvising yet.

 

 

It was perfect. Their songs were released in the charts and they debuted. Just like they anticipated they were instantly huge. Their lives were about to change but they felt like the same kids chasing a dream. At the end of the Day they go home. They return so late but no one dared sleep a wink. Every member took a spot at different corners of their dorm attached to their phones, each speaking to their family.

 

*

 

That Night at two different corners of the dorm two boys cried deeply as they were comforted by friends. Not because they were happy to debut or because of a sad news. But they cried because in the moment they were the happiest they couldn’t share it with each other. Ego and Pride taking charge in form of self-control kept them apart.

They sobbed as they imagines every instance where they shared this night together, where they commemorated this memory together but dreaded the once instance where they were like strangers but that was their reality.

 

The dream to debut which had been shared in numerous nights where they held hands and found comfort in each other touch, in the many hours of training where they encouraged each other looking forward to that one dream, phone calls and text of the Day they would make it. But come that Day after professionalism had been stripped away and all that way left was two boys who had lost something they cherish, Seongwoo was locked away in the bathroom folding his knees in his hands as he cried deeply with Minhyun standing and just letting him cry.

 

Daniel had taken comfort in their spot. The small space up the stairs with his head placed on Jisungs thigh while his leader rubbed his hair as his tears rolled silently. It was a happy Day but they couldn’t enjoy it. The significance of the day loomed their separation and made them feel empty.

 

 

_Many weeks ago_

_Seongwoo and Daniel were sharing a bed together. They had been making out and just living in the moment as they’d done many nights before, when suddenly the thought of debuting in a few weeks crossed Seongwoo’s mind. He reluctantly pulled away from Daniels lips causing the younger to whine at the loss of contact. Daniel had nuzzled him before moving to reclaim his lips which he succeeded in._

 

_Seongwoo being subdued by Daniel; wrapped his hands around the blonde’s neck pulling him in as closely as possible, letting him deepen the kiss before he pulled away again with a huge smile on his face. He smirked as he watched Daniel wanting more but he doesn’t let the kissing go on._

 

“When that Day comes I don’t think I could sleep… we’ll probably talk all through the night like we are now coz we will be so excited” Seongwoo said with a smile and relaxed as Daniel's hand came to cup his face

 

“I honestly don’t know how I would feel but I know I would be so fucking happy. Debuting is what I’ve wanted to do for as long as can remember making a wish” Daniel chimed

 

“Maybe you would finally cry… tough guy…” Seongwoo jabbed him lightly on his chest

 

 

“If I do cry it would be all happy tears” Daniel boasts and Seongwoo couldn’t help but laugh

 

“I know, I just want to be with you all night on that Debut Day. I would like for you to hold me all night because there is nobody I want close to me when I achieve something I’ve always wanted” Seongwoo smiled sheepishly and Daniel laughed

 

“You’re really cheesy sometimes you know that?... but yeah… I want to be by your side…My bed or our spot?” Daniel looks at him closely

 

“Your bed” Seongwoo made his choice

 

“But you always complain about how big I am” Daniel jests

 

“Am getting used to it… i'll just sleep on your big body anyway...”

 

They giggled and Jisung stirred in his bed

 

“shhhh…. “

 

They both said to the other before Daniel lay flat on his back so Seongwoo could sleep half on top of him with half a leg and an arm thrown on top of Daniel

 

“Comfortable? Daniel asked him feeling like Seongwoo’s sleeping bag”

 

“yeah… very comfortable” Seongwoo smiled at him with a shit eating grin. They both smile deeply before slowly drifting to sleep.

 

They were on the right track… they were taking it slow. They were casual and they were perfect but deep down there were fears unspoken of, questions left unanswered and lines not crossed. They worked then but now it was a mess. how did they get here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello... how was his chapter... okay so here is the thing. I know I said I wanted to end this in 10 chapters well, as I was filling my draft I realised it wont be done in 10 chapters since I already filled that much already. if Ivtry to force it to fit i'll have overly long chapters and a rushed work. so am going to extend it a bit more than 10. 
> 
> see you in the comments thanks


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Seongwoo slowly start to grow apart. One of them is actually moving on and the other is pretending to do so. Maybe there is still hope for them? A new relationship for one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time finally skips to over a month. Minor Characters appear in this chapter. This chapter was fun to write well you'll know why in the end.

    ***

**_“The rookie sensation has taken the k-pop industry by storm. With Title track Energetic sweeping the charts upon release and the songs making its debut on international charts, Wannaone is the best thing that has happened to the K-pop industry in a very long time. Some are already calling them the Best Boy Group of 2017, something a rookie could never dream”_ **

****

The Debut was huge.

Wannaone broke records and created a phenomenon that hadn’t been seen in the industry before. For an industry that has grown so much, a rookie group was able to show that there is still so much that could be achieved. With Immense exposure and great acceptance by the public, they were at the top of the hierarchy of success.

 

But Success came at a price. The lads were in extremely high demand; schedules after schedules and beneath all that celebrity status at the end of the day when they returned to their dorm, they were just normal boys with abnormal problems trying to do as much as they could to keep sane. While they spent majority of their spare time catching up on sleep, in the time they didn’t sleep they sought for activities that generated healing.

Hobbies became a huge part of relaxation.

 

*

Everyone had an interest that catered to their level of stress and it worked out well for them. While Sungwoon and Jisung focused on skin care and trying new products by themselves in the dorm and Jaehwan and Daehwi made music to blow off steam. Woojin busied himself making jokes and living free while also focusing on his rap. Guanlin on the other hand took to studying as his healing. A weird one, as the members always call out to him but it did him great good having his Korean improve rapidly.

 

 Minhyun and Seongwoo focused on learning some culinary skills; Learning to make simple dishes from scratch before advancing further and cooking dinner for the members occasionally. Minhyun tried to introduce the members into healing through cleaning but it wasn’t popular amongst the members.

 

Jinyoung was free spirited. He enjoyed shopping with Daehwi and more often than not hanging around Minhyun and Seongwoo just to eat whatever they cooked.  

 

 

With new projects to take his mind of the heavy feelings of his personal life and not being fixated on a particular thing all the time, Seongwoo was able to find strength and he was doing great. Meeting new people every day at music shows, getting accustomed to the idol life and being on broadcast was all so exciting that all of that easily became his life, his worry and concern.

 

Matters that concerned Daniel were fleeting now. It didn’t hurt as much as he had anticipated, the words uttered that Night helped push them squarely apart and he hadn’t thought of having otherwise lately. The space between was good for him.

 

It’s been about a month since their last encounter and after the mess that had ensued they slowly maintained a professional relationship. Faking it when necessary; Seongwoo gradually began to tend to his wounds and didn’t expect everything to be reliving so quickly, but in the end he got a reward he couldn’t refuse at the moment. Seongwoo was slowly enjoying the fondness of not feeling like _something happened to him_. He loved the feeling of not being hurt or having the urge to cry all the time.

 

At the other end, Daniel was also feeling good. He needed the most healing time as his feelings took the longest to dissolve. He had struggled with the Word of _hatred_ that had been imprinted in his memory which he slowly came to accept and began to forget but never returned.

 

While the members engaged in what helped them relax, Daniel had an array of activities he enjoyed. He began to explore his hobbies and interest. As a part of healing Daniel wrote lyrics, sometimes created choreography with Sungwoon and woojin but mostly he spent his healing time gaming with Jihoon.

 

*

Daniel quickly found a companion in Park Jihoon.

 

They easily started spending a lot of time together shortly after debut, spending a lot of time together quickly developed into them growing quite fond of each other. Every day playing together had quickly transformed into spending every night together playing games.

 

 

They would often skip meals and eat alone later while they took breaks from gaming. They’d spend hours talking and sharing personal stories, they always had something to talk about. Daniel slowly stopped feeling guilty and started laughing more; friendship that had gone cold elsewhere was found warm in the company of another. Unconsciously they grew inside jokes that brought them closer; they even started sharing clothes, which mostly constituted of Jihoon wearing Daniel’s hoodies while it got cold at night during gaming sessions. He just had a habit of not giving it back.

 

 

***

 

Daniel and Jihoon were more of an Item than anyone had anticipated. They matched so well that it was undeniable how compatible they were. Jihoon also seemed to know what to do to make Daniel roar with laughter every time they were together or in a group. Inside jokes that no one understood brewed between them that all Jihoon had to do sometimes was make a sound to get Daniel holding his ribs in deep laughter.

 

 

The Pair started Scheduling games between Daniels schedules because he got busier. The scheduling helped them spend more time together than with any other members because Daniel usually had late night Schedules where he would come in at Night but Jihoon would always be waiting for him. Jihoon stopped returning to his bed at night and would wait for Daniel to return. Sometimes he would sleep off on the sofa and when Daniel returned he’ll just sleep beside him and not wake him up.

 

Other times Daniel would make the Manager stop so he could get Jihoon a late night chicken snack. He would wake him up and after that they would game the whole night. They continued like this until Jisung felt like he had questioned that needed to be answered.

 

_“Daniel, can I talk to you for a minute?”_

 

Jisung had requested his audience in one of their heated night of gaming. They had decided to spend some quality time trying out Resident Evil; With Daniel being Chris and Jihoon having to be Sheva. They argue why Jihoon had to be the girl but turned out it didn’t matter who was first person shooter since Sheva had to save Chris’s ass level after level. Always running to find Daniel to share his life with him because if Daniel got killed they had to start the level while losing the amour the picked up already.

 

 _“Am not used to playing this game… killing zombies and all”_ Daniel had made an excuse and Jihoon laughed at Daniel. They reluctantly ended the game after Daniel finally got killed and he followed Jisung so they could talk

 

“Niel, you know you can tell me anything right?” Jisung sounded sweet

 

“What do you want hyung” But Daniel wasn’t having it. He could see through Jisung’s camouflage he was wearing his nosy look.  

 

“okay, I want to know…. Is there anything going on between you and Jihoon?”

 

Daniel had shot him the most **_have you lost your mind_** look he’s ever seen

 

“Jisung what the fuck!”

 

“Language”

 

“I think am allowed to go off with that statement”

 

“So the answer is NO?” Jisung kept going

 

“IT’S A NO… We aren’t like that. He is nice to hang around and he gets me… it’s just fun hyung…. Stop playing “

 

Daniel had shut it down and Jisung believed him because he trusted Daniel. And he knew the last thing he wanted was to Date another member of their group and further complicate matters.

 

However, on one of those nights where Jihoon and Daniel would play games into the Night, Seongwoo had a bad case of a dry throat at the very early hours of the morning. Minhyun had accompanied him to get some water because he wanted one too but when they stepped into the living area Seongwoo froze.

 

 

They entered the living space and came face to face with Jihoon and Daniel. The younger lad was snuggled up close to Daniel. They had fallen to sleep by their controllers and stayed close to evade the chilly night. It was obvious Daniel had pulled Jihoon in because he had his arms round the younger one who clutched unto him for dear life.

 

 

Minhyun saw a look in Seongwoo’s eyes, something he’s never seen from his friend before accompanied by a reaction he hasn’t seen from him for many months now. He could easily tell the particular moment when they hopped back on that roller coaster they left behind Months ago. He physically had to push Seongwoo towards the kitchen to get him to move.

 

 

Minhyun poured him a glass of water and it made memories start coming back to Seongwoo. _Daniel used to be the one to pour him a glass of water in the early morning. Daniel used to dress him and hold him close when it was cold_. Feelings Seongwoo had fought hard to not feel and actually believed he had lost them all those weeks ago found him in the kitchen that night.

He felt a sting in his chest. His hand shut up to press against his heart. _Fuck was he aching?_ It felt weird. He didn’t like the Image that he just saw and it burned in his memory.

 

*

Seongwoo’s mood became worse after that encounter. Old wound were opened but there was nothing underneath. He wasn’t hurt anymore. There was nothing to be hurt about. They broke up and had been living as such so when he opened said wounds there was nothing to hold on to and that frustrated him.

 

Seongwoo worries till he became more aware of everything going on. He didn’t have that place anymore, that place beside Daniel was taken by someone else. Seongwoo didn’t understand why he cared. The image of Jihoon in his spot in Daniel’s arms hurt him more than he would admit. He was **_angry._** Seongwoo said it himself. It’s **_all anger_**. He was just very ** _angry_** because of everything. He didn’t like what he saw.

 

 

Later that weekend Seongwoo heard Jihoon telling Daniel _“what if we took the game console there and set it up there… we could just make that our game room you know. Our every own pc room”_ Jihoon laughed and Seongwoo had seen Daniel grin as if he was considering an offer he obviously couldn’t refuse. Seongwoo felt the ‘ ** _Anger’_** he had been feeling increase and another feeling came upon him. He felt a small amount of Betrayal. He didn’t think he had the right to feel anything but he was just ‘ ** _angry’_**.

 

 

**_But that’s our spot… that’s where we did it…. it’s where he got really intimate with me for the first time and I lost my virginity. It’s our spot. Would he really take that away from me too? Would he give my memory to someone else as if it doesn’t mean anything? What exactly is going on between them? Has Daniel forgotten me?_ **

 

Seongwoo was embarrassed all by himself. This wasn’t him. He hadn’t thought about Daniel in over a month _. Okay maybe he had but not like this._ Not reliving past glories, not wanting or feeling entitled. In every definition of the word, he had no right but he couldn’t stop. For the first time in months Seongwoo couldn’t sleep because of Kang Daniel.

 

 

Seongwoo had now noticed the extremely large amount of time that Jihoon and Daniel spend together and the effort they put into it. He’s been watching them and keeping score, picking every little smile, eye contact and skin ship. Maybe he was losing his mind but he was using it as part of his hobby.

 

AS he observed them Seongwoo began to notice that Jihoon’s clothing Matched Daniel’s, it took him a while to realise that the clothes Jihoon has been wearing actually belonged to Daniel. _They were sharing clothes_ his brain makes a mental picture.

*

On the morning of the Day the cracks started to show, Jihoon approached Daniel eagerly asking for a hoodie. Daniel had told him to help himself and showed him where to find the rest of what he sought but the younger lad had no interest in what Daniel was offering.

 

“How about the black one you wore the last time? Or the Brown one you never wear? He perked up excited.

 

“Those are off limits Jihoon… you can take anything but those… okay”

 

They went on and on about it until they had gotten to a point of joking so when Daniel left, Jihoon went ahead feeling rebellious. He let himself into Daniels wardrobe and slipped into the black hoodie he was asked not to touch.

 

Jihoon put on the hoodie for the entire Day’s activities since he had a mini schedule. Upon return Woojin compliments the hoodie. It caused everyone present to look at him. Guanlin tells him it suits him really well even though it was a bit big but made him look cute. Daehwi and Jinyoung tell him it looks really stylish.

 

Seongwoo was also in the room.

 

 Jaehwan was showing them a piece he was working on. Minhyun was also sat on Jaehwans bed listening to Jaehwan play as he sang the lyrics he had written to the very beautiful melody.

 

 “So what do you think about the bridge? What if I make the last two lines rhyme with wannable, if it says _your love is stable and it makes me able_ … Is that good?”

 

Minhyun gave his reply but Seongwoo was lost in whatever had caught his attention. Minhyun tapped him but seongwoo was staring hard at Jihoon, at his body. At what he was wearing.

 

“I need a moment”

 

 Seongwoo quickly hopped off Jaehwan’s bed walking out swiftly. Minhyun and Jaehwan look at each other for a second before they followed him quickly. It was obvious the nature with which he had left the room was rather unpleasant. They could sense that he wasn’t okay

 

“Seongwoo what’s wrong, is everything okay?” Minhyun called out for him

 

“Was the song that bad?” Jeahwan asked and Seongwoo turned around and gave a weak smile to him

 

“The song is beautiful Jaehwan… it’s just… am so upset all of a sudden but I need to be sure”

 

*

Seongwoo opened the door to the room he shared with Jisung and Daniel but hadn’t stepped foot in for a month. He walked straight to Daniel’s side of the closet. He opened it and began searching intensely. Going through clothes after clothes after clothes but he couldn’t find it.

 

“What are you looking for?” Jisung who had been watching him finally asked

 

“errrm… hyung”

 

He scratched the back of his head and looked towards Jaehwan and Minhyun who were standing not too far away from Jisung. Part of him wanted to lie and leave but he couldn’t bring himself to pretend...

 

“I’m looking for Daniel’s Stussy hoodie, the one that came with a matching set. did he wear it out for schedule today? I didn’t see him leave” He says quickly hoping Jisung would say he washed it or wore it today

 

“You mean the one you bought together in Garusogil?” Jisung asked. Seongwoo’s cheeks flushed and then he nodded eagerly.

 

“Am not sure but Jihoon took something that looks like it from Daniel’s closet this morning. Maybe you can check if he has it.”

 

Seongwoo doesn’t need any confirmation. He knew what had happened. He went to his side of the wardrobe and picked out his matching pair. He crumpled it angrily in a rough ball and tossed it hard on Daniel’s bed before leaving. Jaehwan and Minhyun watched in silence making a face to jisung abd mouthing words telling him they have no idea what is going on as they followed him out.

 

“Okay Hold it… Seongwoo what’s going on…” Minhyun halted the three of them dragging both Seongwoo and Jaehwan towards the kitchen

 

“Why am I suddenly feeling like this?... things have been normal”

 

Seongwoo started talking to himself as if he wasn’t with his best friends

 

“What are you talking about?” Jaehwan questioned.

 

“That hoodie?... the only reason he bought it was because it came with a matching pair which he bought for me so we could wear it together. It’s our only item and now he is sharing it with someone else?”

 

Jaehwan and Minhyun look to each other and everything made sense

 

“Seongwoo are you jealous?” Minhyun projected

 

“Do I look jealous?... I am offended” he glared at Minhyun

 

“Why are you offended though? It’s just a hoodie” jaehwan tried

 

“It’s not just a hoodie… I don’t know why am offended but am just so mad right now… maybe I don’t have any right to be offended but I can’t help the way I feel”

 

Seongwoo knew Daniel was planning on sharing his spot with Jihoon. He had been trying to get over it. _What if what happened between him and Daniel happened between Daniel and Jihoon up there?_ In a messed up way he didn’t feel special anymore. That Hoodie belonged to them. He trusted Daniel to at least respect him enough to throw it out and not share it.

 

“Seongwoo you need to calm down” Minhyun knew that look. He’s seen it before, few weeks ago when Daniel had returned from sprinklers. It was the very same look Seongwoo had carried when he pulled Daniel by the hand and dragged him away. He doesn’t know what was said but seongwoo was so broken and said he’s finally done it and it was definitely over this time. He watched Seongwoo regret whatever he said to Daniel or did that night and he had that look again.

 

 

“Seongwoo don’t speak to Daniel when he gets back okay… just leave it till tomorrow or the Day after”

 

Minhyun was trying to stop a bigger fire form igniting but Seongwoo didn’t know what he was getting at

 

“I know what you want to say… we broke up. Yeah I get that and am over it but I just didn’t like how I felt when I saw Jihoon wearing it… it’s like he doesn’t even respect me anymore”

 

*

 

Daniel returns from his Schedule and thanks to Jaehwan who wasn’t good at keeping shut Daniel got a heads up. He quickly secluded Daniel from everyone and filled him in on the situation that had ensued in his absence.

 

Daniel finally understanding what happened had gone straight to Jihoon. He wore an expression that exposed his disappointment. Releasing a little fragment of his anger Daniel starred hard at Jihoon who was still wearing the Hoodie. Jihoon had begun in a singsong tone but upon witnessing the stone cold composure of Daniels face the younger boys knew it was not a joke earlier that morning and he might have been overzealous.

 

 “I’m really sorry hyung...I…I didn’t mean to offend you I just –“Jihoon immediately began to lay apologies at Daniel. He’s never seen Daniel upset before. Although older Daniel was as sweet as jellies, the brightest sunshine that never stopped smiling. Even when he was offended he laughed but not today. Jihoon got Goosebumps.

 

Hyung.., am really sorry. “

 

“You SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME”

 

Daniel raised his voice and the sweeter side of Jihoon, the side he only let his fans see. The one they call the jeojang jihoon quickly got affected and he quivered at the sound of Daniel’s voice. Without thinking twice Jihoon took off the hoodie. He fluffed it clean and put it in Daniel hands. His eyes were blurry with cheeks going a bright pink. He quickly put in securely in Daniels arms and walked away sobbing lightly.

 

 

**

 

Daniel felt uneasy as he made it closer to the room Seongwoo had now made his own. Walking in and not being greeted by laughter or a cheerful face of Seongwoo was a bit odd.

 

Their eyes met the moment he walked in. Seongwoo shoot to his hands where Daniel held the hoodie he retrieved from jihoon.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

Daniel’s voice almost wanted to swallow the words. He hadn’t requested an audience or spoken to him privately in 5 weeks. He wondered if Seongwoo would want to talk but in his own surprise the brunette stood up without saying a word. They look at each other not knowing how to request for privacy or if they should have privacy between the pair of them

 

Seongwoo started walking out the room so Daniel followed him in silence. They keep walking until they were in front of Jisung in their room that they hadn’t shared in over a month. The oldest of the three sprung up in confusion setting aside the book he was reading moments ago. His eyes grew wide in surprise seeing those two together he couldn’t refuse giving them his attention.

 

 “I didn’t give it away…”

 

Daniel began when they had stood there for a whole minute not speaking.

 

“I didn’t tell him it was okay to do this… it was a mistake. Look I got it back.”

 

Daniel showed Seongwoo the hoodie he collected from Jihoon. Seongwoo accessed him for as long as he was comfortable with. Daniel was still wearing clothes from his schedule. Still in full make up and still fucking perfect. Seongwoo wanted to Jump in his arms. He’s forgotten what they felt like. Maybe he could hold him and maybe Daniel would hold him back even if it’s for a minute then he could pull away again.

 

“It’s not like I care… why are you making a fuss?” Seongwoo rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he did that but it was the only reaction he could muster to protect himself form jumping into Daniel and begging him what he had not right to.

 

“You seem quite upset and your words are snappy” Daniel was exhausted from his schedule he didn’t expect to fight. He didn’t want to fight. He had done that and he didn’t like it.

 

“Why would I be upset? It’s just a hoodie” Seongwoo shifted his weight and Jisung watched with wide eyes as it played out before his eyes. Trying to make himself invincible so they don’t stop on his account

 

“I know what that hoodie means to you… it’s the only thing I ever got you and I know how much you love that we have the same item” Daniel said things as bare as they should be. Seongwoo loved that hoodie. He had wanted a couple item but Daniel had protested against it but when he finally agreed to it, he said that it had to be something he could also wear since most of the couple items were not in his fashion style.

 

When they had a trip to Garousogil he had liked the hoodie but didn’t plan on buying it until the Lady made a statement, saying it had a matching pair for the same price but that wasn’t the reason Daniel got him.

 

“I’ve got a surprise for you” Daniel had told Seongwoo “but it’s only a surprise if you like it”

 

Seongwoo beamed with joy and hurriedly followed Daniel into the store. The shop floor assistance had brought out the pair and showed it to them. Seongwoo almost jumped in the air when he saw the Hoodies. It was the same of one hoodie. Both in Daniel’s size but that’s what made it perfect.

 

 

_“I WANT, I WANT- I WANT I WANT-IWANT “Seongwoo had chanted like a Mantra while bouncing like a kid, causing Daniel to giggle really loud. Daniel pulled out his card and paid before asking them to bag the items separately so they both had one each._

 

_That was the night Seongwoo sucked his cock. Partly because he watched porn and wanted to practice and majorly because he loved his gift and felt closer to Daniel. It was sloppy and lacked any kind of practice but Daniel got off somehow mostly from the high of seeing Seongwoo so naively take a dick in him mouth for the first time._

 

 

“Stop your delusions Daniel… we are over and that’s how it’s going to be… I’ve been trying to give that back to you for a while now I just didn’t know how to bring it up…but, I already did”

 

Seongwoo was fighting hard. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching further. He just kept hacking at it.

 

“You put it on my bed?”

 

Daniel pointed at Seongwoo’s pair that was lying carelessly on his bed. His calm tone was a bit shaken and Seongwoo could see he had gotten under his skin.

 

“Yeah… I don’t want it anymore. I think cutting all strings would be best”

Seongwoo couldn’t believe himself. In a state of foolishness he was destroying everything. “Now you have two you can alternate” he said in the most annoying way.

 

“Are you really going to be like this?”  Daniel was mad at him

They stare at each other and they couldn’t understand the silence. They couldn’t read each other’s emotions anymore. Daniel couldn’t tell what Seongwoo was feeling and likewise Daniel was suddenly a hard cover book Seongwoo didn’t know what was going on with him.

 

“I’m Sorry…”

Daniel calmed himself down and apologised trying to figure out what he was dealing with

 

“Take your hoodie and I’ll keep mine and makes sure it stays with me this time” Daniel picked up the hoodie which he bought for Seongwoo and handed it back to him.

 

“I don’t want it”

 

 Seongwoo starred at Daniels hands and then at Daniels face and then he remembered how he had curdled Jihoon that night. How he let the younger one press so closely into him. How Daniel’s lips had rested on the younger lads’ forehead as the slept and Seongwoo didn’t think he was over reacting.

 

 

“I don’t know what’s mine anymore and I don’t think I can take that anymore. So No! I don’t want it.” Seongwoo stood his ground and watched as Daniel sighed deeply as if he just got the right answer to a difficult question.

 

 

“I guess you wouldn’t mind if I gave it to someone else them…” Daniel moved past him then quickly called back even though Seongwoo hadn’t made a move to leave

 

“Oh yeah wait”

 

Seongwoo turned around and saw Daniel shove both hoodies in his wardrobe like they disgusted him and quickly grabbed something from the corner. It was the brown hoodie.

 

 

“Since It has come to this, I won’t be needing this… you can keep it” Daniel throws the brown hoodie to Seongwoo with much fervour that it smacks him in the face. Daniel doesn’t flinch

 

_“I almost forgot… I am someone you HATE. I have no right to do anything for you. I should know my place”_

 

Seongwoo stood rooted there and watched as Daniel left him in the company of their leader who was watching with horror in his face. He watched Seongwoo’s expression got really said before he walked out of the room with the brown Hoodie he bought for Daniel.

*

Jisung hadn’t moved an inch when he Saw Daniel coming back to their room with someone. Daniel was holding their hand. But as the fully emerged from the hall way Jisung realised it was Jihoon.

He quickly took his earlier position trying to be invincible watching part two. Daniel and Jihoon walked into the room awkwardly before Daniel pulled him down to sit.

 

“I’m sorry for the way I acted. I should have spoken to you without raising my voice.”

 

Jisung watched the delicate and careful manner with which Daniel used to speak to Jihoon as opposed to the Raw and sentimental manner Daniel had approached Seongwoo, almost nostalgic but it had been coated with fury.

 

Daniel apologised to Jihoon quickly. The younger boy grabbed his hands and smiled but Daniels expression was serious.

 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry… am sorry… we can go hoodie shopping If you want” Daniel apologised again but this time Jihoon laughed. And he was caught off guard.

 

“Hyung its okay… we are good, why are you apologising so much?... we are good hyung I was just really shocked” Jihoon laughed and Darnel was shocked at how easy it was. The apologising, the fear of hurting him and all that baggage he was trying to pile on Jihoon seemed ridiculous when he took a second look. He was so used to being that way with Seongwoo that he does it without knowing

 

“Just promise me chicken and we are good….Hyung, woojin is waiting for me I have to go” Just like that Jihoon bounced off and Daniel is left with Jisung.

 

“Niel” when he heard the way his name was called, he already knew he was getting an ear full.

 

“What it is this time hyung” Jisung laughed at how Daniel could read his every move

 

“So about Jihoon…”

 

“Hyung!!!” Daniel warned

 

“Is there really nothing going on?” Jisung dragged

 

“You know there is nothing going on… why do you choose to taunt me?” Daniel starred at Jisung

 

“Am just making sure… because I think you like him” He doesn’t say it like it a bad things he just wants to make sure Daniel is aware

 

“I like him hyung… I like Jihoon a lot.  But not in that way.” Daniel acknowledges

 

“Like, in the way that you like Seongwoo?” Jisung asked

 

“Yes” Daniel answered and quickly goes “No” and Jisung burst out laughing because Daniel had fallen into his trap.

 

“HYUNG!!!” Daniel glared at him

 

“It’s going to get better Niel-ah don’t worry… hang in there… I know your true intentions… “

 

“Am not listening to this” Daniel makes a quick one for the door but jisung's words stop him in his tracks

 

“I know you care about him and he made you angry just now… but can’t you see Seongwoo isn’t acting like himself” Jisung didn’t want Daniel push Seongwoo further. Not now when there was hope.

 

“I don’t care” Daniels voice was firm

 

“But you do though… you see what he’s doing is _ACTING._ You know this past month I was a bit worried because of his actions and you not even caring but seeing him today and the way he was forcefully trying to spite you made me realised he still loves you. And they way you spoke to you Niel… you care for him still”

 

“Hyung stop trying to make me dig up stuff that we buried… Hyung I told you. He said he hated me…and his actions since have supported him claim. I don’t have any need to put myself through that again… am happy hyung” Daniel has been through a lot and so has Seongwoo. Maybe they were perfect for each other but not right now. They always end up hurting each other somehow and the game never ends.

 

“Daniel… he doesn’t hate you.  Something is going on with him but I don’t know what it is… I’ll try and talk to Minhyun to find out.”

 

“For real Jisung… just don’t do it… I’ve been thinking. It’s easier to live forgetting slowly. Maybe I’ll get something better soon” Daniel’s mind started to wander

 

“You mean JIhoon? Jisung emphasised

 

“You and I both know I don’t have such feeling for him” Daniel didn’t want to entertain such ideas even in the slightest

 

“Daniel feeling grow…what if you fall for Jihoon and realised you still love Seongwoo?”

 

“It’s not happening… it’s not everyone I hand out with that I want to fuck you know” Daniel spits it out raw

 

“I don’t want to say I told you so” Jisung was adamant

 

“Don’t worry … You won’t get the chance” he countered and starred straight at his leader

 

Daniel smiled and Jisung smiled before nodding in acceptance. It’s how they talked. Jisung would bring up every scenario to know if Daniel would hesitate. He would even spew nonsense to see if Daniel could be swayed. But every single time Daniel stood his ground and his leader smiled. Daniel was keeping his heart locked away and it was the best decision right now.

 

 

***

 

More weeks pass and Seongwoo only grew weary of his actions. He acted irrationally but still couldn’t give a proper explanation for his actions.

 

One Night after music bank; where Daniel was feeling a little under the weather and Jihoon had stuck to him like glue and Seongwoo watched them the whole time in _anger,_ he had decided to put the day behind him and was getting ready to go to bed. When Jihoon started being loud in the dorm.

 

Jihoons presence had started to irk him out. Whenever jihoon was at the dorm he only spoke of Daniel and Seongwoo was starting to get really bothered because he was seeing something he didn’t want to tell anyone. Just then he saw the big frame of Daniel walking into the big bed room; Dirty blonde hair, messy just like he wore it at the dorm, he compliment with his purple Nerdy up and down track suit.

 

 

“Daniel… did you’re here, I was getting ready to come and find you since you were taking so long. I got you a special gift… you would love it”

 

Jihoon announced, breaking Seongwoo’s observation process. He perked up a little looking maybe Daniel would look to his direction or say hello like he has done every time. But Daniel didn’t, he ignored him and turned him away.

 

Jihoon jumped on Daniel’s back suddenly holding a bag in one hand. Daniel smiled. He had gotten Jihoon’s text and was coming to ask him what was so urgent

 

“What did you get me” Daniel asked with a smile

 

“Not here… its private… lets go”

 

Jihoon made a secret face and a loud whisper gaining attention from everyone is the room. Daniel was more interested in what jihoon had for him. His face lit up like a puppy and he lets Jihoon Drag him off by the hand as the others watched.

 

 

Jihoon recent got a new game; it was one they hadn’t played in a long time. Jihoon had listened to Daniel reminisce about playing Tekken and they laughed. It was an old game. Old but it was a good one. Daniel leaped in the air when he saw it and screeched as he enveloped Jihoon in a hug.

 

“Oh My God... Jihoonie how did you get this?” He said without breaking eye contact from the game

 

“I had my mom send it… it’s one of the old games I purchased before so I always kept it well. You’ve been down lately and I thought I would cheer you up so decided to give you the present now”

 

Daniel was taken aback. He thought only Jisung could tell when something was off but here Jihoon was seeing him and trying to take care of him. Daniel doesn’t know if it was the emotions from everything else or the medication but he felt warm and fuzzy and really grateful.

 

 “Thank You…” he said quickly and ran to set it up.

 

“As long as you are back to being yourself and you are happy. _It’s all I want”_

 

Daniel smiled. The thing with Jihoon actually wasn’t as recent as everyone had thought but it kind of was. Daniel and Jihoon are two people who would probably never be friends if their paths didn’t cross.

 

During the competition Jihoon thought Daniel was this though tug kind of guy and Daniel had this idea Jihoon was silver spoon kind of posh kid cute and all. They weren’t aware of each other until the competition tried to make them rivals. Daniel approached Jihoon first and said **_“you know it all for the show right? And the views I don’t have anything against you”_** that’s how they started talking.

 

The mostly talked on rare occasion but after becoming Wannaone it was easy to see each other, the found out they had more in common than any other members. Their banter was on the same wave length and they liked most of the same things. They looked like opposites and it make them almost perfect together especially since they shared most of the same hobbies.

 

 

Jihoon brought food from the fridge and some drinks and they began a marathon of old memories. They play into the deep of the night until they were both exhausted to move. They decide to crash any were for the night. After all, no official schedule tomorrow.

 

 

***

“I want to go and check on him”

 

Seongwoo suddenly say to minhyun who was playing game on his phone. They usually stay up late when they had no schedule the following morning.

 

 

“Why?... you said you couldn’t be there… you said seeing him was painful why are you going to him now”

 

“He was sick at music bank… everyone said something and I didn’t. I feel awful about it” Seongwoo says to Minhyun

 

“Is that what you are thinking about at 2:15am?” Minhyun glares at him through the corner of his eyes.

 

“I don’t know Minhyun… I feel like am losing him” Seongwoo caved

 

“You kind-off already did, you are broken up…you said it was a good break up right? You said you’re doing better… why the sudden change?” Minhyun was confused

 

“Yes Minhyun but I don’t know… it’s suddenly not feeling good… I think I miss him” Seongwoo blurts

 

“You Miss him?, you said he needs to figure shit out like other stuff? We don’t even know still, like is he gay” Minhyun was trying everything to get Seongwoo to snap out of it

 

“Come on Minhyun, he’s at least Bi, like we had sex… There is nothing straight about that and he kissed another guy… So it’s obvious he’s not just gay for me” Seongwoo says somewhat painfully

 

“Maybe, but when you see him are you still hurt by what happened between you? Last time you went off on him”

 

“Yeah… like for a while it hurt a lot, that’s why I didn’t think I could be with him but now like it feels like there is nothing there. Am not hurt anymore am mostly just angry but I’m frustrated because I feel like there is nothing I can give him” Seongwoo was vague

 

“Why does it have to be you giving something? What’s up with that I don’t get it” Minhyun wants answers. He wants him to open up and accept what is truly happening but like Jisung advised him, they can’t force them… or he’ll ruin everything

 

“It’s more like, if am with someone I want to feel like they need me. I know saying I love you and being in love is great but… trust Minhyun, trust is everything and we lost it a long time ago. You only get that if you are important to them. I want to feel like there is something that I can do for him. Be supportive of him or just love him but it has to be enough to cause a reaction…”

 

Seongwoo sat up on the bed

 

“I know am not making sense right now but I know what I’m talking about. I feel like we can’t be together if I don’t have a purpose in his life. A tangible purpose that I can accept”

 

“So did you find your purpose in his life? Did Daniel give you your tangible purpose?” Minhyun asked him almost as if he were mocking him

 

“No” Seongwoo chewed at his lip

 

 

“Then what are we doing here Seongwoo? Why are you anxious all of a sudden? We talked about this. We talk about this every night while you tell me you can’t be with him but what’s changed? Something has changed and it has been troubling you for a while now.”

 

Minhyun was making it clearer for him, easier for Seongwoo to see and maybe open up.

 

 _“I think am sacred Minhyun…”_ Seongwoo began to whisper as if to protect his words from anyone listening

 

“What?” Minhyun urged him on

 

“Am scared that if he figures things out with me, he’s going to be happy with someone else…” He finally lets it out in a tiny piece

 

“Does this have anything to do with Jihoon?” Minhyun questioned at the mention of someone else and Seongwoo hid his face is embarrassment

 

“Seongwoo don’t tell me you are jealous of Jihoon” Minhyun found it absurd

 

“Am not jealous of Jihoon… am…Just…Just... **_angry_** ” Seongwoo says slowly

 

“Okay, I hate to be the own to finally break it to you and knock some sense into you but you are Jealous and have been since you saw them curdling weeks ago… That thing you’ve been calling anger for weeks now is just Jealousy…” Minhyun finally blurts it out in black and white

 

“Why would I be jealous…?” Seongwoo says trying to build up his guard again

 

“Seongwoo you need to stop lying to yourself and deal with it… if you don’t deal with it you can’t know if you are already tangible to him… ” Minhyun speaks to him and seongwoo’s tears roll

 

“I can’t… I can’t deal with it Minhyun because then I fear that I might start to hurt again… because I’ll start to want what I can’t have… ” he put his head in his hands

 

“Common Seongwoo… I’ve watched you grow sadder and sadder, bitter even. I see the way you look at him and the way you look at Jihoon…sometimes am scared you might snap” Minhyun made a Dramatic face

 

“I think it’s better to accept it as anger than any other feeling Minhyun… I think if I hold on long enough I could go back to how it was. I’ve been holding up just fine… I moved on” Seongwoo tries to convince himself

 

“No Seongwoo you didn’t move on. You stopped moving….you entertained yourself with other stuff to distract you but you never moved… HE moved Seongwoo but you’re stuck” Maybe he needed a little hard truth

 

“Fine, maybe am Jealous… maybe seeing him with Jihoon broke me just as much as when I knew he kissed another guy… I think I would have been okay with it if it was a girl but I don’t… I felt even more used after he met that guy”

 

Seongwoo cleaned his face. He didn’t feel broken. He was crying because he was emotional not because he was weak so he just let the tears fall.

 

“Seongwoo it’s months ago… he was drunk he didn’t mean it… it’s you he wants” Minhyun tried

“But now he’s with Jihoon… it’s like he wants everyone else but me” Seongwoo’s voice broke again.

 

“What is it about Jihoon that scares you so much? You know what you have with Daniel is crazy deep… if you open those wounds everything will return”

 

“That’s the problem… that’s the problem Minhyun, I’ve opened everything but am all healed. Am not hurt anymore at least I don’t feel it… I’m just scared of everything… I have too many fears and its eating me up”

 

He took at Deep breathe knowing he wasn’t making sense and Minhyun who had come to be his closest friend doesn’t understand. Seongwoo wished in that moment that he could speak to Jisung. Jisung had a way of understanding him that no one could match… except for Daniel. Daniel could read him like a book.

 

“Talk to me Seongwoo”

 

“I’m just worried. Am just really scared Minhyun… I don’t know if what I had with him can compete. Jihoon can make Daniel happy. He can make him cheerful in ways I can’t… Do you see the way Daniel beams when Jihoon is around? Or how loudly he laughs when he’s with him?” Seongwoo spoke even lower

 

 

“Now you’re just being ridiculous… you know you make Daniel happy… and you know he loves you… it doesn’t matter if wounds have healed, he still loves you. Am sure of it” Minhyun knew that for sure. Talking with Jisung and Sungwoon and his observation is clear that Daniel still had feelings for Seongwoo. Maybe he was being head strong but his feelings are there.

 

 

“but I can’t make him as happy as Jihoon makes him… it’s just… when he looks at me he sees all the awful things he did and all the pain he put me through and I think because of that its difficult for him to be truly be happy and free around me… he doesn’t look at me with that kind of smile… so carefree and casual without any emotional twist making it toxic. They are good together and I can’t accept that. It just hurts that he could never be really happy with me” Seongwoo was trying not to be a crying mess but he was doing a horrible job

 

“You’re over thinking it” Minhyun tried to comfort him

 

“Am i? Minhyun we have nothing in common.” Seongwoo’s voice was slightly raised

 

“I’ve been thinking about it and I think that’s why we never talked. We have nothing to talk about. So he would just kiss me to feel the silence… but with Jihoon it’s almost easy. They love the same things and have the same hobbies. But I and Daniel don’t share any of those. I am hopeless at games. He even told me once”

 

Minhyiun considers it for a while, he sees the sense in it but it doesn’t add up for him.

 

“What makes you think Daniel is interested? They are close yes, but Daniel is not that Kind of guy. I know what you feared before but he would never replace you so quickly. He’s very loyal to everyone especially to you. Remember the hoodie incident? That was just you trying to hide the fact that you are jealous and still care for him. But even then, he showed you that he loved you and not Jihoon” Minhyun made a point of his own and got Seongwoo thinking erratically

 

“I don’t know… it’s not that simple… everything tells me I’ve lost him” Seongwoo put his head down. Minhyun could see the uncertainty. Seongwoo said he was scared and he didn’t just say it he looked it and Minhyun wanted to help him

 

“Tell me what’s scaring you the most? What is the fear that is keeping you awake every fucking night?”

 

 

Seongwoo hesitates but started speaking and he pealed at his fingers.

 

_“I think am just scared that when he finally figures everything out I won’t be there anymore but someone else will be. Before it was a stranger at the club but that was a mistake. But now it’s Jihoon and he isn’t a mistake. Am scared that when Daniel figures what he wants and what he can have I won’t be there anymore in his life but Jihoon will be there and Daniel would pick him. **All the experiment that was done on me would be used to love someone else”**_

 

He said it and the weight was reduced but he felt exposed now.

 

“Hey… stop with the experiment thing… stop thinking about it that way. Seongwoo no one is saying it’s going to be easy, you’ve both been through a lot but to know if there is a chance you have to take that leap… you said you’ve healed but then you said you just don’t feel anything. Do you want to know what I see? It’s all an act that you’ve believed for so long. I think you can only truly heal if you know what you want?”

 

Maybe Minhyun is over stepping a little by steering Seongwoo but he only encouraged him. Seongwoo got there by himself.

 

 

“I know what I want but I feel like I lost a part of me that I desperately want back and that part is the part that has to do with Daniel. _I still **love him** minhyun_… I do”

 

Seogwoo and Minhyun make eye contact immediately and he couldn’t believe what he just said. He tried to think about the words he uttered. And in every way he thought about it they were true. He didn’t just love Daniel. He was in love with him. Just as he had been when he said he hated him.

 

 

“It’s okay… it’s okay” Minhyun felt like he had pushed him enough so he hugged him. Maybe it was time to end the conversation and let Seongwoo think about his actual feelings and not the traces of decoy he’s been leaving for Daniel and feeding himself.

 

 

“Am sure it’s all going to work out somehow. You just need to let your emotions be free and stop supressing them.  If loving him will help you move on so be it… but I want you to move Seongwoo not stay stuck”

 

Seongwoo nods as Minhyun began to wipe his tears dry.

 

_“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay what did you think? There is nothing Sad today right? lol see you in the comments. Thanks you


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happen to Daniel and its like nothing else matters. Priorities get set straight they make a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS ALL PRETEND. ITS FICTION. none of this happened. Although this fic is in real time it does not mirror real life events. the events that take place in this chapter did not happen. I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot. as always editing i do not like and because this chapter 11.3k you might find lots errors.
> 
> enjoy reading x

*******

**_“HELP….. GUYS HELP…. JISUNG HYUUUUNNNGGGGGG”_ **

JIhoon’s sudden scream in the middle of the night, erupted a commotion in wannaone dorm. Heavy thumps of boys jumping down from bunks could be heard, the slapdash of swinging doors and agitated chaos grew louder.

 

“WHATS GOING ON”

 

Jisung came dashing like the wind with only a slipper on one foot and sleeping mask handing from one ear, following quickly Sungwoon then Daehwi and Jinyoung and then the other members started to gather in the living area.

 

“It’s DANIEL HYUNG”

Jihoon cried loudly looking in the direction of their leader, grasping Daniel by the shoulders and screaming for everyone to do something. Daniel was seen frozen to the ground although looking frightened the other boys couldn’t make out what help was called for. The lads peered in panic still not understanding why Jihoon was calling for an emergency and why Daniel who seemed to be in trouble looked fine.

“HIS …HIS HAND… HE CAN’T MOVE HIS HAND… HE CANT EVEN FEEL IT” Jihoon barked at them to do something as he so easily feel to tears because no one was helping

 

Jisung didn’t wait to access the situation. Upon hearing Jihoon’s words He made a quick call to an emergency line before He calls their manager to inform him of the situation and tells him he had just called an ambulance. The manager gives him instruction to adhere to and tells him he did right thing.

 

The lads move closer to Daniel assessing his situation and soon the problem was laid out for all to see. The lads saw as Daniel’s right hand lay dead on his leg. He was struggling to pick up his own hand but he couldn’t move it. Daniel used his left to carry his right hand but as he dropped it, his wrist just goes flimsy and Daniel grunts in frustration.

 

“You’re going to be okay… you’re going to be okay…”

Jisung quickly came closer to a scared and frustrated Daniel. He rubbed Daniels hand slowly

 

“I can’t feel that… I can’t feel my hand hyung… I can’t move it… I don’t know what’s wrong with me”

 

Daniel was panicking and tears filled his eyes instantly, he looked just as scared as he sounded. He’s had discomfort in his hand before but nothing like this. Once the members started to realise the magnitude of the situation watching as Daniels entire hand start to go stiff up to his elbow and above, panic spread across the room. Right on cue the younger member’s started to panic first.

 

 

Daehwi broke into tears curling to Sungwoon’s side; he sobbed looking to Daniel not knowing what was going on. Sungwoon saw that Jinyoung was in shock with tears in his eyes and he pulled him to his other side. He spent a lot of them with the kids in his their shared room and he knew how fragile their minds were.

 

“Daniel is going to be okay… you don’t have to worry” Sungwoon tells them but he didn’t know what he was saying. His face was pale with Fear. He was worried for Daniel.

 

Woojin and Guanlin had picked Jihoon off the floor holding him steady as he sobbed. Woojin took charge hugging him tightly as he cried in his arms still shaking in fear. It happened while they were together gaming, he doesn’t understand.

 

Guanlin was scared out of his mind but he was a kid who tried to be strong. Daniel has always been there for him. Looking after him and always being a strong pillar for him. Even on their debut, there he stood as his rock when he was nervous and falling apart. Seeing Daniel In such a state shook Guanlin but before he could go into any kind of frenzy Jaehwan grabbed unto him

 

“Don’t panic okay… he needs us to be strong for him… he needs to know that he is going to be okay… if we panic he panics more okay? “ Guanlin nods and held unto Jaehwan just at the corner with the others giving enough space to Daniel.

 

 

They were taking care of each other trying to handle a situation that had been thrown at them without warning, this wasn’t a simulation or a joke... this was real life. As the time went on and Daniel complained of no feeling in his arm he grew weaker and they noticed he was starting to lose consciousness. The paramedics on the phone gave Jisung to keep him up so Jisung knelt beside Daniel fighting hard to keep him awake till the paramedics arrived.

 

They have no knowledge of his situation or what could be wrong with him. At Music bank two nights ago when they went for recording he had run a temperature, complained of blurry vision and just pain all over his arm. He was accompanied by the staff and was assessed at the bay. The verdict had come saying he was stressed and needed to take medication with rest. But it turned out to be that he wasn’t properly assessed at all or someone tried to cover up his situation and just sent him back to work because they had the open concert the next day.

 

Jisung suddenly realised two members were missing. Everyone was present except for Seongwoo and Minhyun he could have sworn he saw them standing around because he remembers Minhyun hugging Jaehwan and telling his Daniel was going to be alright.

 

 

***

 

“Where are you going? Daniel is hurt… what are you doing here? I don’t care what pride you have or what’s going on between you to now but you need to go to him”

 

Minhyun was calling after Seongwoo who had rushed away from the scene the moment they knew what was happening and Daniel looked distressed. Seongwoo increased his steps heading to his originally assigned room totally ignoring Minhyun.

 

Once inside, Seongwoo turned to look at Minhyun and he was pale as rice. His hands were trembling and his lips quivered. His eyes were clouded with tears but he wasn’t crying. He was in shock. Minhyun immediately felt terrible seeing the state of him. He had misunderstood deeply so pulled him in and held him tight

 

“He’s going to be okay, Daniel is going to be fine…” Minhyun can’t count how many times they’ve said those words tonight but it’s all they had to hand on to. He tried to sooth him but Seongwoo extricated himself from the comfort and goes to the part of their wardrobes where they keep the travel luggage.

 

 

“What are you doing” Minhyun watched him begin to sort through boxes and bags

 

“The ambulance is coming” Seongwoo replied totally engaged in his chore

 

“And?” he didn’t get it

 

“There is no way he is coming back tonight with his hand like that… he’s going to get admitted” Seongwoo pulled out a small one. Just enough for essentials

“So” Minhyun was waiting for the hat to drip. He didn’t understand what an ambulance had to do with Seongwoo locked in here when he should be by Daniel’s side where he knew Seongwoo desperately wanted to be.

 

“He needs his things”

 

“Oh”

 

 Minhyun watches in absolute silence, watching as Seongwoo carefully picked out underwear and shirts and began folding them into the small Gucci luggage. He picks an outfit he’s seen Daniel combine together for a potential schedule.

 

“When he leaves the hospital there would be people there and press too, he needs to look the part.”

 

Seongwoo says to Minhyun who had started helping him pack a few things like tooth brush and care products. Seongwoo worked like a robot packing stuff and folding precisely and then he went to his side of the closet and picked out a few things.

 

Minhyun watched silently without questioning. Just as he was about done, Jisung came rushing into the room.

 

*

“I was wandering where you both went” Jisung announced looking frantic but doing his best to try to hide it as much a possible

 

“How is he now?” Minhyun asked because he was still worried about Daniel

 

“It got worse… the entire hand has become stiff all the way to his shoulder but the ambulance is here” Jisung glances at Seongwoo and he didn’t know what to do but to try and console him. He looked like it was his hand that was injured

 

“Seongwoo the ambulance is here… they are ready to take him in don’t worry so much he will be fine. They just need to check his initial vitals before taking him in… don’t worry too much”

 

Jisung pats Seongwoo on the shoulder but he looked so out of place not knowing what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to lead them but nobody prepares for something like this. He has everyone under his care, he worries for everyone but how does he prepare for something like this?

 

“Hyung are you okay?” Minhyun taps Jisung on the shoulder.

 

“I just need to grab a few things for him” Jisung replied remembering why he had come into the room.

 

“I already did”

 

Seongwoo says slowly. He hands the bag to Jisung who just stared at him both thankful and amazed. Jisung thanked him and they all run to the living room

 

 

***

“Daniel do you feel this?”

 

One of the paramedics pricked him with something sharp but Daniel swayed his head with tears in his eyes… he couldn’t feel anything.

 

He looked worse than Seongwoo had left him. In such a short time his condition had deteriorated quickly. He looked so confused but mostly afraid.

 

The Female paramedic moved up his arm a little and a little more after that, asking Daniel if he felt what she was doing. When she stopped Daniel could only feel his left shoulder blade everything else on the arm was stiff. With assistance from a male colleague they took of Daniels shirt as he lay on the floor of their living space.

 

“Every two minutes he loses a few centimetres of feeling in his hand and it keeps spreading. We need to put pressure to cease the reaction for now”

 

 The female paramedic say to her male colleague as they began bandaging Daniels right shoulder and gradually wrapping up the entire arm with the most pressure directed at his shoulder. Daniel began to cry out in pain at his shoulder and they both smile.

 

The boys wonder if they’ve gone mad and as if they could feel the terror of 10 young boys or maybe it was the look Seongwoo gave her she explained to them.

 

“Pain is good…. We want him to feel a lot of pain… if he doesn’t feel any pain. That’s bad.” She tells them in simple words and watched as Daniel slowly fell out of consciousness.

 

“We need to move NOW!” She says with urgency and they knew that this development wasn’t good

 

*

The lady looked at how many they were and then she tells them that they can’t all come along but before she could finish Seongwoo interrupts rudely.

 

“Am coming” he says to no one in particular looking away

 

“Can you please allow two people?”

 

Jisung jumped in immediately pleading with her. Telling her he is the leader of the group but he also will need another member there to take care of informing their agency or handling other situations. He makes it look like a management law or some sort of idol business that she doesn’t understand so just she agrees.

 

“Okay, but only one person can ride with him at the back. The other will ride in with my colleague in the front of the ambulance”

 

Jisung nods as they carried an unconscious Daniel outside the dorm in a stretcher. Jihoon started crying more as they were about to leave. He wanted to come too but Jisung promised to call immediately they knew what had happened and ask if it was okay for the members to come. Sungwoon and Minhyun ensure him everything is under control and they will take care of the dorm.

 

*

When they got to the ambulance the paramedics got Daniel ready for transport; hooking him up to the cardiac machine to monitor him properly, an oxygen mask was put on him to help him breathe. They attached a drip and strapped him to the elevated stretcher. They checked his blood sugar and his blood pressure and when they finished their probing they covered him with a blanket.

 

Jisung and Seongwoo watched from outside the ambulance as everything happened. They knew it was time to move when the male paramedic comes out of the ambulance and asked one of them to join him in front so they could leave. Jisung squeezed Seongwoo’s shoulder and Seongwoo wiped his eyes clean.

 

“Go on”

 

Jisung tapped his back Seongwoo looked at his leader and he knew what he meant but he couldn’t believe it.

“It’s okay… you stay with him… am sure it’s what he wants… go and be with him. I know you need it too”

Jisung smiled at him and Seongwoo hugs him tight.

“Thank You Hyung” he hops into the back of the ambulance as Jisung takes his place in front.

 

***

Seongwoo’s tears were uncontrollable now. He wasn’t hysterical, he just cried silently as the van began to move and the sirens go off. He was so terrified. Daniel was unresponsive and Seongwoo couldn’t stop his mind from giving him the worst scenarios. Seogwoo’s mind kept going to that Night. How Daniel had constantly driven his hand against the door. How Daniel had hurt himself. He knew Daniel was hurt that day because he did it so many times but he had hoped it would never be an issue.

 

Seongwoo only realised he’s been holding unto Daniels other hand the whole time when the paramedic broke his panic.

 

“You seem very close”

 

Her voice said something else but her face said another. She looked at him with a confused and suspecting look even though her question was innocent.

 

Seongwoo didn’t care at this point. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be acting this way especially in public but he could only worry about Daniel

 

He smiled at her weakly... holding Daniel’s hand tighter while he used the other to caress him lightly. He knew she was watching but he couldn’t stop. He was going to pretend in others but not this.

 

“Yeah… he’s my best friend”

 

He lied and it stung him. Actually they were nothing. He had no right to be there. It should have been Jihoon sitting there and he knew it. They were best buddies now and Jihoon is a witness and could explain what happened but here he was claiming what did not belong to him anymore.

 

He sniffed and kept his eyes glued on Daniel

 

“Don’t worry… your friend is going to be okay…”

 

Seongwoo caught her watching from his hands to his face and he saw her smile before he nods in response. He didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to be beside Daniel. Maybe she knew. Maybe she would sell a story or she just admired their friendship. He just didn’t care.

 

“You know there is a camera in the Ambulance right and you are like idols?”

 

Maybe she was being nice but Seongwoo was in no position for small talk he just needed her to monitor his vitals and make sure he is fine.

 

“Am sure our company will call you soon to request every footage from this ambulance… and hospital cctv once we get there so am good”

 

There is no way YMC and CJ would let Korea know that their golden boy was carried out in an ambulance, they would be slapped with lawsuits and fans would never let them live. The worse thing about them is that they knew how to protect themselves and their money rather than wannaone themselves.

 

 

*

Apparently the company had already called the hospital while they were on their way and made arrangements for a private VIP treatment for Daniel and as Seongwoo had said, they request all footage of Daniel being sick i the ambulance and throughout his stay at the hospital. They enter through a private elevator that works only with a controlled key card limited to few staff and separate from everyone else.

 

 

Daniel gets taken away from them quickly and they were asked to leave the room. Seongwoo and Jisung wait until a few people from the company arrive. Papers were rapidly signed by the doctors and staff that would be in contact with Daniel and Seongwoo knew it was a non-disclosure agreement.   _Assholes_ he rolled his eyes _._ Seongwoo and Jisung didn’t expect to sign one but they were made to sign one too and informed that the boys at the dorm had already signed it too.

 

It was obvious they plan to bury the details but Jisung got upset when his manager picked up a file and hands it to him.

 

“When Daniel wakes up you need to make him sign this before he takes any phone calls”

 

“HYUNG!!!”

 

 Jisung was upset and he saw their manager also looked disappointed. It wasn’t his doing. The big guys were involved now. And they already prepared a statement for Daniel so tell his family and friends and he had to sign in. if he doesn’t sign it it’s a breach of the contract.

 

“Hyung isn’t this too much? they don’t even know if he is okay and they are already saving image…” Jisung refused to collect the paper.

 

“Jisung-ah its company policy… the only people they are telling the truth is MMO… the company has been notified and they are in a meeting discussing damages depending on how serious it is” Their manager who has come to be like a friend gives him some inside information. They realised quickly that the company was shit the moment the competition ended but they were chasing a dream so they see it all as a necessary evil.

 

 

“You need to change that and add his mom to it hyung… I already called her. Sorry” Seongwoo interrupted them and he could physically see his manager go weak because of his statement.

 

“Fine I’ll call and tell them and I’ll bring it back tomorrow but he has to sign”. Jisung knew Seongwoo dint call anyone but they had no right to tell Daniel to lie to his mom and Seongwoo did the right thing.

 

“Good job” Jisung tells him

 

 

 

***

_“Hello… I’m Doctor Kim Changwook. Mr Kang is stable at the moment; although still unconscious he is stable. I asked you before if he had hurt his arm and you said it happened a long time ago”_

 

Jisung nodded in response and recants the story of Daniel’s early b-boy days and how he sustained an injury and then hurt it again during the competition. There was uncertainty on the Doctors face and Seongwoo suddenly grew pale which didn’t go over his leaders head. Daniel had omitted the violent preceding in their commutation and didn’t tell Jisung about it but looking at Seongwoo jisung knew he was hiding something.

 

 

_“we did an x-ray of his arm and shoulders and we a have a course to believe that there was impact and a recent Injury to the affected area. It looked like it occurred about 3 weeks or a month ago. I would have asked if he was an athlete if I didn’t know who he was, more precisely a boxer due to the nature of his injuries._

_However, the issue currently lies with the observation that although there is no fracture, the bones in his right hand have moved out of place. The space between his thumb and index finger have increased slightly making his ligaments loose”_

 

Jisung and Seongwoo coupled with their manager and the CJ representatives that were present all grew really worried.

 

 

“ _You see,”_ Mr Changwook continues

_“this could have just caused a simple discomfort on impact and after a couple of Days everything could get back in place but there seem to be a constant strain and added pressure on the injury that had caused the bones to move completely out of place. I assume this is due to the nature of his job but there is another problem._

_The displacement of the bones from its place had caused a swelling inside the hand like a small air pocket which is making his entire arm freeze up. We need to have a minor surgery to deflate the air pocked in his arm and restore blood flow and also set the bones back in place before he can begin to recover”_

 

They hear the representative begin to campaign about how Daniel is a star performer and how his hands are important to him and that surgery is a stretch.

 

Doctor Kim smiled and tells them that he knows who Daniel is. He tells them how his wife made him use his phones to vote for Daniel during the competition and that he would only make the best decisions to return Daniel to the stage.

 

The doctor truly turns out to be fan as he said he would not make the nation lose their centre. A smile formed on everyone’s face as the situation got lighter.

 

_“This procedure is the best for him… I know when you hear an operation you think of knives and scalpels but they are all different. If he doesn’t have this procedure as soon as possible, further damages might ensue”_

 

The doctor proceeded to showing them the instrument for the procedure on his computer. Then he got a nurse to bring in the equipment which they wheeled in using a very large gurney. It just looked like a giant syringe. It looked simple enough but it was evident it needed to be done with utmost precision to not hit any veins or pierce through any nerves as they drive into his hands.

 

 _“I’ll perform the procedure myself as I am the head orthopaedic surgeon and I’ve made this my case”_ They all looked relieved to hear that

 

“How quickly do you think he can leave and start performing again?”

 

Seongwoo almost slaps the representative but he calms himself and settled for shooting him daggers

 

“He’s going to be here for 3 or 4 days. After surgery he needs to be watched for 48 hours. But he would wear a cast for 3 weeks and he need to be careful to not put some much pressure on the hand but it should heal up in 2 weeks”

 

 

***

“You should get some sleep…”

 

Jisung was trying to get Seongwoo to take a rest. He looked like he would faint any minute from exhaustion

 

“Am not sleepy” Seongwoo answered still glued to Daniels bed side

 

“You look exhausted Seongwoo go to bed… I’ll watch him” Jisung tried again

 

“I can’t… I don’t want to leave his side…”

 

“Seongwoo he’s fine now, he’s just sleeping. You heard from the doctor. Surgery was a success. He gets to go home in a few days and you can talk to him when he wakes up tomorrow. Am sure he will be happy to see you”

 

“That’s why I want to be with him tonight, I have to leave when he wakes up…”

 

“What?” Jisung is shocked

 

“Hyung… I was nasty and awful to him… the last thing we did was fight and we are still not together. I don’t have any right to be here “

 

“Seongwoo you have every right to be here, that’s why you are here. Besides the situation is different; I don’t want to tell you how to handle your business as much I don’t tell Daniel what to do but I know Daniel, he would be so broken if you aren’t here when he wakes up”

 

“I know that… and I will be here… with everyone else when they come to visit tomorrow. But he won’t know I slept here or came with the ambulance”

 

“What?” Jisung said like Seongwoo had lost his head

 

“Hyung you can’t tell him”

 

“He held unto you after he came out of surgery… he kissed your hand… He called out your name you think he doesn’t know?”

 

“Hyung he was unconscious, high on meds everyone laughed even manager hyung, the CJ people and the doctors… he has no idea what he was doing. You can’t tell him it was me.”

 

Jisung paced for a few minutes and just stopped moving after a while.

 

“Don’t you want to fix it? Don’t you want to be with him? because am getting frustrated with you two. You get an opportunity but you throw it away” Jisung was both worried and upset now

 

“I do… I want to be with him again…deep down I want to get back together but Hyung not like this. I don’t know if this is the right opportunity” He saw Jisung face and he knew he was getting somewhere.

 

“I can’t just wreck his world like that, I can’t just impose myself on him when I know he is vulnerable and would have a biased judgement … I want him to want me again hyung freely not because am here… I want him to need me like he used to”

 

“But he does… Seongwoo…look at him he needs you” Jisung gestured to Daniel who still lay still on the bed rolled in coils and coils of bandages

 

“And am here for him now…. But hyung, I need to feel it from him too. I need him to say it to me and show it to me. Not because I showed up when he was ill because am scared but because he wants me… I haven’t felt like he wants me in a while and am scared that he doesn’t want me anymore. ”

 

 

Jisung could understand him. He didn’t want to influence Daniels judgement. They’ve been there and they’ve paid the price. Jisung gets it, they were different. Daniel and Seongwoo thought about every detail and maybe that’s why their love is so strong but it’s also why it’s so difficult to fix.

 

But deep down Jisung was happy. He could see how strong willed Seongwoo had become. Making decision for him no matter how silly there were it was for his own benefit or just because he wanted it that way. Seongwoo was strong and Jisung could see it.

 

“Just promise me you will think about it… ill hate for you to miss this opportunity… you love him so much and I know timing is always wrong with you two but this is big Seongwoo. This is a crucial moment in his life and I hope you give it a proper thought”

 

 

***

 

5 am the next morning. Jisung is up and he couldn’t stop smiling. He’s been watching them for over 30 minutes; they were so perfect together and absolutely cute. Even with both of them completely out of it they looked good together.

 

Seongwoo had shifted his chair closer and hand both his legs crossed on the chair. Jisung thought it looked uncomfortable. He had his head on the bed with his hand on Daniels arms holding tight. Daniels other hand was in Seongwoo’s hair, occasionally running his fingers out of reflex. He thought of making a video but he just smiled and let them be.

 

“Seongwoo” Jisung tapped him on the shoulder and woke him up whispering

“You need to go shower and change so you can go outside and come in later with everyone. Nurses will be coming to wake him for rounds and clean up soon”

 

Seongwoo slowly pulled away from Daniel. He stretched his body and everything felt sore but he didn’t care. Seongwoo stoop up and moved closer to Daniels face and looked at him closely. He couldn’t describe the look on Daniels face but he looked like he’d been through hell. Seongwoo’s hands shoot straight for Daniels face. He carefully caressed his cheek and cupped the side of his face with one hand starring at his sleeping face before fixing his hair.

 

 

**_“Thanks for being okay”_ **

Seongwoo leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. He pressed his lips softly staying for a few seconds longer that he should. Daniel stirred but didn’t wake up, Seongwoo almost pass out and Jisung watched from the corner, hands clasped together in amusement. _What a stupid couple he_ thought as he smiled

 

*

Wannaone arrived at 7 but aren’t allowed to go in until 8:00 am which was when the visitors were allowed in after rounds. Daniel had been cleaned up by nurses and had a fresh change of the white hospital uniform with black designs all over. Daniel puts on the hospital pants but refused the shirt, opting for one that had been packed in his small luggage after negotiating to put it on if he ever decided to take a walk.

 

 

He had breakfast and a heavy dose of medication that took him out like a tranquiliser. He was asleep when the boys were ushered in. they all hugged Jisung and asked for information. He filled them in on what happened. Minhyun and Sungwoon bring Jisung supplies and asked him to take a break so they could take over.

 

He told them it was okay that he had rest last night. That Seongwoo did all the work last night watching him. Jisung hugged Jihoon and reassures him it wasn’t his fault for making Daniel play game all the time.

 

He was informed at how the younger lad had taken it out on himself and had blamed himself for what happened. Jihoon quickly slipped into the chair Seongwoo had used all night. He pulled into the same position Seongwoo was last night and grabbed into Daniel hands and started squeezing lightly.

 

It was too familiar to Jisung. In that moment Daniel woke up slowly starring at Jihoon’s hand and then at Jihoons face. Daniel smiled at him. Jisung felt a little pang in his heart because he had a theory on what just happened, he shoots Seongwoo a look and he could tell he thought the same.

 

Jihoon on the other hand had no Idea and just continues to hold unto him as they all started to chatter. Minhyun and Sungwoon quickly grasp the situation when Seongwoo suddenly left the room. Minhyun knew how much Jihoon scared Seongwoo to the point where he felt threatened and he just felt weak in every way.

 

*

The boys take different spot on Daniel’s bed and around it telling him how he gave them a fright and that they wished him a speedy recovery. Jaehwan tells him not to worry that the press doesn’t know yet and he would be back before the next schedule so he shouldn’t worry too much about it. Daehwi turned out to be the clingy one lying by Daniels side and sharing his bed the whole time.

Sungwoon tells them hoe Daehwi couldn’t sleep all night long and cried till morning. They joke about him being a baby but he doesn’t mind he just smiled and snuggled close to Daniel. Guanlin looked better after seeing Daniel smile and Daniel tells him not to skip meals since he had a habit of not eating when he worried. It was a jolly good time even though the occasion that cause for the gathering was unpleasant.

 

Seongwoo returned later with puffy eyes and tells Daniel he’s glad he is doing better. Daniel smiles happily seeing Seongwoo and said he feels better. They all hang out together. Daniel takes callas from his mom and their company staff who were allowed to know for now wishing him a speedy recovery.

 

Visiting hours close at 8pm and the boys were all getting ready to return to their dorm having spent the Day at the hospital mostly depriving Daniel of any form of sleep and eating all his food because apparently VIP food tasted really good.

 

 

*

“Can you sit for a bit?”

 

Daniel speaks from his bed. Seongwoo had thought he was asleep so he came to take his things getting ready to leave. Seongwoo doesn’t fight it; as if it were a command, he sat immediately by Daniel

 

“I heard from the Doctor… I hope you know it’s not your fault” Daniel says and let it just dangle in the air

 

“It only got this bad because of all the variety shows and the choreography. And you didn’t make me hit the door, that was me being careless” Seongwoo nods without saying a beep

 

“Am sorry if I scared you”

 

His voice was a little lower this time. As if he was asking for something. Maybe a connection but Seongwoo doesn’t acknowledge it. He doesn’t let himself go there. Daniel knows how Seongwoo couldn’t stand when he was in any kind of physical pain and Danger so he wanted to ease off his worry at least.

 

When they just stay there for a while without exchanging words Daniel sighed deeply before talking to Seongwoo as if he was contemplating where to make an announcement

 

“Do you have to leave?”

 

Daniel asked him and Seongwoo when met his gaze, he so wanted to stay. He really wanted to stay. But that voice was telling his to run. He doesn’t answer so Daniel just goes for it.

 

**_“Can’t you spend another night?”_ **

 

Daniel tells him softly and Seongwoo’s brain goes into over drive ANOTHER NIGHT. SO HE KNOWS. As if Daniel could read his chaotic facial expression

 

“I woke up at early this morning and you were sleeping by my side and “

 

“Am sorry for doing that I just wanted to make sure you-“

 

“No thank you…” Daniel grabbed his hand. Just the way he had held hands with Jihoon when Seongwoo thought Daniel was giving Jihoon his credit.

 

“Thanks for staying Last Night… I would really like it you didn’t leave”

 

Daniel could see that Seongwoo was embarrassed. He didn’t want to tell him but he couldn’t let him leave thinking he wasn’t appreciated. And he also wanted him to stay.

 

“It’s not very comfortable to sleep on the chair” Seongwoo says instead because his brain had stopped working

 

“We could share. This is much bigger than the bed at the dorm. It would fit perfectly” Daniel was still holding his hands and Seongwoo was getting hot all over

 

“You looked so cute last Night while you slept… I loved watching you sleep for the few minutes, it made me feel better before the medication knocked me out again”

 

Seongwoo’s ear burned red. Was Daniel flirting with him? This was inappropriate in every way he thought about it. He absentmindedly tucks his hair behind his ears. When Daniel saw his efforts were going nowhere he tried not to make it awkward

 

 “Will you come back tomorrow? Daniel asked expectantly

 

“I don’t know but… I’ve got to go… the van is waiting for me” Seongwoo left and Daniel is left in the room and soon Jisung walked in.

 

 

*

“Why did you open your big mouth? you made him leave” Jisung scolded the moment he came in. Daniel sort of gave him a heads up after they all left so he could get cleaned up for the evening before they started preparing to leave

 

“Don’t even try to look sad… you did all the blabbing… and he looked cute sleeping? What a creep” Jisung mocked him

 

“Why are you even here hyung? You were sleeping like you were on Vacation last night snoring and disturbing the patient”

 

Jisung threw one of the plushies the members brought at him “Shut it” he was a bit embarrassed with a smile creeping on his face. Daniel caught the soft toy instead and winced immediately. Jisung ran to him

 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry” he rushed but as he got there Daniel erupted in laughter

 

“Am glad you can make Jokes now” jisung rolled his eyes

 

“Can’t they like exchange you with Sungwoon or Seongwoo? I feel like you would just sleep and let me fend for myself at night” Daniel snickered

 

“You’re stuck with me deep shit”

 

“Language” Daniel warned and they both laughed. Jisung went to sit closer to Daniel. Rubbing his hands slowly, He was glad Daniel was fine.

 

 

***

Seongwoo walked hurriedly down the stairs not bothering with the lift. His heart was racing from something else; maybe believing it to be the flight of stairs would cause him less panic.

 

He finds himself at the hall way at the ground floor leading to the Exit and suddenly he bumps into Minhyun.

 

“I forgot to give you this”

 

Minhyun hands Seongwoo a bag. He quickly peered in and found a clean shirt.

 

“Am not staying Minhyun” Seongwoo informs him

 

“And you are not leaving” Minhyun counters

 

“What?”

“Seongwoo why the fuck are you leaving?... you know the moment we get in that van you would regret all your life choices and when we get to the dorm you would cry and I’ll have to watch you cry and whine all night”

“I wouldn’t do that” Minhyun doesn’t mind him

“Keep lying to yourself… Do you want to make sure he is okay?

 

“Yes” Seongwoo answered

 

“Are we going to call Jisung every hour to see if he’s okay?

 

“Yes”

 

“Are you going to miss him?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Then stay and stop letting your head and pride rule you… I am so frustrated with you… go to him… I know you want to. Don’t you want to?”

 

“I want to… it’s just… he asked me to stay and he knows about last night and”

 

“STOP…just stop… everything is perfect… this is the perfect opportunity… He requested… just tell him you changed your mind… you don’t have to do anything. Just stay”

 

Minhyun stares at Seongwoo and Seongwoo stares right back at him. He caught Seongwoo chewing at his lip and scratching that back of his head and it clicks.

 

“Oh….OH…” Minhyun got an epiphany and Seongwoo starts to gather all his embarrassment on his cheek

 

“You don’t just want to stay… you want to do something?”

 

Minhyun says in such a scandalous way that Seongwoo tried to hide his face

 

“It’s not like that Minhyun… I just –“

 

“You want him to be close to him and feel him don’t you?... you want to kiss him and you want him to touch you…” Minhyun makes him know he gets it

 

“Am I crazy to want all of that all of a sudden?” Seongwoo claps his mouth. He was spewing nonsense.

 

“You’re not crazy… Seongwoo you miss him in every way possible and last night was a scary experience for all of us but you love him in a different way than we do. I can’t imagine how crazy your emotions are right now. It’s understandable that you want him now more than ever… Don’t be scared… he asked you to stay that means he wants you to… just talk to him”

 

“That’s the problem Minhyun I don’t want to talk…Am not ready. But I want to be close to him even if it’s an hour”

 

Minhyun thinks about it for a few minutes but the only thing to do is to stay

 

“Then stay…”

 

He was standing with his best friend in Mirae Hospital watching the lift go up as hospital staff walking up wards wandering if he should take this leap that he was yearned for. He didn’t expect to see his leader coming down the lift when the doors opened. One look at Jisung and Seongwoo knew he had something to say to him and he really needed him now.

 

“Hyung is Niel okay?” Seongwoo hurriedly say to him

 

“He is fine… he refused his Dinner so he can’t take any medication not even pain killers. I’ve been calling his assigned nurse but no one is in their station. They need to give him an IV if he isn’t going to eat so he can take his medication on that.

 

“Why is he being headstrong?” Minhyun asked concerned

 

“More like tantrums…” Jisung supports Minhyun “You know Niel, it could be a number of things… I don’t want to push him or force him. He is in a mood and I know he’s in pain but can’t take pain killers without food… I feel bad there is nothing I can do for him”

 

“He needs his rest you know… we wore him out today. I think… maybe we’ll come in the afternoon tomorrow instead”

 

“That’s a good Idea Minhyun-ah” Jisung pasts him on the back

 

“Seongwoo, can I talk to you?  Minhyun if you don’t mind?”

 

“sure hyung”

 

*

They move away from Minhyun to a corner and Jisung began to Whisper

 

“Are you thinking of staying? Am not going to force you to do anything but I think you should stay with him…” Seongwoo doesn’t respond. “I don’t know why he asked you to stay but he did… I just think that-“

 

**_“I want to stay”_ **

 

Seongwoo announced staring his eyes wide at Jisung who had suddenly gone into shock

 “I want to be close to him… when am with him I miss him, when am without him I miss. Am so worried to leave him when I know it hasn’t been 24 hours since he had surgery” he was beating around the bush

 

“Seongwoo just say it… … just tell me what it is” Jisung watched Seongwoo contemplate for a few minute going quite when a nurse they recognised walked by and then began to speak

 

“Hyung for one night… Just tonight, is it okay to cheat?”

 

“I don’t follow” jisung raised an eyebrow

 

_“For one night… is it okay if I want to cheat, I want to be with him and not think, is it okay to forget about everything and not talk about anything Just for tonight… I want to spend time with him and not talk about everything. I want to hold him and touch him and not think about what we’ve been through. I know we have to talk but is it okay to be greedy today?”_

 

Jisung looked as confused and shocked as he expected Jisung to look and he knew he was definitely crazy.

 

“Seongwoo that is dangerous games… are you certain you want to do this?”

 

“I don’t know anymore… when he held my hand i felt like the world stopped. Cliché right?, but truly hyung it felt like it was just the two of us. It’s all I could think about. I wanted to hug him and not let go. I had to get out of there” Seongwoo blurts

 

“Seongwoo it’s your life I can’t tell-“

 

“I know it’s my life, but my life has been shitty lately and I need you hyung. Just point me in the right direction. You talk to him, you know things. Whatever happens, ill deal with the consequences. I know when you told me to think about it this isn’t what you meant but this is what I came up with”

 

*

Jisung smiled after a long pause. They were both as crazy as they were stubborn and he didn’t know what else to do but smile

 

“You miss him that much huh?” Jisung asked him amused

 

“Fuck….am losing it… do you think am crazy?”

 

“No Seongwoo… I think its okay… you’ve been through a lot. What happened yesterday was a terrifying experience and I understand how it must have affected you. I watched how brave you were last night and I’ve been waiting for some kind of outburst. I guess this is it.” Jisung grinned

 

 “You deserve one night… its okay to feed your desires but don’t do anything you would regret…promise me that you will find a line and make sure you don’t cross it. Also promise you will talk soon okay?” Jisung looked at how Seongwoo’s expression slowly got brighter

 

“Okay…. I’ll stay”

 

 

 

 

***

The door to Vip ward room number 11 opens slowly, Seongwoo walked in dragging his feet as his nerves began to eat him deep. Daniel was awake trying to watch a Drama that was on, he didn’t seem to be interested in it as if he was starring past the screen deep in thought.

 

“Hey…”

 

Seongwoo waves awkwardly announcing his presence as his words came out like whispers

Daniel sat up immediately confusion on his face which quickly got replaced by realisation and then some sort of elation and then maybe joy but Seongwoo was too nervous to notice.

 

“Hey” Daniel responded and broke into a smile

 

“I decided to stay” Seongwoo gets that out the way

 

“Why did you change your mind?”

 

Seongwoo walked closer to him taking his position on the chair without breaking his eyes from Daniel

 

“Because I wanted to be here… I realised there is no place I’d rather be right now” Seongwoo saw Daniel’s smile get wider

 

“You wanted to be by my side?”

 

 There was something about what he said. It wasn’t more on the words that were uttered but how he said it. Daniel put those words out like he couldn’t believe the decision was made by Seongwoo as if he had been forced or cajoled by someone but he wasn’t and he came on his own

 

“You said you wanted me to stay… and I thought about it and realised that I wanted to stay. So here we are”

 

They share a smile and a few stare sessions as if they’d been thrown into a contest but Seongwoo knew what he didn’t want. He didn’t want to talk about them. He still remembers all the times they had a talk, it never ended with good new. Not tonight.

 

Jisung walked in with the stuff Minhyun had brought for Seongwoo. He had left it with them while running up to meet Daniel. They both ignore him as if he didn’t exist. The leader was used to it now. He just took his spot and watched them silently.

 

“Did you have dinner yet?”

 

 Seongwoo asked Daniel as if he hadn’t heard from Jisung. He saw Daniel hesitate and he didn’t give him an opportunity to make up a story

 

“I didn’t have lunch and I was going to have dinner at the dorm but am here now… am kind-off starving… can I eat with you if you don’t mind?” Seongwoo set out bait waiting for Daniel to get to it and he does.

 

“No I haven’t eaten yet… we could share...” Seongwoo tried to hide his grin but Jisung started choking on something at the back

 

“You can step out for some air hyung”

 

Daniel not so subtly comes for Jisung. Seongwoo gets all the inside joke and does his best to hide is absolute urge to break into laughter

“No… ill just stay here and watch this drama”

 

 Jisung wasn’t talking about whatever was on TV he meant Daniel and Seongwoo and it was too obvious to avoid so Seongwoo broke the ice.

 

“So how do we get food?” Seongwoo asked

 

“I’ll talk to Daniels nurse” Jisung comes to the bed and presses some button by his bed and they receive a call quickly. Jisung talks quietly into the phone and they don’t completely catch it but they know food is coming.

 

*

Dinner of beef bone soup, rice, vegetables and some grilled meat was served with Daniels head nurse who was now Jisungs friend secretly smuggling chicken for them. Seongwoo takes charge dishing and serving them both their portion. Daniel just watches and Seogwoo pours them both a glass of water and then hands him a spoon.

 

Daniel struggled with the spoon

 

“let me-“ Seongwoo tried to feed him

 

“No… its okay” Daniel refused. Jisung rolled his eyes at the corner.

 

“Its okay… I can do this much… that’s why I wanted to stay”

 

“I don’t want you here just for this… caring for me and stuff” whatever kind of dignity Daniel was holding unto this was not the time

 

“It’s not that I have to… but because I want to…, You need help and am offering.” Seongwoo was so stern with him

 

“Remember that Night when my back was sore and we were all alone at the dorm and I didn’t want you to help me but you knew I needed a hand and you didn’t let my ego get in your way, you iced my back and helped me sleep it off?…”

 

Seongwoo saw how Daniel just stared at him with something like admiration in his eyes.

 

“So think about that and think about now and tell me if am really going to let you struggle coz you want to be a tough guy” Seongwoo cocks his head to the side and blinked repeatedly at Daniel in a comical way

 

“Some points were made” Daniel smiled accepting defeat as he handed the spoon over and opened his mouth waiting for food.

 

 

In Jisungs eyes watching form the visitor’s bed at the corner they looked like a couple, they felt like a couple and acted like a couple but they weren’t. _Maybe Seongwoo had a good plan_ he thought, because he could see what they couldn’t see. They were ready and they were not just back to how they used to be but they were better. Jisung hoped that maybe this time when they talk things could be different because they looked so happy.

 

 

 “If you don’t eat with me am going to stop eating. You requested dinner remember?” Daniel was making a fuss and Seongwoo just kept laughing out loud

 

“You’re such a big baby… I said you eat 4 spoons and I eat 2… so I eat half of whatever you eat” Seongwoo reminds him of their deal

 

“Why do you get half?”

 

“Because you are bigger and you are a patient”

 

They continued to bicker as they ate. Forgetting they were broken up, fighting, not together. Nothing mattered. Daniel picks up fried chicken with his bare hands and start chewing even though he’s not allowed to eat friend stuff. But then again he’s not dying and only had minor surgery.

 

Seongwoo helps him down the soup before getting him to drink water. They eat up quickly before Jisung gets someone to clean up.

 

 

*

Daniel made Seongwoo move his chair to the left side since his shoulder hurt form looking to his right all the time. As time went by they slowly forgot the weight that was over them and they just talk about Daniels numerous injections he’s been getting and how he’s such a cry baby. Daniel protests saying if he doesn’t see the needle it doesn’t hurt, but if he sees it its game over.

 

Seongwoo laughed really loudly at Daniels weird and silly mind and Jisung was taken aback. The day after they broke up how Daniel had been so broken and sad that he could never make Seongwoo happy, that Seongwoo could never smile or laugh so thoughtlessly because of him but he was doing it.

 

In a moment where they weren’t so aware of each other Seongwoo looked just like he had the other night and even more radiant. Jisung smiled to himself. He could see it. They were truly better

 

**

“Congratulations on debuting”

 

 Seongwoo got a little shock of surprise but he dint make a mistake. He had heard correctly. Jisung had slept like an hour ago while they just stayed up talking. Seongwoo then realised they hadn’t actually congratulated each other.

 

“Thank you… and congratulations on debuting…. You did it.” Seongwoo smiled right back at Daniel.

 

“Am so proud of you… idol Ong Seongwoo” Seongwoo got shy and tried to hide his face

 

“And am just as proud… wannaone Kang Daniel… Nations pick” Daniel blushed and pulled his hand away to childishly cover his face.

 

“Nations Centre” Seongwoo goes in deep and Daniel is losing it in laughter “Not you too”

 

“Am just proud, no one ever saw this coming but you made it possible”

 

Daniel put his hands on top of Seongwoos’ and they look at each other until their smile turn into consciousness. They were suddenly aware of their situation and the closeness they were feeling. How drawn to each other they were

 

“I wanted to say that to you for a very long time… I wanted to come to you that night but I couldn’t… I didn’t feel like I could and I just-“

 

“Stop” Seongwoo halted him

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t… Daniel… pleases… I—I”

 

“Did I say something wrong?” Daniel gave all his attention to Seongwoo who was seated by the side of his bed

 

“It’s not that… it’s just I don’t want to talk”

 

“I don’t understand” truly he didn’t Seongwoo hadn’t let him in on his plan

 

“I might sound ridiculous but can we not talk about it… that… us all of it. at least for tonight…?” he rest his left elbow on the bed letting his jaw rest on it as Daniels hand hover on the other which rested on his bed.

 

“Is it because of something I said?” Daniel tried to sit up but fails so he settles for turning to his side still setting his bandaged hand over Seongwoo’s

 

“No Daniel… you didn’t do anything, its just… I’m not ready” Seongwoo tells him honestly

 

_“Okay”_

 

Daniel starts to pull his hand away but Seongwoo grabs unto it with his other hand that was supporting his jaw. Pulling close, he began to whisper.

“That’s not what I meant… I just don’t want to get overwhelmed or distracted by everything. When we talk we get messed up again. But just for today I don’t want to talk. You just got out of surgery and I want to be here for you. I know I shouldn’t but I just want to be with you”

 

He saw as Daniel looked at him processing everything, understanding as much as he could

 

“And what happens tomorrow… do we forget about whatever happened to night?” Daniel is asking all the right questions, things Seongwoo never thought about

 

“No… Daniel we don’t forget or ignore it. We just don’t make it a factor.” It’s a long stretch but that’s the only way this could work

 

“What if it becomes a factor? Will you hold it against me?” Daniel was not letting him off easy

 

“No…”

 

Daniel is quiet for a while. How do they keep doing this? Making deals, crazy decision making everything difficult for them. But right now he would take anything. They were both desperate maybe too desperate that they would do anything to be together. Daniel couldn’t refuse.

 

“Just one night” he says

 

“Yeah… just for one night” seongwoo repeats and Daniel nods.

 

He scoots in his bed to make room for Seongwoo to join in.

 

“Come closer…” Daniel pats the bed

 

“That’s not what I want…” Seongwoo looked shocked

 

“I know… I won’t do anything. My arm is broken anyway couldn’t even if you wanted” Seongwoo brakes into a smile and the tension eases off.

 

“Just come here…“

 

The bed deeps and Daniel could see Seongwoo slowly take a sit on the bed. Before slowly lowering himself to lie on the pillow close to Daniel.

 

Seongwoo lay frozen as if he would die if he breathes. Daniel doesn’t do anything. He was also in the same state as Seongwoo. They were together on a bed lying down. The last time they were in this position was the night it all started to go wrong.

 

Daniel knew he shouldn’t think about anything else but with Seongwoo so close to him all he could do was think to distract himself from being so nervous but his mind go to the wrong things.

 

 “Why do you look so sad?”

 

Seongwoo finally spoke in a soft tone watching Daniels face

 

“Am not sad…. Just thinking… thinking about you, me… us”

 

Daniel tails off and Seongwoo doesn’t want him to keep it up

 

“I keep thinking about that night and I just-”

 

“I said no thinking… and I meant it. Not tonight. Not now… we already talked about that night and I don’t want to do it again” it could be any night and whatever night Daniel had travelled to Seongwoo wasn’t interested. He was interested in tonight.

 

“But it feels-“

 

“is it so hard to live in the moment and not complicate things?” Seongwoo wasn’t mad at him just speaking like he was pleading with Daniel

 

Daniel relaxed deep on his pillow starring back at the ceiling Seongwoo had been attracted to all conversation long.

 

“I think I’ve forgotten how to… we’ve been strangers too long that I don’t think I know how to just be with you”

 

It was difficult to connect when they had what they craved. They got so used to wanting each other every second of the day that finally coming close and being together was difficult to comprehend. The missing and the wanting and the jealousy had become what they fell back on, they had made it the main that no thought of what would happened when they finally met came to mind.

 

“We can just lay here and talk”

 

Seongwoo finally turns his head to the side and looks at Daniel. Daniel turns to his side and scoots even closer. When they press close Seongwoo struggled to catch his breathe. He looked Daniel straight in the face trying to hide all the emotions he was feeling but he was working so hard to control his face that he lost control of his nerves

 

Seongwoo felt Daniel’s bandaged hand slide over his body and rest on top his hand. Daniel couldn’t squeeze tight because of his hand but Seongwoo felt the pressure.

 

“You’re shaking”

 

 Daniel holds unto him his breathe crowding in subtle warmth in Seongwoo’s personal space. He doesn’t respond, he just shut his eyes trying to calm down feeling Daniels eyes heavy on his face he just continues to tremble

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

Daniel asked and Seongwoo’s eyes flew; blinked at him once before chewing lightly at his lip. Daniel’s face spread into a grin and Seongwoo just stare at him puzzled

“I still make you nervous…” Daniel whispered gripping at Seongwoo’s hands as tightly as he could muster with his hand all tied up before moving even closer

 

“You don’t have to be so smug about it” Seongwoo shook his head and rolled his eyes. He was _shy_

 

“I dint mean it to be cocky… I just feel like… maybe it won’t be so bad after all. I make you nervous but you don’t want to rip away from my arms and run…you stayed with me…”

 

Daniel started to realise that maybe Seongwoo still had deep feeling for him. Not speculation but factual realisation. Maybe all that pain was finally getting buried; maybe they could feel something other than hurt. For the first time in a long time he could feel like Seongwoo still loved him. Daniel never stopped loving him, maybe angry and frustrated at times but it’s all because he loved him deeply, he thought he lost him, he thought maybe Seongwoo wanted something else but maybe its him after all.

 

*

 

A soft smile overshadowed Seongwoo’s face, eyes all in a disappearing squint and lips spread so widely his face glowed. Daniel couldn’t stop staring at him, he’s as beautiful as the day his heart started to yearn for him and he had this sweet airy bliss that made Daniel feel peace in his eyes. Daniel is suddenly trapped in the thing he loved and cherished the most.

 

“Can I?”

 

Daniels words startle Seongwoo who looked at him sceptically but goes for the obvious and asked him “What?”

 

Daniel responded with an action rather than words. His heavily bandaged hand move to Seongwoo’s face; it all happened so quickly but the rekindling of feeling that followed was an experience neither of them had looked forward to. The air suddenly got sucked out of the atmosphere and Daniel was struggling to keep his tension.

 

Seongwoo loudly gasped taking in as much air as he could when he felt the younger lads’ fingers on his cheek. Ghosting over his face; just the tip of his fingers that just barely escaped being bound, Daniel was encircling and caressing his moles. Seongwoo could feel the coil of the bandage touching his skin but it didn’t feel rough because Daniel was so gentle.

 

Breathe caught in his lungs as Daniels hands began to touch him like he used to, no boundaries no restrictions just feelings. Seongwoo lost himself in it. Daniel watched as a tear rolled down Seongwoo’s cheek. A moment of panic set in and He tried to retract his arm but the older lads arm easily calmed him holding his injured arm carefully against his cheek.

 

“Please don’t cry… I hurt when I see you cry” Daniel throws out every sense of control and he lets his words flow

 

“I miss you” Seongwoo blurts staring at Daniel. Concern and care on his face. He worried for him even when he was so heavily unwell

 

“I miss you too”

 

Daniels voice matched his low chocked whisper and he suddenly wants to talk.

 

“Can’t we make it better tonight?”  Daniel sounded more desperate

 

“No…” He heard Seongwoo’s voice firm as another tear dropped “you are sick…” he continued “you are scared… you are under a lot of medication, you are fragile and am here it’s not a time to make decisions… what if you get better and realise am not the one”

 

Daniel wanted to counter him, he wants him to know that there is no one else but Seongwoo doesn’t give him the opportunity.

 

“And what about me?... I can’t leave your side because am terrified… I couldn’t watch seeing you like that… unconscious and hurt… it made me regret a lot and all I could think was I pissed my time away… but I know Daniel, my emotions are out of control that’s why I had to be greedy tonight… but tomorrow I might wake up and I could change my mind… because am careless and dumb or because I can’t handle it”

 

Seongwoo leaned into Daniels palm holding him in place. Daniel was tossed in to a nervous process. He could understand him but he didn’t want to let him go again. How long would they live like this? They are literally pissing time away but they needed to do things right this time.

 

“Daniel” Seongwoo called out to him

 

“I really want to stay but I can’t be selfish… that’s why I gave you a heads up… I don’t have to share your bed if it’s awkward I know am not allowed to be here so if-“

 

“Shhh” Daniel shushed him and Seongwoo watched at Daniels eyes roved over his face. Reading him and getting every detail of what he looked like. The more he looked the closer he pulled. Seongwoo grabs unto the side of his bed, so tight his knuckles went red.

 

 

*

 

Inches from his face lay the very thing he could think of in that moment and he wanted more. They were crazy and they were mad but he couldn’t do anything about how he was feeling

 

 ** _“Is this okay?”_** Daniel asked and Seongwoo looked at him confused

 

**_“What?”_ **

 

Daniel using his left hand as leverage slowly lowered his face in what feels to Seongwoo like slow motion until his lips met with Seongwoos’. A subtle touch of the familiar softness; he drops a peck on Seongwoo’s lips, he separated their connection so they could, drinking in what was happening before he returns for more.

 

Daniel left fluttering kisses 3 consecutive times on Seongwoo’s lips before pressing his lips with a little pressure and brushing against the brunette’s lips to the side very gently. As if he expects Seongwoo to push him away or run away from him Daniel hesitates giving him rime to decide. And when he doesn’t respond in that manner, Daniel presses closer his lips getting more engaging.

 

Desire awakening in them as their lips brushed against each other. Seongwoo began to kiss him back, plumps lips in his mouth he nibbled on Daniel and sucked him full into his mouth.

 

They pull away slightly and Seongwoo’s breathing is a chaos on its own. The emotions were different this time. Seongwoo’s body was craving to be touched again. The last time he was this close to anyone was his first time having sex and Daniel was his first. His body remembers. His lips remember and every part of Seongwoo’s screamed for Daniel.

 

Daniel felt Seogwoo’s arm grab unto his neck gently pulling him in closer and he went to him. Tongue digging deep into Seongwoo and rolling over his in a comforting relation. A smack of their lips could be heard as Daniel separated their lips followed by a moan escaping Seongwoo’s lips.

 

**_“That”_ **

 

Daniel finally answered and he starred at Seongwoo who lay softly by his side, pupils lulled with erotic ambition and cheeks flushed. He looked so beautiful and it’s like his moles glowed from the lights in the machines at Daniels bed side.

 

“What are we doing?” Daniel whispered inches away from Seongwoo’s face

 

“I don’t know… but it doesn’t feel wrong”

 

“What are the rules?” Daniel asked him

 

“I don’t know” Seongwoo whispered not breaking their eye contact. Daniels hand finds the moles again and Seongwoo closed his eye. “But I think… we need to call it a night” Seongwoo says reluctantly

 

“If that’s what you want am okay with it” Daniel smiled at him

 

Seongwoo nods “is this okay?” he asked Daniel

 

“What?” Daniel responds

 

Seongwoo moved to reclaim his lips into a kiss. Slow with new found precision. Seongwoo kissed Daniel with zeal and untold fervour. Need and want hidden between weeks of anger and jealousy complied in a lip lock that lets them take each other till their hearts contempt.

 

Warmth generated heat between their bodies and noises of pleasure escaping from both their lips. Warm sensations travelling down their body and making them feel every move of contact. They cooled it with Seongwoo caressing the side of Daniels face as he backed away slowly.

 

“That” he whispers against Daniels lips smiling slowly against him...

 

Their heads rest upon each other and then slowly settled down staying close. Seongwoo moved closer to Daniel as they stare at each other knowing what they meant to each other in that moment and what they could be.

 

They wanted to be together… they both knew that now. They just need more convincing. Is desire enough? It ruined them before so it wasn’t going to be a factor for them to consider. it was important but they were in too deep for sex to be a deal breaker. The used It before and now they knew better.

 

They needed to have more reasons and it had to be worth it. Daniels eyes begin to waver and Seongwoo makes him lay down properly; adjusting the pillow so Daniel could have his shoulder elevated. Daniel lay on his back with Seongwoo coiling up on his side slinging an arm across his body. They were both ready to go to bed hoping tomorrow never comes.

 

“Are we going to be okay?” Seongwoo whispered against the crook of Daniels neck

 

“I hope so….” Daniel replied him leaning laboriously to kiss his forehead

 

“Do you want us to be okay?” Seongwoo asked again.

 

“More than anything in the world” Daniel put his hand on to the one Seongwoo had around his waist as they both began drifting to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay tell me everything. See you in the comments. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel is discharged and the boys are off to KCON. Daniel and Seongwoo find sometime to do what is required of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not intend to make this chapter this longs but it turned out so. A lot happen in this chapter actually, i tried to use easy transition sequence with very little thoughts in between and my mind is exhausted from it all. it became 12.8k after I deleted a lot of scenes. Have fun

      ***

* * *

 

Daniel gets discharged on the fourth day after his surgery. The company stopped all visitations after crazy fans almost found out their where about. Jisung and Seongwoo took their leave and were replaced by Managers who waited on Daniels every need. Things had been really quiet even though Daniel had spent Days in a medical facility getting treatment.

 

When the doctor suggested they extend Daniels stay to about 6 days since he had to have proper physiotherapy before leaving, the company goes into chaos. They have a long discussion with the surgeon informing him of the situation; _designated informants at Star news and Osen had tipped them off. They had a story, they had a lot of stories and they knew kang Daniel is that Mirae hospital._

 

 

The familiar _Web daily_ van had been camped outside the hospital and Star news had arrived shortly. News sights were coming in numbers, waiting for him. The advice they received was to get in front of this and release a statement through one or two of the news sight; giving vital insider Intel to them to share. _It’s better to control what gets put out there._

 

“He can’t stay here any longer; we have to come to another decision”

 

 

 

*

Daniel left the hospital at 10 am and by 10:06 he was at the front page of every tabloid in South Korea, Top of every broadcast and headline in news reported.

>  
> 
> **_“According to reporter Kim Mingsu at OSEN, Wannaone Kang Daniel was seen leaving Mirae Hospital wearing a cast on his right hand. The journalist spoke to a representative of YMC and representative of the agency said that kang Daniel was having discomfort in his hand from an injury he acquired from his b-boy days and was taken to the hospital. The company representative went further to say that. Kang Daniel is only experiencing pain from a little strain during practice and has been advised to wear a cast for 3 weeks. Wannaone will be changing their choreography to make it less burdensome on the recovering centre of the group. They said that Knag Daniel is doing fine and that it is not an issue that would hinder his activities.”_ **

 

They didn’t go into detail and there was no mention of a surgery or the fact he was admitted in the hospital for the weekend. They made it seem like a walk in check-up but it wasn’t like that. He would have to put up with the story that has been told now, he can’t show any form of discomfort that would make people ask questions.

>  
> 
> The second official statement read according to STAR NEWS **_“The centre of leading Rookie sensation Kang Daniel has been seen at Mirae hospital in the early hours of the Day. Kang Daniel who arrived at the hospital due to discomfort in his hand was seen leaving the hospital hours later. The company representative gave a statement stating that Knag Daniel did not sustain any injuries and it is a protective measure for more serious schedules to come, as the company is looking after the artist. This has begun to spark rumours and ignite the speculation that the rookie sensation might as well be going to America for their first overseas trip and final check up on the members had led to a hospital visit. When asked if Wannaone will be a part of the line-up for kcon 2017 the representative said ‘I am not authorised to give a definite answer because we can only release a statement once the final decision had been made but watch broadcast to confirm’ we do however believe that Wannaone are preparing for an international debut”_**
> 
>  

*

_“Assholes”_

 Jaehwan punctuated as he finished reading the official statements aloud for all the members present to hear. After Daniel arrived with mayhem taking over the entire industry on his behalf, the company had waited till it escalated to set it right using his situation as some form of noise marketing. Two controlled statements designed to both dismiss and distract the public all wrapped in lies to set the ball rolling for an international debut started making their way around the internet.

*

The boys had gathered to watch Daniel get his night routine from Jisung when the press release hit the internet. In the middle of getting his hand massaged and wincing in tormenting pain, Daniel had to listen to articles saying he was fine, doing well and in perfect health.

 

 In order for him to be quickly discharged and not raise alarm, the company had asked for an alternative. Doctor Kim, head orthopaedic Surgeon at Mirae Hospital had presented the option of getting a nurse or a physiotherapist who would come to the dorm every two nights to massage and re-bandage Daniels hand for the entire 3 weeks.

 

The company protested as it would create more issues for the group and the company if they were to be found out. Their manager suggested that he and some of the other staff could take turns; he could get guidance and carry out the task. But the doctor had suggested someone who could be with him all the time. Since taking a vacation home to his family was not an option Jisung was recommended by the manager immediately.

 

 

The surgeon had said he doesn’t see any reason why jisung couldn’t do it, if he was shown correctly and advised closely on the bones and muscles to pay attention to but not after informing them that if there should be a problem and anything goes wrong even slightly, they shouldn’t wait to bring him in.

 

*

Jisung made a personal call for all members to have a look at what he was doing in case of a situation where he wasn’t available at least someone would have an idea.

 

Jisung pulled out the medium sized box Daniel brought back with him. It was like a mini first aid kit but it had been tailored to Daniels needs. Daniel still in excruciating pain was sat gritting his teeth the whole time Jisung was showing the members how to take off the bandages and then removed the inner ones at his shoulder and by his incision. He explained how they should clean the arm before applying the medicated massage creams and to start from the shoulder working all the way to his fingers. When he finished he displays all the medications he required and all should be taken after food.

 

When Daniel was done and covered up Jisung began to show them the contents of Daniels case. Jisung pulled out a couple of arm support stings that didn’t look like much. It had a huge thumb support and then a large wrap to the wrist.

“So as your hand gets better you will change your cast slowly” Jisung Directed his gaze to Daniel but Daniel was busy starring at Seongwoo who was sat not too far away from Jisung watching closely.

 

Daniel didn’t know when he chuckled. Seongwoo looked so adorable paying so much attention. For someone who was bad at listening in class and hated school Seongwoo had such interest in Jisungs lecture. Jisung ignored him but Seoghwoo looked at him and their eyes met. They lingered on each other for a while before Seongwoo broke the attraction.

 

“So this one is for red carpet and performances where there would be a lot of press but you can only start wearing that in two weeks. But for now you have to wear the full cast and bandage it thoroughly until it looks like a burrito”

 

They all laughed at Jisung trying to make the situation light.

 

*

The older members of the group decided to stay back to chat for a bit with Daniel after the younger group went into their rooms. Seongwoo sat alone while Minhyun and Jaehwan pressed together on the sofa. Sungwoon was pacing with an Ipad in hand and Jisung was still packing up the area.

**“Dicks!!!”**

Sungwoon barked out loud as he read the entire thing again. “They are really feeding this to the public and everyone is buying it”

 

“I just feel really bad for Niel-ah, when they say he is fine like this. They are indirectly telling him to pretend. He has to carry on the front and can’t show any sign of discomfort even if he is in pain…” Jisung supported Sungwoon

 

“It’s okay Hyung, am fine” Daniel was lying on the sofa drugged off his mind and holding his shoulder. The medication doesn’t do quite enough for the pain. It never really goes away it just reduces it and helps him sleep

 

“You’re not fine Niel… you’re hurt and you should be resting”

 

It was Minhyun this time. “Like, you should still be at the hospital… they didn’t even let you get a proper physio”

 

“It doesn’t feel as bad as it looks Minhyun… seriously… I’ll be better in a few Days” Daniel tried to keep up with them

 

“Three weeks… Doctor said three weeks” it was Seongwoo. He just said it in a slow whisper and everyone turned to him. He looked so upset and worried at the same time but he minded his business and didn’t get involved much

 

“I’ll be fine in no time… I promise” Daniel replied in the same way he had spoken and the other members share looks amongst themselves without creating a scene.

 

 “I know you will… you always handle everything so well and am proud of you….” Jisung tells him as they all call it a night

 

 

*

_Later that Night, Jihoon snuck into their room just to check on Daniel when he thought Jisung was asleep. Daniel was out like a light and he saw as Jihoon came and sat at the corner of his bed and put his hands to Daniel hair. Jisung watched as Jihoon starred at Daniel and then rubbed his face._

 

_“Why can’t it be me instead? I know you will call me crazy and tell me to stop talking crazy but I really wish it were me”_

_Jisung kept watching in sheer silence, watching and paying close attention as Jihoon lowered himself and kissed Daniel on the head before exiting their room. Jisung is not sure what he witnessed but he knew he had caught a moment. His thoughts were in order and Jisung knew he had just seen prove of all his uneasiness with Daniel. Daniels words were still firm and he never doubted him but what he saw was something he knew Seongwoo would never miss._

 

_He had a conversation with Minhyun. Minhyun told him everything. Seongwoo was scared of Jihoon’s relationship with Daniel; Jisung heard he was terrified to the point of being threatened. Minhyun had complained how he had it in his head that Jihoon could take Daniel away from him but now Jisung knew why he was so scared because history was about to repeat itself. **Or so he thought.**_

 

***

MNET broke the news the next day after Daniel left the hospital and he was preparing for a concert. CJ and YMC ran with it.

 

The company released an official statement through the fancafé and they never forgot to stress that Kang Daniel was doing great. The boys began to pack and few days later _they were at Incheon Airport for their_ First airport appearance.

It was like nothing they had anticipated.

 

*

The blaze of Cameras shoved in their faces from every angle, the rumble of chaotic chatter and deafening screams of people calling their names trying to get their attention and the profusion of smells that had corrupted their senses all put the lads in an overwhelming state.

Almost as if it had been a mistake to not make adequate plans but they had maximum preparation. They had only discovered the magnitude of the groups’ popularity. Extra assistance was requested of the airport security detail that helped get them on the flight. By the time they arrived in LAX, the Chaos had doubled. America seemed to be worse than Korea.

 

In all that mess, Seongwoo was being pulled away and pushed by people… he didn’t know how to react; trying to smile and be professional while being absolutely scared for his safety. He didn’t know who was pulling at him, it could be a fan it could be an anti- when there is chaos, there’s no separation.

 

 

That was when he felt a presence behind him. So close their bodies met and then he felt like he was being guided. Seongwoo felt thankful to their manager for coming to his rescue. He turned to his right to say thank you and was shocked when he was met with Daniels face. Seongwoo turned away quickly looking straight ahead continuing as he moved but Daniel never left his side. He moved with him and guided him till they entered the van that was provided for them at LAX arrivals.

 

_They hadn’t spoken since the hospital. They had said words but not in the manner of two people who were lost in a romantic night. Seeking and finding pleasure in each other’s arms in the dark hospital room. Seongwoo can still hear the machines in his ears as Daniel touched him. Daniel still smelled the medical alcohol that was oozing from him as he found comfort in Seongwoo’s lips._

 

_Their eyes lingered and they stared when no one was around. They acted like star crossed lovers being watched in a controlled environment. They were so pained in what was to come but restricted by their own mind. It was like a German soap opera where everything looks perfect but was incredibly wrong at the same time._

 

_Seongwoo hadn’t moved back into their room even though Daniel had hoped he would but they said the night would not be a factor to fixing them and Seongwoo had not given him a chance since. They hadn’t come in contact since they shared a bed in Mirae hospital. Today was the first time and it was easy to detect._

 

*

They sat close since Daniel was directly behind him coming into the Van. He had the window sit at the back and Daniel joined him. Seongwoo almost couldn’t breathe. He was nervous.

“You okay?”

 

It took him a minute to answer. He had to remind himself that Daniel was concerned as a friend and as a member and not as the Daniel that entered freely into the walls of his mouth, pushing with his wet tongue just few nights ago.

 

“Yeah, Thank You”

 

He replied and he saw Daniel smile lightly at him. Seongwoo starred at Daniels hand. He wanted to ask. He wanted to know so badly. Although things weren’t all bad between them, Seongwoo felt a bit awkward.

 

“Ha-“a text on Daniels phone cuts his statement as his he is drawn to the screen before he could control himself. He expected Daniel to get distracted and reply Jihoon but Daniel lets the message sit there for Seongwoo to read not breaking his attention.

 

“Am listening” Daniel calls at him and Seongwoo realised he was smiling and zoning out

 

“I wanted to ask about your hand and your shoulder… I heard your shoulder is hurting more than usual? Jisung told Sungwoon and Sungwoon told Minyhun and Minhyun told Jaehwan, well you get the sequence” Seongwoo showed genuine concern with a steady smile

 

Daniel hesitated, he didn’t want Seongwoo to worry but Seongwoo spoke before he could think further.

 

“Don’t lie to me… Daniel… am not the media, I am not Wannables. if you’re hurt I want to know…” Seongwoo was whispering. A lot of the members were catching up on naps. “I would like to know what’s really going on with you if you would let me” Seongwoo made a move. He didn’t know why he did but he did nonetheless. His smile faltered as he got conscious of his words

 

 

“My shoulder is a bit stiff and my thumb is killing me… the medication wears of quickly and sometimes I feel like am going to pass out…” Daniel tells him the truth he only lets Jisung know and then he felt Seongwoo grow worried

 

“I don’t want you to worry…” Daniel pleaded with him and Seongwoo forced a smile. His hand rest on Daniel’s thigh as he rubbed him lightly “You’re going to be okay…”

 

The van makes a stop at the hotel and before Daniel could grab his hand luggage, Seongwoo picks it up for him. As Daniel walked behind him to the hotel reception he wonders what good memories they could have here. Everything was suddenly different. New country, new people he thought with a smile.

 

***

“Why are you drinking so much? You said you wanted to have just a beer and relax now you’ve had more than Just one” Jihoon was questioning Daniels choices

 

“Am not drinking to get drunk Jihoonie… It’s just the weather for it.” Daniel grabbed Jihoon by the shoulder and pulled him close. He only had two cans of beer with two left of his four packs.

 

Jihoon didn’t complain, he just shook his head and let Daniel be. After the incident they hadn’t spent a lot of time together and Jihoon kept texting him about hanging out just the two of them. So Daniel asked him if he liked stars for which Jihoon texted “only if we do it from the beach”. They both wanted to see the sea in LA and they wanted to go stargazing, maybe if Daniel drank a little while they waited it wouldn’t be so bad.

 

They walk along the beach until they find a secluded corner where they could be alone. It was already late in the evening. Hardly anyone could recognise them. They hadn’t completely turned to silhouettes yet but only people who really knew them could recognise them so Daniel took off his mask.

 

They took a spot by a rock and Jihoon sat at his feet drinking something that wasn’t alcoholic.

 

“Hyung this is really beautiful” Jihoon was looking at the sunset that was taking its time to sit on top of the water.

 

“I know… it’s really beautiful… and it’s not even what we came to see”

 

Jihoon smiled, they were in great company at a beautiful city. They felt free and emotions were running high, _for some more than others._ They watch people at the beach in LA and joked about silly things. By the time the stars start to come out it was getting cold. Daniel had emptied all the cans he had. Maybe he was tipsy but he wasn’t messed up.

 

*

“Aren’t you cold?”

 

Daniel calls out to a shivering Jihoon even though it was summer. When they left the hotel, the air was crisp and dry with no sign of a cold evening coming on. Jihoon was wearing a loose tank top with a beanie to conceal his messy hair and Daniel had opted for a light buttoned long sleeved shirt to conceal the entire arm being strung in bandages.

 

Being so close to the sea everything changed. The current charged bringing in very cool air with the waves and they were feeling the chill. Jihoon nods in response; wrapping his hands around himself he began to stare longingly at Daniel. Daniel had been able to beat the cold with the alcohol he had been throwing down his throat.

 

“Come closer” Daniel motioned nonchalantly with his good shoulder but Jihoon shrugged and then refused. Pulling further away from Daniel’s feet

 

“It’s okay… I don’t want to-“

 

“My shoulder is fine; you can sit by my left…”

 

Daniel pressed and Jihoon broke into the sweetest smile and Daniel shook his head at him, in a way to call him silly.  Daniel slung his hand around Jihoon’s shoulder sharing some of his warmth.

 

“we’ll return soon okay… maybe 5 minutes… it’s almost time to return anyway” Daniel tell him as they continue to stare at the sky

 

“Is your hand better?” Jihoon looks up at Daniel who just smiles at him.

 

“Yes Jihoon… you don’t have to worry… it’s just a few more weeks and I can take it off. But I don’t feel any pain” He lied and they fell silent before Jihoon started speaking again.

 

“I was so scared that day… and then they took you away and I couldn’t come with you to the hospital” Daniel smiled deeply to himself at the mention of the Hospital. He had good memories there and he was grateful.

 

“But you came to see me and you smuggled in that phone to cheer me up too… very sleek” Daniel laughed lightly “The way you hid it under my pillow no one knew” Daniel ruffled Jihoon’s head and pulled him close. He loved spending time with Jihoon genuinely but not in the way that complicated his life. _They were friends_

 

“And then you grabbed my hand to cover up as I slipped it into your pocket… that was really good” Jihoon laughed out loud remembering how the scene had played out at the hospital. Daniel wasn’t allowed phones to prevent him from making calls and gaming but jihoon had thought of his sanity and came to the rescue

 

“Sad I couldn’t play though… like the pain at the hospital was intense but I spoke to _Ma_ and she was happy to hear directly from me”

 

“What was it like?” Jihoon looked up at his face closely

 

“I was sacred… like I saw you screaming and crying and everyone panicking but it’s like I was deaf you know… I could see it all but I was in a world so quiet I didn’t hear a thing and the pain… fuck the pain… I think it hurt more after surgery… everything was just white and bright and so fucking painful… but am good now” Jihoon made a sad face and touched Daniels injured hand lightly.

 

“Am really sorry about everything” Jihoon saw Daniel check his watch

 

“Should we be heading back now?”

 

“I still want to stay a little longer” Jihoon tells him and Daniel nods and felt Jihoon pressed closer to him.

 

“Am really confused lately Hyung” Jihoons voice turned low… “Sometimes everything is so great but then reality set in and I don’t feel so good. But times like this. When am with you am just really happy you know”

 

Daniel slowly pulled away and watched Jihoon closely. Everything between them started to get really warm. There was a sudden feeling that was crowding them

 

“Is everything okay with-“

 

 “What I’m trying to say hyung…” Jihoon cut him off not letting him talk about what he knew he wanted to talk about. And Daniels eyes wonder over his face, he caught the younger lad chewing at his words trying to say something that just caught in his chest. At first Daniel didn’t get it but as Jihoon looked at Him maybe Daniel knew then but it was so quick and **_Daniel felt like maybe this was-_**

 

_Jihoon leaned in and Kissed Daniel on the lips.  Daniel immediately broke from his confusion and pushed Jihoon away from him._

 

**- _was like DEJAVU_**

 

Maybe Daniel used so much force or Jihoon was so shocked but Daniel doesn’t know how Jihoon landed so far away from him. They get a few looks but nothing long lasting.

“Jihoon WHAT THE FUCK?… You can’t just kiss me like that… we can’t be like that jihoonie…”

 

He saw Jihoon’s bunny eyes well up with tears and he hated himself but it wasn’t the same. Last time this happened to him he wanted it. He liked it and was ready to emotionally torture himself to find out what it meant but this time he didn’t want it. He didn’t care. He doesn’t want to be kissed by anybody else. He didn’t want Jihoon, He wanted Seongwoo and he knew that.

 

“Jihoonie we already talked about this. It told you we would never happen. We drew the line Jihoon. What’s gotten into you?” Daniel wasn’t happy with him and jihoon could feel the slight anger in Daniels voice just like when the hoodie incident happened.

 

“But you let me sleep on your chest and you touched my face, and you let me kiss you on the forehead” Jihoon clasped his hand over his mouth; he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. It was stupid, totally crazy.

 

“I let Daehwi sleep on my bed, I let Minhyun kiss my forehead, Fuck Jisung hyung fucking gave me a bath and I slept on his lap… WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

 

Daniel snapped and Jihoon started to cry again. Daniel doesn’t comfort him. He kept his distance this time

 

“Am not saying I don’t care about you Jihoonie, Yes I care about you that’s why we hang out and I look out for you, because I am your friend. It’s what friends do. I don’t want that kind of stuff from you… I thought we got this straightened out? Let’s not ruin what we have” Daniel surprised himself how straight he was being.

 

“But I like you… everything else is a mess. You are the only thing that makes sense” Jihoon suddenly Whined “I think I love you” Jihoon tried to grab unto Daniel but Daniel pulls himself away swiftly from his touch

 

“Life’s a mess Jihoon, we all deal with it… don’t complicate our lives because you are having a hard time. You don’t really love me, you just think you do because it’s easier than dealing with shit… but I’m sorry I can’t be that guy for you… I have too much to lose. Am in love with Seongwoo and you know that” Daniel glared at him.

“I need to go…” Jihoon was crying. He turned on his heel and fled

 

“Jihoon wait” Daniel called but before he knew what was going on Jihoon was gone. It took Daniel a while to figure he was alone, slightly drunk and his arm hurt like hell. He wouldn’t make it back to the hotel even if he tried.

 

> *
> 
> **_“Hello”_ **
> 
> **_“Where are you? Everyone is worried sick looking for you. They came to get dinner orders and you… Wait is that the sound of waves? Daniel are you by the beach at this time?”_ **
> 
> **_“Seongwoo can you come get me please”_** Daniel slurred into the phone
> 
> **_“Have you been drinking? Daniel are you drunk? By the sea? You can’t even swim_** ” Seongwoo couldn’t control his fear
> 
> **_“Will you come and get me please? I don’t think I can make it back…”_** Daniel pleaded as he began to move slowly for all he knows he could be walking at the other direction.
> 
>  
> 
>  

*

“Seongwoo, where are you going?” Their Manager Caught Seongwoo as he was trying to sneak out of the hotel.

 

“I just want to go for a walk”

 

“Just like you called Daniel’s mom huh? Try again… you’re a bad liar... so tell me, where did Daniel say he was?”

 

“I didn’t speak to Daniel”

 

“Stop lying… Jihoon just made it back and I saw them leave together so start telling the truth”

 

Seongwoo whispers to his manager who then tried to get security so they could go find him but Seongwoo pleaded that he shouldn’t.

 

“We don’t need that hyung… he called me so he would wait for me to come.” Seongwoo tried not to sound weird but he doesn’t know how much he can hide… “He’ll go to a place where I can find him and he’ll wait hyung…”

 

Seongwoo talked his manager out of making a scene but he called Jisung to panic instead.

 

***

At the hotel Daniel gets an earful about being careful but he wasn’t really in a state for scolding. The blonde had quickly fallen to sleep leaving everyone a worried mess.

 

About an Hour later he wakes up finding Jisung and Sungwoon sitting on his bed and on Jaehwans Bed, Minhyun and Seongwoo sat there with him.

 

“Hey” he calls out toward Seongwoo’s direction but they all rush to him

 

“How can you drink Daniel… you know you are taking a lot of medications and with that alcohol in your system you can’t take any medication till tomorrow… No pain killers Daniel”

 

Jisung scolded him and began making calls to their manager to inform him that all is well around here

 

“Calm down Jisung, am sure he didn’t mean to” Sungwoon tried to Calm his leader down.

 

“Where’s Jihoonie… Is he okay?”

 

Daniel asked Jisung but they all look at him sceptically

 

“Yes… he’s fine… why wouldn’t he be?”  Sungwoon asked

 

“Okay” Daniel dismissed

 

“did something happen?” Minhyun was fishing

 

“Nothing…” Daniel doesn’t make eye contact and he just gave them more reason to be curious but no one tried to interfere. They just slowly returned to their room’s one at a time. Jisung was supposed to massage and clean Daniel’s arm before returning to his bed.

 

“Hyung you don’t have to return if you don’t want to… Manager Hyung said we should switch rooms”

 

Jaehwan quickly made an exit for Jisung to stay in but Seongwoo hadn’t moved an Inch… He kept shooting Daniel daggers without saying a word.

 

“Do you want me to leave before you two talk or what?” Jisung looked between the both of them. Tension he could cut with a knife taking over the room.

 

“Please” Daniel requested and Jisung left them alone.

 

 

*

Alone together they both suddenly acquired a serious case of sweaty palm

 

“Thank you for coming to get me” Daniel broke the silence

 

“Was this a plan? Are you scheming gain?” Seongwoo’s demeanour said he was mad at Daniel and he got confused for a second staring intensely at the older lad who was a bed distance away from him.

 

“You’re doing it again… you put yourself in harms way and then you keep calling me to come to you” Seongwoo’s voice wasn’t pleasant

 

“Seongwoo it wasn’t deliberate” Daniel defended

 

“I told you not do that to me again… you hurt your hand because of me. You know how scared I was seeing you hit yourself against that door… but you did it again, you went out and drank and you called me from the side of the road in Itaewon around 2am… and now you get drunk when you know you are ill and high on medication and you go close to the water… what if you wandered off?” Seongwoo was just rambling exposing his feelings. He could never accept to see Daniel in any kind of danger and his walls just came crashing down

 

“Were you worried about me?” Daniel called out to him softly

 

“You know I WORRY ABOUT YOU ASSHOLE… you know how scared I get when you are hurt and you just can’t help yourself…is this a cheap attempt to get me to talk to you?  I thought we were talking just fine?” Seongwoo’s expression was over the place, he was angry; he was worried he was calm and he was then quiet.

 

“Do not misunderstand please”

 

Daniel’s tone became soothing, patronising even. He stretched himself slowly sitting up on the bed. The distance between them was a lot, he would have preferred they sat closer but he stayed put.

 

“I didn’t drink to harm myself or go the beach with the intention of getting hurt or anything awful like that…” Seongwoo was staring into his face as he continued to address him “and I didn’t try to get drunk to hurt you…I wouldn’t do that”

 

Seongwoo’s stare faltered but he quickly regained composure listening to all Daniel had to explain.

 

“I didn’t drink a lot I only had four cans of beer and that’s not even close to getting me tipsy…I just didn’t think about my medication…Am sorry for scarring you but am not sorry for calling you…Again”

 

Seongwoo swallowed hard at Daniels statement. He saw as Seongwoo’s leg sway and his hand folded into a fist as if he was fighting the urge to move to Daniel. Seongwoo began to look at every corner of the room but at Daniel. Daniel had apologised but his words carried more weight than they were ready for in that moment.

 

 

“You see something happened tonight…” Daniel saw Seongwoo’s attention return to him. He didn’t know what was going on in the others mind but his facial expression looked as though he had wanted this conversation. Maybe he knew Daniel was out with Jihoon already. He saw the text message after all, it was easy to connect.

 

“And when it happened all I wanted was to see you… talk to you… be around you… I didn’t want something else… i like what I’ve been given. I like what I had… I don’t know if I can have it again or if it will come back to me but I couldn’t bring myself to accept something else”

 

Seongwoo didn’t get it and Daniel could tell by the confusion on his face, they used to communicate easy before without words but that’s all gone now. They’ve been strangers too long they didn’t have very much of a connection left. There was merely a faint understanding that they wanted to be together but they needed to fix things, their friendship was mostly casual now… no trust and love was locked away. They had nothing, all they had between them now starring at then in the face was an opportunity to make a positive step on the right direction.

 

“Everything is difficult now” Daniel said in a pained tone, a weak and sad smile covered his face.

 

He saw Seongwoo blink in acknowledgment but nothing else. Seongwoo would smile before … maybe scrunch his nose but he gave Daniel nothing in return. He just nodded encouraging him to continue.

 

“What I’m trying to say is that-“

The Door open and Jihoon runs into the room with Jisung following behind.

“Hyung am sorry… I didn’t mean to leave you there by yourself knowing you are sick.  I was just running and before I realised I was already back at the hotel I tried to come back but manager hyung wouldn’t let me leave”

 

“It’s okay Jihoon… am not mad at you… I just wanted to make sure you were okay… and about before” Daniel looks at him as if to speak to him he prayed Jihoon would understand him and he actually did

 

“Am fine… I just… I shouldn’t have done that… you’ve been nice to me and I misunderstood and I shouldn’t have ki-“

 

“IT’S FINE JIHOON” Jisung came close and pulled him away

 

“I need to massage Daniel’s hand so that he can take a rest okay? You’ll continue in the morning” Jisung shoots Daniel a _what the fuck kind of mess are you creating Kang Daniel_ look and the younger lad sinks unto his pillow.

 

He knew Seongwoo wasn’t stupid and he caught on what had happened, he was about to explain before Jihoon showed up. Seongwoo doesn’t say anything he just sat there…

Jisung left them to get Daniels medicine stuff from the staff. It hadn’t been loaded in his room for protective measure since it had a lot of pain killers and other medication he needs and since he was the patient, it wasn’t advisable that he administer the medication himself. It’s all just protocol. And in that time Seongwoo doesn’t speak to him.

 

By the time Jisung returns with Daniels medicine suitcase Seongwoo stood up and approached him.

 

“Let Me…” Seongwoo says in no more than a whisper and both Daniel and Jisung went stiff

 

“Let You? What?” Jisung needed confirmation but Seongwoo put his own hand on the handle of the case and smiled at Jisung.

 

“Let me take care of his hand tonight… you can come back to bed when I finish and I’ll leave then….if that’s okay” Seongwoo says to Jisung who looks at Daniel. Daniel had his mouth open on the bed frozen to the head board like a hopeless mackerel.

 

“Can you? Do you need me to show you?” Jisung saw Daniel glare at him, obviously telling him to get the fuck out.

 

“I’ve watched you do it Hyung and I was at the hospital watching as well… am sure I can handle it but if I need help I’ll call you” Seongwoo smiled at Jisung and watched as his leader exited the room before he tries to breathe. What the fuck did he just do?

 

 

***

They were left to their own devices, in the nervous comfort of the hotel room in LA… Daniel was in excruciating pain. Practicing for Kcon and not having the proper amount of rest he required was taking a toll on his shoulder but he was in a different state of mind having Seongwoo with him.

Daniel sat up on his bed, back pressed against the head board as he watched anxiously. Seongwoo began to lay out the content of the small box that he needed. He took out a massaging cream and medicated ointment. He rolled out a clean set of bandages while looking at Daniel for some king of guide. When it looked like he rolled enough Daniel gives him a slight nod and he cuts with a scissors

 

He selected tape instead of safety pins and cotton pads for cleaning the area of incision with some king of antiseptic to clean the area. As Seongwoo finished collecting his items Daniel began to undress himself but he struggled.

 

_“I’ll do it”_

Daniel hears him say and he watched closely as Seongwoo’s knee deeps on the bed and he crawled to Daniel sitting by his side. Daniel was wearing a shirt with buttons so it was easy to take off but between the pair of them it was quite the task.

 

Seongwoo’s hand began to shake nervously whens his hands came in slight contact with Daniels rock hard chest. He quickly retracted his hand and slowly, he picked the buttons avoiding any contact. The first button reveals a more skin and then he was unto the next. Seongwoo saw as Daniel watched his hand go lower and when he reached Daniels abdomen the shirt started to fall open revealing Daniels bold naked frame. Seongwoo swallowed hard trying to think back to the reason for this bad decision.

 

Daniels eyes glued to seongwoo’s hand watched as his slender fingers worked him slowly. He’s imagined this before, Seongwoo taking his buttons off but in his thoughts Seongwoo usually straddled him and his hands were always glued on the small of Seongwoo’s back pressing him close while his lips sought and found the parts of Seongwoo’s body he would let him adorn with his lips _Fuck_

 

_“… -now”_

_“- what?... I dint get that?”_ Daniel was brought back to reality

 

“I said am going to begin on your hand now”

 

Daniel realised Seongwoo had finished with the bottom so he shimmied his shoulder as gingerly as he could muster and the shirt fell deeply before Seongwoo carefully took them off him. Seongwoo was so gentle that Daniels heart fluttered and he began to smile

 

“What’s so amusing?” Seongwoo wouldn’t miss a thing

 

“You are so careful with me like am delicate…”

 

“Well you are… so I have to be careful”

 

“Jisung hyung just yanks me as he pleases… he’s not as sweet as you”

 

Seongwoo flushed. _What a sly bastard._ He was flirting

 

“Am sure Jisung hyung was doing his best”

 

Seongwoo peeled off layers off Daniel slowly like he was a present. When all the coils of bandages were out Seongwoo studied the pattern it was used to get wrapped underneath. He unties the one that keeps pressure on Daniel’s shoulder blade and Daniel made an unpleasant sound. It didn’t matter how gentle he was, Daniels face in pain.

 

Seongwoo did the same to the coils of elastic fabric that wrapped Daniels fingers and soon the blonde’s pale arm started to get back some healthy colour. Seongwoo cleaned the arm before applying the ointment and cream.

 

*

He started form Daniel’s shoulder using both his hands, building the pressure gradually. He rubbed Daniel gently at first then he grabbed a hand full of muscles and skin and started kneading. He presses his hand in gentle squeezes through Daniels hand.

 

_“How does it feel?”_

Seongwoo asked and Daniel didn’t dare speak to him. He didn’t trust the sound he would make. Seongwoo kept breathing hard as he used pressure on Daniels stiff shoulders that Daniel began to struggle with an array of nasty thoughts. He could grab unto Seongwoo and kiss him in places that would make the older lad scream. He was injured but he was sure he could still over power him easy.

 

“Put your hand on my shoulder…slowly” Daniels hand feel like a log but he was able to move it. When he touched Seongwoo he thought this was his chance. He could pin him on the bed and his kiss him breathless. Touch him in places he dreams off and maybe he could ravish him thoroughly if Seongwoo doesn’t fight him off; he could hold him and tell him to stay with him forever. Daniel was glad the sheets cover him because he couldn’t let Seongwoo see the tent he was spotting between his legs.

 

Seongwoo rubbed at him so gently and when he got to his fingers he intertwined them together and squeezed. Daniel squeezed afterwards and they both smile coz he was making progress. He saw how Seongwoo started to perspire and beads of sweat form on his head. It was anything but hot in that room maybe he wasn’t the only one feeling the effect of their contact.

 

“All done…” Seongwoo announced “let me wrap you up again...”

 

 

***

When Seongwoo finished, Daniel tried his best not to show any pain but he was in a lot of pain. He needed medication but he couldn’t have any. Seongwoo touching him was a distraction but now that was over and the pain had returned. Seongwoo settled himself on the other bed and just stayed quietly watching Daniel as Daniel watched him. Jisung would return any minute now, he was waiting

 

“He’s not coming” Daniel announced and Seongwoo knew exactly what he meant but he didn’t know why

 

“Why?”

 

“… I told him we have a lot to discuss” Daniel suddenly found his strength

 

“We do?” Seongwoo feigns ignorance

 

“Yes…”

One minute he was there for Daniel and the moment Daniel draws the curtain and sets the stage Seongwoo began to think again. He had the intension of talking until Jihoon walked in. He knew what happened and why Jihoon had come and he knew what Jihoon was going to say. He just didn’t know what Daniel was going to say to him.

 

Jihoon looked just the way Seongwoo had expected him to and he knew Jihoon liked Daniel a lot. He saw it in the way he worried and he knew what he had done. He had been there. He knew the emotional level it took to get to the level of doing that and he didn’t know how he could take it if Daniel said something else.

 

“You’re not speaking”

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say…“ Seongwoo wanted to ignore it all but he wanted to also talk to Daniel. He bit down on his lips and started speaking “I thought I knew where to start but you throw me off every time… Whenever I think maybe I can trust you now and we could be moving forward, you make it impossible to”

 

Daniels eyes were defenceless. He had no guards and Seongwoo knew he was letting it all bare for him. Daniel had made his mind to bare his soul and they were alone in a hotel room that gave them every opportunity to do so

 

“When you talk about trust where exactly are you going with this? Do you still not trust yourself with me? Your heart or you don’t trust me with others” Daniel asked him

 

“I think it’s both… I know you kissed him… I don’t know what it means for us or what it means to you. You kissed someone before and it hurt like hell… but this is dif-”

 

“I didn’t kiss him” Daniels voice was plain

 

“Daniel please… don’t lie to me… I deserve that much”

 

“He kissed me… I didn’t kiss him” Daniel tells him the truth “I pushed him away and that’s what really happened”

 

Seongwoo brushed his bangs off his faces and signed deeply. He ran his hand over his head and with soft words he began

 

“It’s not about what really happened Daniel; it’s about what’s been happening. The situation… everything is so fucking familiar. It’s how we started, it’s how I started. You were there for me all the time and you let me be there for you. Slowly I started to love you without realising and I...I see myself in him sometimes and you’re still the same guy. I got so close to you that I just really wanted to kiss you and I did just that, hoping for the worst while wishing for the best and I guess I got the best when you kissed me back. But can’t you see the pattern? He’s living my memories with you”

 

“But it’s different this time… I don’t want him, I don’t Love him… and I Couldn’t love him. I know that, He knows that but you don’t know that.”

 

Seongwoo sighed deeply. He didn’t know how much of all this he could handle

 

“All this while, you kept your thoughts about him to yourself… you should have come to me and I would have listened…”

 

“We weren’t on speaking terms… I was trying to heal and the further I tried the more I got pulled away from you and you got closer to him… it felt like I was getting replaced

 

“but now we are on speaking terms…I know it’s complicated and it’s a mess but I want you to give me a chance to make this right tonight… Seongwoo we’ve got an opportunity here. We are away from everything in Korea that reminds us of the worst moments, this place is different and free Seongwoo ill love to fix us tonight if you let me” Daniel pleaded

 

Daniel watched with his heart floating in the air. It was Seogwoo’s call. If he says no it’s a no… if he lets him they could end the night happy or in tears. He watched as Seongwoo flopped on the bed assigned to Jaehwan and then he sat up again. He stared long and hard at Daniel before the words fell freely from his lips.

 

**_“Okay”_ **

 

 Seongwoo gave in. it’s what he wants and he knew they had an opportunity, Maybe to fight and break things and argue and in the end whatever is left will help them decide but as he was looking at Daniel, he just wanted everything to be okay again.

 

 

 

 

 

***

Daniel bundled his shoulder keeping his hands clutched to his side. He shifted his weight and moved till his feet hit the floor. Seongwoo reciprocated and moved away from him. Daniel didn’t say anything he _hoped_ by the time they are done Seongwoo would be back to his side.

 

“Did he say why he kissed you? Did he tell you he liked you and what did you say to him” Seongwoo dreaded the response

 

“He did… “Daniel caught the little sign of unpleasantness that Seongwoo tried to swiftly banish fromh is thoughts. “… but what he said was crazy talk… he shouldn’t have kissed me…he should have said that to me…” Daniel moved to the other bed sitting closer to Seongwoo. As if he doesn’t notice, the older lad paid him no attention

 

“He probably couldn’t control his emotions…” Seongwoo's words were distant. As if they weren’t his own. He just stared into thin air “I am mad at him but I can’t bring myself to rebuke him. You’re intoxicating Daniel”

 

“Why does it sound like you are taking his side in this?” they make eye contact and Seongwoo sadly began to explain

 

“I’m not, am actually offended but I just kind of understand him? I’ve been there you now”

 

Seongwoo was talking as if what Daniel share with Jihoon is the same as what they share and Daniel wanted him to know the difference but it meant he had to tell a secret

 

“It’s really not like that Seongwoo, it’s not the same… not for him and not for me… you see there is something going on with him… “

 

“Are you going to tell me?” Seongwoo was interested

 

“I don’t know if I can or if I should… it’s not really my place”

 

“Fuck this…” Seongwoo stood up, grabbed the medicine box and played out his pre-exit moment before Daniel

 

“Common Seongwoo” Daniel called after him immediately but he doesn’t move

 

“You do this every fucking time…you’ve got to know where your loyalties are… you’ve got to know where to set the boundaries and restrictions … if you want to make things right you have to talk to me all the time and you need to set those boundaries away from me… how am I supposed to trust you when you hide things from me and when you lie to me?”

 

“Seongwoo you know it’s-“

 

“Daniel I’m making it clear that I don’t give a fuck.” Seongwoo was angry “ If you want to make this work you can’t hide stuff from me… he put his lips on you and am trying to be understanding but you can’t tell me what’s going on?... Did you like it? Is that what it is?” He challenged him

 

“Seongwoo I didn’t… I felt nothing” Daniel kept his cool and tone on a calm level

 

“I don’t trust you… you have to make me trust you again but right now I don’t see you trying… do you really want to fix us?” Seongwoo cried out to him in frustration as if he was going to burst out in tears

“You know I want you…” Daniel tells him and they just stay there staring at each other. “ _You know I want you_ ” _“you know_ ” _did he know?_

 

*

Daniel pleaded with Seongwoo to give him one last chance which involved calling Jihoon over. Seongwoo refused to be in the same room as them. He really didn’t want to watch them; he didn’t want to witness their chemistry. He wanted Daniel to talk to Jihoon and when he was clear they would talk. Daniel said as long as Seongwoo didn’t mind. So Seongwoo stood outside Daniel’s hotel room and watched as Jihoons smaller frame approached him. He smiled at him and called him Hyung. Seongwoo smiled and told him to go in before he cursed under his breath waiting as the guy he was crazy about was locked in a hotel room with a guy crazy about him.

 

 

***

Once Jihoon saw the look on Daniels face he was lost for words, he knew he messed up. He didn’t know what he was expecting to have acted like an _idiot. So he began to explain himself as he approached Daniel who was sitting on the bed_

“Hyung I know we have to talk about what I did… but”

 

“Why did you do it?... I told you before that we weren’t possible because i like someone else and you know the kind of shit I’ve been through because of it, why would you do something so stupid and try to ruin my chances with Seongwoo?”

 

Daniel was letting his initial anger out of his system. Jihoon shouldn’t have kissed him because they already had the talk. He had already shut it down months ago when jihoon tried to confess one day where he claimed to have had a falling out with Woojin and Daniel consoled him. Daniel told him he wasn’t available.

 

“Niel hyung, I know I’ve been a very shitty friend… all I can say is am sorry”

 

_“What about Him? Did you ever think of what Woojin is going to think when he finds out?... what do you think he is going to say?”_

 

“He is making me crazy hyung” Jihoon sat close to Daniel

 

“I did everything you told me to and it worked like magic but he doesn’t want more… he just wants to be friends but I fell in love with him and I want more…”

 

“Does he seem like someone who wants to be friends?” Daniel glared at him because Woojin really liked Jihoon and Daniel could see it. If Jihoon said Jump he would fly.

 

“Hyung you don’t get it… he wants to do all the same stuff I want to do but he doesn’t want labels then he gets mad when I hang with you and I tell him at least with you I know what we are and he is just toying with me. And then stuff happen and the next minute he is back to not wanted anything from me…I can’t do it anymore but I like him very much” Jihoon dumps on Daniel as if he had rehearsed it all

 

“Talk to him and find a common ground. I'll give advice I was given but never adhered to, talk to him and compromise. You are pissing time away. Take whatever you can get and talk about your feelings maybe he would come around or you would see things differently as long as you both stay close it won’t get too bad trust me I know… and don’t go around shoving your tongue in people’s mouth.” Daniel smacked him on the arm and jihoon dramatically hold on pretending like it hurt more than it did “And shut down whatever is going on with Linlin, Jihoonie stop creating a mess” Daniel warns him. He manages to reject him, scold him, sympathize with him and advised him all at the same time.

 

“Like you shut me down” Jihoon raised an eyebrow

 

“Like I shut you down... “Daniel nods with a knowing grin

 

“Am truly sorry if I caused any trouble Niel Hyung... I really care about you and wouldn't want to hurt you” Jihoons eyes softened

 

“I know…”

 

“But I kinda liked kissing you” Jihoon jokes so he wouldn’t sip into emotions

 

“Well that's the only memory of it you are going to have”

 

“I can sneak in and kiss you”

 

“Kiss me at your own risk.” Daniel looked towards the door and Jihoon laughed

 

“I think he wants to murder me I swear... he looks at me like I like stole his puppy...”

 

“You kinda tried... but this puppy knows what he wants” they both laugh together and Jihoon hugged Daniel. Everything was good between them. Daniel needed to make sure

 

“I think I still kinda love you hyung...” Daniel rolled his eyes because Jihoon never knew when to quit a joke… even though sometimes it’s hard to tell when he’s being serious

 

 “But maybe I'll understand what it means later. Your heart is somewhere else and I really like this fire ball guy that is so full of himself... that awfully sounds like you. I guess I have a type... Jihoon laughed before squeezing Daniels arm”

 

“let Linlin down easy...” Daniel reminds him, jihoon had told him things were escalating between him

 

“am not as mean and you and he is not as forward as me so it's going to be good"

 

“I wasn’t mean, I just made it clear”

 

“You told me… **_you are not allowed to like me and you shouldn’t want me… if you do ill stop hanging out with you. We are friends and that’s what it’s going to be. I have feeling for someone else and I’m not interested”_** Jihoon says it in a way that is supposed to sound like Daniel

 

 “Imagine hearing that from your crush when you confessed to them… you hurt me that day” Jihoon faked sadness

 

“Just hurry and get out I need to talk to Seongwoo” Daniel pushed at him to get going

 

“Hyung I hope it works out with Seongwoo Hyung. Coz you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them." Jihoons words were coated with deep emotion that Daniel didn’t let himself think about but it came across as loss

 

Jihoon leaned in and kissed Daniel on the cheek and Daniel doesn’t fight him. He just lets him have that. It was an understanding a certain kind of truce. They were friends and this was a new territory they just conquered.

 

He can be friends with a boy and have skin ship without feeling awkward about it. Daniel never wanted Jihoon in the way he wanted Seongwoo not once. Even when Jihoon had been frustrated because of his relationship with Woojin and he seemed to want Daniel when Daniel was lonely and vulnerable, Daniel never saw it as an opportunity to indulge. He just wanted a normal friendship from jihoon. It could be normal without strings. It's what friends do

 

*

As Jihoon walked away he Saw Seongwoo who looked like he had heard everything they said. They made eye contact and Jihoon smiled awkwardly at him before losing his expression and that was when Seongwoo saw it.

 

Seongwoo knew it didn’t matter what was going on or what Jihoon had said. Jihoon had fallen deeply in love with Daniel. Seongwoo knew the kind of love that makes you want to give up everything for him and lose yourself in his laughter. He knew how easy it was to love him but Daniel does not easily make such decisions.

 

He is either Straight forward or completely clues and even though Seongwoo had gotten straight forward he knew Jihoon might have stumbled on the part called clueless. Seogwoo watched him walk away, he knew the emotion that came with loving Daniel and he had also known the pain that came with him breaking your heart unknowingly. He just hoped Jihoon could fix things with Woojin like he had heard and forget Daniel slowly.

 

 

*

Jihoon walked away clutching his arms to his side. It was the bro things to do he kept telling himself. Daniel didn’t love him, not in the way he might have wanted. Maybe lying to Daniel about his relationship with Woojin helped them get close because he had nothing to fear of him and maybe all the pretending about woojin had made it easy for Daniel to let him in but now Jihoon knew it was going to be an agony to forget Daniel.

 

He put his heart on the line, but he was warned. Daniel told him from the start you _can’t like me because I like someone else_ but he was stubborn. He’s never met anyone like Daniel in his life; someone older who treated him like an equal, like a friend and genuinely appreciated him but Daniel was so deeply in love with Seongwoo that it hurt Jihoon to think about it.

 

Jihoon walks into the hotel room he shared with and woojin. Woojin is pacing waiting for him looking worried when he shut the door behind him. He takes him in his arms immediately and held him… Jihoon cried.

 

“I’m sorry” he cried against woojin “I warned you not to let your heart go for him… when you started liking him I told you he would never return the feeling… but you wouldn’t listen. The most dangerous thing you can do to your self is falling in love with a guy who is in love with someone else”

 

In a twisted way it hit Jihoon like a rock. It sounded too personal like Woojin was talking from experience. Who did woojin love that loved someone else? Jihoon thought.

 

“How do you make it stop… how to make it go away” Jihoon wiped his eyes asking Woojin

 

“You just continue to be there for them and support them… if you can’t have his love be his friend… Daniel cares about you and he wouldn’t want to lose you as a friend… just be there for him and slowly you would somehow be at peace with it.”

 

Jihoon thinks to Daniel telling him to sort things out with Guanlin but that was a complete hoax he created. He was in love with a guy who would never love him back, he did all he could but sometimes if you’re not the one you’re just not the one and it hurt.

 

 

***

“Why didn’t you tell me all this while?” Seongwoo spoke after Daniel explains all that had happened. He listened as if he had not heard the entire conversation but Daniel gave him details. He talked about how he had shut jihoon down months before now and Jihoon kissing him was an outburst of overreacting. And that was how he was so adamant that there was nothing going on because he had created an environment where his heart was not available to anyone else and Jihoon knew that.

 

“Would you have believed me, if I did?” Seongwoo doesn’t respond because he knew he would have used it as an excuse to fight him further and accuse him for making stuff up.

 

“We lost everything Seongwoo and I don’t blame you for any of it. We lost our friendship; we lost whatever love we had, our connection, understanding and our trust. There was nothing I was going to say to you to make you look back at me… when I realised that we were empty I decided to just let it all be”

 

“So what are you saying?”

 

“Am saying that we’ve been through a lot… and we are trying to fix something that we both don’t know how to fix… you told me you needed space to love yourself, find yourself and I needed to figure shit out and understand stuff… but Seongwoo it’s been bugging me, what if there is no right way?”

“I don’t get it… right way?” Seongwoo wasn’t following

 

“Maybe there is no right way… what if us being together like this is us figuring it out. Seongwoo there is no manual to follow to show step by step information on how we should heal or care for what’s been broken before we can be together”

 

There shared the same struggles and Daniel could see it in seongwoo’s eyes and how his shoulders folded together in a submissive manner

 

“I keep waiting for this big thing to happen, for a big revelation or this grand realisation that I’ve figured it out but nothing is happening. Maybe just being together and trying is how we get through it. _Together._ We’ve always been different, we feel deeply and we love deeply, maybe this is our own path.

 

Seongwoo stood up and cupped his own face. All the blood had rushed to his face. His heart was pumping blood faster than it should and he could physically feel the muscle slamming at the bones that protected it. He was nervous. The voice in his head was telling him to run. To leave before Daniel digs deep into them

 

“Seongwoo in my heart all that I carry is the love I feel for you. I told you months ago that I loved you but you  said you couldn’t love me… you didn’t believe me because it was so sudden but Seongwoo I had only just known when you left me…I feared for so long but now  I know you love me… I know you love me deeply but you just don’t want to let me in but I really can’t let you go”

 

“How do you know I love you? How can you say that so arrogantly? What if I don’t love you anymore” Seongwoo squared his shoulders. Anything to run away but Daniel wasn’t letting him push him away. Not this time

 

“I know you love me… I felt it that night at Mirae hospital” Daniel stood up and started moving to him

“I said that night wouldn’t be a factor” Seongwoo looked around for an easy exit

 

“Maybe it should be… it’s our life and it’s our memory… we lived it. In the moment when you felt like I was in danger you did what you wanted the most and that was to be with me…”

 

Daniel moved even closer to Seongwoo who continued to back away until his back is against the door and stood there hovering over him

 

“You let me kiss you and you let me touch you…I felt you when you touched me… _you want me_ … I know in the way you looked at me… I saw it in the way he leaned into my touch and in the way you cried out when I touch you… you need me as much as I-“

 

“Stop it…” Seongwoo shoved Daniel so hard forgetting he was injured Daniel muffled his painful cry and nursed his shoulder and Seongwoo looked in horror. He was so vulnerable that Daniels presence physically pained him, he ached in his heart and his body was greedily responding to his words. But it wasn’t enough

 

“Is that all you still want from me? You just want my body and what you can do with me?...am I not worth more than that to you?  Besides, it’s just one night”

 

“And that is the night that matters the most… I want your heart and your love. Everything else is a bonus. I want all of you.” Seongwoo’s walls were shattered. His eyes were so glassy and his breathing started to become uneven. Daniel was getting to him

 

 

“Remember that night we broke, you said to me **_“I just want to know; can your heart ever want me as much as mine wants you?_**

 

I didn’t understand it then, but I get it now and the answer is yes…  Seongwoo I want to be with you because you’re all I think about… the times we are together are the moments that keep me sane. Your memories are my source of happiness… the moles on your face calm me down when I touch them, call me crazy but when I look into your eyes I feel like am home”

 

Seongwoo held unto his burning cheeks with his back pressed strongly against the door. He could feel the tears boiling inside him. He didn’t know how long before they evaded him

 

 

“I didn’t know what love was but I realised I was already in love. I was expecting butterflies and snow to suddenly appear with cherry blossoms all at the same time and an orchestra playing a memorable tune but it doesn’t work like the movies...”

 

Seongwoo potted a pinched grin on his face as he watched Daniel confess to him. It was very subtle on his face behind blurry eyes but it was present. He loved listening to Daniel tell him how much he loved him. He never told him like this before. No one had ever confessed to him before he only heard from people and he saw in movies but this was better than anything he could have wished for.

 

 

“Ong Seongwoo I am so fucking in love with you and I’ve been for a very long time… I like boys and I still find girls attractive so you can say am bisexual but I only love you… you don’t get any more gay that that” He smiled and Seongwoo finally let his cheeks spread

 

Daniel saw as Seongwoo’s eyes began to fill with tears and he began to sniff watching Daniel so closely like he wasn’t sure but he wanted to trust him again. Daniel was going to be patient with him because since there was no hand book he had to do this on his own.

 

 

“I still fear because you are dangerous… you’re a smooth talker and you always know the right thing to say…” He cleaned his eyes and tried to find his composure. He was about to hand his entire heart and soul to Daniel for the second time and this time he knew he was in too deep. He loved him. Daniel was his world but he couldn’t say

****

**_“I don't want you to force it and tell me you are suddenly gay or suddenly tell me you love me because you know it’s what I want. I don’t want that, it would hurt more... If there is nothing there after all we’ve been through, I just want you to say it and please end this"_ **

I once asked you a question and I _said what do you want?_ And you said you didn’t want me to force my feelings for you. I was so disturbed that I asked you if you didn’t even want me to try

 

 

**_"Is that what you really want, you don't want me to fight? Even a little? And you don't want to try with me?"_ **

 

****

“But that day when you looked in my eyes and you told me **_“Daniel, I am exhausted I don’t know if I could try... I have given you everything. Every part of me you've got it. Everything special about me… I've given it all to you. I've got nothing left"_**

 

But you lied to me; because you have what I need… Your love and affection, your heart...I need you more than I have ever needed you. You’ve got every that I want and I love you” Seongwoo’s tears poured in a way it’s never poured before but there was no sadness or darkness behind his eyes

 

“So am going to ask you that dreadful question again, here it goes… Seongwoo what do you want?”

 

Seongwoo stare at him and Daniel could see how he shook. Daniel was just as nervous but Seongwoo quivered on his spot

 

**_“You”_ **

 

Seongwoo whispered starring Daniel dead in the face but he looked so terrified of Daniel. Seongwoo moved further away to the bed where he sat with his head in his hands. Daniel was confused. Seongwoo said he wanted him but why was is so hard for him to go through with it

 

Daniel approached him and sat beside him. He wanted to touch him but he could see the older lad was in no state to be touched without permission. Daniel studied him as Seongwoo looked deep in his eyes

 

“What are you so afraid of?”

 

Daniel surprised himself that he could see what was going on and he could feel it. Seongwoo was terrified of him. Seongwoo didn’t look like he hated him but the calmness that comes with trust was not with them.

 

“I- i…. Daniel I-“his words broke as he took in a deep breath and cleaned his eyes

 

“Please tell me”

 

He heard Daniel ask him. Seongwoo was ready to spill his guts. Wanted to say his piece but he couldn’t. He wanted Daniel but he didn’t want to let himself go there again. Seongwoo was scared. _Maybe too scared._ Too scared to want. Too scared to love him again… too scared to get hurt.

 

 “Seongwoo please talk to me… what are you so afraid of?” concern filled Daniels words as he stared the man he loves more than anything tremble from his own thoughts.

 

“Seongwoo please…”

 

_“I- don’t want to get hurt”_

Seongwoo was so emotional. Daniel could physically see the fear in Seongwoo’s eyes.

 

“Daniel… I don’t want to get hurt again… I don’t want to hurt anymore”

 

“Am not going to hurt you…” Daniel moves closer and rests his hands so gently on him. He takes Seongwoo's hand and places it in his.

 

“Please look at me”

 

Seongwoo had tears in his eyes and Daniel knew he vowed to never make him cry but he always ended up doing it somehow.

 

“Seongwoo am not going to hurt you…”

 

“It’s just… when am hurt, I love… when you hurt me, I love you… even when you broke my heart I still loved you. With everything that happened I tried to hate you, but I could never. I tried so hard to forget you… I even said awful things to you but I loved you even more.”

 

Seongwoo stare at Daniel with his wet eyes and stained cheeks and the younger lad had tears welling up as he listened to him.

 

“It scares me how much I love you” Seongwoo Whispered like it was a secret only the both of them could ever know

 

 “Because of how I love you it’s so easy for you to hurt me and I don’t know if I can handle it if you broke me again. I couldn’t live with the pain. I don’t think I could come back from it a second time”

 

“Hey… look at me”

 

Daniel grabbed Soengwoo’s face between his hands.

“Seongwoo It breaks me to see you hurt… I don’t ever want to hurt you again. I know its cliché, like something anyone would say but I want you see my eyes Seongwoo there is nothing I have as proof but the longing in my heart and that all I have…”

 

His finger rubbed lightly at the tears that met his fingers and Daniel used his bandaged hand to clean his up, putting the white fabric to good use. They were so close. They breathe in each other and their breath saturated hotly on their faces. Daniel took the moment

 

“When I can’t love you I will love you. Even when am so busy I will always be available to you. When you get mad at me I promise to be patient and still love you. I never promised you anything before. No matter how long we spent together I never promised you a things but I am now I’m promising everything… I want you to have me in ways you never thought you could because when I wake up even before I breathe, I want to love you first”

 

Seongwoo smiles after hearing Daniel’s declaration to him.

 

“You promise to love me and not hurt me?” He asked between sniffs

 

“I promise to love you every day as long as you let me… even when you stop loving me I’ll still love you”

 

“I don’t think I could stop loving you” Seongwoo chimed

 

“I want to protect you from everything and even myself because that is how precious you are to me… I want to make it official. I feel like saying it out gives me permission to love you. Seongwoo looked at him expectantly as Daniel continues to use his bandage to clean his face

 

“Will you be mine?”

 

“Yes” Seongwoo responds almost immediately and Daniel chuckles lightly

 

“And will you be mine?” Seongwoo rushed

 

“Always “Daniel responds

 

At Daniels words, Seongwoo launched into his arms and sobbed. Tears filled Daniels eyes too, Seongwoo's tears were contagious. Was it really over? Just like that? Did they just fix it?... Seongwoo didn’t care about his injuries as he continued to crush Daniel in a hug. Daniel lets his left hand cradle Seongwoo’s black hair soothing him as he continued to sob. They belonged to each other now. They separated the hug and Daniels injured hand began to wipe him dry again.

 

“I’ll never let you go I promise” Daniel whispers to him “I won’t break your heart” Seongwoo nods as he shut his eyes. He loops his hand around Daniels shoulder and Daniel closed the gap between them. Chest to chest and lips attached they were tucked in like a perfect jigsaw.

 

 Daniel was his… in every meaning of that word he had his love and his care and his respect. Seongwoo felt full and on such a high. He tried to focus on the kiss but he was too emotional. Daniel brushed against his lips so slowly that his body erupted in a gnawing blaze of sensation. Daniels mouth was hot as he shared the pressure with him in a slack and less demanding manner, immersing a feeling of raw lurid desires he so desperately craved. The movement of his tongue in his mouth was so intrusive that he whimpered. His hand raked out into Daniel’s face and aggressively all over his body. He touched him like he wanted to make sure it was real. Seongwoo’s his hands continued to explore and slowly started to wonder to exciting locations and he felt Daniel smile against him. Daniel grabbed unto his careless hand and separated the kiss.

 

“You need to get Jisung hyung to fix my shoulder, I think you ruined it”

 

Coming back to reality Seongwoo looked at Daniel and realised all the bandages had come undone. Seongwoo suddenly felt embarrassed. He didn’t know when he pulled at the ruffle of cloth that was in his way of touching what he wanted so badly to caress.

 

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to” Seongwoo smiled shyly and Daniel laughed.

 

“No need to be sorry… we’ll get to that later… but slow okay” Daniel searched his face and kissed him again one long drag at his lips and they are both breathless.

 

“I’ll fix you… just like you fixed us… no need to get Jisung hyung”

 

Seongwoo leaned in and kissed Daniel again.

 

 He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I let them go for it with the I love you's lol see you in the comments... i hope you liked it


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiil in LA, Daniel and Seongwoo realise that they still have problems that won't just go away over night... The'll have to deal with it slowly. Maybe one of that problem is sexual tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up exactly where chapter 10 ends. i have no notes except sometimes they are cute and sometimes they are adorable... lol

             ***

Seongwoo wrapped Daniel’s shoulder quickly and very tightly this time. His delicate hands that usually touched Daniel carefully had become more comfortable and forceful. Daniel was in so much pain he complained every step of the way.

 

 “Jisung hyung doesn’t do it like that… he is gentle” Daniel groaned

 

“I thought you said he yanks you here and there?” Seongwoo snickered

 

“I was trying to-“

 

“Get in my pants?” Seongwoo wrapped on another layer

 

“No” Daniel laughed

 

“You were flirting the whole time” Seongwoo accused him with a slight grin

 

“I just wanted you back dummy”

 

Daniel grabbed unto his arm so Seongwoo could go easy on him and be gentle but Seongwoo pulled tighter instead and Daniel grunts in deep frustration which caused Seongwoo to laugh.

 

“I just don’t want it to come off again” He explained with a bright smile

 

*

Seongwoo finished and plants a kiss on Daniels cheek “am sorry I hurt you” but he wasn’t exactly talking about the bandages

 

“what?” Daniel looked on waiting for an explanation

 

“That night when I hit you…” He started slow and trails off “I haven’t been able to forgive myself or stop thinking about it… am really sorry” Seongwoo stayed close

 

“It’s okay… I never held it against you…and I deserved it.” Daniel tried to dismiss it so Seongwoo could stop feeling bad about it

 

“You didn’t, it… I just” Seongwoo shifted till he was relaxed against the head board on Daniels bed

 

“It’s okay, you can talk to me… we need to do this more often” Daniel urged him on Searching his face

 

“I just don’t want us to do that sort of things you know…” Seongwoo played with his fingers “like no matter how bad we get or if we fight… I don’t want us to get physical… Like I know I’ll get my ass handed to me-” Daniel cackled and Seongwoo smacked his leg

 

“But like… I don’t want it to be okay for us to do that to each other…“ He looks over at Daniel with an apologetic face. Daniel adjusted so they were face to face and held unto his shoulders

 

“I’ll never lay my hands on you… I don’t think I could ever… I know sometimes I grab on too tight when am angry but I’ll never do that to you” Daniel reassures him.

 

“I just feel ashamed that I can’t say the same… I already did” Seongwoo looked away

 

“It’s okay… I forgive you…” Daniel made Seongwoo look at him so he knows that he’s okay and Seongwoo doesn’t have to hurt in his thoughts anymore

 

“Feeling better?”

Seongwoo broke into a deep smile at Daniel’s words. The younger lad stokes his hand lightly. Seongwoo slowly cradled Daniel’s cheek where he had struck him and the blonde retrieved the brunettes hand from his face and pressed it against his lips in such an intimate fashion. He kissed his hands repeatedly so lightly and then ended with a wink.

 

It was so ridiculous a gesture that Seongwoo lost his composure; he laughed till his head fell against Daniel who was still opposite to him. They sat facing each other with Seongwoo’s head on Daniels good shoulder until he stopped laughing and just relaxed into him. They stay like that for a while, breathing each other in. The Night like every other night could have gone horribly wrong but they got it right this time.

 

They were both exhausted of their previous situation, they were tired of fighting and they needed each other to live freely again. Putting everything behind them there were ready to live as a unit and just love as much as they could.

 

 

***

 

“I want to do everything with you” Daniels words made them pull apart. Seongwoo stares at him with a sweet smile on his face admiring the way Daniels eyes spark with so much life and his face filled with excitment as he began to tell Seongwoo what he wanted for the both of them.

 

“I want to date you” Daniel tells him starring into his eyes like it held his hopes and dreams

 

“I thought we were doing that or did I miss something?” Seongwoo furrowed his brow

 

“Yeah but like the other part… I want to go out with you. I want to spend time with you. I want us to talk, walk and just have fun together… I want to take you everywhere…I want to hold your hand, I want to show you things that mean a lot to me… I even want to buy you all those shit you like and I just want to take you somewhere and just be with you”

 

Daniel lost in Seongwoo’s eyes, experienced the most serious case of word vomit he’s ever had before. He blinked twice realising he said that out loud but he never retracted his statement and Seongwoo’s smile spread to his entire face. As they sat facing each other Daniel could see Seongwoo’s face mimic a tomato and his neck and shoulders also went red. _Cute_ Daniel thought, and Seongwoo without words leaned in and kissed Daniel with a huge grin on his face.

“I’d love that very much… I want to go everywhere with you and do everything with you”

 

Seongwoo smiled and they just stare at each other because they could see the endless possibilities ahead of them, they could do anything and everything and it would be okay as long as they were _together_.

 

“Is there anywhere you want to go? Or anything in particular you want to do?”

Daniel asked him pulling Seongwoo slightly unto his lap

 

“I want to be drunk in Itaewon at 2:00 am and kiss a stranger… then lose my shit by the side of the road” Daniel knew he was making a joke at him

 

“That can be arranged”

 

He played along and he heard Seongwoo erupt in laughter. It was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Seongwoo laughed till he cried. Daniel dint event think it was that funny but he loved watching Seongwoo loose himself in the joke. The way his smile covered his face and his eyes shut tight. His beautiful face drawing Daniel in when he moved his head up to get some air and he laughed some more,  at least Seongwoo found humour in his mistakes.

 

 

“You drive me crazy you know that…” the words fell of Daniels lips and his left hands began to rub a few lines on Seongwoo thighs

 

“Am beginning to realise that…” he replied Daniel, biting his lips indicating he was coy. The temptation was Strong; they could both feel it because they wanted everything. Seongwoo wanted everything tonight but most importantly he wanted to sleep close to him tonight. But Jisung had to return to bed and it disappointed him.

 

 

“How about we continue this conversation tomorrow? I need to go to my own bed” Seongwoo pulled himself off Daniels legs reluctantly. Daniel made a face of disappointment.

”I really don’t want to be away from you for a second and definitely not tonight” Daniel caught the older lads hand and held unto him. Seongwoo doesn’t take his arm away; he lets Daniel hold unto him while he used his other free hand to fix Daniels pillows.

 

Daniel pulled him back to the bed so lightly but Seongwoo dumps himself on the bed anyway and Daniel smiled deeply. His back was to the bed and Daniel moves so he was hovering over him. Seongwoo took a deep breath and Swallowed hard

 

“I know you’re in pain, you need to sleep” Seongwoo traced the outline of Daniels hair line and the tucked few strands of hair behind his ear and brushed his bangs off his face. Daniel was an Adonis… the most handsome creature Seongwoo ever saw and he was a temptation to him. Seongwoo wanted Daniel to settle in him and ride him to bliss but maybe it’s too soon. As if Daniel could read his thoughts he leaned in and kissed him on lips and then his neck and collar bone.

 

“You need your rest Niel…”

Seongwoo managed to say between desire taking over him and Daniel’s inviting lips touching him the way he really wanted. _Seongwoo wanted him to kiss him, PLEASE_

 

“Stay with me tonight…”

Daniels words send shock waves over his body and he shuddered beneath him

 

Maybe he had been waiting for it or maybe he wasn’t expecting it but the words made him melt like goo. They were both an emotional mess and their feeling were pushing them closer and closer and closer.

 

 _“Please…”_ Daniel begged him. For once Daniel was the one being needy and he loved it.

 

Who was he kidding? Seongwoo didn’t want to leave.

 

“I’ll stay” Seongwoo breath out as he felt Daniel lower himself on top of him crowding him in a trap between hard muscles and a soft matrass.

 

 

*

Seongwoo made a startled noise and his body went utterly still, paralysed by the sensation that subdued him, the presence of Daniel consuming him ignited as much desire as it did fear. He felt Daniel’s hand trail over his body and slowly on his chest before gripping on the side of his ribs and drawing his fingers down.

Seongwoo’s torso pushed upward in responseto Daniels touch and he bit back a whimper of pleasure. He couldn’t distract himself from the pulsing and needy twitch that settled in the sacred place between his legs… the expectant want that he craved in his groin and inside of him. He’d never wanted to be physically dominated and taken by a Man like he did in this moment with Daniel before.

 

He grabbed unto Daniel with eager hands spreading his legs for the younger lad to settle between him in one motion as he pulled him strongly against himself to pleasure him with any form of contact. They meet each other in the place where their desires knew no control. Daniel pressed against him his own bulging erection graze into Seongwoo and he cried out in satisfaction. A slight relief but just as it was gone he wanted more.

 

Daniel’s face moved over him in the same motion he remembered from _Mirae hospital_ brushing over him ever so lightly, his hot mouth took Seongwoo whole mouthed, making it impossible for him to make a coherent statement.

 

 

Seongwoo could only moan softly as Daniel continued to adorn his lips and claim them for himself. Daniel was slow and gentle and the desire ate Seongwoo away with every swirl of his tongue and every nibble on his lower lip. Every caress and firm touch Daniel laid on his face caused the older lad to whimper as if his entire body was set on fire.

 

He couldn’t get rid of His clothes quick enough. They pulled away as Seongwoo wriggled tirelessly beneath him and Seongwoo got rid of his shirt living his lean and slightly tanned skin to Daniel’s mercy. Daniel kissed him for his own enjoyment and Seongwoo felt every touch. The way Daniels mouth kissed a trail from his neck to his chest and his abdomen and licked at him so freely. Humming and breathing him in.

 

Seongwoo’s breathe hitched and he jerked away slightly from his touch. Daniel pulled from him but Seongwoo isn’t running. The brunette grabbed unto his belt as he began to unto everything underneath. He let his eyes sit with Daniels as he laid his slender body bare for him. He’s so different from Daniel, although he iaint small himself but looked that way compared to Daniel and he loved that he was so big everywhere. It drove him crazy how Daniel could envelope him just by settling on top of him.

 

 

Seongwoo watched Daniels eyes rake over his bare body and loins, he saw Daniel take a slight look at him and how Daniel’s eyes lingered on his cock as it he laid between them and grit his teeth. Daniel’s eyes were lulled with deep want, his lips swollen and a deep shade of pink from kissing Seongwoo so satisfyingly. Seongwoo suddenly pulled hard at Daniels jeans bringing him closer to him. Daniel lost his balance, settling once again on top of him.  Their bare chest gliding together lips touching and missing each together as the urgency came upon them causing Seongwoo to get even more frantic.

 

 

His cock thrust against Daniel’s abdomen and he quaked at the warmth of skin against him. A moan escaped him lightly at the same time Daniel groaned. Daniel’s hands explore him gently touching him with care. Daniel hooks his left arm in the crease behind Seongwoo’s knee, and then he slid his hand gently till he was met with his thighs. Daniel dug his fingers gently into Seongwoo bare skin moving deeper and deeper divulging  and Surging over his private area and the innermost places of his body that lay the sensitive skin that held nothing but desire. Daniel felt Seongwoo’s body go a bit stiff again when a moan caught in his throat.

 

 

Daniel pries his hands away slowly watching closely as Seongwoo hastily grabs unto his belt in a fast and urgent manner as if he had been taken over by nothing but his desire. Seongwoo undid Daniel’s jeans and shoved his hand into the tightness of clothing, a little tug and yanking of fabric and lets Daniel’s intimidating erection bob free. With Seongwoo’s eyes glued below his waist and Daniel now hovering over him putting a space between his cock and Seogwoo’s he kissed him gently on the lips. Too slow this time like he was cooling down when they were supposed to be picking the pace.

 

As if to get him to do something Seongwoo moved his hand between them and wrapped it around Daniel. Daniel groaned biting his lips to muffle his noises as he felt the sweet touch of Seongwoo’s hand rubbing and pulling at his dick. He bit back another moan as seongwoo grabbed unto him stronger filling his hands up and moving his hand up and down his shaft. Daniel moved his own hand and slowly covered Seongwoo’s hands with his, easing his cock gently out of Seongwoo’s grip.

 

 “Soengwoo… we can’t… do this… at least not tonight”

 

Daniels voice was almost apologetic… His words shock his partner and he looked at him with accusing eyes. Daniel could see the effect of his rejection and he needed Seongwoo to understand

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Daniel watched as the embarrassment began to creep into Seongwoo’s face.

 

“You did nothing wrong… you are perfect” Daniel assures him

 

“Then why?” Seongwoo was trying to control his breathing

 

“Because you are not ready…I want to wait for you to be okay with this, but you’re still very much uncertain. I can’t tell what you are chasing but you aren’t ready.” Daniel blurts it out freely

 

“Am not ready or you can’t be with me? Which is it?” They were still in the position they had been and with every conversation they became more conscious of themselves.

 

“it’s not like you think Seongwooo… the things is that I’ve seen you like this before and you’ve lied to me or omitted certain truths before offcourse am not accusing you but I can’t go through with it under the same circumstances” Daniel tells him softly

 

 

“But we are different now,” Seongwoo protested

 

“I know… I know… that’s why we have to be more careful… we’ve worked too hard to get here let’s not make a setback…”

 

 

*

_As Daniel lay close to Seongwoo touching and kissing him he felt his body slightly quiver, not in anticipation but in doubt. It’s so easy to miss and so easy to confuse but Daniel had to make sure because he’s missed it before. He moved to further intimate parts of Seongwoo’s body sweeping to his private being careful not to touch him carelessly and it happened again. And as Daniel thought Seongwoo’s hands shoot for him again. Daniel would be damned before he made the same mistake twice._

 

_He knew they couldn’t go through with it not after what he just saw and felt. Seongwoo looked just like he had done that night when they first got intimate. He looks so enthusiastic rushing everything unable to catch his breath as he sought only for the desire that burnt through him, just to get through it. Daniel had mistaken his vulnerability and fear for desire and enthusiasm before._

 

_He didn’t know better then but he could see clearly now. Memories quickly start to rush back as the boys were both feeling the same things, reminiscing When they were free and just wanted each other but that was at the beginning before the manipulations and scheming had torn through them like thorns ripping them of pure desire and un-forethought lust. It was easy to pretend but reality had a way of showing its green face in the smallest things._

 

_Daniel watched the way Seongwoo turned and stared into his eyes. He had  looked like he wanted him in every way possible but with everything that happened he had patience now and he looked more and he saw how scared Seongwoo actually was lying there beneath him and how his fears showed when Daniel touched him too recklessly in his very private area leading to his seed of pleasure. It was like he looked months ago. He had been terrified knowing he only wanted to do it to **get answers** … he just wanted **to get over with it… maybe it would make their relationship better he had thought.**_

 

_When Daniel looked at Seongwoo next to him looking terrified and fragile he just couldn’t shake of the image. Seongwoo was so vulnerable that Night, he just hadn’t noticed a lot of things. Seongwoo hid a lot from him pretended to be okay and Daniel couldn’t see because a lot was going on._

 

 

*

“When I see you like that and I know there is a possibility that you might not want this and there is something you are chasing… I can’t do it… I want to protect you and I’ll do that… even from myself”

 

Daniel pulled off him making himself decent again and quickly zipped up his jeans. Seongwoo couldn’t meet his eye, so Daniel grabbed the covers and pushed it over Seongwoo’s naked body before settling on his side pressing close to him.

 

 

***

“Can I borrow a shirt?” Seongwoo asked with an expressionless face as the covers slipped off him lightly.

 

“I’ll find you something” Daniel said to him as he leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. They had problems… real problems both they were working through them like adults.

“I think I’ve got at least a short sleeves t-shirt somewhere…” Daniel said a s Seongwoo watched him clutch at his shoulders rummaging through his suitcase. He had forgotten Daniel was injured and only remembered when he saw the coils of bandaged he had managed to undo for the second time laying on the bed.

 

Daniel found a big t-shirt and Seongwoo slips into it quickly. It was like a free size on him and covered him like a shirt dress. Seongwoo pulled the covers over himself once again and this time slightly distanced from Daniel who had joined him on the bed

 

“you mad at me?” Daniel moved closer to him and Seongwoo lets him press close to him closing his eyes as he smelled Daniels scent coming from the t-shirt

 

“Am not mad…” He responded “am just I don’t know…embarrassed?” Seongwoo searced Daniels face and there was no judgement in his eyes just love and concern. He understood what Daniel was saying, a part of him felt gratitude and maybe he  loved him more because he seem to know even when Seongwoo doesn’t.

 

*

_Seongwoo remembers how he had tried to control his nerves by taking charge so Daniel wouldn’t change his mind. He still remember Daniel saying **“But we’ve never”** and the shock on his face when he know what Seongwoo was asking him to do. How shocked an unsure Daniel had looked, unsure rather than confused and now it all made sense why, with everything they’d been through they both didn’t want to do it that night and he made them… Seongwoo pushed them both too far. _

_He still remembered how Daniel’s words had come to him telling he didn’t want to hurt him because  he thought it was just his first time taking it up the ass but Daniel didn’t know he hadn’t touched anyone or been touched by anyone before. Seongwoo had said through his own uncertainty “ **You won’t…just go slow okay? I TRUST YOU”** Maybe that’s why their trust is so hard to fix now, Seongwoo thought. He had crushed it that night and he knew Daniel figured it out later._

 

_He could remember when Daniel pulled out the condom and rolled it on, how nervous he had been shuddering beneath Daniel telling himself he **needed to do this** … and he could still hear the scream he let out when Daniel pushed inside him. He loved him even more now because he was so slow and so gentle scared that he might lose control. Daniel had stopped but Seongwoo didn’t see his face to know what he saw because his eyes were shut tight. He was in so much pain. He felt the burn as Daniel slipped into him and it continued to hurt when he settled in him but he fought the pain. He knew Daniel tried to stop but he wouldn’t let him he was so distracted by the pain he didn’t know half the things he said that night._

 

 

> ****
> 
> **_Seongwoo let out a scream louder than before when Daniel pushed in again. Daniel stops immediately. Seongwoo had his eyes shut like he was in pain and trying to fight it._ **
> 
> **_“Should is quit?” Daniel was concerned._ **
> 
> **_“No…no…” Seongwoo held him in place so he doesn’t move. “I read that it’s supposed to hurt a bit at first and then it will feel good… but you’re just so big”Seongwoo said without realising what he’d said. Daniel was taking aback. Seongwoo had been planning this. And he’s been reading up about it._ **
> 
>  

_Seongwoo was in so much pain and lied to Daniel every step of the way and a part of him always felt like Daniel knew at some point because they ended things quickly. More quickly than he thought and by the time it was over Daniel wouldn’t stop asking if he hurt him. Seongwoo was hurt but he didn’t hate it so he could say yes. He actually enjoyed himself. Daniel was really gentle with him but he still sees the guilt eating away at him because Seongwoo lied to him about everything and he knew he hurt him a lot that Day._

 

 

*

“You don’t have to be embarrassed for that…” Daniel’s voice was soothing “if you’re not ready, You’re not ready and if I go through with it I’ll never forgive myself.” Seongwoo knew what it felt like to harbour self-guilt and he couldn’t do that to Daniel. _AGAIN_

 

“I do feel like I’m ready Daniel, like am very nervous but that’s normal everyone gets nervous… I feel like am going to explode when I let myself think about you and in all the ways I want to be with you… I loose myself thinking about your touch and what it would be like to be fused with you again” Seongwoo breathes out as he spoke of his desires. He knew he wanted to get fucked… his body needs it, he fucking wants it but his mind and his head keep fighting him and he thinks Daniel sees that

 

“Seongwoo, I cannot deny the attraction between us or the desire I have for you. when you held me in your hand you felt how much I wanted you, I want to be close to you and love so longingly till you are lost in ecstasy like you’ve never known” Seongwoo took a deep breath and they stare deep into each other

 

 _“Please kiss me…”_ Seongwoo pleaded and Daniel smiled.

 

He gave him what he wanted… he let Seongwoo lead and let him explore his desires, the touch his body craved for so long that he couldn’t give him now, he hoped he could comfort him with a kiss so deep he would relax…. Seongwoo moaned and hummed as he sought Daniels mouth with his tongue, curling his fingers behind the blonde’s necks and caressing him, touching him and licking at him so erotically.

 

 “I want it to feel like the best moment in your life when we do it again… I want to be with you so deeply like you’ve never felt before”

 

They were Dirty talking but for some weird reason it felt romantic

 

“When I had sex with you before, I didn’t know it was your first time to be in that situation with anyone and I just went with the flow and with a careful pace but there are things I should have done differently. Now that I know… there are things that I want to do differently and I don’t ever want to be unsure of myself or you.”

 

Daniel cupped Seongwoo’s faced again and pulled closer. He kissed him deeply

 

“When I be with you again, I touch you again in that devouring manner, I want it to be special” They were staring into each other’s eyes and they were talking about their feelings. They felt like different people and it was nice.

 

“Don’t say things like that to me…” Seongwoo poked him playfully

 

“Why, cause you’re a good Christian boy?” Daniel joked

 

 “Far from it… you’re getting me all hot and bothered” Seongwoo scolded him and they both laugh as Daniel pulled him into his arms.

 

 

***

“Are you okay?” Seongwoo suddenly asked as he saw the look on Daniels face change.

 

“Not really, my arm is hurting really badly” I think I over did it just now. They both smile and Seongwoo rolled his eyes. Realising Daniels arm was still rid of his bandages, Seongwoo went to the task to wrapping him up for the 3rd time that night.

 

“Sorry… you can’t have medication till tomorrow” Seongwoo reminded pressed to him as he finished and Daniel sinks into his pillow with an unpleasant cry

 

“Do you have trouble sleeping?” Seongwoo asked him unexpectedly

 

“Why do you ask?” Daniel turned his head towards Seongwoo

 

“Earlier when we got you back from the beach… you were so exhausted that you slept off but you were so troubled. You kept tossing and turning and you woke up every other minute until you couldn’t struggle any longer and woke up. And you only got an hours sleep… it was like that at Mirae too… even with the medication you were distressed”

 

“Yes… I’ve been having trouble sleeping” Daniel admits

 

“I didn’t know that” Seongwoo looked worried because he had no Idea

 

“You haven’t been around” Daniel didn’t mean to sound sad or accusing but it just read as such and Seongwoo felt bad about everything  Seongwoo felt his heart slump. He was sorry.

 

“How long, since you hurt your hand?” Seongwoo tried to brush past it quickly

 

“No… long before that…” Daniel tells him “I think it started after we broke up… I don’t know exactly when but it’s immediately after you left” Seogwoo’s eyes were so remorseful. He felt guilty but he had to leave then. He felt like they would have been more damaged and hatred would have eaten them if he stayed

 

 “I hate that you left me…” Daniel’s voice was calm “I know we had an arrangement to break up but that was never part of the deal” Daniel tells him sincerely

 

“I had to leave Daniel… I had to get away from you” Seongwoo took a deep breath

 

“Why?....did you hate me that much?” Daniel pouted

 

“I was so angry at you… I had too many emotions, I was a mess… “Seongwoo laughed

 

“Are you still mad at me?” Daniel looked on expectantly. He knew he’s been forgiven but he just wanted to hear more from Seongwoo to give them more opportunities to share

 

“No… but I was… I was for a very long time… I was so mad at you… but I forgave you and I missed you like crazy… “Seongwoo blushed and settled his body closer to Daniel’s

“When did you forgive me?” Daniel smiled

 

“The day we debuted” Seongwoo smiled back at him

 

“What?”  He raised his eyebrow

 

“Yeah, I missed you so much… I cried like an idiot” Daniel perked up smiling “yeah?”

 

“Mmhmm… snorts, choking and all” Seongwoo confirms

 

“would have loved to see it” Daniel joked

 

“well you see it all the time” Seongwoo rolled his eyes in a joking manner

 

 “I never meant to hurt you or make you cry… and am sorry for everything I put you through… I’m sorry” Daniel apologised with a smile on his face

 

“apology kind-off accepted” Seongwoo shoot his nose up in the air like a royalty to a commoner

 

“kind off?” Daniel looked puzzled but couldn’t hide the laughter in his voice

 

“yeah fully accepted when you get well… so hurry up and get well”

 

Daniel laughed out loud in the intoxicating way that makes everyone fall in love with him. so cheerful so sweet and so free and the brunette couldn’t contain his excitement. He’s heard Daniels laugh which he’s missed and it’s because of him.

 

“Am happy” Daniel whispered

 

“why?”

 

“Your smile is because of me” Daniel tells him and Seongwoo quickly felt shy. They’d been sharing the same worries the whole time. He thought it was somewhat adorable…so what’s next? They were talking but does everything just go back to the way there were? How about the boundaries they set?  And the problems they still had that were holding them back? How do they breach that?

 

 **“so-“** they both say at the same time and began to laugh

 

“You first” Daniel tells him and he got suddenly overcome with fear.

 

“So how does it work” He says quickly looking at his love that he had reclaimed back to his heart

 

“What work?”

 

“US… you said there is no hand book, so how do we be together without messing it up”

 

“We just do what feels right and talk to each other and just like earlier when things aren’t in order we don’t do it and no hiding of things from each other.” Daniels tells him with his eyes closing slightly. Seongwoo observed Daniel for a while before standing up.

 

“You’re not going to get any sleep like this” Daniel was bare and no clothes.

 

“Let’s dress you up and get those jeans off you Yeah?”

 

“I can’t wear clothes at night… maybe a short will do” Another thing Seongwoo didn’t know about and he didn’t like that

 

“Why?”

 

“Because of the bandages gets really scratchy and sometimes it hurts me when I sleep. I get uncomfortable at night so Jisung Hyung decided I sleep without clothes and it’s seemed the best option ever since, at least a get a few hours sleep”

 

Daniel smiled as he began to drift and Seogwoo pitied him. Daniel was his boyfriend now… he had every right to take care of him and he should. Daniel wanted him to stay and he wouldn’t just watch him suffer when he can make him better.

 

 

**

“come here” Seogwoo pulled Daniel up and the younger lad was very confused

 

“What?” he looked around surprised and Seongwoo started getting under his covers behind him. Seongwoo Positioned himself against the head board, pilling a few pillows from the other bed before settling comfortable in an upright position. He just made a make shift recliner and he was proud of himself.

 

Daniel just stared at him in confusion. Seogwoo had said come here but Daniel did not know where he was supposed to go. Realising the lack of knowledge Seongwoo tapped his chest.

 

“Come here” He said with a sweet smile

 

Daniel smiled brightly when he knew what Seongwoo offered… He slowly moved his large frame being careful of his own hand and settled himself between Seogwoo’s legs. He wondered how comfortable it would be at first but Seongwoo made him pull up till his head rested directly on Seongwoo’s chest and his entire upper body was on him

 

“Am going to crush you…” Daniel warns but continues to settle comfortable and Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile at his very oversized baby boyfriend.

 

“It’s okay if you crush me… I don’t mind… you haven’t slept properly in months”

 

“You’re not uncomfortable from earlier” Daniel asked him concerned

 

“No…. this is okay” Seongwoo rubbed his back

 

Seongwoo puts a pillow for Daniel to rest his injured hand and the other circled around him and held unto his wait in a hug. Daniel was so comfortable. He sniffed Seongwoo and complained he could smell himself… they both laugh until Seongwoo suddenly takes off the t-shirt and they were both bare, naked and pressed together.

 

*

 

Daniel hummed in appreciation as he dropped a chase kiss against Seongwoo’s chest. Seongwoo’s hand goes to Daniel’s hair and he starts carding his fingers through it lightly.

“We are going to get to you all better in no time… am sorry… I dint know what was going on… I hope you forgive me” Daniel tightens his grip and nods in acknowledgement. Seongwoo could tell he was drifting so quickly.

 

He pressed the control switch at the top of the bed and the lights go off. The only light coming in was the beautiful lights that lit up the city of LA sipping in through the window.

 

“Please come back… I miss you” Seongwoo heard Daniels words. He thought he was sleep talking for a minute but Daniel calls his name and squeezed the side of his waist

 

“Seognwoo, Will you come back to our room?”  Daniel asked carefully

 

“I promise… I’m sorry I left you alone for so long and you had to deal with a lot…” Seongwoo kissed his hair

 

“Don’t leave me again” Daniel nuzzled into him

 

“I promise”

 

Seongwoo’s hand wraps around Daniel and slowly caressed his naked back that trapped him beneath the matrass. He loved it. Seongwoo heard Daniel’s breathing even out and he was out. Sleeping so peacefully with Seongwoo being his support and Seongwoo started to feel that _Daniel really needed him_ there was so much more he could give him if his presence brought him so much comfort. Something so simple gave him great peace and he smiled. He would have a really good night. For the first time in a long time Seongwoo would go to bed without crying or wishing or hoping. He would just hold unto the one he loves and hope for better days.

He had his love back and he had nothing to worry about. He shut his eyes and went to sleep.

 

 

 

***

The next morning Seongwoo woke up drenched… he was so hot… beads of sweat all over his body and Daniel was especially soaked. Seongwoo was surprised to see Daniel still asleep. They were in the same position that they had slept but Daniel had moved lower his body and his head rested on Seongwoo’s abdomen.

 

Seongwoo slowly fought with large limbs as he extricated himself from Daniel’s grip. He looked at himself he was naked and so was Daniel… he shook his head and smiled as he remembered what happened the night before. He disappears into the toilet and when he returned Daniel started to stir awake. Seongwoo runs quickly into the bed and Daniel curdled close to him before drifting back to sleep.

 

*

The Next time he wake up it was Jisung and the entire clan of gossip ushering themselves in. They heard that Seongwoo spent the night in Daniel’s room and the small groups had hurdled in excitement hoping that this was it that hopefully it was over.

 

When Jisung opened the room door and he slipped in followed closely by Sungwoon and Minhyun, Seongwoo immediately woke up at the creaking sound.

 

Seongwoo lay naked under the covers with Daniel’s large hand around him and face nuzzled unto his chest. Seongwoo made eye contact with his members and he puts his hand to his lips

 

“SHHHHH” Jisungs mouth was already open to scream in joy when Sungwoon clasped him shut. Jisung turned a deep shade of red.

 

“You’re not going to cry are you? Sungwoon looks at Jisung who had a tear in his eyes

 

“Let him cry… I think am going to cry… I felt like I was dating Daniel at some point it’s all I talked about for months…” Minhyun mumbled and Jisung looked at him a judging manner that said _“you little shit”_ and Minhyun realised they weren’t crying for the same reason.

 

“I can’t believe how peacefully he’s sleeping…” Jisung exclaimed. He moved closer and sat on the bed. Out of reflex his hands shoot to Daniels head that was on Seongwoo’s chest and Seongwoo smiled at him

 

“He slept through the night hyung… he didn’t wake up at night or Wriggle around. He only stirred when I left to pee but he slept well” Seongwoo became starred at jisung “He told me” and Jisung smiled.

 

Jisung’s hands shoot to Sungwoo’s face and he cupped him and brushed him lightly

“I’m so proud of you Seongwoo… am so proud of the both of you… but I want you to know that you’re not obligated to do all this okay? Let’s do this differently this time” Jisung tells him and Seongwoo smiled lightly. He cares and worries just as much

 

“I think it’s going to be better this time hyung… we are different people now and I want to do this. I want to make him my responsibility as he did me… he needs me and I want to be there for him… I know I can make him better so I want to”

 

Jisung’s tear finally dropped. He remembered trying to get Seongwoo to understand that Daniel needed him but Seongwoo said he has to find out on his own… they had jumped through hoops that could have destroyed them and they were back where they belonged.

 

 This would make for a perfect Novel Jisung thought. Daniel and Seongwoo had a story of love that was from a different time. The kind of love that could only be found by _destiny_ Jisung called it. The love that is so rare and so dangerous. A love only cultivated in the hearts of creative minds and depicted through poems and plays. But before his eyes, he had found two people who found each other at the wrong time, which had turned out to be the right time, and circumstances had pulled them apart… hurt them and torn them to shreds but just like a determined man they began to build again.it was a story he wished he could experience.

 

“Everything is okay now?”

 

Jisung asked after he looked at Seongwoo for answers. Jisung watched as Seongwoo’s hand wouldn’t stop raking through the blonde hair on his chest and the way he enveloped him closer to give him warmth.

 

“Yes hyung... I love him so much hyung” Seongwoo whispered and Sungwoon and Minhyun cooed

 

“And he loves me… hyung… we talked so much last night and he confessed… and told me all the beautiful things… he assured me hyung and I’ve never felt more safe and we just stayed together”

 

“This is why we were all fighting for you guys… we’ve never seen anything like what you have…” Sungwoon talked low. “The way you both love each other so freely and so selflessly… so deeply that it’s scary… I knew you could do it… we all could see except for you both”

 

 

“I guess it’s a connection where the two of you can’t see it but maybe you feel it… because it’s so beautiful I couldn’t let you lose him and miss out on such great happiness…” Minhyun chimedlooking so happy to hear they were back together

 

*

“Let me be that Person to ask the question, did you guysss?” Minhyun couldn’t complete his question and Seongwoo turned red

 

“Not so soon did you?”Jisung looked almost in horror motioning to the scattered clothing’s and underwear that lay carelessly and the fact that they were both naked in such a suggestive position.

 

Seongwoo was shy and couldn’t do anything but smile _“No we didn’t… maybe almost but we aren’t ready for all that yet”_ Seongwoo said

 

“Why does that sound like something Daniel would say…?” Minhyun Glared at him “why do I feel like you are going to jump him soon” Jisung Smacked Minhyun on the head

 

“For someone who hasn’t even kissed his boyfriend yet… you really are forward” Sungwoon joked at Minhyun

 

“That ship has sailed… thanks to these two finally getting their shit together Jaehwan spent the Night with me and we had fun” Minhyun turns red

 

“your definition of fun is holding hands and discussing music” Jisung added

 

“No… we you know… last night” Minhyun blushed and they all gasped

 

“Fucking Finally…” Daniel woke up and they all laugh

 

“Morning Guys” He said to their guest and then he looked at Seongwoo who still held him in his hands “good morning” Daniel smiled deeply at Seongwoo

 

”Good morning” Seongwoo whispered to him “How was your night”

 

“I think it’s the best I’ve had in forever… I feel so much better. Thank you “He laboriously moved till his face was close to Seongwoo’s and he kissed him softly. He didn’t care about their audience he just went for it and Seongwoo kissed him back

 

 “No respect” Jisung joked

 

“The level of disrespect” Sungwoon says in a cheering voice

 

“Get a room” Minhyun poked him to separate their lips

 

“Already did, it’s my room and my boyfriend”

 

***

 

They sit and discuss more on Jaehwan and Minhyun’s development and Minhyun tells them it all started when Seongwoo slept in the hospital, that without him his relationship was thriving. They all laughed since Minhyun was calling Seongwoo a cock-blocker. Seongwoo rolled his eyes and held Daniel closer. He said they spent the night together and they made out and he shared his feeling like Jisung advised and Jaehwan said the same and they’ve been inseparable since.

 

After Jisung couldn’t take it anymore he tossed a short and a shirt at Daniel and a t-shirt and underwear at Seongwoo. Told them to get decent and stop flaunting their good. They laughed but did as they were told. Jisung ended up helping Daniel get dressed but even after dressing up they still pressed close.

 

 

*

“So am glad everything is fine now but Niel, we heard you kissed Jihoon how did that pay out?” Sungwoon raised a topic

 

“Yes am also curious” Minhyun joined

 

“He didn’t kiss him… and it’s not what you think” Seongwoo defended and they all just laughed at the unexpected turn of events. Seongwoo was protecting Daniel from Slander

 

Daniel and Seongwoo tell the story as Jihoon had told it and everything else Daniel disclosed. Ong never said anything more than what Daniel had said and soon the information was out.

 

“So Woojin and Jihoon are a thing?” Sungwoon and Minhyun chorus

 

“What exactly did you think pink sausage unit was?” Daniel let it sink in

 

They all go silent for a while and after a few minutes of realisation they all began to make faces and grossed out sounds and Daniel laughed.

 

“Daniel are you making this up?” Jisung asked him

 

 

“Does it matter?” 

 

All through the conversation there were two people who never stopped looking at each other. Jisung was watching Seongwoo closely and by the time the situation and the conversation thinned out Jisung and seongwoo went out to talk while the others slowly found their way to their room.

 

 

“You know don’t you?” Jisung’s voice was something accusing

 

“Know what?”

 

“Don’t play dumb with me am on your side”

 

“Yeah…” Seongwoo gave in “Like I’ve always had my suspicion because I could see the signs but when I saw him as he was leaving, it all came together… he’s in love with him”

“And the woojin story?”

 

“I think it’s true, those two are inseparable” Seongwoo adds “but hyung even if it’s true or not… he’s already in love with him and Daniel doesn’t know… he thinks all the love confessions from Jihoon are all a joke”

 

Jisung doesn’t say anything and he just looks at Ong seongwoo

 

“Hyung, do you think am a bad person for not telling Daniel about Jihoon’s true feelings? Like during my time I guess I was lucky like what I did is what jihoon did he just had a bad timing what if-”

“He knows….” Seongwoo froze at Jisungs words

 

“He doesn’t hyung… he would have said something or acted differently towards him

“He Knows Seongwoo, Daniel knows that’s why he wanted to make sure Jihoon was okay and let him know clearly that he was with you. You think he couldn’t have called Jihoon on the phone or went to him? But he made you stay and so Jihoon could see his final decision without making a deal out of it.” Jisung was smiling

 

“Daniel is not foolish Seongwoo… he is a smart kid and we both know that. Daniel knows that Jihoon loves him”

 

“Then why didn’t he-“

 

“Seongwoo there comes a time when you’ve got to make a decision and that’s what Daniel did… he chose you. I don’t know what you were waiting for but this is him choosing you by so doing he chooses to feign ignorance and be clueless to Jihoon. He doesn’t want to encourage him further because he genuinely cares about Jihoon and he doesn’t want him to hurt more than he already is. And Seongwoo he loves you so much he wants to protect you. He knows how easily his actions affect you and he isn’t taking any chances“Jisung pats him on the Shoulder like he had won at life

 

“Why is he so perfect?” Seongwoo blushed and Jisung laughs

 

 “You tell me… he’s yours” Jisung smiles “If you don’t believe me ask him somehow and he will tell you” Seongwoo nods. Trying to decide whether to ask Daniel or just let it go.

 

“About Jihoon don’t worry about him, he will be fine. You guys are not in the same situation. Although you both love Daniel only you have actually experienced his love, you know what it’s like to be loved by kang Daniel and it got ripped away from him… but Jihoon has no idea what It feels like to have Daniels love… so I believe he will get over it… maybe not forget easily but he will move on”

 

Seongwoo hugs Jisung  “Do you think I should talk to Jihoon”

 

“It’s up to you Seongwoo, I don’t see why you can’t do that but maybe give him some time… it must be difficult for him”

 

 

 

***

Daniel gets called in for a meeting when Seongwoo returned to his room and the other boys had disappeared. Seongwoo enjoyed the morning air looking out the winder and thinking about last night and they Daniel and Daniel and Daniel… when he couldn’t stop thinking about Daniel he decided to take a shower to clear his head.

 

When Daniel returned to his hotel room he could hear the water running in the bathroom

“Daniel?” he hears Seongwoo call out to him

“Niel is that you?” Seongwoo called again and Daniel answered

“Yeah… are you okay in there?” He says moving to the door and calling for him outside the bathroom

“Can you hand me your shampoo please? I don’t have my stuff yet”

 

“Okay… hang on a minute”

 

Daniel brings the shampoo to him. He walked into the bathroom and Seongwoo is naked in the shower… the steam had created a bit of mist on the glass but Seongwoo’s naked frame was evident. He bats his eyes away quickly staring at the floor as he got closer to the shower he turned his eyes away looking towards the door with arms stretched out to Seongwoo to take the Shampoo

 

“What are you doing?” Seongwoo asked him

 

“Handing you the shampoo” Daniel could almost hear Seongwoo roll his eyes

 

“Help me wash my hair” Seongwoo requested freely

 

“I’ve got one arm…” Daniel rejected and Seongwoo took the shampoo from him and the younger lad began to make his exit

 

“Stay” Seongwoo’s voice was laced with nerves as if he forced himself to say it

 

“I couldn’t… I shouldn’t… I can’t…” Daniel tells him firmly. He knew they didn’t have good memories about Seongwoo naked and bathrooms. The tension was there and he knew Seongwoo was trying so hard to be okay…

 

“Don’t leave… stay with me” Seongwoo was pleading with him. His voice was just above a mumble

 

“Okay” Daniel locked the door behind him and resided to take a sit on the floor.

 

“Let me was hair instead…” Seongwoo offers a little cheerful

 

“Seongwoo I don’t want to do anything that wou-“

 

“Am not asking you to pin me against the wall and have your way with me… I want to spend time with my boyfriend is that so difficult to ask? I’ve always wanted to be domestic is it a crime? You’ve got a bad arm and I want to take care of you why don’t you want to me be there for you?…” Seongwoo whined

 

“…If you don’t want to see me hurt get in here” his eyes was glued to Daniel

 

“This is emotional Blackmail” Daniel burst out laughing as seongwoo continued to whine

 

“Oh common… just get in here…” Daniel watched as Seongwoo stepped out of the shower… butt naked and wet.

 

 _“Please”_ he gave Daniel his arm and Daniel took it with a smile.

 

Seongwoo undid Daniels bandaged and helped him get naked. Supplrisingly there was nothing awkward about it. Maybe sleeping together naked with their dicks pressing against each other had somehow done the trick.  Seongwoo pulled him to the shower, Daniel did his best to not stare at Seongwoo but Seongwoo didn’t serve him the same curtsey as he couldn’t stop looking at all of Daniel before washing his hair.

 

It was so simple but that step breached a little gap between them. Seongwoo washed Daniel hair slowly and then he laddered his body slowly. They were both Nervous and they worked like robots. Seongwoo washed up alongside Daniel and played with his hair… they giggled and joked about silly things.

 

“I just got all the soap out of it… you know my hair is so thick and it takes a lot of soap” Seongwoo pouted as he began to wash his hair again. They finished and stepped out together. Daniel doesn’t come out immediately as if he was deliberately waiting for Seongwoo to clean up before he joined him.

 

 

***

 

Kcon LA 2017

 

You could call it the perfect stage if you wanted to. It was one of the best performances of burn it up they've produced and the members could feel it.

 

Every turn and move was admirably synchronised and those that led from the front exploded with confidence and charisma. The back was tight and from all angles they were a static unit

 

 

 

Daniel danced like he had been overcome by a ravening beast even with his injured arm he looked even more endearing. No one could tell he was in pain because he was such a powerful performer with the sexiest line to any imagination but today, he was even more succinct. His dance was exuberant and exceptionally buoyant than the other boys were used to in music shows and the practice room.

 

It was like his performance became more powerful and detailed as the stage they performed in grew bigger. This was their first international audience and Daniel was doing the most he could to not disappoint the position of centre. Daniel oozed so much confidence on stage and left the crowd wanting more.

 

"You were great out there"

 

Seongwoo said at the top of this voice as they made their way quickly through the tunnel to their dressing room.

 

"Thanks...so were you" Daniel shouted back at him.

 

They just finished their performance for energetic and burn it up which means it would be awhile before they perform never and Nayana at the end of the show.

 

"Am not just complimenting you, I mean it… you were fucking hot"

 

Daniel smiled a bit embarrassed not knowing whether to smile or say thank you. But the way Seongwoo was looking at him like he was about to eat him alive made him laugh a little too loud

 

"How did you see me when you were also going hard on choreo?" he tried to divert the conversation

 

"Am always watching you... I have my ways”

 

When they exited, Seongwoo suddenly hard an unbearable urge to _pee_.

 

"Do you really have to go now?... “Daniel tells Seongwoo who was trying to pull him along

 

"I'll rather I pee first"

 

Daniel has no choice. Seongwoo wants him to come along and that’s where he will be. They end up in the bathroom and Seongwoo pulls Daniel into a Stall immediately. As if something had overcome him he took Daniels hands and wrapped it around his waist bringing their bodies close

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Daniel questioned. Twice in one day... Sharing moment in the bathroom was Seongwoo trying to tell him something?

 

Daniel grabbed unto Seongwoo's waist on both side and caressed him deeply kneading into his waist like a long needed massage. Seongwoo's breath hitched, with an open mouth he drew in air

 

"Why in here?"

Daniel asked all of a sudden but he doesn't stop. His lips were fanning hot air against the brunette’s ears and he was shuddering in his arms. Seongwoo doesn't answer him, he turned his face to capture Daniels lips but the blonde dogged him

 

"Tell me" Daniel nibbled at his earlobe then dragged his teeth along sensitive veins that decorated his gorgeous neck

 

"I want to be normal" Seongwoo breathes out.

 

Daniel sucked on his neck as he let his large hands move to the back of Seongwoo's pants and grabbed his ass

 

" I want to forget"… I feel like I need to do this… I can’t be nervous every time you walk into a bathroom or get nervous when you see me take a shower… I don’t want to have anything that will keep me away from you Daniel… I know you want to protect me but you said there is no hand book and we get better by just being together… right?”

 

Seongwoo tells Daniel his troubles and Daniel tried so hard to hide the pang in his heart. He knew this was coming. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing was easy for them, Last night made it clear they still had problems and Seongwoo was chancing something and with the events of today he was sure...With what happened last night and this morning he knew.

 

Seongwoo still had scars from their time together and he was fighting to get rid of them as quickly as he could so he could be closer to Daniel. He didn’t want the restrictions but he's using an aggressive approach. Daniel wouldn't admit it but he was again, scared to touch him but it want something he couldn’t get over once Seongwoo came around. He couldn't let Seongwoo find out. He had to play it cool. But now he knew what he had to do

 

"I know I said there was no step by step information"

 

Seongwoo pulled away as of Daniel “yes"

 

“I think I just figured there is one step"

 

"What” Seongwoo glared at him “Do you just make shit up as you go?"

 

"kind-off, but not on this” He smiled sweetly and then rubbed his hands up and down Seongwoo’s hands.

 

 “It’s not your duty to heal you... i think it's my responsibility because I think I just figured how to do that..."

 

“Hmmm" he sighed and he held Daniel by the waist

 

“Can you trust me" Daniel starred deep in his eyes

 

"Yeah" Seongwoo says without hesitation and Daniel smiled

 

"I'll love you the way you want and the way I crave but only when we are both ready this time okay"

 

“Okay" Seongwoo nods still holding unto him

“I love you much Seongwoo... "

“I love you too... I just thought it's going to be easy you know... we both want the same thing but-"

 

"It's okay... we worry too much for young people" Daniel grinned and finally captured Seongwoo's lips in the hot wet kiss he was begging for. Intruding his mouth and filling him out. Sucking him deep and biting at him lightly. Only a taste of the passion he craved.

 

"I really need to _pee_ ” Seongwoo separated their lips breathing heavily

 

Daniel looks at the boner in Seongwoo's pants and start laughing. It only just clicked that Pee was code for hot and bothered and he needed to take care of things

 

"I think you might need to _pee Niel_ " Seongwoo informs him with a shit eating grin. Daniel lots at his pants that was screaming for help. Stretched to the mask by his bulge they were both on edge...

 

"Oh Fuck” Daniel exclaimed at his own erection. It was Seongwoo’s turn to laugh at him

 

“You need to stay far away from me… you are torturing me… Seongwoo” Daniel groaned as they proceeded to take care of themselves separately before running out of the bathroom to realise they’ve been left behind

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to say we are coming to the end of What happened last Night... see you in the comments

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on this pairing so I have no Beta yet. Pardon any typo and mistake.


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